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Default Day 295. Mark 10-12 - 07-14-2014, 07:44 PM

Mark 10-12

Mark 10

Jesus goes to Judaea. Pharisees ask him about divorce.

2 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.

Jesus says that by getting a divorce you cause the former spouse to commit adultery.

Jesus is against divorce.

People then bring Jesus some kids.

13 And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them.

This is Jesus, not a Catholic priest, Jesus doesn't touch children like they do.

14 But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.

Catholic priests cause children to suffer, this isn't the same. Maybe they just misread these verses?

Jesus then says that to enter heaven you have to be like a child. Again, Jesus doctrine is that if you are doing well in this life, then heaven isn't for you. It makes me wonder if there shouldn't be 3 places in the afterlife, (purgatory isn't real). Heaven, for those who were suffering in this life; Hell, for those who are just bad people; and ... some other place, for people who are just fine the way they are, don't need an eternal reward for longsuffering and don't need eternal punishment.

Some guy comes running up to Jesus and asks what to do to get eternal life.

19 Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Defraud not, Honour thy father and mother.

20 And he answered and said unto him, Master, all these have I observed from my youth.


The guy is like "that's it??? I thought there would be more". So Jesus is like "ok, fine, there's more!"

21 Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me.

And the guy was like "crap, i'm rich... that sucks"

22 And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions.


Eye of the needle, camel thingy.

28 Then Peter began to say unto him, Lo, we have left all, and have followed thee.

29 And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel's,

30 But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life.


Jesus is like "i'm gonna die, and you stopped fishing to follow me... seriously guys".

They go to Jerusalem. Jimmy and John ask who is going to sit on Jesus side in heaven. Jesus is like, "hey idiots, it's not my choice who sits where".

They go to Jericho, and Jesus heals a blind guy named Bartimaeus, the son of Timaeus! TIMAEUS!!!

Mark 11

They go back to Jerusalem. Jesus tells two of the guys to go get him a horse, it's gonna be right in town, and bring it to him.

8 And many spread their garments in the way: and others cut down branches off the trees, and strawed them in the way.


So Jesus goes riding into town on the colt, on palm sunday. Some people say that he rode a donkey because it's a symbol of peace, whereas riding a horse would be a sign of war.

13 And seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, he came, if haply he might find any thing thereon: and when he came to it, he found nothing but leaves; for the time of figs was not yet.

14 And Jesus answered and said unto it, No man eat fruit of thee hereafter for ever. And his disciples heard it.


Darn, God hates figs.com isn't fun anymore. It's as bad as penisland.com.

So, Jesus is mad at the fig tree for not having figs when it's not fig season. When is fig season? Apparently, figs have two seasons, a short season in early summer and the main crop in late summer through fall. As this was during the week before passover, it definitely wasn't fig season. Jesus was a carpenter, not a fig farmer. He probably was a home brewer though, because he did a lot of wine things.

Oh, after not getting his fig, he was still pissed and this is when he went into the temple and drove out the money changers... Jesus should have had a snickers. Did Jesus suffer from low blood sugar? Was he diabetic?

20 And in the morning, as they passed by, they saw the fig tree dried up from the roots.

21 And Peter calling to remembrance saith unto him, Master, behold, the fig tree which thou cursedst is withered away.

22 And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have faith in God.


Killing a tree is impressive, if he could have made it instantly bloom, that would have been a better trick.

24 Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

Except for an out of season fig, that crap you can't get through prayer.

They go back to the temple. The scribes and other corner him and ask him a question.

28 And say unto him, By what authority doest thou these things? and who gave thee this authority to do these things?

29 And Jesus answered and said unto them, I will also ask of you one question, and answer me, and I will tell you by what authority I do these things.

30 The baptism of John, was it from heaven, or of men? answer me.


They are like, well, if it's of heaven, then we should believe him, and if it's of men, then well, that's bad for them too.

33 And they answered and said unto Jesus, We cannot tell. And Jesus answering saith unto them, Neither do I tell you by what authority I do these things.

Jesus is like "well then, go f*** yourself".

Mark 12

Jesus tells a parable.

1 And he began to speak unto them by parables. A certain man planted a vineyard, and set an hedge about it, and digged a place for the winefat, and built a tower, and let it out to husbandmen, and went into a far country.

See, he was probably a home brewer. He definitely doesn't have a green thumb, as evidenced by not knowing fig season. But he talks about (and made) wine.

Then Jesus says render to casear...

The bad guys ask about a guy with 7 brothers, none of whom can get a girl pregnant.

25 For when they shall rise from the dead, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage; but are as the angels which are in heaven.

So nobody is married in heaven.

The bad guys ask what the first commandment is. Jesus talks about loving God, and loving your neighbour.

33 And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.


Actually being a good person is better than just going through the paces of ritual, while being a douche.

Then they watch a bunch of people offering money in the temple, rich guys gave a lot, and some poor widow gives nothing much, but it's about all she had, and Jesus is like "her's is better".

43 And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury:

44 For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living.



So what did we learn today?

1. Jesus hates the rich.

2. Jesus needs a snickers.

3. Jesus doesn't know fig season.

YIC
V


Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.
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Default Re: Day 295. Mark 10-12 - 07-15-2014, 11:40 AM

I learned also this:

Quote:
Jesus is like, "hey idiots, it's not my choice who sits where".
So right! We can choose either to sit in Heaven with Jesus or ignore Him in this life and go to HELL!

Glory!

Thank you, Brother!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Day 295. Mark 10-12 - 07-15-2014, 02:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother V View Post
14 And Jesus answered and said unto it, No man eat fruit of thee hereafter for ever. And his disciples heard it.

Darn, God hates figs.com isn't fun anymore. It's as bad as penisland.com.

So, Jesus is mad at the fig tree for not having figs when it's not fig season. When is fig season? Apparently, figs have two seasons, a short season in early summer and the main crop in late summer through fall. As this was during the week before passover, it definitely wasn't fig season. Jesus was a carpenter, not a fig farmer. He probably was a home brewer though, because he did a lot of wine things.

Oh, after not getting his fig, he was still pissed and this is when he went into the temple and drove out the money changers... Jesus should have had a snickers. Did Jesus suffer from low blood sugar? Was he diabetic?
I think this story is a good parable for how God views humanity; yes Jesus knows it is not fig season, but Jesus wants figs. So what does the fig tree do? It chooses not to grow figs out of season. At that point our loving Savior is left with no options but to damn the fig tree.

Being gay, aborting babies, voting Democratic or growing figs; it is all a life style choice.



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Default Re: Day 295. Mark 10-12 - 07-15-2014, 03:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post

Being gay, aborting babies, voting Democratic or growing figs; it is all a life style choice.
Amen brother, amen!


Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.
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