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Default Day 249. Ezekiel 22-24 (NC-17) - 05-05-2010, 09:38 PM

Ezekiel 22-24

No children or weak willed women are allowed to read this part.

Ezekiel 22

3 Then say thou, Thus saith the Lord GOD, The city sheddeth blood in the midst of it, that her time may come, and maketh idols against herself to defile herself.

Idolatry was apparently running rampant in Jerusalem at the time.

Oddly, Jeremiah, who was pretty much in Jerusalem at the time, only mentioned idols twice; both times in Jeremiah 50. Ezekiel, who was with the first batch of Southern Kingdom exiles near Babylon used it at least 35 times.

What follows is a list of some of the offenses that Jerusalem (and it's inhabitants) have done.

8 Thou hast despised mine holy things, and hast profaned my sabbaths.

That's bad.

10 In thee have they discovered their fathers' nakedness: in thee have they humbled her that was set apart for pollution.

Discovered their fathers' nakedness, is pretty much what Ham did to Noah. Possibly intercourse with their dad.

Humbled her that was set apart for pollution; probably means to have sex with a woman who is menstruating.

11 And one hath committed abomination with his neighbour's wife; and another hath lewdly defiled his daughter in law; and another in thee hath humbled his sister, his father's daughter.

Neighbor's wives are not to be abominated with. Defiling a daughter in law is bad, doing it lewdly is worse.

Ezekiel writes some pretty pornographic words. They may not be "dirty" words, he uses some pretty language to discuss some things that are disgusting. He conjures images of all sorts of filthy things. Recently talking about Jerusalem being gang-banged by big dicked Egyptians; now he's talking about gay incest with dads.

12 In thee have they taken gifts to shed blood; thou hast taken usury and increase, and thou hast greedily gained of thy neighbours by extortion, and hast forgotten me, saith the Lord GOD.

Ok, some people may not be going "all the way" with their dad's; they just charge high interest.

15 And I will scatter thee among the heathen, and disperse thee in the countries, and will consume thy filthiness out of thee.

God's going to do some purifying.

18 Son of man, the house of Israel is to me become dross: all they are brass, and tin, and iron, and lead, in the midst of the furnace; they are even the dross of silver.

Dross is the scum that forms on the surface of molten metal. It also means inferior.

20 As they gather silver, and brass, and iron, and lead, and tin, into the midst of the furnace, to blow the fire upon it, to melt it; so will I gather you in mine anger and in my fury, and I will leave you there, and melt you.

God will stop the world and melt with you.

31 Therefore have I poured out mine indignation upon them; I have consumed them with the fire of my wrath: their own way have I recompensed upon their heads, saith the Lord GOD.

A storms a brewing.

Ezekiel 23 (NC-17)

2 Son of man, there were two women, the daughters of one mother:

These girls were whores in Egypt. They lost their virginity somewhere. When they did, their tits got bruised. Apparently, their first time was some kinky ass rough sex.

4 And the names of them were Aholah the elder, and Aholibah her sister: and they were mine, and they bare sons and daughters. Thus were their names; Samaria is Aholah, and Jerusalem Aholibah.

What good is a parable if you explain who is represented by what, in the first few sentences. Shouldn't you see if the person can figure out that Samaria is Aholah (a-hole-ah) and Jerusalem is Aholibah (a-hole-e-baaaa). To their other lovers they weren't people, they were just holes, cum receptacles.

5 And Aholah played the harlot when she was mine; and she doted on her lovers, on the Assyrians her neighbours,

Ezekiel may have the gift of prophecy, but he also has the gift of pornography.

7 Thus she committed her whoredoms with them, with all them that were the chosen men of Assyria, and with all on whom she doted: with all their idols she defiled herself.

8 Neither left she her whoredoms brought from Egypt: for in her youth they lay with her, and they bruised the breasts of her virginity, and poured their whoredom upon her.

So she was a whore in her youth with Egypt, then took lovers from Assyria. At least she wasn't having lesbian sex with her sister. I'm not sure how God would feel about having a three-some with his two wives Aholah and Aholibah.

11 And when her sister Aholibah saw this, she was more corrupt in her inordinate love than she, and in her whoredoms more than her sister in her whoredoms.

More corrupt in her inordinate love? Did she like booty sex?

17 And the Babylonians came to her into the bed of love, and they defiled her with their whoredom, and she was polluted with them, and her mind was alienated from them.

Note the "them". I'm thinking she was gangbanging. Double penetration while sucking off another guy and giving handjobs to two others. She was just a sick sick little whore.

20 For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.

Flesh of asses? She liked the guys with the big dicks. Issue of horses, she loved to take a huge hot load. She'd take it and rub it in. Swallow as much as she could, probably gag a bit, then use it as lubricant while finishing off the guys she was giving the hand jobs to.

22 Therefore, O Aholibah, thus saith the Lord GOD; Behold, I will raise up thy lovers against thee, from whom thy mind is alienated, and I will bring them against thee on every side;

But God will go and make the lovers jealous, the ones who only got the handjobs while others were doing DVDA, were going to get theirs!

24 And they shall come against thee with chariots, wagons, and wheels, and with an assembly of people, which shall set against thee buckler and shield and helmet round about: and I will set judgment before them, and they shall judge thee according to their judgments.

It seems the sex analogy has ended. Now we're talking about real war.

29 And they shall deal with thee hatefully, and shall take away all thy labour, and shall leave thee naked and bare: and the nakedness of thy whoredoms shall be discovered, both thy lewdness and thy whoredoms.

When you are banging 7 guys at once, isn't that already discovered?

32 Thus saith the Lord GOD; Thou shalt drink of thy sister's cup deep and large: thou shalt be laughed to scorn and had in derision; it containeth much.

She already has a bowl of soup, now she has to drink of the cup of astonishment and desolation.

36 The LORD said moreover unto me; Son of man, wilt thou judge Aholah and Aholibah? yea, declare unto them their abominations;

37 That they have committed adultery, and blood is in their hands, and with their idols have they committed adultery, and have also caused their sons, whom they bare unto me, to pass for them through the fire, to devour them.

The sex act wasn't actual sex, it was idolatry. Which, when God is your husband, when you go after other gods, you are cheating on him, which is just as bad as having sex outside of marriage.

48 Thus will I cause lewdness to cease out of the land, that all women may be taught not to do after your lewdness.

God is going to make an example of his cheating wife.

Ezekiel 24

Zeke's going to do some more performance art.

3 And utter a parable unto the rebellious house, and say unto them, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Set on a pot, set it on, and also pour water into it:

4 Gather the pieces thereof into it, even every good piece, the thigh, and the shoulder; fill it with the choice bones.

5 Take the choice of the flock, and burn also the bones under it, and make it boil well, and let them seethe the bones of it therein.

Get a pot, and put some good meat in it, and put the good soup bones in it too. Then boil it. Burn it.

10 Heap on wood, kindle the fire, consume the flesh, and spice it well, and let the bones be burned.

Take this excellent meal, and ruin it. Burn it to the point where it's no longer edible.

11 Then set it empty upon the coals thereof, that the brass of it may be hot, and may burn, and that the filthiness of it may be molten in it, that the scum of it may be consumed.

In fact, don't just ruin the food, ruin the whole pot that you are cooking in as well.

19 And the people said unto me, Wilt thou not tell us what these things are to us, that thou doest so?

Once again, the performance art of Ezekiel was not understood.

So he had to explain how Jerusalem was a great meal, but the meal went and ruined itself.

27 In that day shall thy mouth be opened to him which is escaped, and thou shalt speak, and be no more dumb: and thou shalt be a sign unto them; and they shall know that I am the LORD.

God wants everyone to know that Jerusalem is a bad sammich!

So what have we learned today?

1. Ezekiel made a list of Jerusalem's abominations.

2. Jerusalem was into some kinky ass stuff. I'm surprised that Ezekiel didn't come up with some kind of metaphor about tossing the salad of Egypt.

3. Jerusalem is a bad stew.


Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.
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