[JennyD]

Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle

The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers

Pastor, are you going to leave us hanging, without finishing the story?

I still have 1/4 of my popcorn left, so it can't be over.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Originally Posted by JennyD

Pastor, are you going to leave us hanging, without finishing the story?

I still have 1/4 of my popcorn left, so it can't be over.

Then everyone dies.

[JennyD]

Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle

Then everyone dies.

I already knew that part. Jesus kills everybody, eventually.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).
Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar.
Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.
A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit.
He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.
At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.
One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager of the bank (subsequently fired, of course, due his negativity) decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar.
However, they cannot pay back the debts.
Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.
DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95%. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80%.
The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy; her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.
The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.
The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers

The bank's risk manager was properly fired, but for the wrong reason. The risk manager should have issued credit default swap derivatives to keep the drinking going for a bit longer.

[WickedWitch]

Umm, so, does that mean that you're praying for me, Pastor Pistle?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Originally Posted by WickedWitch

Umm, so, does that mean that you're praying for me, Pastor Pistle?

Not since you cheated Landover and therefore GOD out of our portion of the cheese!

[WickedWitch]

Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle

Not since you cheated Landover and therefore GOD out of our portion of the cheese!

But nobody's given me a mailing address yet!

[WickedWitch]

Way to go, Landoverites! Thanks to your awesome prayers (I'm assuming you were praying for me), I have an interview at 9:00AM on Tuesday 10th. Now we just need to pray that the interview goes in my favour! Thanks, guys!

Now, if someone will just let me know I should send this marvellous cheese I have, I would be delighted to mail it to you all.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Originally Posted by WickedWitch

Way to go, Landoverites! Thanks to your awesome prayers (I'm assuming you were praying for me), I have an interview at 9:00AM on Tuesday 10th. Now we just need to pray that the interview goes in my favour! Thanks, guys!

Now, if someone will just let me know I should send this marvellous cheese I have, I would be delighted to mail it to you all.

If your interview is with JESUS, you have a problem. If it is with an adult and you look like this, there may be...ummm other issues.

[WickedWitch]

Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle

If your interview is with JESUS, you have a problem. If it is with an adult and you look like this, there may be...ummm other issues.

My only facial piercings are my right eyebrow (2), my nose (1), and my lip (1). The others are in my ears... and that other one that would never be seen at work, lol. So it's realy not that bad. I'd certainly never get to the extent that woman did! That's terrifying! Although I am thinking about donig my tongue next (but I've wanted that since I was 13, so who knows how long it'll be before I actually do it).