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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-15-2017, 07:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bubba Buck View Post
She very well COULD be pregnant, but preggers with the resurrection of Jesus. I'm going to come up with a list of fifty questions for him in case it is.
Christians who have actually read the Bible know Jesus is coming back leading a Holy Army from the heavens. We'll know it's Jesus because He'll have a sword in His mouth, his name will be written on His Holy Scrotum, and most obviously, He'll be on a flying horse bursting through the clouds. Not through a womb.

And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war.
His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself.
And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God.
And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean.
And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God.
And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, King Of Kings, And Lord Of Lords.
Revelation 19:11-16



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-16-2017, 08:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
In response to Chris's earlier post: I already included a review of the book which was in line with Biblical teaching, I thought. If I am mistaken about what The Bible teaches, in both the Old and the New Testaments, not according to me but according to the God you claim to follow (and without posting any evidence to support your claim) then post the Scripture to contradict what I have included.

If you cannot find any Scripture to support your claims then why do you claim to be a Christian at all? What other source is there for the life of Jesus, the teaching of Paul, exegesis provided for the Hebrews, for the prophets, for the Laws from God as set out by Moses or the future history revealed by God in Revelation? You have made your claims. We know what they are. Now show your evidence.

You have been warned that tarot cards, whether you call them divination or not, do not constitute evidence and I will reject any more such nonsense out of hand. Otherwise, I'll read whatever you post and if I'm mistaken will retract what I've posted. However if you listened to the audio link, included just in case you can't read, you already have a Biblical descriptor to refute.
Yes let's follow a book written by a madman and get felony charges! Yay!


Did you know some couple actually killed a child while following the rules of "to train up a child"? There's like a 101 Christian parenting books why choose the most insane one. I'm reading it now at some point it no longer becomes a book and just becomes a long ass list of torturous things you can do to your kid underneath the guise of morality parenting.


I'm starting to get the feeling that all of you on this forum get off on hurting innocent kids and are just using the bible as an excuse to act on your sadistic desires.
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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-16-2017, 09:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by InLoveWithChrisChan View Post
There's like a 101 Christian parenting books why choose the most insane one.
If by "insane" you mean "the closest to the Biblical ideal"... you get my point.

Proverbs 20:30 The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly.

Quote:
I'm starting to get the feeling that all of you on this forum get off on hurting innocent kids and are just using the bible as an excuse to act on your sadistic desires.
The Bible is the Word of God. As Christians we are obligated to follow it. It has nothing to do with our heart desires; if anything, the Bible tells us not to follow our desires (Galatians 5:16).
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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-16-2017, 09:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
If by "insane" you mean "the closest to the Biblical ideal"... you get my point.

Proverbs 20:30 The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly.

The Bible is the Word of God. As Christians we are obligated to follow it. It has nothing to do with our heart desires; if anything, the Bible tells us not to follow our desires (Galatians 5:16).
So what if you kill a kid by using the punishments prescribed in that book? The kid who died her condition was akin to that of the bodies in a concentration camp. Doesn't god say thou shalt not kill?

So why support a book that has caused death through it's teachings?
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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-16-2017, 11:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by InLoveWithChrisChan View Post
So what if you kill a kid by using the punishments prescribed in that book?
Nope. Won't happen. Jesus Promises, and He never breaks His Promise (Joshua 21:45; Lamentations 2:17; Ezekiel 12:28; etc).
Withhold not correction from the child:
for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
Proverbs 23:13
Quote:
Originally Posted by InLoveWithChrisChan View Post
The kid who died her condition was akin to that of the bodies in a concentration camp.
Clearly her parents lacked faith and were therefore still living in a state of sin. Jesus doesn't listen to the prayers of sinners (John 9:31).

Quote:
Originally Posted by InLoveWithChrisChan View Post
Doesn't god say thou shalt not kill?
While all mankind is born in a state that deserves death (Romans 6:23), Jesus is Merciful. However, there are a number of transgressions He will not tolerate and so formally calls for punishment by execution. For example, He commands capital punishment for people who don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); witches (Exodus 22:17); homosexuals (Leviticus 20:13;Romans 1:24-32); fortunetellers (Leviticus 20:27) kids who hit their dads (Exodus 21:15); kids who curse their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); adulterers (Leviticus 20:10); non-Christians (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); atheists (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); false prophets (Zechariah 13:3); the entire town of one who worships another god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); non-virgin brides (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); and blasphemers (Leviticus 24:10-16).

Quote:
Originally Posted by InLoveWithChrisChan View Post
So why support a book that has caused death through it's teachings?
We don't support the book, dear. The LORD supports us (John 10:28), that is, when and if we first show our love (John 14:15). Those who don't show their love will be damned. This is the Good News we're trying to tell you! You don't have to be damned! All you have to do is let Jesus protect you from His Divine Justice by dedicating yourself to His Service! Easy-Peasy-Rice-and-Cheesy!


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-17-2017, 03:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by InLoveWithChrisChan View Post
Doesn't god say thou shalt not kill?
There are exceptions, dear. God wants us to kill entire nations if necessary:

Deuteronomy 7:1-6
When the Lord thy God shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it, and hath cast out many nations before thee, the Hittites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than thou;
2 And when the Lord thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them:
3 Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.
4 For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.
5 But thus shall ye deal with them; ye shall destroy their altars, and break down their images, and cut down their groves, and burn their graven images with fire.
6 For thou art an holy people unto the Lord thy God: the Lord thy God hath chosen thee to be a special people unto himself, above all people that are upon the face of the earth.

You might say, that killing foreigners in a war is something different from killing your own kin. Fair enough; however, on occasion God wants us to kill our families, too:

Deuteronomy 13:6-10
6 If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers;
7 Namely, of the gods of the people which are round about you, nigh unto thee, or far off from thee, from the one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth;
8 Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him:
9 But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people.
10 And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die; because he hath sought to thrust thee away from the Lord thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.

After all, Jesus came to bring hatred within families:

Luke 12:49-53
49 I am come to send fire on the earth; and what will I, if it be already kindled?
50 But I have a baptism to be baptized with; and how am I straitened till it be accomplished!
51 Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division:
52 For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three.
53 The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

Quote:
So why support a book that has caused death through it's teachings?
We follow the Word of God, because God wants us to do so. Everybody who does not follow the Word of God will suffer an eternal punishment in Hell.
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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-17-2017, 06:14 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Nope. Won't happen. Jesus Promises, and He never breaks His Promise (Joshua 21:45; Lamentations 2:17; Ezekiel 12:28; etc).

I've got a feeling that even you don't actually believe, as you have to repeat those words in every second post you make. If it was true, you wouldn't have the need to do so. It's like sometimes sad people tell themselves that everything is going to be fine, but in reality, the bad things haven't even started to happen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Clearly her parents lacked faith and were therefore still living in a state of sin. Jesus doesn't listen to the prayers of sinners (John 9:31).

Aren't we all sinners? It's impossible to live without sinning and therefore Jesus should listen to nobody's prayers. It's a known fact that we are born with sin, according to believers.


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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-17-2017, 06:51 AM

My apologies Mary. I was intending my post to be a friendly christian joke to help lighten the mood about your daughter's lack of being able to bleed wherever. I'll pray that it arrives soon. Being a man, I'm none too familiar as I dont't bleed out of wherever.
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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-17-2017, 06:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by HisNoodlyAppendage2 View Post
...Aren't we all sinners?...
And, what does the Bible say? Not that.

Quote:
...It's impossible to live without sinning and therefore Jesus should listen to nobody's prayers...
And, what does the Bible say? Not that.

Quote:
... It's a known fact that we are born with sin, according to believers.
And, what does the Bible say? Once you are a True Christian™, you not only have no sin anymore, you are incapable of sinning.

Amazing how much the Bible says that you just knew was true, huh?

Shed the rest of your ignorance, and just read the blessed thing, wilya?


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Bible Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-17-2017, 02:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by HisNoodlyAppendage2 View Post
I've got a feeling that even you don't actually believe, as you have to repeat those words in every second post you make. If it was true, you wouldn't have the need to do so.

Proverbs 19:5 A false witness shall not be unpunished, and [he that] speaketh lies shall not escape.

Quote:
It's like sometimes sad people tell themselves that everything is going to be fine, but in reality, the bad things haven't even started to happen.
So? If bad things happen that means God wants them to happen.

Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the Lord hath not done it?

Quote:
Aren't we all sinners?
No.

1 John 5:18 We know that whosoever is born of God sinneth not; but he that is begotten of God keepeth himself, and that wicked one toucheth him not.

Quote:
It's impossible to live without sinning
No.

Romans 6:20-23
20 For when ye were the servants of sin, ye were free from righteousness.

21 What fruit had ye then in those things whereof ye are now ashamed? for the end of those things is death.
22 But now being made free from sin, and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life.
23 For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.


Quote:
and therefore Jesus should listen to nobody's prayers. It's a known fact that we are born with sin, according to believers.
Um... Have you ever heard of how Jesus died? And why He died?

Revelation 1:5 And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood,
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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-17-2017, 04:53 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
Um... Have you ever heard of how Jesus died? And why He died?
Maybe even more than you do. The point is that I know the truth, while you believe a random book without asking any questions about who actually wrote it and if their mental health was normal.
I'm not going to write the whole story here, but a summary:


Jesus was son of a carpenter, later was a Jewish preacher and religious leader. He had some kind of magical abilities and people thought he was the Messiah they were waiting for. This caused his crucifixion. Three days later his body disappeared and a myth about his resurrection emerged.
But I'd like to get a real proof of everything that regards to god. The bible is not a book as it's only a book and anly few of it's claims about historical events have been proven.


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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-17-2017, 04:58 PM

Oeh, I'm sorry again for the writing mistakes. What I meant is that the bible is not a proof as it's only a book. Here's the moral: always read your text twice before you post it.


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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-17-2017, 05:13 PM

Dear, I'm going to rearrange your post in my reply because I need the latter part to rebuke the prior part.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HisNoodlyAppendage2 View Post
But I'd like to get a real proof of everything that regards to god. The bible is not a book proof as it's only a book
That is a fair point. The Bible is proof only for those who believe it is proof. That's the main point of believing, really:

John 20:29
Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.

Quote:
The point is that I know the truth, while you believe a random book without asking any questions about who actually wrote it and if their mental health was normal.
I'm not going to write the whole story here, but a summary:

Jesus was son of a carpenter, later was a Jewish preacher and religious leader. He had some kind of magical abilities and people thought he was the Messiah they were waiting for. This caused his crucifixion. Three days later his body disappeared and a myth about his resurrection emerged.
You created an interesting story and presented it as an authoritative "truth." Since you seem to think it is the truth, you have to show me the evidence that it is the truth. You cannot use the Bible since you said it's "just a book" and "not proof."

I'll wait.

And wait.

Aaaand wait....

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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-17-2017, 05:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post

You created an interesting story and presented it as an authoritative "truth." Since you seem to think it is the truth, you have to show me the evidence that it is the truth. You cannot use the Bible since you said it's "just a book" and "not proof."

I'll wait.

And wait.

Aaaand wait....

I'll send you some links, but try to read them before they get banned or stamped as an atheist propaganda. There are many historical pieces of evidence, google is our friend and will show you loads of information if you only wanted to see the reality.


https://www.quora.com/What-scientifi...ible-are-false

Yes, I know it's a forum, but there are many rational and logical explanations by thinking people.


http://www.truthcontest.com/entries/...us-christ.html


https://godisimaginary.com/i32.htm


It's maybe too objective page, but the text there makes sense.


http://www.marcalanschelske.com/use-the-bible-wrong/


http://www.truthcontest.com/entries/...us-christ.html


https://redriverfreethinkers.areavoi...e-bible-wrong/


etc.


I really hope nobody will ban these pages to avoid people seeing the more real world (I'm not saying real, because of many unclear points from history).


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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-17-2017, 07:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by HisNoodlyAppendage2 View Post
I'll send you some links, but try to read them before they get banned or stamped as an atheist propaganda.
Why should I bother clicking on them if they contradict the Word of God? I wanted clearly articulated evidence. Supported by appropriate sources, but spelled out in your post - I don't have time to search through these links to discover proof that Jesus was a son of a carpenter and not the Son of God.
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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-17-2017, 07:44 PM

Hello again Miss or Mr. His.


Quote:
Originally Posted by HisNoodlyAppendage2 View Post
I'll send you some links, but try to read them before they get banned or stamped as an atheist propaganda.
The members of this lovely community cannot do that because their paradigm doesn't allow it. I, however, try to be as open minded as possible; hence, looking at your links, I will simply use the same criterion you used to dismiss the Bible as the Word of God: that if something is written that does not automatically mean it's true.

Quote:
There are many historical pieces of evidence, google is our friend and will show you loads of information
Well, unfortunately, there was no Google in the 1st century A.D. I will take a look at what you cite and I am hoping to read transcripts and hopefully translations, as I only read Latin, but not Greek, of 1st century non-Christians accounts of Jesus' life.

OK, no, I'm not setting up my hopes too high, as I have already looked at all available sources used as proof that Jesus existed and honestly, there aren't any. But, let's see. I will add numbers to be able to discuss the sources easier.

Quote:
(1) https://www.quora.com/What-scientifi...ible-are-false

Yes, I know it's a forum, but there are many rational and logical explanations by thinking people.
This is supporting evidence for your claim that we should not trust the written word. Fine. I agree with the general premise of that website, even though the entries are quite questionable as they lack peer reviewed references - which are the gold standard in science.
This link leads to ramblings of some person. That person was not a witness of the events described in the Bible, and that person takes the Bible as a relatively trustworthy source of information. The author uses only Bible, and did no effort to search for non-Christian sources of information from the appropriate era. Even the apocryphic gospels are not included, only the canonical Bible. Which is contradictory to the contents of (1), if you think about it. Hence, that is not evidence of anything but the psychological state of the mind of the author.
This link leads, again, to ramblings of a single person instead of actual evidence. Moreover, the arguments presented do not support the thesis. The thesis seems to be that there is no God but the evidence presented simply boils down to "God is a heartless merciless dick who doesn't care about people." Read through more of the topics on this lovely forum and you'll see that many Christians have no problem embracing that cruel nature of God.


Anyway, it doesn't provide any evidence for that little story of Jesus the son of a carpenter you created above, so I'm not sure why you included it.
I cannot speak for True Christians™, but I'm quite sure they would be happy if you showed them that they are using the Bible out of context.


Hint: They aren't.


And again - this link does not help that little story of yours.
You really like the rambling of that person so much, that you had to cite it twice?
This belongs with (1) in the category of sources questioning the validity of the Bible as a reliable source of information. Hence, both (1) and (5) disprove the ramblings contained in (2).


In summary, you failed to prove that little story of yours, as you failed to provide evidence for historicity of Jesus. You shouldn't feel too bad about it - Christians failed to provide reliable, objective evidence for the existence of Jesus for the past 2000 years, so you are in good company. Nonetheless, you get a big fat F for providing a true mess of supporting evidence, citing contradictory sources, such as (1) and (5) against (2), and citing sources which have nothing to do with your thesis, such as (3) and (4).


I mean, you could have at least tried to defend yourself with Josephus. I would have given you at least a C- for that. But nope, you didn't. Hence the failing grade.


John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-17-2017, 10:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by HisNoodlyAppendage2 View Post
I really hope nobody will ban these pages to avoid people seeing the more real world (I'm not saying real, because of many unclear points from history).
Don't be silly. Those were some of the funniest "resources" ever shared here! It shows the absurdity of the atheist logic that assumes one can only be a "free thinker" so long as one rejects the wisdom and experiences of mankind as well as the objective facts revealed from the sciences. It also shows the pathetic nature of the atheist who must dig up the dregs of society in order to create an echo chamber designed to attack God, Freedom, and Economic Prosperity.

The truth is, the LORD promises to destroy human wisdom and discard mankind's most brilliant ideas (1 Corinthians 1:19). So you're all wasting your time anyway. But the joke's on you. Without God in your heart, life is without purpose. There is no hope in the heart of the atheist:




Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-22-2017, 08:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Don't be silly. Those were some of the funniest "resources" ever shared here! It shows the absurdity of the atheist logic that assumes one can only be a "free thinker" so long as one rejects the wisdom and experiences of mankind as well as the objective facts revealed from the sciences. It also shows the pathetic nature of the atheist who must dig up the dregs of society in order to create an echo chamber designed to attack God, Freedom, and Economic Prosperity.

The truth is, the LORD promises to destroy human wisdom and discard mankind's most brilliant ideas (1 Corinthians 1:19). So you're all wasting your time anyway. But the joke's on you. Without God in your heart, life is without purpose. There is no hope in the heart of the atheist:


Bwahaha God does listen to my prayers after all I was underpaid in some money and low and behold in two weeks time I'm gonna get 2000 more than enough to pay off what's left in my probation fees!


So what this about god not listening to the prayers of sinners? I prayed to God to help me in my trouble despite me being unsaved trash and what you know he actually piffleing delivered.
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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-22-2017, 08:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by InLoveWithChrisChan View Post
...low and behold in two weeks time I'm gonna get 2000 more...
Bridges for sale! Everybody, get your bridges here! Big ones, small ones, bridges for the whole family! You sir, how about a nice bridge to take home to the little lady?


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Default Re: Reasons my daughter's period could be late? - 11-22-2017, 10:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by InLoveWithChrisChan View Post
So what this about god not listening to the prayers of sinners? I prayed to God to help me in my trouble despite me being unsaved trash and what you know he actually piffleing delivered.
I'm so sorry, dear. That wasn't Jesus who answered your prayer. He's ignoring you (John 9:31; Jeremiah 11:14; Isaiah 1:15; Jeremiah 7:16). This bit of good fortune was clearly Satan who is luring you into His Unholy Lair. If you'll forgive my using the parlance of today's youth, you my friend, are Satan's Bitch.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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