Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > The introduction forum
Reload this Page Do you know the MuffinMan? Do you know why he looks at buns so intently?
The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#21)
Old
Jeb Stuart Thurmond's Avatar
Jeb Stuart Thurmond Jeb Stuart Thurmond is offline
Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
 

Public Awareness Medal One Year/1000 posts Long service medal, 2nd class Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Real American™ Saved 5 Years Gold Tither Heaven Bound TC Bravery TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Tagging for Jesus Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork True Republican Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Hatchet Child Rearing Award Touched by Jesus Alternative Facts Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-25-2019, 08:35 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
Good point. So now I'm wondering: What bread did Jesus use at the Last Supper, according to the Landover Baptist Church?
Cornbread.


Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
Got Questions? See Frequently Asked Questions, or use Forum Search, tag system, or our guides on Geography, History, Science, Comparative Religion, Civics, and Current Events.
Did I use a new word you've never heard? Definitions here. | Vote! Everything you need to vote here!
Reply With Quote
(#22)
Old
MuffinMan's Avatar
MuffinMan MuffinMan is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

The Dimmest Light of the Month Award

 
Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2019
MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-25-2019, 09:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post
Of course. That explains why our King James Bible tells us that the disciples were plucking ears of corn on the Sabbath. Historians must be lying when they say that corn is an Injun crop.


Now I'm wondering: Where should I look for Jesus? How will I know when I have found him? How did you come to find him?
Reply With Quote
(#23)
Old
Dennis Lukes's Avatar
Dennis Lukes Dennis Lukes is offline
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™

Friend of Jesus Protected by JESUS Wall of Jesus True Christian™ Christian Love Ex-Masturbator Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Inn Keeper for Christ Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars QAnon Storm Chaser TC Bravery Stamp of Approval Outreach preacher Wrath of God Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Guns, Guts and GLORY! Trump of GOD Asked questions later Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor

 
Posts: 2,730
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Not hacked by Mossad
Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-25-2019, 09:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
Of course. That explains why our King James Bible tells us that the disciples were plucking ears of corn on the Sabbath. Historians must be lying when they say that corn is an Injun crop.
Injuns are too lazy and stupid to plant crops. That's why they roamed around eating bugs and roots and shooting the occasional buffalo, and never settled down to build cities. That's why Jesus chose Israel instead of Delaware or Oklahoma or Peru.


Reply With Quote
(#24)
Old
BrotherLarry's Avatar
BrotherLarry BrotherLarry is offline
Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™

Christian Love Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Christian™ Ready for the Rapture Porn Resistant Persecuted One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Ex-Masturbator Friend of Jesus Gnathologist Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Stamp of Approval Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork TC Bravery True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Touched by Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Ex-Mary Worshipper Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Super Soaker Baptism Award Pastor Ezekiel Sons of Liberty Guns, Guts and GLORY! Trump of GOD Asked questions later Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud Team Fortress Denier

 
Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-25-2019, 09:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
Good point. So now I'm wondering: What bread did Jesus use at the Last Supper, according to the Landover Baptist Church?

I should think the LORD would have used Sara Lee, but I think Jesus predates that company by over 1000 years. Their brioche is heavenly.


It doesn't take much research to find which bread was used at that time frame. Do you expect us, busy True Christians™, to do all the footwork for you? I have not yet added you to my prayer list because I doubt your sincerityness. I will, however, put you on notice that Pastor Ezekiel frowns upon such God mocking.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
Reply With Quote
(#25)
Old
Basilissa's Avatar
Basilissa Basilissa is offline
South of the Border outreach program
True Christian™
 

Friend of Jesus Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian Flat Earth Persecuted Prayer Warrior Kirk Cameron Fan Club Bronze Tither Paula Deen Negro Support Group One Year/1000 posts Touched by Jesus In Love With Zeke TC Bravery 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Christian Love Mower Roper Crossburn Guns, Guts and GLORY! Mission to Korea True Christian Lady Ex-eurotrash Landover Mission to The Mexican Realms Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Saved 1 Year 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Cup of Jesus Crown of Righteousness Crown of Incorruptibility BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 5 Years Glory GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor Saved from Communism

 
Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-25-2019, 10:51 PM

Speaking of Ezekiels, Ezekiel bread is such a delicious recipe, when followed to the letter:
Ezekiel 4:9-12
9 Take thou also unto thee wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentiles, and millet, and fitches, and put them in one vessel, and make thee bread thereof, according to the number of the days that thou shalt lie upon thy side, three hundred and ninety days shalt thou eat thereof.
10 And thy meat which thou shalt eat shall be by weight, twenty shekels a day: from time to time shalt thou eat it.
11 Thou shalt drink also water by measure, the sixth part of an hin: from time to time shalt thou drink.
12 And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.

Reply With Quote
(#26)
Old
Vengeance Puriel's Avatar
Vengeance Puriel Vengeance Puriel is offline
Striving in vain for the good ol' corteous Edwardian grace
Forum Member

Protected by JESUS Friend of Jesus Touched by Jesus One Year/1000 posts

 
Posts: 334
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: Pineville, NC
Vengeance Puriel has bribed people to get these reputation points.Vengeance Puriel has bribed people to get these reputation points.Vengeance Puriel has bribed people to get these reputation points.Vengeance Puriel has bribed people to get these reputation points.Vengeance Puriel has bribed people to get these reputation points.Vengeance Puriel has bribed people to get these reputation points.Vengeance Puriel has bribed people to get these reputation points.Vengeance Puriel has bribed people to get these reputation points.Vengeance Puriel has bribed people to get these reputation points.Vengeance Puriel has bribed people to get these reputation points.Vengeance Puriel has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-26-2019, 02:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
All right - you win. I have not found Jesus yet. I need to keep looking. But where exactly should I look? If toast is not the right place, then why did Jesus say "I am the bread of life"? Also, why did he use bread to symbolize his body at the Last Supper?


Where, might I ask, were you looking when you found Jesus?
How about the KING JAMES BIBLE 1611, I hear its a great place to start .


-Ps 25:10 All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies.
-Ps 33:4 For the word of the LORD is right; and all his works are done in truth.
-James 2:10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.
Reply With Quote
(#27)
Old
MuffinMan's Avatar
MuffinMan MuffinMan is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

The Dimmest Light of the Month Award

 
Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2019
MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-26-2019, 05:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vengeance Puriel View Post
How about the KING JAMES BIBLE 1611, I hear its a great place to start .
I have read through my entire King James Bible cover to cover twice.


What should I do next?
Reply With Quote
(#28)
Old
Jeb Stuart Thurmond's Avatar
Jeb Stuart Thurmond Jeb Stuart Thurmond is offline
Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
 

Public Awareness Medal One Year/1000 posts Long service medal, 2nd class Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Real American™ Saved 5 Years Gold Tither Heaven Bound TC Bravery TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Tagging for Jesus Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork True Republican Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Hatchet Child Rearing Award Touched by Jesus Alternative Facts Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-26-2019, 05:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
I have read through my entire King James Bible cover to cover twice.
You also need to read the stuff in between.


Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
Got Questions? See Frequently Asked Questions, or use Forum Search, tag system, or our guides on Geography, History, Science, Comparative Religion, Civics, and Current Events.
Did I use a new word you've never heard? Definitions here. | Vote! Everything you need to vote here!
Reply With Quote
(#29)
Old
MuffinMan's Avatar
MuffinMan MuffinMan is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

The Dimmest Light of the Month Award

 
Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2019
MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-26-2019, 05:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post
You also need to read the stuff in between.
I have read the stuff in between the covers. Twice.


So I ask once again: What should I do next?


I really want to find Jesus as soon as possible.
Reply With Quote
(#30)
Old
Basilissa's Avatar
Basilissa Basilissa is offline
South of the Border outreach program
True Christian™
 

Friend of Jesus Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian Flat Earth Persecuted Prayer Warrior Kirk Cameron Fan Club Bronze Tither Paula Deen Negro Support Group One Year/1000 posts Touched by Jesus In Love With Zeke TC Bravery 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Christian Love Mower Roper Crossburn Guns, Guts and GLORY! Mission to Korea True Christian Lady Ex-eurotrash Landover Mission to The Mexican Realms Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Saved 1 Year 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Cup of Jesus Crown of Righteousness Crown of Incorruptibility BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 5 Years Glory GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor Saved from Communism

 
Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-26-2019, 06:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
I have read the stuff in between the covers. Twice.

So I ask once again: What should I do next?
You didn't find all the commandments which are there helpful? Maybe you need to sit down and read again. Here is an excellent cheat sheet by Brother Cranky, containing the must-read list where you should start.
Reply With Quote
(#31)
Old
MuffinMan's Avatar
MuffinMan MuffinMan is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

The Dimmest Light of the Month Award

 
Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2019
MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-26-2019, 06:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
You didn't find all the commandments which are there helpful? Maybe you need to sit down and read again. Here is an excellent cheat sheet by Brother Cranky, containing the must-read list where you should start.
Actually, I did find every commandment to be very helpful. But is finding the commandments helpful the same as finding Jesus? I just want to make sure I get saved.
Reply With Quote
(#32)
Old
Basilissa's Avatar
Basilissa Basilissa is offline
South of the Border outreach program
True Christian™
 

Friend of Jesus Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian Flat Earth Persecuted Prayer Warrior Kirk Cameron Fan Club Bronze Tither Paula Deen Negro Support Group One Year/1000 posts Touched by Jesus In Love With Zeke TC Bravery 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Christian Love Mower Roper Crossburn Guns, Guts and GLORY! Mission to Korea True Christian Lady Ex-eurotrash Landover Mission to The Mexican Realms Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Saved 1 Year 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Cup of Jesus Crown of Righteousness Crown of Incorruptibility BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 5 Years Glory GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor Saved from Communism

 
Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-26-2019, 07:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
Actually, I did find every commandment to be very helpful. But is finding the commandments helpful the same as finding Jesus? I just want to make sure I get saved.
It seems to me that there may be a language barrier (or some intellectual shortcoming on your part) which hinders our mutual understanding.

Lemme explain this to you, slowly. When we ask "how you came to find Jesus," we are not asking about you actually meeting a human or human-like being named Jesus. That would be logistically difficult as Jesus walked this Earth 2000 years ago and hasn't been back since. He'll be back though, because He promised, and He keeps His promises (just like Donald). You also need to learn to discern between Jesus, who is God and also the Son of God at the same time, and between Mexicans named Jesús (pronounced Heh-SOOS). You can find plenty of these in the southern states of the USA.

However, in Proper American, "finding Jesus" has another, metaphorical meaning. I know, you do have trouble understanding parables and such, but please, bear with me. In this metaphorical meaning, "finding Jesus" means, accepting Jesus as your Savior, repenting for all of your horrible sins, and following all of His commandments.

I hope this helps. I will pray for your soul.
Reply With Quote
(#33)
Old
MuffinMan's Avatar
MuffinMan MuffinMan is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

The Dimmest Light of the Month Award

 
Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2019
MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-26-2019, 09:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
It seems to me that there may be a language barrier (or some intellectual shortcoming on your part) which hinders our mutual understanding.

Lemme explain this to you, slowly. When we ask "how you came to find Jesus," we are not asking about you actually meeting a human or human-like being named Jesus. That would be logistically difficult as Jesus walked this Earth 2000 years ago and hasn't been back since. He'll be back though, because He promised, and He keeps His promises (just like Donald). You also need to learn to discern between Jesus, who is God and also the Son of God at the same time, and between Mexicans named Jesús (pronounced Heh-SOOS). You can find plenty of these in the southern states of the USA.

However, in Proper American, "finding Jesus" has another, metaphorical meaning. I know, you do have trouble understanding parables and such, but please, bear with me. In this metaphorical meaning, "finding Jesus" means, accepting Jesus as your Savior, repenting for all of your horrible sins, and following all of His commandments.

I hope this helps. I will pray for your soul.
All right then. I accept Jesus as my Savior, repent for all of my horrible sins, and, starting now, will follow each and every one of his commandments.


Am I saved yet?
Reply With Quote
(#34)
Old
Basilissa's Avatar
Basilissa Basilissa is offline
South of the Border outreach program
True Christian™
 

Friend of Jesus Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian Flat Earth Persecuted Prayer Warrior Kirk Cameron Fan Club Bronze Tither Paula Deen Negro Support Group One Year/1000 posts Touched by Jesus In Love With Zeke TC Bravery 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Christian Love Mower Roper Crossburn Guns, Guts and GLORY! Mission to Korea True Christian Lady Ex-eurotrash Landover Mission to The Mexican Realms Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Saved 1 Year 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Cup of Jesus Crown of Righteousness Crown of Incorruptibility BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 5 Years Glory GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor Saved from Communism

 
Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-26-2019, 09:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
All right then. I accept Jesus as my Savior, repent for all of my horrible sins, and, starting now, will follow each and every one of his commandments.

Am I saved yet?
Saying it is one thing, doing it is another. Which you would already know if you had read the whole Bible, twice.

Matthew 7:21-23
21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Reply With Quote
(#35)
Old
MuffinMan's Avatar
MuffinMan MuffinMan is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

The Dimmest Light of the Month Award

 
Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2019
MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-26-2019, 09:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
Saying it is one thing, doing it is another. Which you would already know if you had read the whole Bible, twice.

Matthew 7:21-23
21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
From now on, I will do the will of our Father which is in heaven.


Am I saved yet?
Reply With Quote
(#36)
Old
Basilissa's Avatar
Basilissa Basilissa is offline
South of the Border outreach program
True Christian™
 

Friend of Jesus Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian Flat Earth Persecuted Prayer Warrior Kirk Cameron Fan Club Bronze Tither Paula Deen Negro Support Group One Year/1000 posts Touched by Jesus In Love With Zeke TC Bravery 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Christian Love Mower Roper Crossburn Guns, Guts and GLORY! Mission to Korea True Christian Lady Ex-eurotrash Landover Mission to The Mexican Realms Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Saved 1 Year 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Cup of Jesus Crown of Righteousness Crown of Incorruptibility BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 5 Years Glory GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor Saved from Communism

 
Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-26-2019, 10:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
From now on, I will do the will of our Father which is in heaven.

Am I saved yet?
I have no idea, dear. I know something about computers, but not enough to track you down, hack the camera on your computer, and spy on you to see whether you really are following all God's Commandments all the time.

I hope that was helpful.
Reply With Quote
(#37)
Old
MuffinMan's Avatar
MuffinMan MuffinMan is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

The Dimmest Light of the Month Award

 
Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2019
MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-26-2019, 10:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
I have no idea, dear. I know something about computers, but not enough to track you down, hack the camera on your computer, and spy on you to see whether you really are following all God's Commandments all the time.

I hope that was helpful.
I think I am saved.


My next question is: What is the process to join Landover Baptist Church?


I really wish that tomorrow would be the last Sunday that I don't go to any church.


But then again, I don't even know where to find Freehold on a map.


What should I do?
Reply With Quote
(#38)
Old
Basilissa's Avatar
Basilissa Basilissa is offline
South of the Border outreach program
True Christian™
 

Friend of Jesus Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian Flat Earth Persecuted Prayer Warrior Kirk Cameron Fan Club Bronze Tither Paula Deen Negro Support Group One Year/1000 posts Touched by Jesus In Love With Zeke TC Bravery 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Christian Love Mower Roper Crossburn Guns, Guts and GLORY! Mission to Korea True Christian Lady Ex-eurotrash Landover Mission to The Mexican Realms Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Saved 1 Year 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Cup of Jesus Crown of Righteousness Crown of Incorruptibility BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 5 Years Glory GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor Saved from Communism

 
Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-26-2019, 10:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
I think I am saved.

My next question is: What is the process to join Landover Baptist Church?

I really wish that tomorrow would be the last Sunday that I don't go to any church.
My dear, your enthusiasm is fantastic, but if we admitted into our community anyone who asks... well, we wouldn't need a wall, would we?

Anyhow. Please be reassured that our Department of Faith is conducting a thorough background check, and your dossier will be reviewed in due time. I highly recommend finding a Bible-obeying church in your area, as "due time" could be a while.

In the meantime, why don't you spread Jesus' love by posting in other threads on this forum? For now you cannot create new threads outside of the Introduction Forum, but you are free to post wherever your heart desires. Please remember to cite the Bible often and thoughtfully.
Reply With Quote
(#39)
Old
MuffinMan's Avatar
MuffinMan MuffinMan is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

The Dimmest Light of the Month Award

 
Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2019
MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-26-2019, 11:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
My dear, your enthusiasm is fantastic, but if we admitted into our community anyone who asks... well, we wouldn't need a wall, would we?

Anyhow. Please be reassured that our Department of Faith is conducting a thorough background check, and your dossier will be reviewed in due time. I highly recommend finding a Bible-obeying church in your area, as "due time" could be a while.

In the meantime, why don't you spread Jesus' love by posting in other threads on this forum? For now you cannot create new threads outside of the Introduction Forum, but you are free to post wherever your heart desires. Please remember to cite the Bible often and thoughtfully.
I can assure you that there are no Bible-obeying churches in my area.


I can also assure you that I will cite the Bible often and thoughtfully when spreading Jesus' love by posting in other threads on this forum.
Reply With Quote
(#40)
Old
Joanna Lytton-Vasey's Avatar
Joanna Lytton-Vasey Joanna Lytton-Vasey is offline
True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
 

Christian Love Heaven Bound Most Obedient True Christian Lady True Christian™ Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Kirk Cameron Fan Club Touched by Jesus Quiverful Cleanest Kitchen Mother of 2 boys or 5 girls One Year/1000 posts The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Hatchet Child Rearing Award Ex-Brit Trump of GOD Roper Crossburn Grammar Nazi Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Mission to Messico Hands Off Saved 1 Year 2015 Witch Hunt Award In Love With Zeke Pro-Life Ex-eurotrash Persecuted Stamp of Approval Mower Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Crown of Incorruptibility God's chosen ones Anti-Biden True Christian Beauty Midget porn survivor Crown of Rejoicing

 
Posts: 8,762
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-27-2019, 08:51 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
I can assure you that there are no Bible-obeying churches in my area.
Oh my goodness, wherever are you - Pakistan?


Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
bread, cereal killer, cornfed, iowa, retards: get on the short bus

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved