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THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS! Open for the CHRISTmas Season only.

 
 
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Default Re: And it is a WAR! - 12-22-2008, 06:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Decerealized View Post
Pastor Ezekiel, do you even know what the bible says about women? You must think i know nothing at all...
You could've just left it there, really.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: And it is a WAR! - 12-22-2008, 07:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
I don't know if you and Pastor Ezekiel have had some side conversations, but from what I see here, I think you know nothing at all of what's in the Bible.
He private messaged me to admit that he's really gay and that the landover baptist church really is a parody.

So what do you think i came here for bible study? Anything i quote or write from the bible you'll just say "oh you looked it up" or "you copy and pasted that", and you're partially right too because i don't care. I asked first in case you didn't notice.

Actually, why am i asking him when i should be asking JennyD why she would be so self loathing that she would even want to be a christian? I mean YOU all do know what the bible says about women, right? do i have to ask again? I haven't seen any good posts on the topic. hmmm.
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Default Re: And it is a WAR! - 12-22-2008, 07:31 PM

OH ok, little insecure are ya?.... p a r o d y. "divine revelation" my ass.

p
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Default Re: And it is a WAR! - 12-22-2008, 07:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Decerealized View Post
He private messaged me to admit that he's really gay and that the landover baptist church really is a divine revelation.
Really? Would you mind posting that PM right here or forwarding it to me? Because if you are lying.....and you are, I will have to give you back to SATAN.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: And it is a WAR! - 12-22-2008, 07:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Really? Would you mind posting that PM right here or forwarding it to me? Because if you are lying.....and you are, I will have to give you back to SATAN.
The way you seem to be filtering words on this forum? OK I'll try but if it doesn't work it's not my fault.


Dear Decerealized,

I love men and have long dreamed of tasting the cock *sigh* if only i wasn't christian, i would admit to world my gayness and become a total anal whore faggot, but i just can't do it.

Reason: The Landover Baptist Church is just a p a r o d y created by atheist Jesus Christ.
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Default Re: And it is a WAR! - 12-22-2008, 07:54 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Decerealized View Post
The way you seem to be filtering words on this forum? OK I'll try but if it doesn't work it's not my fault.

Dear Decerealized,

I love men and have long dreamed of tasting the cock *sigh* if only i wasn't christian, i would admit to world my gayness and become a total anal whore faggot, but i just can't do it.

Reason: The Landover Baptist Church is just a p a r o d y created by atheist Pastor Deacon Fred.
Sorry, but you made that up. It makes no sense. First you accuse him of being gay, then of not being able to act out BECAUSE HE IS A CHRISTIAN, and then you say he is an atheist. You are a damned liar, and GOD will never forget what you said, psychotic as it sounds.

I happen to know Pastor Ezekiel and his lovely wife and two children, and he isn't gay. I mean for you to actually forward the PM WITH HEADERS so we can see if it's real. Not much to ask certainly, since you made what is a very serious allegation. But, of course, you can't.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: And it is a WAR! - 12-22-2008, 07:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Sorry. I mean for you to actually forward the PM WITH HEADERS so we can see if it's real. Not much to ask certainly, since you made what is a very serious allegation.
You know... now you're just wasting my time. that is real, as real as landover baptist university. check wikipedia. Why the piffle would wikipedia give false info?

Oh yes it's serious. Where's the proof that this isn't a p a r o d y?
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Default Re: And it is a WAR! - 12-22-2008, 08:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Decerealized View Post
You know... now you're just wasting my time. that is real, as real as landover baptist university. check wikipedia. Why the piffle would wikipedia give false info? Where's the proof that this isn't a p a r o d y?
Because Wikipedia is run by atheists. Can't you figure that out by yourself? ANYONE can get on Wiki and change it and there is no guarantee that anything on it is correct.

Why would the Democrats lie about McCain's war record? Because they are democrats. Why is all of the bailout money going to bonuses instead of bailouts? Why would six THOUSAND people (over the years) and fourteen Ordained Pastors operate this board 24/7 for the last ten years AT OUR COST....WE DON'T SELL ANYTHING. We give. Our gift is free.

Do you think I studied Theology for all these years as a JOKE? Do you think that thousands of man-hours and well over a million dollars were spent so we could play a little prank on you that might last for an hour just on the off chance that you might stumble in here one day??? You must be drunk. Or crazy.

Think about the effort that goes into maintaining this site, our servers, the cost of everyone's time, and the FACT...~FACT~...that we are exactly and literally correct in our explanation of the Bible. While many FALSE Christians accuse us of making things up, WE DO NOT! We reference the EXACT Chapter and Verse so anyone can verify EVERYTHING we quote from Scripture as literal.

Didn't you read my post to you yesterday? DO YOU THINK I JUST MADE ALL THAT UP ON THE SPUR OF THE MOMENT?

I am going to ban you for insulting my, and our entire staff's intelligence with your silly simpering.

May God forgive your hatred of His sacrifice for you.
Pastor Al E Pistle


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Atheists Declare Open War on Christmas!! - 01-07-2009, 09:45 PM

What more proof do you need?


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

Last edited by Nobar King; 04-23-2009 at 01:32 PM.
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Default Re: And it is a WAR! - 12-08-2009, 01:58 PM



Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: And it is a WAR! - 12-21-2009, 06:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Buford T Scoggins View Post
Just yesterday, over at the Wacko, Texas Super Wal-Mart, they had a Mexican dressed up in a Santa outfit, ringing a bell and yelling "Feliz Navidad!," which is Spanish for "Up yours, Jesus." He had a box for people to put money into. Claimed it was for charity, but you know he was gonna steal the cash and spend it all on cheap tequilla and women.
Some beaners were bragging about Mexican Santa on the radio yesterday:
Quote:
CHARRO CLAUS AND THE TEJAS KID


Let’s welcome Santa’s newest helper: his cousin Pancho, a farmer living down in South Texas who is so smart he speaks Spanish and English. Back in the day, Pancho was a mariachi singer with a whole lot of style and a fancy sombrero. But as the years passed, Pancho got, well, a little older and a little wider all around. Then one night his primo Santa Claus showed up. Santa needed some help! Pancho volunteered. And then, poof, Santa transformed Pancho into the resplendent Charro Claus with his incredibly Flying Burritos. And Charro Claus, it turns out, even had his own surprise elf—his nephew Vincente!

All Christmas Eve, Vincente and Pancho deliver toys to the boys and girls on the border. Neither rain, cloudy skies, wire fences nor concrete walls keep them from covering every inch of their newly assigned territory. And they don’t forget a single town or city. How could they? The border is their home.
For some reason these Mexicants have mixed joke wrestling, Batman (gay), lowriders and Santa Claus to denigrate whatever is left of the Holy Spirit of this season.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: And it is a WAR! - 12-24-2009, 08:03 AM

My goodness! I've been having a problem with some messicants as well!

Granted, I've been rather busy for the past few months baking pies and cleaning up after hogs, but now that the Christmas season has started I turned my foolish womanly mind to more seasonal activities, such as decoratin' the trailer and cookin' up a CHRISTmas feast!

Now that sounds all well and good you might say, but the messicant problem to which I was referin' started up a few days ago, when I was puttin the finishin' touches on our trailer lights. I was standing on top of our lovely mobile home with the staple gun (it was rather cold, but Jed kindly let me wear a coat this year), and I noticed that some of his hired help was attempting to set up some sorta shrine or somethin. I clambered down to get a better look, and I saw that it was a nativity scene, only the figures were dark-skinned! I believe they had an issue with this in Italy or somewheres as well...Anywho, I immediately told Jed and he thoroughly destroyed it.

We cannot let these hell-bound Catholics take and destroy our most beloved CHRISTmas traditions. Any suggestions on what to do if they continue to attempte their wicked ways?
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Default Re: And it is a WAR! - 12-29-2009, 03:39 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
Some beaners were bragging about Mexican Santa on the radio yesterday:
For some reason these Mexicants have mixed joke wrestling, Batman (gay), lowriders and Santa Claus to denigrate whatever is left of the Holy Spirit of this season.
Go to hell you racist extremist
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Default Re: And it is a WAR! - 12-29-2009, 03:51 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Niflheim View Post
Go to hell you racist extremist
What has your panties all in a twist, lady? Brother Nobar and I have been to Mexico twice together in the short time we have each other. Believe me when I say, he is no racist. I personally saw him minister to dozens of beaners while we were down there.


Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.



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Default Re: And it is a WAR! - 12-29-2009, 03:54 AM

Beaners in itself is a racist insult, do not try to trick me. You are nothing but every other person here: A racist, sexist, conservative, republican, who thinks god does everything. You know what everyone? Grow Up!
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Default Re: And it is a WAR! - 12-29-2009, 04:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Niflheim View Post
Beaners in itself is a racist insult, do not try to trick me. You are nothing but every other person here: A racist, sexist, conservative, republican, who thinks god does everything. You know what everyone? Grow Up!
No it isn't. Turn on George Lopez or Carlos Mencia. They are constantly calling themselves beaners. It has become the new chicano. I personally employ beaners often to clean my house, work on the lawn and etc.

Are you Mexican?


Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.



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Default Re: And it is a WAR! - 12-29-2009, 06:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Niflheim View Post
Beaners in itself is a racist insult, do not try to trick me. You are nothing but every other person here: A racist, sexist, conservative, republican, who thinks god does everything. You know what everyone? Grow Up!
Grow up? Grow up!

You come in here calling us racist and sexist when the majority of us have a very firm foundation of family values and standards that we live by.

Back off - before Jesus himself comes down and kicks you right in the winkie just to get your attention! It can happen if you don't know the Lord.

Acts 9:5
And he said, Who art thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks.

-ND
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EmilyRose EmilyRose is offline
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How dumb can you get?

 
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Default Re: And it is a WAR! - 12-30-2009, 03:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Because JESUS.....and we....are happier when our enemies are dead and in HELL.
Great answer jackass.
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Default Re: And it is a WAR! - 12-30-2009, 04:34 PM

You would choose to retort by simply calling names?

Did you have a point at all to make here? If not, go find a board where flaming each other is the reason to be there.

(Gotta love Continental Airlines! This post was sent from 30,000 feet!)

-ND
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Default Christians & Christmas (And it is a WAR!) - 11-21-2010, 06:42 AM

When the holy prophet Jeremiah asked God about Cathlix celebrating Christmas, He responded:

Thus saith the LORD, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them.

For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe.

They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not.

They are upright as the palm tree, but speak not: they must needs be borne, because they cannot go. Be not afraid of them; for they cannot do evil, neither also is it in them to do good.
(Jeremiah 10:2-5)

Modern biblical scholars understand this to refer not just to Christmas, but to everything Cathlix do.
 

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