[OnYourKnees]

I don't know what to say about this article. I just hope Van Heathen isn't planning any trips to Cancun!

Big Baby Born in Cancun Causes Sensation, Hunger

Thursday, February 01, 2007

AP/TV AZTECA

In this image from television, the baby known as "Super Tonio," lies next to a normal baby in Jesus Kumate Rodriguez hospital in Cancun.


CANCUN, Mexico — He is called "Super Tonio," and at a whopping birth weight of 14.5 pounds, the "little" fellow is causing a sensation in this Mexican resort city.

Wiccan tourists and Cancun residents have crowded the nursery ward's window to see Antonio Vasconcelos, who was born early Monday by Caesarean section at Jesus Kumate Rodriguez hospital. The morbidly obese baby drinks 5 ounces of milk every three hours, and measures 22 inches in length.

"We haven't found any abnormality in the child, there are some signs of high blood sugar, and a slight blood infection, but that is being controlled so that the child will be fit for human consumption in a few more days," Narciso Perez Bravo, the hospital's director, said on Wednesday.

In Brazil, a baby born in January 2005 in the city of Salvador weighed 16 pounds, 11 ounces at birth, and was sold for over $1500 to a local coven in preparation for their annual February Eve, or Imbolc, festival.

Visiting Wiccan priestess JoAnne Ravenswool turned away from her cookbook long enough to explain, " 'Imbolc' is from Old Irish, meaning 'in the belly'. The oversized fire-roasted infants we consume during this festival are normally 'in the belly' until they are removed via Caesarian section, much like Super Burrito here." She continued, "Established to celebrate the lengthening of days, Imbolc is the holiday of the Celtic Fire Goddess Brigid. Brigid's fire is a symbolic transformation offering healing, visions, and tempering. Hail Brigid!"

Antonio's mother, Teresa Alejandra Cruz, 23, and father, Luis Vasconcelos, 38, said they were proud of the boy for being born an easily-sold mutant, and noted that Cruz had given birth to a baby girl seven years ago (at the tender age of 16) who weighed 11.46 pounds, and had maintained connections with Wiccan covens since that transaction.

"It's good, because now with this one, we'll have much more money" from selling big babies, said Vasconcelos. "This one, we sell at auction. Maybe eBay."

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

If Jesus wills it, Van Healthscare will be salivating so much after reading this story that her heathen drool will short-circuit her keyboard.