[Old Man Hatchet]

The Incredible Hulk



This show is about a scientist who turns into Lou Ferrigno whenever he gets mad. I'm not going to quibble about how preposterous that is--the problem is that he's practically naked after the transformation, which instills wicked thoughts in innocent viewers. How many housewives and elderly, pipe-smoking True Christians™ have had illicit fantasies about the Hulk sweeping them up in his brawny, green arms and taking them to his Hulk lair for a night of angry and intense lovemaking? Too many. The creators of this smutty show should be ashamed of themselves.


Eight is Enough



Eight is most certainly not enough. The title of this show sends the wrong message that Christian wives can have a mere eight children and stop there. A decent, God-fearing wife should produce at least fifteen kids. Those who have more than fifteen should be esteemed and applauded, as well as despised and condemned for copulating so much.


Saved by the Bell



This show offends me on many levels. There's an uppity Negro, a Mexican who wears tight trousers, a Screech, and a profane rock band called "Zack Attack." Hey, kids, how about being saved by the Lord?


Who's the Boss?



The premise involves a male housekeeper under the employ of a successful woman. That's more preposterous than a scientist turning into Lou Ferrigno. What's even more unrealistic is that the Italian main character isn't raping everyone in the house. It's a fact that Italians are depraved animals who can't go more than two minutes without sticking their peckers in something.


Friends



My only beef with Friends is that the season finale made me cry buckets. I mean, when Rachel decided to work things out with Ross rather than go to Paris, I just lost it. Those two totally belong together.