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Default Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-26-2012, 10:53 PM

I want something that I can use as a witnessing tool that will really wow the unsaved I preach to, but I also want it to be lightweight. My KJV 1611 reproduction is too large and heavy to lug around.

Will I have the same problem if I load up my Kindle with additional texts that are not canonical?


Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.



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Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-26-2012, 11:19 PM

The Bible appears to be silent on this matter, so it is impossible to know, even through repetitious peer reviewed experimentation. However, the Bible does inform us that queers are abominations worthy of death. Therefore, my advice would be to acquire a Bible so large that these abominable perverts have no way to internalize and absorb it, except through intellectual study.


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Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-27-2012, 01:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Levi Jones View Post
I want something that I can use as a witnessing tool that will really wow the unsaved I preach to, but I also want it to be lightweight. My KJV 1611 reproduction is too large and heavy to lug around.

Will I have the same problem if I load up my Kindle with additional texts that are not canonical?
It may be more inclined to attract power surges from the sky, in the form of lightning strikes.

Might as well put the Necronomicon on there, too!


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Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-28-2012, 10:53 AM

I understand these Kindle thingies have Internet access. Owing to my being a recovering Internet porn addict, I refuse to own one unless or until they make a good parental filter for it.

As for putting apocryphal books on a Kindle, I would worry that it might make your device vulnerable to computer demons. If you're using them as a teaching tool, however, like to show people how wrong they are, well, I would guess the Lord would surely be pleased by your efforts and protect your Kindle.


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Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-28-2012, 11:27 AM

My KJV is the "Brown's" volume, containing an anti-papist sermon on every page.

Sample here:



Although I don't actually read the sermons, they are available to inspire homosexualists in the (remote) hope that they may repent (also catholics) but they are so dogmatised that actual decisions (other than zipping down to the nearest disco or public lavatory) are most likely beyond them. I witness whenever possible but I might as well offer fresh seafood to a rabbi they are all disgusting, particularly the strumpets hanging around our local Italian motorcycle outlet nothing they said would surprise me you only have to look at their clothes why would anyone need a Ducati serviced at 3a.m. I feel sick just looking at them
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Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-28-2012, 02:02 PM

I prayed to Jesus about your problem.

He Says that as long as you do it in the Spirit of His Love and don’t take it all too seriously because a lot of it is just the ramblings of some deluded peasant, then, in the circumstances, it is no worse than reading “Pilgrim’s Progress” or having a collection of Hymns on it. (Don’t go quoting it to people though, otherwise they’ll think you’re a papist and Jesus says He won’t be responsible for your safety.)

As far as the weight is concerned, how often have you heard the saying, “I was raise by the Spirit within me! Praise!”? Probably a hundred times this month alone. The Spirit does lift things, and it will lift your little gadget. The Spirit is unconcerned with a small electrical item as it “May Move Mountains!”

Weigh it before and after, Jesus told me it will make no difference. I never doubt His Word as revealed to me personally in a rather fine and well-moderated tone, not too dissimilar to Bush Snr. We could be witnessing a miracle.





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Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-28-2012, 02:10 PM

The kidel is the James to Jesus' Jesus.

Go for the Godly iPad

YIC


1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-28-2012, 02:23 PM

I'm sure that all of those extra electrons and whatnot must weight something, but fear not, "For every man shall bear his own burden." Galatians 6:5 But if it gets too heavy, you can always seek a brother True Christian™, for Galatians 6:2 tells us, "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ."


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Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-28-2012, 05:29 PM

Brother Levi, I dreamed last night of your Kindle.

In my dream, you put the heretical Apocrypha on your Kindle, and marveled that it seemed exactly the same.

Then you started reading them. Just a little here, and a little there. Say, while in the bathroom, or while waiting in a line somewhere. The times you usually would have studied Scripture.

A couple of weeks later, you commented that your Kindle felt very heavy, but you couldn't seem to set it down. You even slept with it.

Soon, my friend, the vile instrument corrupted with heresies grew so heavy that it dragged you down to Hell!

I beg you, my friend, don't read those horrible books!


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Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-28-2012, 09:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
My KJV is the "Brown's" volume, containing an anti-papist sermon on every page.
That must be glorious! Every single page? Where can I get one of these?


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Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-28-2012, 09:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
I prayed to Jesus about your problem.

He Says ...
Can I just interrupt here just to say how much I love and appreciate this Godly forum where True Christians™ look out for each other, and intercede to the Throne of the LORD for each other?

It just makes my spirit swell with love!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Brother Levi, I dreamed last night of your Kindle....
Perhaps it was heartburn from something you ate? Did the good Widow Helen serve you a new casserole recipe?


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-28-2012, 10:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Perhaps it was heartburn from something you ate? Did the good Widow Helen serve you a new casserole recipe?
No, Sister, dinner was the usual Friday night fare at Widow Helen's Boarding House (it's next door, so I go there for dinner most evenings; her cooking is the best in town).
A salad of mixed greens imported from Chile, to mock the environmental whackos;
Tomato soup, made from Monsanto hybrid tomatoes, to cheese off the liberals;
Grilled steak, to thumb a nose at the Catholics and the Hindus;
Baked potato with sour cream and real bacon, to ensure there are no closet Jews or Muslims in the house; and
Widow Helen's famous cherry pie.
I don't think it was heartburn. I think it was a warning from God that our dear Brother could accidentally get drawn into the heresies in the Apocrypha, start doubting Jesus and trying to practice black magic, and find himself pulled into an unending nightmare and eternal damnation.


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Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-29-2012, 06:12 AM

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Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
That must be glorious! Every single page? Where can I get one of these?
It's a large volume available from second-hand shops occasionally, pic shows spine detail and a couple of other items for scale (A3 printer + music score). Brown was a protestant Scot, it might say something about him inside..

Quote:
To enable every serious reader to judge what doctrines ought to be believed and what duties practicsed by the Christian, are the avowed aims of this publication.

But, as every Protestant must allow the Scripture itself to be its own best interpreteras God , to oblige men to a diligent search of his Word, comparing spiritual things with spiritual, has seldom fully unfolded any of his more important truths in one particular passagethe uncommon collection of Parallel Scriptures etc.

Thus we may listen to, and converse with God, and lay our conscience open to the inspired arrows of our all-conquering Redeemer;we find his words, and eat them..
BROWN'S BIBLE Preface to the original edition vii, viii
John Brown was an 18th century Scottish clergyman and anti-Jacobite soldier

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Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-29-2012, 09:53 AM

I wouldn't do it. No way, no how.

"Apocryphal" sounds too much like "coprophilia."



I'm begging you: DO NOT DO A GOOGLE SEARCH FOR THAT WORD!!!

YiC,

Zech


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Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-29-2012, 09:56 AM

P.S. This is not to be confused with Brown's Volume mentioned by Miss Lizalor.


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Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-29-2012, 10:47 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
P.S. This is not to be confused with Brown's Volume mentioned by Miss Lizalor.
(Brown's Bible does not contain the apocrypha)
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Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-29-2012, 10:53 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
I wouldn't do it. No way, no how.

"Apocryphal" sounds too much like "coprophilia."



I'm begging you: DO NOT DO A GOOGLE SEARCH FOR THAT WORD!!!

YiC,

Zech
I've seen that word before. My son Zebida had a file on his computer called 'coprophilia- two girls one cup'. I was suspicious so I demanded he showed me it, he spent a minute or two doing something with the files and showed me the image.



To be honest I'm not sure why he was trying to hide it from me. Maybe they are catholics


YIC

Jack


Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.



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Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-29-2012, 11:21 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack O'fagan View Post
From the looks on their faces I'd be questioning what's in the teapot? They probably grew up in the roaring twenties, so anything's possible

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Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-29-2012, 01:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
I don't think it was heartburn. I think it was a warning from God that our dear Brother could accidentally get drawn into the heresies in the Apocrypha, start doubting Jesus and trying to practice black magic, and find himself pulled into an unending nightmare and eternal damnation.
This goes right against Jesus's revelation to me in post #6 above!

Why would Jesus tell me one thing, and you another!? Are you sure that you are not simply letting your own prejudices come out and thinking or saying they are of God, rather than listening to God's voice in your soul?





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

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Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: Will my Kindle be heavier if I put the apocryphal books on it? - 07-29-2012, 01:23 PM

Dear Levi Jones,
Quote:
Originally Posted by Levi Jones View Post
Will I have the same problem if I load up my Kindle with additional texts that are not canonical?
God does not allow that. To make certain people get the one and only true word of God, the Bible explicitly forbids us from making alterations in any way.

In Deuteronomy 4:2 God tells us alterations are not allowed: "Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the LORD your God which I command you."

In Revelation 22:18-19 God tells us how He will punish those who alter His Holy Bible anyway: "For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book: And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book."

So if people put the 1611 King James Version of the Holy Bible on their iPhone, iPad, Kindle, laptop, computer, web server or any other electronic device, they have to make sure that the device contains only the 1611 King James Version of the Holy Bible and nothing else. Everything else will lead to eternal damnation in the fires of Hell.

Yours in Christ,

Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.


How to Study the Bible - About HELL! - The Miracles of Jesus - Biblical Facts - Scientific PROOF

THE BIBLE SAYS THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO HEAVEN!
Jesus said: "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." John 14:6

ONLY JESUS CAN SAVE YOU!

"That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus,
and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him
from the dead, thou shalt be saved." Romans 10:9


1. Admit you are a worthless sinner. Romans 3:10
2. Be willing to turn from sin (repent). Acts 17:30
3. Believe that Jesus Christ died for you, was buried and
rose from the dead. Romans 10:9-10
4. Through prayer, invite Jesus into your life to become
your personal Savior, Boss, King and Lord. Romans 10:13
What to Pray:

Lord Jesus, I know that I have sinned against you.
I know that I am not perfect and that I can never
please you through my own efforts. I know that I
deserve to be judged according to my sins. And, I
know that I have absolutely nothing to offer you.

Lord Jesus, I ask you to forgive me. I do not rely
on myself but only on you and I receive you as
Lord of my life and as savior of my soul.
Lord Jesus, please save me!

Accepted Jesus as your Savior?
Now you need to:


1. Study your KJV Bible every day
to get to know Christ better.
2. Talk to God in prayer every day.
3. Be baptized, worship, fellowship,
and serve with other Christians
in a church where Christ is preached,
and the Bible is the final authority.
4. Tell others about Jesus Christ
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