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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: I proclaim AUTHORITY over coronavirus and this church! -
04-04-2020, 01:30 AM
Thank you Mr. Rutherford, but I have to get to SFO airport right now. This city is filled with plague.
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Honorary White Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 613
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: America!
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Re: I proclaim AUTHORITY over coronavirus and this church! -
04-04-2020, 01:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
Thank you Mr. Rutherford, but I have to get to SFO airport right now. This city is filled with plague.
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Did you pray? Everyone knows if White Jesus loves you, you’ll be safe. I’ll send you some prayers while I drive up. Getting in my car now. Lord protect this honorable white man so that I may help him escape hellbound godless gay state of Washington and bring him to heavenly Iowa! Praise White Jesus!!!!!
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,158
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: I proclaim AUTHORITY over coronavirus and this church! -
04-04-2020, 01:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
Thank you Mr. Rutherford, but I have to get to SFO airport right now. This city is filled with plague.
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You can get to the airport, but are there any airplanes flying these days?
I would love to help you, but I'm under a stay at home order from my governor, and as a law abiding lady I just cannot go against that order. I'm sure you understand.
I won't, I mean, I cannot send you any money again, I mean, either, but I'm going to give you something much more valuable: my prayers. I am lifting them and sending them to you as I type these words! Can you feel them?
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 111
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: Hoover, Alabama
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Re: I proclaim AUTHORITY over coronavirus and this church! -
04-04-2020, 06:40 PM
Not sure if you made it but I got an armoured helicopter coming!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
Thank you Mr. Rutherford, but I have to get to SFO airport right now. This city is filled with plague.
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In Christ,
Thomas K. White (That's Mr. White to you Sinners! )
Rev 20:11-15
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: I proclaim AUTHORITY over coronavirus and this church! -
04-04-2020, 06:52 PM
Friends, somebody brought to my attention the things I apparently typed in the original post of this thread, and I want to say I am very, very sorry.
I was clearly feverish, and I need you to know I have absolutely no recollection of typing those words.
As I'm sure you well know, illness can sometimes cause a person to hallucinate and say things he doesn't mean!
Please, please, please forgive me. I am sorry if I offended anybody, especially our beloved Pastor Ezekiel Flint, who is like a big brother and a father and a best friend to me.
Oh, by the way, I should mention I was forced to sleep in the Caltrain station last night, and I am still here.
There's a chartered bus service that stops here called Megabus, and I'm told I could ride the Megabus to Des Moines for $60.
If somebody could please send me $80 via Western Union, I can pick that up over at the 7-11 on Market Street.
The extra $20 would be so I can get a little food during the long bus trip, and I would pay you back in full as soon as I'm back on my feet and working.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: I proclaim AUTHORITY over coronavirus and this church! -
04-04-2020, 07:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
There's a chartered bus service that stops here called Megabus, and I'm told I could ride the Megabus to Des Moines for $60.
If somebody could please send me $80 via Western Union, I can pick that up over at the 7-11 on Market Street.
The extra $20 would be so I can get a little food during the long bus trip, and I would pay you back in full as soon as I'm back on my feet and working.
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Wow Faith, you know I would if only I could, but Mr. Etheldreda has put us on a very tight budget in these times. You see, with all this talk about the Pastor's Jet Fund, Mr. Etheldreda reports that the LORD laid on his hear that he should procure his own small, private plane and he's deciding whether he wants to get a pilot's license or hire a captain. A captain would be convenient he says, but less privacy for doing the LORD's work. So you see I'm not able to help. But I do hope you can find a place to wash up at least. Freehold doesn't allow stinky hobos in her walls anyway. I'm sure you understand.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: I proclaim AUTHORITY over coronavirus and this church! -
04-04-2020, 08:16 PM
I'm so scared. I tried to wash up in the bathroom here at the train station, but there was a man in there screaming and yelling and having a psychotic episode and it smelled terrible and there was no soap.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 111
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: Hoover, Alabama
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Re: I proclaim AUTHORITY over coronavirus and this church! -
04-04-2020, 09:18 PM
I got a car coming to get you to the airport and you can meet my personal jet there. It will be there shortly.
In Christ,
Thomas K. White (That's Mr. White to you Sinners! )
Rev 20:11-15
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Posts: 14,666
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: I proclaim AUTHORITY over coronavirus and this church! -
04-07-2020, 11:17 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by tkwhite
Luke 21:28
28 And when these things begin
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(rhetorical question) •What things?
Jesus is right in there with His definitions: summary (with sources)
hated of all men for my name’s sake
there shall not an hair of your head perish
Jerusalem compassed with armies
woe unto them that are with child
and to them that give suck
great distress in the land
wrath upon this people (which people? vide infra)
they shall fall by the edge of the sword
led away captive into all nations
Jerusalem shall be trodden down of the Gentiles
until the times of the Gentiles be fulfilled
signs in the sun
signs in the moon
signs in the stars
upon the earth distress of nations
with perplexity the sea and the waves roaring
hearts failing for fear
the powers of heaven shaken
the Son of man coming in a cloud with power and great glory
Behold the fig tree and all the trees
they now shoot forth
summer is at hand
when ye see these things know that the kingdom of God is nigh
(and finally)
This generation shall not pass away till all be fulfilled
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1. Luke 21:5-7
2. By whom?
3. Luke 21:25
4. Are you suggesting this is bat flu?
5. If this is supposed to be climate change or sea level rise, only apparent where islands (incl. reclaimed land) have been sinking for centuries exactly as described in the literature but seemingly not where there are actual tide level markers, you need to provide supporting material.
6. Again, if you're claiming that Jesus foresaw coronary heart disease you need to produce comparative tables for the Roman era (and/or the Greek era if you think that's when The New Testament was written in response to Democritus et al.) ?
7. What sort of power?
8. Exodus 40:32-38
9. Have you seen all these things?
10. Which generation? The one living when Jesus was here in the world to set us free? Or are the signs for some other generation. How would we know. What exactly are you claiming.
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True Christian™ Icon of Feminine Virtue
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Posts: 4,899
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: Ungodly Buffalo, NY, MAGA USA
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Re: I proclaim AUTHORITY over coronavirus and this church! -
04-07-2020, 07:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
Oh, by the way, I should mention I was forced to sleep in the Caltrain station last night, and I am still here.
There's a chartered bus service that stops here called Megabus, and I'm told I could ride the Megabus to Des Moines for $60.
If somebody could please send me $80 via Western Union, I can pick that up over at the 7-11 on Market Street.
The extra $20 would be so I can get a little food during the long bus trip, and I would pay you back in full as soon as I'm back on my feet and working.
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Oh, good heavens, dear Faith: Now, do not despair, Dear. I am sure that help is on the way. Why, if you like, I shall even put in a call to Brother Kenneth. I'm sure that he would be more than happy to send one of his private jets to help a dedicated servant of Almighty, such as yourself. And, there is even more good news: his faith in the has defeated this flu virus thingy!
(Mrs.) Isabella White
Hebrews 10:19 "Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the of "
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