[BelieverInGod]

I left my husband last night. I just couldn't take it anymore. So I packed up the boys and I'm staying in my brothers apartment until I get my head straightened out and figure out what to do. Last night was just the last straw.

I had made a nice Easter dinner with a glazed ham, sweet potatoes, and some side vegetables in a cheese sauce. About 6:00 I did the call for dinner, well the boys came, but no husband. We sat there waiting for half an hour and no response. So I went down to his office to see what the hell was going on. I caught him pleasuring himself while having "online chat sex". I couldn't believe it! In our own house! So I freaked out, I killed the power bar to the computer and then the fight really started, he twisted my arm, shoved me out of the room. It turned into a fist fight and I grabbed the boys and left.

My brother is going over there later today to pick up my stuff. I don't know what I'm going to do about the dogs, we can't have them at my brothers place (it's crowded enough in a one bedroom apartment with just the humans) I'm afraid he'll hurt them just to get even with me.

I don't know what to do, or where to turn. Please help.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Self abuse is a grave sin, and something we at the FPD have basically criminalized for all intents and purposes.

We know what the Bible says about lust and self abuse:

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. (Matthew 5:28)

So your husband has essentially cheated on you.

[Cranky Old Man]

This is terrible Sister! Me and Mrs. Cranky will pray for you.

It seems to me this sexual immorality is ground for divorce (Matthew 5:32).

[BelieverInGod]

I don't even find the sexual immorality the worst of it. It's the lack of any respect for me, the "corrections" that have become harsher and harsher. A month or so ago, he twisted my arm in such a way that it is still sore.

Our marriage bed had grown cold, and I thought that it was because he had lost interest in sex. Well to find him doing this proves that he's only lost interest IN ME!

I'm so upset, what am I supposed to do? I can't go back to my father, he's been placed in an old age home. I haven't worked in over 10 years, I don't even know where to start looking for a job. And if I did start working I'd have to put the older boys into public school and the youngest into daycare. Who knows what blasphemes they'll be taught there.

He has been phoning the apartment this morning, but I haven't picked up the phone. I don't know what to say or do.

[Sister Kitty]

Sister BelieverInGod, I am new here and do not wish to overstep my bounds. However, I do have some thoughts and questions.

First, clearly your husband should not be viewing pornographry and spilling his seed, he is flirting with eternal damnation by so doing. Is he Saved? If he is not, this is simple. You should not be with him.

2 Corinthians 6
14Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
15And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
16And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
17Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.

Now, if he is Saved, then this must be the result of something you have done. Are you properly caring for his sons? Are you keeping his house and his car clean? Do you do his laundry promptly and have warm meals ready for him the moment he returns from work Do you obey his every command and hang on his every word when he tells tales of his life outside the house? Are you cold in bed? Have you let yourself go, so that he no longer finds you attractive?

These are just some of the questions you should be asking yourself right now.

I am praying for you, Sister.

[BelieverInGod]

Originally Posted by Sister Kitty

Is he Saved? If he is not, this is simple. You should not be with him.

Well I think he is, but after this I'm not sure. He was baptized and goes to church, I know that much for sure.

Now, if he is Saved, then this must be the result of something you have done. Are you properly caring for his sons? Are you keeping his house and his car clean? Do you do his laundry promptly and have warm meals ready for him the moment he returns from work Do you obey his every command and hang on his every word when he tells tales of his life outside the house? Are you cold in bed? Have you let yourself go, so that he no longer finds you attractive?

Well he's gone on the road most of the week, he usually leaves Monday afternoon and gets home Friday night, sometimes after supper.

I do everything I can for my sons, the house is not clean as it could be, what with three boys and dogs running around the place. As for HIS car, no I don't clean it, I'm not allowed to touch it. The same goes for HIS luggage. I wasn't supposed to go into his office either, but when someone ignores upteen calls for supper, how did I know he wasn't ill?

He doesn't tell me anything about what he does during the week. He says he wants to shut it out when he gets home. Cold in bed? We haven't had sex in 2 years (19 month old son + 9 months before that). I've tried to encourage him, but get called a whore when I do. If I push past that, he accuses me of attempting to "rape" him. I don't take as good of care of myself as I did when we met, but who could? I'm almost afraid of taking showers because of the damage that can be done when I'm out of the house for that little bit of time.


@ True Disciple,

I can't do it right now, I can't face him. I can handle a smack for something that I know is wrong, but how can I fix things if I don't know what's wrong? He has withdrawn over the last couple of years and I don't know what to do. I haven't spoken to him since I left, my brother isn't home from work yet, so I haven't been able to talk to him.

How do I know I'm not going to get beaten if I go home? The boys are crying, they're bored. I'm afraid my husband is going to do something like shoot my dogs to get even with me. He doesn't particularly like them as they are clearly "my dogs".

I can't compete with those 'hot' women on the Internet. What am I supposed to do, get thousands of dollars worth of plastic surgery? Then he'd be mad for wasting his money. I also can't help what God has done to my body over the last decade, and from what I understand it's only going to get worse.

I'm hell bound no matter what I do.

[True Disciple]

Originally Posted by BelieverInGod

I don't even find the sexual immorality the worst of it. It's the lack of any respect for me, the "corrections" that have become harsher and harsher. A month or so ago, he twisted my arm in such a way that it is still sore.

Our marriage bed had grown cold, and I thought that it was because he had lost interest in sex. Well to find him doing this proves that he's only lost interest IN ME!

I'm so upset, what am I supposed to do? I can't go back to my father, he's been placed in an old age home. I haven't worked in over 10 years, I don't even know where to start looking for a job. And if I did start working I'd have to put the older boys into public school and the youngest into daycare. Who knows what blasphemes they'll be taught there.

He has been phoning the apartment this morning, but I haven't picked up the phone. I don't know what to say or do.

Dear Sister, you are right at one thing at least. What your man was doing behind his computer definitely was sinful, and the Pastors doubtlessly will have a little chat with him.

I understand that you are quite upset, but remember, though what happens in our personal lives can be quite disturbing at times, our lives are firmly grounded in the Answer To All Problems, the Holy Bible. In the Bible, we can find numerous Passages applicable to this situation. Let's revisit a few of them.

First of all, remember that God gave the commandment of marriage before well-known commandments like "thou shalt not kill," not "thou shalt not have other gods before me," and not "thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself:"

Genesis 2:24:
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Further instructions for a natural, Christian marriage are given after a woman committed the first sin in history:

Genesis 3:16:
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

This is further clarified by the words of both Peter and Paul:

1 Peter 3:1:
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

Ephesians 5:22-24:
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

So you see, a wife should obey her husband.

Why am I bringing this up? Because it is important to consider God's opinion of the position of the woman in marriage. Nowhere in the Bible I have found any Scripture verse that would justify disobeying your husband by leaving the house without his permission.

I must respectfully disagree with Brother Cranky as well:

Matthew 5:32:
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

This passage gives permission for a man to divorce his wife when she had committed adultery. However, this does not mean that the wife has this same permission as well. In the case of divorce, it is always the man who decides whether or not to divorce his wife, it is never the wife who has to say anything about it:

Deuteronomy 24:1-2:
When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.

So you see, a woman is not allowed to file for divorce without permission of her husband.

While the behaviour of your husband definitely has been sinful, this does not give you permission to disobey him by leaving the house, taking the children, and ignoring his calls. By doing so, I'm sorry to say, you've committed another sin. The Bible does not allow a woman to leave her man just because he has beaten her or cheated on her. It may sound harsh, but it is God's Will.

Furthermore, I think it would be good if you read 1 Corinthians 7 again, in its entirety. I will highlight a few passages:

1 Corinthians 7:4:
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

This means that you are allowed to do anything with each other's bodies, provided it would not a sinful action. Self-flagellation, however stupid some people think it might be, is not sinful as long as you do not cut yourself, masturbate or tear down Jesus' Temple by permanently damaging it.

This means that you are allowed to hit one another, provided you do it in True Christian Love™, as numerous other Bible Passages command. Of course, in case of the woman, she may not hit her husband without his permission, as she still ought to obey both 1 Peter 3:1 and Ephesians 5:22.

So you see, the fistfight in itself was not sinful, and not a reason to leave your husband; he was just exercising his rights, as given in 1 Corinthians 7:4.

1 Corinthians 7:10-15:
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.


This is important: you are not allowed to leave your husband under any circumstances, not even if he would turn to heathendom, according to 1 Corinthians 7:13 (I am sorry, Sister Kitty, but I think those passages only apply before you get married; once you are, you are stuck with each other until death, until the unbelieving husband decides to leave himself).

1 Corinthians 7:34:
There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

Here you see an important commandment: You must care for how to please your husband. Feminists nowadays often try to justify their promotion of Godless divorce by claiming both "domestic abuse" and adultery are valid reasons for a woman to divorce. Of course you are not a feminist, Heaven forbid, but feminists often try to blame the husband, while forgetting the above Scripture Passage, which commands the woman to please her man.

Maybe, Sister, you should ask your husband why he preferred those vile "sex chats" over intercourse with you. It could well be that you failed to please him, which would have driven him mad and desperate, causing all these troubles; in that case, try to do better from now on.

1 Corinthians 7:39:
The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

Again, you are bound to your husband, because you married him. You need to return to him and try repair the damage that has been done. And please remember that the fault might well be with you. After all, the following verses teach insightful truths about women:

Proverbs 21:19:
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

Ecclesiastes 7:28:
Which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found.

I hope you have regained some hope because of these Godly Scripture Verses, Sister, and that everything will be alright soon! You and your husband will be in my prayers.

[John W. Booth]

I'm a little timid about sticking my beezer in here where it might not belong, BUT...

Originally Posted by BelieverInGod

I don't even find the sexual immorality the worst of it. It's the lack of any respect for me, the "corrections" that have become harsher and harsher. A month or so ago, he twisted my arm in such a way that it is still sore.

Our marriage bed had grown cold, and I thought that it was because he had lost interest in sex. Well to find him doing this proves that he's only lost interest IN ME!

I'm so upset, what am I supposed to do? I can't go back to my father, he's been placed in an old age home. I haven't worked in over 10 years, I don't even know where to start looking for a job. And if I did start working I'd have to put the older boys into public school and the youngest into daycare. Who knows what blasphemes they'll be taught there.

He has been phoning the apartment this morning, but I haven't picked up the phone. I don't know what to say or do.

...it seems to me that your disdain for your husband's authority goes way back. When you mention, " the "corrections" that have become harsher and harsher", I wonder why you haven't be able to learn earlier to stop the behaviors that led to the earlier (and obviously continuing) "corrections". What has kept you from complying with his directives? You know the rules, yet as recently as yesterday you defied him and entered his office against his rule. His activity in the office, as disgusting as it is, is actually irrelevant. You continue to defy him and you blame him for your defiance. His sons belong at home where they can learn from their father's Godly example. Taking them as your hostages while you run off and enjoy your tantrum is wicked. If your brother has a spine, he's run you out of his apartment by now and has helped your husband's sons to reunite with their father. Shame on you for confusing the poor boys and leading them to believe that wives should be able to just walk off on their husbands in the face of adversity. You call yourself "BelieverInGod", but we both know what it is God would have you doing right now. You go on home now. Everything will be better once you have finally learned your place and have begun to work a lot harder at making a perfect home for your husband and his sons (future fathers). As for your attractiveness, surely you aren't saying it is utterly beyond your means to keep yourself fresh and pretty as a daisy for him. It's called work.

22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Ephesians 5:22-24 (King James Version)

You don't have a problem with the advice offered by the 1611 King James Bible, do you BelieverInGod?

[Nutella88]

Originally Posted by BelieverInGod

Our marriage bed had grown cold, and I thought that it was because he had lost interest in sex. Well to find him doing this proves that he's only lost interest IN ME!

This does not look like she has been denying him love.

[JackieDambra]

I go to public school. I have NO PROBLEM holding on to my faith. We have a Christian club and many of my church's teens go there. Teachers do not pollute the minds of kids. Thats a brainwash that fundamentalists force on people like you. Teachers are NOT allowed to share their opinions about religion, politics, etc. It is STRICTLY education. How about let your children be socialized, get out of the house and let them have a chance of a real education. Homeschooling will NOT get them scholarships, put them on a sports team or get them into a decent college. Also, they need to learn to get along with people of different creeds,religions and races. How else will they handle the world? I am deeply sorry about your situation and will pray for you, however, do yourself a favor, let the kids have a life. I what your teaching them about faith really is what they hold themselves to, public school will not interfear with their beliefs.Once again, I am praying for you.

[theonetheonlyme]

Originally Posted by BelieverInGod

I left my husband last night. I just couldn't take it anymore. So I packed up the boys and I'm staying in my brothers apartment until I get my head straightened out and figure out what to do. Last night was just the last straw.

I had made a nice Easter dinner with a glazed ham, sweet potatoes, and some side vegetables in a cheese sauce. About 6:00 I did the call for dinner, well the boys came, but no husband. We sat there waiting for half an hour and no response. So I went down to his office to see what the hell was going on. I caught him pleasuring himself while having "online chat sex". I couldn't believe it! In our own house! So I freaked out, I killed the power bar to the computer and then the fight really started, he twisted my arm, shoved me out of the room. It turned into a fist fight and I grabbed the boys and left.

My brother is going over there later today to pick up my stuff. I don't know what I'm going to do about the dogs, we can't have them at my brothers place (it's crowded enough in a one bedroom apartment with just the humans) I'm afraid he'll hurt them just to get even with me.

I don't know what to do, or where to turn. Please help.

its over. you should just leave him. what he did was just so wrong!

[BelieverInGod]

Originally Posted by theonetheonlyme

its over. you should just leave him. what he did was just so wrong!

Actually I've gone home. He's promised it won't happen again, he's talking to the pastors, and he did see a counsellor for a while.

Anyway, I looked at my options and what's a few punches compared to having to live in poverty? I'll just try my best not to make him mad.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Originally Posted by BelieverInGod

Actually I've gone home. He's promised it won't happen again, he's talking to the pastors, and he did see a counsellor for a while.

Anyway, I looked at my options and what's a few punches compared to having to live in poverty? I'll just try my best not to make him mad.

Sister, being a defenseless woman who can't earn a living AND raise children, you make a valid point. What would you do if something were to happen to Seth? He could have a heart attack, or a stroke, or the brakes on his car could fail, or he could trip on a toy and fall down the stairs, breaking his neck and fracturing his skull. Where would you be then?

Sister, have you made sure he has adequate life insurance? Maybe it would be a good idea to get together with Seth and a Christian financial advisor to make sure your financial house is in order! Surely, Seth doesn't want to risk his sons being handed off to a Catholic orphanage where they will be turned into raging homosexuals and Mary-worshippers!

[BelieverInGod]

Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer

Sister, being a defenseless woman who can't earn a living AND raise children, you make a valid point. What would you do if something were to happen to Seth? He could have a heart attack, or a stroke, or the brakes on his car could fail, or he could trip on a toy and fall down the stairs, breaking his neck and fracturing his skull. Where would you be then?

Sister, have you made sure he has adequate life insurance? Maybe it would be a good idea to get together with Seth and a Christian financial advisor to make sure your financial house is in order! Surely, Seth doesn't want to risk his sons being handed off to a Catholic orphanage where they will be turned into raging homosexuals and Mary-worshippers!

Yes we are both incredibly well insured. If either one of us die, the mortgage as well as all the other bills are paid off, and I'm not going to say how much, but we both have a substantial amount in life insurance. His is especially high if he dies while on the road working.

If both of us passed away, the children are to go live with his brother who is still living on the family farmland.

Not that I want to see any harm come to him.

[handmaiden]

Sister, if you do receive any insignificant slaps or punches because you've slipped up in being all you can be for The Lord and your lord husband, you can always apply leeches to the new bruises. This seems like the sort of thing that a Godly woman should do, because going about brazenly with bruises on your face or whatever is sort of like tattling. You need to respect your husband's dignity above all else.

I know leeches seem extreme but make up isn't always adequate to the task and there are always concerns about the evils of face painting. Leeches are not contraindicated in the Bible.

Mildly Helpfully Yours,

Handmaiden

p.s. You know if my husband had been more sincere in the Lord and had taken the trouble to beat me, I would be living in a nice town and too full of life to be sitting here typing right now.

[theonetheonlyme]

Originally Posted by BelieverInGod

Actually I've gone home. He's promised it won't happen again, he's talking to the pastors, and he did see a counsellor for a while.

Anyway, I looked at my options and what's a few punches compared to having to live in poverty? I'll just try my best not to make him mad.

u shouldn't have to try and do anything. u seem like a good wife and good person in general. what ever makes u happy is what you should do, but i honestly think you shouldn't of put up with it. just put your foot down and draw a line. he married you so he should always respect u and love u as you are because you are. at least he is showing some remorse and its good that he is seeking help. god forbid he do this agin. u'll both be in my prayers. i hope your marriage goes just as you want it to from now on.

[BelieverInGod]

Thank you sister handmaiden for the tip, to be honest he's not a puncher and he has never given me a black eye. In fact I have never had a bruise that I couldn't explain away with a shrug and a comment about large dogs or clumsiness. I'm rather glad though, because the idea of putting a leech on my eye gives me the absolute willies.

Sister Repented Harlot, yes I did spend a lot of time in prayer. Thank you for that scripture. If things become too much for me at a future time I will follow that Biblical advice and ask to take some time away for fasting and prayer.

Originally Posted by theonetheonlyme

u shouldn't have to try and do anything. u seem like a good wife and good person in general. what ever makes u happy is what you should do,

I realize that you are an underaged poster so have no idea of what goes on in a marriage. There's an old saying that your happiness no longer matters as soon as you have children, this is true. Everything I do, I do for my boys. Should I send them to public school because it's easier than teaching them at home? Should I plop them in front of the TV because it's easier than dealing with them? Should I feed them freezer food because it's easier than cooking a proper meal? Then why should I force them into poverty?

but i honestly think you shouldn't of put up with it. just put your foot down and draw a line. he married you so he should always respect u and love u as you are because you are. at least he is showing some remorse and its good that he is seeking help. god forbid he do this agin. u'll both be in my prayers. i hope your marriage goes just as you want it to from now on.

I'm doing my best to keep everything on an even keel. He is the head of the family, I have to remember this. I guess because I married so late in life I got set in my ways. I'm really trying to break that habit and become much more submissive.

[theonetheonlyme]

Originally Posted by BelieverInGod

Thank you sister handmaiden for the tip, to be honest he's not a puncher and he has never given me a black eye. In fact I have never had a bruise that I couldn't explain away with a shrug and a comment about large dogs or clumsiness. I'm rather glad though, because the idea of putting a leech on my eye gives me the absolute willies.

Sister Repented Harlot, yes I did spend a lot of time in prayer. Thank you for that scripture. If things become too much for me at a future time I will follow that Biblical advice and ask to take some time away for fasting and prayer.


I realize that you are an underaged poster so have no idea of what goes on in a marriage. There's an old saying that your happiness no longer matters as soon as you have children, this is true. Everything I do, I do for my boys. Should I send them to public school because it's easier than teaching them at home? Should I plop them in front of the TV because it's easier than dealing with them? Should I feed them freezer food because it's easier than cooking a proper meal? Then why should I force them into poverty?


I'm doing my best to keep everything on an even keel. He is the head of the family, I have to remember this. I guess because I married so late in life I got set in my ways. I'm really trying to break that habit and become much more submissive.

Repented harlot? i was a harlot? i thought you couldnt be a virgin and a harlot, but ok? thanks? well i know u do all you can for your boys, but if you dont take care of yourself, who will take care of them the way a mother does? they say the house is at the mothers feet. if you fall ur family will suffer. your going through what my grandmother went through many years ago. she took a stand and showed her strength as a women. i learned that women are to be greatly respected. after all, we keep the world populated. the men in my family know that laying hands on a women is wrong and i think laying hands on anyone is bad. have you talked to him and told him how you feel/ maybe he can tell you what bothers him and you can tell him what bothers you. its alwasy best to look at each others opinion and both come to a compromise. u shouldnt do all the compromising. its a marriage after all and your both partners in this world till death do u part, under god and all the angels that helped bring you two together and helped give you the family that you have now. its lovly that you want to work things out. that shows you are strong and loyal to your family. i'm happy for you because you have this to keep you going and you dont give up. keep trying for your sons, you strong women of god.