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View Poll Results: Did Mary beat Jesus?
Yes, the Bible orders parents to beat their children within an inch of their lives. 8 23.53%
Yes, how else would Jesus know how to fear God? 3 8.82%
Yes, Jesus was human and faulty, so as a child He was just another insufferable brat. 3 8.82%
Yes she spanked the living God, that's why Mary is burning in Hell along with billions of Catholics. 5 14.71%
No, Jesus was God and sinless from day one. Mary had no cause for chastising Him. 8 23.53%
No, Mary was afraid that God would smite her with emerods and scab and itch 1 2.94%
No, Mary was afraid that Baby Jesus would kill her with the sword of His mouth. 6 17.65%
Voters: 34. You may not vote on this poll

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Default Did Mary beat Jesus? - 11-30-2006, 10:45 PM

The question is a bit embarrassing. I stumbled over this terrible painting by Max Ernst, where a muscular Mary is beating Our Lord so hard that His little buttocks and thighs are turning red.

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Mary hasn't lost her halo, so according to Max Ernst she hasn't lost her divinity, but then again, what does a homosexual Frenchman know?

Still, it got me wondering. Was Jesus ever naughty as a child. Did Mary have to beat the fear of God into the infant God? Let me hear what you think.
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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 11-30-2006, 10:54 PM

I voted the only possible choice! In the homer painting, Baby Jesus has Lost His halo, an impossibility I am certain!


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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 11-30-2006, 11:06 PM

Well, if she didn't, she should have! "Suffer the Children" and all that.

Then again, could this lowly woman have had license, somehow, to beat our (Male) Lord and Saviour?!!

God Jesus - I am so confused. I'm so happy that it's Christmas and that this is all that America has on its collective "mind" Right now!!!
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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 11-30-2006, 11:56 PM

Who is Mary to have the audacity to beat the Saviour of Mankind©? She no doubt lived in abject fear of being smited mightily with the sword in His mouth.

Jesus didn't get along with her very well anyway.

Matthew 12:47 Then one said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee. 12:48 But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren?

My guess is she was a typical female, nagging all the live long day.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 12-01-2006, 12:05 AM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Who is Mary to have the audacity to beat the Saviour of Mankind©? She no doubt lived in abject fear of being smited mightily with the sword in His mouth.
Thank you, I mean, BLESS YOU, Pastor Ezekiel!!!
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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 12-01-2006, 12:17 AM

I went with the "How else could Jesus learn to fear God" answer. After all if Jesus had to repent of His depravity and accept Himself as His personal Savior then obviously Jesus had to learn to fear God.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 12-01-2006, 01:23 AM

Did Mary beat Jesus? I surely hope so. Our Holy Bible is quite clear about how to raise a righteous child. The Good Book of Proverbs, CH 22:15 says

"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him"

And in the same book of Proverbs we find CH 23:13, which is my personal recipe for success with my son Skeeter...

"Withhold not correction from the child: for [if] thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die"

My only concern with the validity of the homosexual's painting is that Mary isn't using a rod of correction* rather, she is using her bare hand. This is certainly a perversion, made possible by the artist's very liberal outlook on life.

* A dowell-like whip about 3/8 inch in diameter, measuring three feet long. A padded handle at one end improves the efficiency of the instrument.


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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 12-01-2006, 01:25 AM

I voted "yes, and that's why she's in Hell." I mean, the woman was depraved enough to allow Satan to use her image to set up a deathcult to drive millions of Papists into eternal hellfire, so there's not much I'd put past her.


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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 12-01-2006, 06:22 PM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Jesus didn't get along with her very well anyway.

Matthew 12:47 Then one said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee. 12:48 But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren?

My guess is she was a typical female, nagging all the live long day.
You are quite right, Pastor. From the viewpoint of a pig-ignorant Jewess, Jesus must have seemed to be a stubborn and rebellious son.

My guess is she tried to stone our Savior to death, which is probably why He avoided her as much as possible.

Deuteronomy 21:18 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:
Deuteronomy 21:19 Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;
Deuteronomy 21:20 And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.
Deuteronomy 21:21 And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

Notice the part about "a glutton, and a drunkard". After having been nag-nag-nagged for 30 years (oy!), Jesus even used the same words to describe Himself.

Matthew 11:19 The Son of man came eating and drinking, and they say, Behold a man gluttonous, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners. But wisdom is justified of her children.

Trust a Yiddische momma to induce guilt, even in the only man without sin.
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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 01-21-2007, 05:37 AM

Sucks for her. She couldnt use our modern technology to beat jesus. Such as a golf club or a tennis racket.
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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 01-21-2007, 05:52 AM

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Sucks for her. She couldnt use our modern technology to beat jesus. Such as a golf club or a tennis racket.
Have you even read the thread on using golf clubs to beat children? Golf clubs are for golfing and tennis rackets are for playing tennis!

One should use a paddle or a switch to beat unruly children, servants, and wives. Use the right tool for the job, you wouldn't use a screw driver to hammer in a nail would you?


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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 01-21-2007, 12:28 PM

I've often wondered this very question. In my youth I used to envision Jesus sneaking a bucket of water out back and turning it into wine, or if he didn't want to take a bath, he'd just stand on top of the water.

Later I thought that if "foolishness is bound into the heart of a child" then certainly there was cause. For in taking the rod, He was following the commandments of His Father. I'd imagine that sometimes his half brothers and sisters blamed things on him, and he would take the beating for them in stoic silence.


"If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing. . . . And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the manservant's do."
(Leviticus 21:6-7)

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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 01-23-2007, 05:39 PM

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One should use a paddle or a switch to beat unruly children, servants, and wives. Use the right tool for the job, you wouldn't use a screw driver to hammer in a nail would you?
He is a liberal. Not only would he use a screw driver to hammer in a nail, he'd probably use the nail to hang a picture of Al(lah) Gore on. And even then, he'd probably still end up hanging it upside-down.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 01-23-2007, 07:14 PM

Mary (and probably Joseph) most likely beat the living tar out of the young saviour after this incident.

Luke 2:42 And when he was twelve years old, they went up to Jerusalem after the custom of the feast.

43 And when they had fulfilled the days, as they returned, the child Jesus tarried behind in Jerusalem; and Joseph and his mother knew not of it.

44 But they, supposing him to have been in the company, went a day's journey; and they sought him among their kinsfolk and acquaintance.

45 And when they found him not, they turned back again to Jerusalem, seeking him.

46 And it came to pass, that after three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, both hearing them, and asking them questions.

47 And all that heard him were astonished at his understanding and answers.

48 And when they saw him, they were amazed: and his mother said unto him, Son, why hast thou thus dealt with us? behold, thy father and I have sought thee sorrowing.

49 And he said unto them, How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my Father's business?

50 And they understood not the saying which he spake unto them.


I'd assume after verse 50 Mary (who would have been about 24 at the time) said something like "this'll teach you to say things that i don't understand!!!"

Let's look at the next verse.

51 And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them: but his mother kept all these sayings in her heart.

I'm under the belief that "and was subject unto them" means they spanked Him.

While Jesus TECHNICALLY didn't do anything wrong. Mary and Joe would have not realized that Jesus actions were not those of a child-God. But just the actions of a 12 year old.

YIC
V
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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 01-23-2007, 07:21 PM

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Originally Posted by Brother V View Post
While Jesus TECHNICALLY didn't do anything wrong. Mary and Joe would have not realized that Jesus actions were not those of a child-God. But just the actions of a 12 year old.

YIC
V
Excellent point, V! I imagine that whole bright star, wise men, angels and glory thing was blocked out of their feeble little minds, as it was all too distressing and bizarre for a carpenter and his wife to comprehend.
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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 01-23-2007, 07:33 PM

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Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
Excellent point, V! I imagine that whole bright star, wise men, angels and glory thing was blocked out of their feeble little minds, as it was all too distressing and bizarre for a carpenter and his wife to comprehend.
Let's look closer into this story.

1. They go to temple.

2. Mary and Joe leave, thinking Jesus was leaving with them (in the group of friends)

3. Mary and Joe walk for a day, before realizing "hey, where's our Lord and Personal Saviour".

4. They ask around, "have you seen Jesus? No, anyone seen Jesus? Where's Jesus? JESUS CHRIST WHERE ARE YOU?"

5. They have to walk a full day BACK to Jerusalem.

6. (Verse 46 is kind of tricky) They looked for 3 days, was this three days from when they first didn't see him, or was it for 3 days looking around in the temple? Was Jesus gone for a total of 3 days or for 5 days? Either way, Joe (a carpenter) probably was losing a lot of patience for the child he was rearing. (Aren't step fathers always like that?)

7. (Verse 48) Mary says your father and I were worried. Joseph at this moment was probably thinking "don't you call him MY child, woman!!!"

8. As they are leaving, Joseph probably said something like this to Mary. "Mary, damnit, you'd better teach that child of YOUR'S some discipline, or next time he acts up I'M gonna beat his ass! If you don't spank him in the next 5 minutes, I'm gonna do it, and you can bet your sweet "immaculate conception" ass that when I get through with him, he'll wish he was strung up by the Romans!" (a bit of foreshadowing)


So Mary probably spanked Jesus pretty good on that trip back from Jerusalem.


After 3 or 5 days of looking for the child, the whole wise men thing, shepherds and the rest was probably a distant memory.

At least that's my take on the story.

V
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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 01-23-2007, 11:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
Excellent point, V! I imagine that whole bright star, wise men, angels and glory thing was blocked out of their feeble little minds, as it was all too distressing and bizarre for a carpenter and his wife to comprehend.
I tell you, I have no idea what these Shylocks are thinking. A week after the birth, Mary went to the temple with two doves:

Luke 2:22 And when the days of her purification according to the law of Moses were accomplished, they brought him to Jerusalem, to present him to the Lord;
Luke 2:23 (As it is written in the law of the Lord, Every male that openeth the womb shall be called holy to the Lord; )
Luke 2:24 And to offer a sacrifice according to that which is said in the law of the Lord, A pair of turtledoves, or two young pigeons.


This is supposed to be according to the Law of Moses:


Leviticus 12:2 Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days; according to the days of the separation for her infirmity shall she be unclean.
[. . .]
Leviticus 12:6 And when the days of her purifying are fulfilled, for a son, or for a daughter, she shall bring a lamb of the first year for a burnt offering, and a young pigeon, or a turtledove, for a sin offering, unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, unto the priest:
[. . .]
Leviticus 12:8 And if she be not able to bring a lamb, then she shall bring two turtles, or two young pigeons; the one for the burnt offering, and the other for a sin offering: and the priest shall make an atonement for her, and she shall be clean.


That's sacrilege. For crying out: Why would Mary need a sin offering for having birthed Our Redeemer? Is that supposed to be a sin? Why would she need to be made "clean" after the unstained virginal conception?

These hook-nosed money-grabbers will do anything for a shiny shekel. They'll even deny the virgin birth, just to flimflam two pigeons out of a naive and unsuspecting Jewess.
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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 01-24-2007, 02:45 AM

I know you will give me crap for this, but Catholics believe that Jesus did not start preaching until he was around 30 or something. He was a completely normal human until then.
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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 01-24-2007, 04:44 AM

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Originally Posted by Tyrone Shoelaces View Post
I know you will give me crap for this, but Catholics believe that Jesus did not start preaching until he was around 30 or something. He was a completely normal human until then.
Completely normal? How can the SON OF GOD ever have been completely normal? There is nothing normal about one's father being THE FATHER. For one thing, normal back then was being a hook-nosed joo and we all know that JESUS was no joo.

HE may or may not have started preaching until around 30 or so, I don't know. If HE started preaching at 3 or 30 does not matter. Just because HE may have been 30 doesn't mean HE was normal before then.


The Big-Bang: GOD spoke and, BANG, the universe was formed.
Genesis 1:1 - In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

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Default Re: Did Mary beat Jesus? - 01-24-2007, 01:30 PM

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Originally Posted by Tyrone Shoelaces View Post
I know you will give me crap for this, but Catholics believe that Jesus did not start preaching until he was around 30 or something. He was a completely normal human until then.
The catlickers also teach that Jesus' mommy is "the queen of heaven" and that we should worship her and pray to her. I would defy anyone to back that up with scripture.

The list of perversions taught by the mary-worshipers is endless. That is precisely why NO ONE in the Christian community considers catlickers to be Christian. Even the looney Lootherans acknowledge that catlickers are a cult, and nothing more.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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