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Default Day 300. Luke 10-12 - 07-21-2014, 07:02 PM

Luke 10-12

1 After these things the Lord appointed other seventy also, and sent them two and two before his face into every city and place, whither he himself would come.

There were 70 disciples, some call them apostles. An apostle is someone sent on a mission, while a disciple is a student.

Some places have it listed as 72, but Luke has it listed as 70, so we've got to believe Luke.

3 Go your ways: behold, I send you forth as lambs among wolves.

4 Carry neither purse, nor scrip, nor shoes: and salute no man by the way.

This is very similar to Luke 9:1 where he only sent out the 12, but this time he's sending out an army.

17 And the seventy returned again with joy, saying, Lord, even the devils are subject unto us through thy name.

They came back, they did good.

19 Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

He was talking directly to the 70 (and the 12, or was the 12 part of the 70?) Mostly I'm guessing he just sent everyone out for a while so he could have some free time, away from their stupidity.

But, this verse is where Pentecostals get the idea that they can handle snakes.

Son of late Ky. snake handler bitten by rattler.

He says his hand swelled and he vomited repeatedly, but by Tuesday the pain was gone.
... shall by any means hurt you...

Pastor Mark Wolford, Snake-handler, Dies of Rattler Bite.

Mark Randall "Mack" Wolford, 44 – whose own father died in 1983 after suffering a fatal bite – had been bitten before and survived. But he died earlier this week after witnesses say a timber rattler bit him on the thigh. Wolford's sister and a freelance photographer told media outlets it happened during a Sunday service at Panther State Forest.
Sort of like Lt. Dan, in Forrest Gump, his daddy died handling snakes, and he's darn well gonna die handling snakes too. It's a family tradition!


25 And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying, Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?

26 He said unto him, What is written in the law? how readest thou?

27 And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.

Jesus is like, yup.

So the guy says... well, who is my neighbor?

Jesus then tells the story of the Good Samaritan. (a priest, a levite, and a samaritan see a guy dieing on the side of the road... stop me if you've heard this before... the only one that helped was the Samaritan)

What the hell is a Samaritan? Think of them kind of like Canadians. They aren't really 'merikan's but they are close. You'd expect to get help from people who are near and like you, but instead, it's the Canadian who helps. He's like "eh, whats'a' matter eh? you ok down dere?"

The Samaritans come from Samaria. They are a different branch of an Abrahamic religion. Think of them and the jews as kind of Shia/Sunni... except without all the beheadings and civil war and plans for genocide of the other branch. They all kind of got along together, but each looked down on the other. So, a Samaritan helping a troubled Jew is just something that normally wouldn't happen. It's like if the football star of your high school's rival got in a car accident, would you help him? The first two examples Jesus gives are like if the guy's pastor just drives past, and then his high school principal drives past; but then someone from your school actually stops and helps. You'd expect his hometown people would help, but instead, it's a person who has no interest in that guy getting better. On a side note; the Lexington Minutemen can burn in hell!

36 Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?

37 And he said, He that shewed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.

So, the neighbor is the person who actually acts neighborly, not the person who lives nearby.

38 Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.

39 And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word.

Martha makes dinner then bitches that Mary isn't helping.

41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:

42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

Remember, Jesus is the bridegroom, he's the master. He's there. It's ok to lavish him with gifts and praise and to sit at his feet listening to him.

Hey, who was the last person who "sat at feet"?

Ruth 3:7 And when Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of corn: and she came softly, and uncovered his feet, and laid her down.

Ruth laid at Boaz feet. Which was basically a euphemism for having sex with Boaz. Did Mary do the same at Jesus feet, that Ruth did to Boaz?

Luke 11

1 And it came to pass, that, as he was praying in a certain place, when he ceased, one of his disciples said unto him, Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples.

Here we get the Lord's Prayer.

2 And he said unto them, When ye pray, say, Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth.

3 Give us day by day our daily bread.

4 And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.

It doesn't have to be this prayer, but all prayer should be similar.

"Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name"

It starts off with flattery, so, always start your prayers with flatter for God. Tell him how great he is. He knows he's great, he just wants to hear it from you.

"Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth."

This is more flattery; but it's an interesting flattery. It's asking God to do the thing that God already wants to do. "Thy will be done." or Please God, smite my enemies, because you know you want to... and can i have a pony.

"Give us day by day our daily bread. "

A request for sustenance.

"and forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us"

This is the beam/speck thing. If you are going to ask for forgiveness, you had better be forgiving people.

"and lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil"

God is the person who takes you to temptation. If you give into temptation, we've learned that God wants to forgive you, so if you accidentally succumb to it, well, it's not that big of a deal.

27 And it came to pass, as he spake these things, a certain woman of the company lifted up her voice, and said unto him, Blessed is the womb that bare thee, and the paps which thou hast sucked.

or, "Your mom has nice tits!"

28 But he said, Yea rather, blessed are they that hear the word of God, and keep it.

Jesus wasn't too keen on family. (we'll get more of that later today) He's like "Mary was just a vessel for bringing me here, i'm the rock star."

of course, if you think back to the first chapter of Luke, the angel said "blessed art thou among women". It's not that she's a great person. It's more like "lucky art thou among women". She's not the person to have praise bestowed upon her, she's the one who got lucky enough to be knocked up by God, and have his only "begotten" baby.

Luke 12

8 Also I say unto you, Whosoever shall confess me before men, him shall the Son of man also confess before the angels of God:

9 But he that denieth me before men shall be denied before the angels of God.

Jesus wasn't huge on formalities. But he does want his respect.

10 And whosoever shall speak a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him: but unto him that blasphemeth against the Holy Ghost it shall not be forgiven.

Holy Ghost, HUGE on formalities.

16 And he spake a parable unto them, saying, The ground of a certain rich man brought forth plentifully:

The guy had a shed, but had more stuff than he could store, so he tore it down to build a bigger shed, so he could horde all his stuff. Then he died, and didn't get to enjoy any of it.

22 And he said unto his disciples, Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body, what ye shall put on.

23 The life is more than meat, and the body is more than raiment.

Jesus wasn't about retirement plans, or 401k's. Jesus was about LIVING NOW. There's no point in saving your best stuff for tomorrow or the future, when you can die tomorrow.

24 Consider the ravens: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn; and God feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fowls?

God will provide, there's no point in saving.

33 Sell that ye have, and give alms; provide yourselves bags which wax not old, a treasure in the heavens that faileth not, where no thief approacheth, neither moth corrupteth.

Don't have fancy clothes and things, because then people are going to want to steal it.

34 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

In chapter 11, Jesus talked about Solomon. Here, he seems to be following the Solomon in Ecclesiastes, and not the Proverbs Solomon.

36 And ye yourselves like unto men that wait for their lord, when he will return from the wedding; that when he cometh and knocketh, they may open unto him immediately.

37 Blessed are those servants, whom the lord when he cometh shall find watching: verily I say unto you, that he shall gird himself, and make them to sit down to meat, and will come forth and serve them.

More bridegroom/master/Lord stuff. Be ready, and give him the best.

51 Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division:

52 For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three.

53 The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

Jesus mom has nice tits! He don't care.

So what have we learned today?

1. Samaritans are like Canadians, in fact they even provide free healthcare.

2. Jesus wasn't a mama's boy, in fact, he didn't really care about her.

3. While Jesus did like to eat, he liked to have a hot young chick around his feet as well.


Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.
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hate thy mother, lord's prayer, mothers, samaritans, snake, snake handling
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