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Guns The official deity bodycount - 09-02-2007, 08:43 AM

We all know that being God-fearing is a good thing. Our creation scientists have completed an epic research project that statistically proves once and for all that the truly God-fearing become Christians - because the most fearsome deity is ours:

The Official Deity Bodycount:

Jesus

Taiping Rebellion (1851- 1864)
20,000,000 - 40,000,000

American Indians killed
20,000,000

AIDS 1981-98
11,700,000
By keeping condoms away from sinners. Catholic Priests have 4 times more AIDS cases than the regular population. Does that mean Jesus gets 3 quarters of AIDS smitings?

The Thirty Years War (1618-48)
8,000,000

Saracens slaughtered in Spain
7,000,000

Jews killed in Holocaust
6,000,000

France: Catholic vs. Huguenot (1562-1598)
2,000,000 - 4,000,000

Saxons and Scandinavian pagans killed
2,000,000

Rwanda and Burundi (1959-95)
1 350 000

Bush's Crusade in Iraq
1,200,000+ (God told him to do it!)

People killed under the orders of God in the Bible
1,283,000

Spanish Inquisition (1478-1834)
350,000

Ivan the Terrible, Russia, (r.1533-84)
200,000

Bosnia and Herzegovina (1992-95):
175 000

Poland (1648-54) Jews slaughtered
150,000-200,000

Witch Hunts (1400-1800)
100,000

Peasants' War, Germany (1524-25)
100,000

Vlad The Impaler, Wallachia (r.1456-1462)
50,000-100,000

Munster Rebellion
Many thousands

Jews killed as scapegoats for Black Death, West Europe (1348)
20,000+

US Lynchings, first wave (1865-76)

3,500 - 20,000

Lisbon (1506) Converted Jews killed
2,000-4,000

US Lynchings, second wave (1900-50)
1,986

INVISIBLE HAND
Smoking, 20th century
90,000,000

Victorian Imperial Famines (1876-1900)
31,700,000 - 61,300,000

French Equatorial Africa (1900-40)
12,000,000

Congo Free State (1886-1908)
8 000 000 - 21,500,000

Slave trade (Christian)
15,000,000 - 20,000,000

Slave trade (Islamic)
19,000,000

Shock Therapy, Russia 1992+
3,200,000 - 10,000,000 (sources for Low Estimate and High estimate)

Climate Change, 1999-2019
6,000,000

Ireland, Famine (1845-48)
750,000

Destruction of Amazonian Indians (1900-99)
500,000

Forced laborers worked to death in Portuguese colonies (1900-25):
325 000

Rubber companies in Peru and Brazil, worker deaths (1900-12):
250 000
Karl Marx

Red Holocaust: ~100,000,000

Also, this dog:




ALLAH

Chinese Muslim Rebellion, (1862-1877)
8,000,000 - 12,000,000

Timur Lenk (1369-1405)
5,000,000

Sudan (1983 et seq.)
1 900 000

East Pakistan: Massacres 1971
1,250,000

Iran-Iraq War (Sunni VS Shia) 1980-88
1,000,000

Arab conquest
698,200

Algeria (1954-62)
675 000

Hindus killed, India, (1366)
500,000

India-Pakistan Partition 1947
250,000

Lebanon 1976-2000
150,000

Syria's Shia(Alawite) vs Sunni civil war (in progress)
100,000

Algeria: Islamic fundamentalist insurrection (1992-2002)
100 000

War Between Christians and Druses, Lebanon (1860)
30,000

Persia (1848-54)
20,000 Babis (Baha'is) massacred.

India, Sepoy Mutiny (1857)
15,000

Massacre of Armenians (1895-96)
5,000 - 75,000

Israeli War of Independence 1948
11,000

Bengali War of Independence 1971
11,000

2nd Indo-Pak War 1965
7,000

Shinto God-emperor
Pacific war, 1933-1945
24,000,000

HINDU GODS

Thuggee human sacrifices
9,100,000

India-Pakistan Partition 1947
250,000

Widow Burning
62,400 per century until 1829

India, Sepoy Mutiny (1857)
5,000 - 75,000

PAGAN

Mongol Crusades
40,000,000

Human sacrifices during dedication of a temple of Huitzilopochtli in Tenochtitlan by Aztec king Ahuitzotl (1487)
80,000

South Africa, Xhosa self-destruction (1857)
40,000 starved

China, human sacrifices 750-1050
13,000

BUDDAH and company
Taoist Yellow Turban Rebellion
3,000,000 - 7,000,000

Boxer Rebellion
115,000

Vietnam, Persecution of Christians (ca. 1832-1887)
40,000

Satan:

10

Conclusion:

I have not worked out the precise numbers but it seems Jesus is easily the most fearsome, with about one hundred million smitings to his credit before you even count His Invisible Hand, at which point it adds up to a quarter-billion confirmed kills.

The Pagan deity that sent Ghengis Khan crusading gets second place. After all, many of his Mongol warriors were Christians.

Karl Marx gets the bronze medal. I'm sure he'd prefer everybody get a bronze medal with him, since he thought everybody should get equal results regardless of productivity.

Allah and the Hindu gods seem to be tied for fourth with about dozen million victims, Allah wins the bronze though, because his number is doubled if you count slavery in the Islamic world.

The Hindu gods used to do a lot of sacrifices in prehistoric times, but unless they nuke Pakistan soon they'll become a historical footnote among the God-fearing.

Non-Mongol Pagans seem to be the same story as the Hindus, though at least the pagan gods have the excuse that they hardly have any believers to do the smiting for them.

Buddah is pathetic, no wonder he's so fat, having not gotten off his butt to do a single smiting for an entire century now.
Got that, God-fearers?

THE GOD-FEARING FEAR JESUS!

Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 09-10-2019 at 10:02 PM.
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 09-02-2007, 09:43 AM

Some body count you xtians have got there!



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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 09-03-2007, 05:19 AM

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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Some body count you xtians have got there!
So, I take it that you're finally converting?

OK, let's start with tithing information, VISA, Mastercard, or American Express?
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 09-03-2007, 03:28 PM

What a pleasure serving such a Kickass™ God!


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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 09-04-2007, 02:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond View Post
So, I take it that you're finally converting?
Where on Earth did you get that idea?

Quote:
OK, let's start with tithing information, VISA, Mastercard, or American Express?
Let's not.



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 09-04-2007, 06:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Where on Earth did you get that idea?


Let's not.
Dear Ms. Van Buttspring! Our JOO lawyers have completed an accounting review of the people who use the forum most but haven't ponied up. Your share comes to US$8,621.66. Please remit the amount, in full, within the next week.

Thanks
Pastor Al.


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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 09-04-2007, 06:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Dear Ms. Van Buttspring! Our JOO lawyers have completed an accounting review of the people who use the forum most but haven't ponied up. Your share comes to US$8,621.66. Please remit the amount, in full, within the next week.

Thanks
Pastor Al.
Lo siento, sir, pero no entiendo inglés. No puedo entender las implicaciones de estas figuras numéricas que has presentado aquí. ¿Aparece ser una piña atada a una parte muy inconveniente de tu anatomía, no?



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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 10-09-2007, 06:51 PM

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Dear Ms. Van Buttspring! Our JOO lawyers have completed an accounting review of the people who use the forum most but haven't ponied up. Your share comes to US$8,621.66. Please remit the amount, in full, within the next week.

Thanks
Pastor Al.
Oooh how much do i owe?
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 01-05-2008, 10:34 PM

The recent persecution we're suffering under the hordes of Japanese-brainwashed game addicts as made we realize that I forgot to include Shintoism on this list.

In world war 2 The Shinto god, Emperor Hirohito, smote 20,000,000 Chinese, 1,000,000 vietnamese, 2,680,000 japanese and maybe half a million others. I'll round it off at 24,000,000, 24 million smitings.

Thus, the Japanese are almost exactly one tenth as God-fearing as Christians are.
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 05-30-2009, 03:51 PM

The Invisible Hand of Jesus is gaining 300,000 smitings every year due to climate change. Of course, we all know climate change is God's punishment for homosexuality, but for the sake of the bodycount being unbiased, I'll count these smitings as "invisible hand of the Free Market" related.
Global warming is causing more than 300,000 deaths and about $125 billion in economic losses each year, according to a report by the Global Humanitarian Forum, an organization led by Kofi Annan, the former United Nations secretary general
If we estimate that the effects of climate change have been felt for a decade now, that's a total of 3,000,000 smitings (so far) for the Invisible Hand of the Free Market.
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 03-09-2012, 04:27 AM

Allah looks like a pansy, in 1400 years he's hardly smote more than Ghengis Khan's god killed in his lifetime.

I think this is mostly due to innefficiency. But you got to give him credit for persistence. Here's a 1000 page book listing recent terrorist attacks, of which Allah inspired 95%.

Allah may not be fearsome, but he's certainly not lazy.
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 04-30-2012, 08:49 PM

Of course, how could I forget direct Satanists (not to be confused with indirect Satanists, aka Satan's useful idiots, aka everything who is not a True Christian™.)

They've never had a government, or even an insurgency. But in the Bible Satan, with God's permission, kills 10 people (Job 1:1-19), so here we go:

Satanism: 10
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 08-11-2013, 07:57 PM

Another update for the god-fearing:

With Syria's bodycount topping 100,000 it's time to consider if these smitings belong to allah. It seems to be mostly more Shia VS Sunni - a religiously-fuelled dispute - and everytime someone dies everyone is shouting allah akubar!" (though I'm starting to wonder if that's just the noise they make when they breathe). And I have yet to see any big-shot muslim leaders ordering their side to be peaceful.

So, that's about 100,000 more smitings to allah making him still nowhere near as fear-worthy as the God WE fear.

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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 01-07-2019, 12:46 AM

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Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post
If we estimate that the effects of climate change have been felt for a decade now, that's a total of 3,000,000 smitings (so far) for the Invisible Hand of the Free Market.
It's been another decade so let's add another 3,000,000. Though the communist countries also added carbon, the USSR was notoriously polluting. That brings up:

Does communism count as a religion? Do Marx, Uncle Joe, and Che "I look cool on Tshirts" Geverra count as dieties?

If so, the black book of communism says 100,000,000, but what about abortion/infanticide? And it didn't mention the proto-communist anabaptists, though they were Christian heretics so we will split the score on that one.

Here's a wonderfully easy to listen to mini-audiobook on the Anabaptists and their Munster Rebellion:






Medieval Germans didn't put communists on T-shirts, they put them in "Anabaptist Chandeliers".

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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 12-27-2013, 09:30 PM

What about Pol Pot, the communistic ruler of Cambodia or Kampuchia?
He killed it must be in the several millions.

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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 12-27-2013, 09:37 PM

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Originally Posted by arthur frayn View Post
What about Pol Pot, the communistic ruler of Cambodia or Kampuchia?
He killed it must be in the several millions.
This is The official deity bodycount thread, dear.



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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 07-03-2014, 09:35 PM

This is a tangent that might deserve it's own thread, but I'm skeptical when I read a history book that says that when soldiers capture a city, lots of rape follows.

I think historians get this wrong because, being nerdy bookish types, they lack personal experience with female psychology. If jocks wrote the history books we would know what actually happens when a city is sacked. Think about it:

You're a a rough, tough go-getter who just won a fight. You're rich (thanks to loot) you're confident, you're pumping high-octane testosterone (It's been proven with winning boosts testosterone). And you're surrounded by excited women whose men are either dead or humbled by defeat.

You don't need to rape anyone. The women are throwing themselves at you.

But then the excitement dies down, the conquerors move on, and in the cold light of day the women are regretting what they did.

So what do they do? Well, they do what all women do whenever they have sex and then regret it - they accuse the men of rape.

Their cuckolded husbands go ahead with it because they have to - what are they going to to, stone every woman for sluttery? There would be no women left.

And the conquerors go along with it because of how propaganda worked in the olden days. Back then to you didn't pretend to be a good guy, you just focused on scaring the snot out of everybody*. Think "Mafia" rather than "Madison Avenue". And rape stories are scarier than "hey, remember that time in Nanking when we all got lucky?"



*You know, like what I'm doing in this thread. Our goal is to turn everyone into God-FEARING Christians, after all.
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 07-04-2014, 11:02 AM

Funny how the christian god killed millions of people in the bible, but Satan only killed nearly 10 people, when dared by god. ( Job's family )
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 07-04-2014, 11:28 AM

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Originally Posted by TheLittleBoy View Post
Funny how the christian god killed millions of people in the bible, but Satan only killed nearly 10 people, when dared by god. ( Job's family )
Could you perhaps explain why that's funny, dear? I seem to have missed the joke.


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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 07-04-2014, 02:19 PM

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Originally Posted by TheLittleBoy View Post
Funny how the christian god killed millions of people in the bible, but Satan only killed nearly 10 people, when dared by god. ( Job's family )
Well, actually that is a thing, we all can joy. However, "funny" is not the word that I'd use. There are still some, that are not in your calculations. It would be nice if somebody, who uses mathematics, could be exact.

Matthew 23:33
What we can joy is, that God wiped off millions of bad people. They got what they deserved. And it is sure, they are in Hell.

Matthew 10:28
Satan wiped Job's family off the face of the earth. But are they dead?
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