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Default Anyone else have trouble getting their kids to eat Johnny Cat™ breakfast cereal? - 01-05-2015, 06:40 AM

The wife recently had to be sent to the hospital to be treated for a broken arm, cracked ribs, multiple contusions and a concussion. She should know by now that I don't like having to repeat myself.

Anyway, seeing as how I have no prior experience in the kitchen, and the children need to be fed until the sow's bones mend, I decided that pound for pound Johnny Cat cereal was the best deal, so I bought a pallet of it.


Well, I am sorry to say that the children flatly refuse to eat the stuff without threat of violence. I have to sit there with the shotgun on my lap to get them to even nibble tentatively at the granulated goodness that is Johnny Cat.

Now don't get me wrong...I hate cats! They are verminous demons and witches' familiars...though I have to admit, that whimsical mascot on the bag really got my attention, but the promise of "superior odor control" is what really sold me on the product. The kids have unusually foul breath, so I figured why not kill two birds with one stone, amen?
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Default Re: Anyone else have trouble getting their kids to eat Johnny Cat™ breakfast cereal? - 01-05-2015, 06:55 AM

Why not try this one? I know a number of people who feed their kids this.


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Default Re: Anyone else have trouble getting their kids to eat Johnny Cat™ breakfast cereal? - 01-05-2015, 07:10 AM

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Originally Posted by Jim Farmer View Post
Why not try this one? I know a number of people who feed their kids this.
That looks delicious!

I think I'll buy a few boxes for myself...but I can't in good conscience allow the children to sample it until they've devoured the last morsel of Johnny Cat. If I were to cave in to their demands for edible foodstuff now, I would lose their and God's respect.
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Default Re: Anyone else have trouble getting their kids to eat Johnny Cat™ breakfast cereal? - 01-05-2015, 07:40 AM

Personally, I don't eat breakfast cereals. I think they all taste like cat litter Jonny Cat.

Edit: Thinking about it, if you were to pull out the mallow crosses for yourself, you could mix the two together and they wouldn't know the difference. That way, they'd probably eventually get through the Jonny Cat, and save yourself the stress. Just don't tell them you've mixed the Christicles in with it.


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Default Re: Anyone else have trouble getting their kids to eat Johnny Cat™ breakfast cereal? - 01-05-2015, 09:02 AM

Have you tried boiling it up with a little water and salt to make porridge, Brother? If you have a really big pan, you can do it in bulk once a week. The kids can eat it hot on the first day and after that you can cut it into pieces and serve it as home-made granola bars. Economical and healthy.


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Default Re: Anyone else have trouble getting their kids to eat Johnny Cat™ breakfast cereal? - 01-05-2015, 09:21 AM

Why not proper food?

Some are quite easy, just catch them and eat, like grasshoppers. Children also get some exercise when they catch their own food.

Leviticus 11:21-22
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Default Re: Anyone else have trouble getting their kids to eat Johnny Cat™ breakfast cereal? - 01-05-2015, 09:24 AM

Brother Hammer,

Has you wife been pampering your children in secrecy? An alarming possibility but one that you should assess carefully. It may be that they are used to foods that they actually like. That is not very good for children as it can undermine the otherwise Godly discipline that you have administered successfully. The Bible warns us against too much enjoyment regarding our food.

Proverbs 23:2 - And put a knife to thy throat, if thou [be] a man given to appetite.

Matthew 6:25-34 - Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?


It is crystal clear that the children should not have anything to say about the food you choose for them to eat. The only emotions they should have are fear and gratitude. This is urgent as if we look at the signs, there are perhaps only days left until Rapture! While you are going to be totally indifferent regarding the fate of your offspring once you are on Jesus' lap in Heaven, I am sure that at present you still worry about the state of their souls.

As for cereal, I advise against all kinds that contain the Satanic umlauts (müsli). For instance, this is a package that is in direct violation of Matthew 5:29.


This one is related to the heathen Kama Sutra, thus, it violates John 8:41!


My wife, however, buys this one. It's for me, not the kids.


Ezekiel 4:9
Take thou also unto thee wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentiles, and millet, and fitches, and put them in one vessel, and make thee bread thereof, according to the number of the days that thou shalt lie upon thy side, three hundred and ninety days shalt thou eat thereof.



Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Anyone else have trouble getting their kids to eat Johnny Cat™ breakfast cereal? - 01-05-2015, 09:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
Brother Hammer,

Has you wife been pampering your children in secrecy? An alarming possibility but one that you should assess carefully. It may be that they are used to foods that they actually like. That is not very good for children as it can undermine the otherwise Godly discipline that you have administered successfully. The Bible warns us against too much enjoyment regarding our food.

Proverbs 23:2 - And put a knife to thy throat, if thou [be] a man given to appetite.

Matthew 6:25-34 - Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?


It is crystal clear that the children should not have anything to say about the food you choose for them to eat. The only emotions they should have are fear and gratitude. This is urgent as if we look at the signs, there are perhaps only days left until Rapture! While you are going to be totally indifferent regarding the fate of your offspring once you are on Jesus' lap in Heaven, I am sure that at present you still worry about the state of their souls.

As for cereal, I advise against all kinds that contain the Satanic umlauts (müsli). For instance, this is a package that is in direct violation of Matthew 5:29.


This one is related to the heathen Kama Sutra, thus, it violates John 8:41!


My wife, however, buys this one. It's for me, not the kids.


Ezekiel 4:9
Take thou also unto thee wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentiles, and millet, and fitches, and put them in one vessel, and make thee bread thereof, according to the number of the days that thou shalt lie upon thy side, three hundred and ninety days shalt thou eat thereof.



Yours in Christ,

Elmer
There are lots of Ezekiel-products but I am little worried about the Bible they use. That is why I do not eat Ezekiel-products. I usually shoot everything I eat - that is food given by GOD

Last edited by Marko Loimaan-Aho; 01-05-2015 at 09:46 AM. Reason: typo
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Default Re: Anyone else have trouble getting their kids to eat Johnny Cat™ breakfast cereal? - 01-07-2015, 10:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
Have you tried boiling it up with a little water and salt to make porridge, Brother? If you have a really big pan, you can do it in bulk once a week. The kids can eat it hot on the first day and after that you can cut it into pieces and serve it as home-made granola bars. Economical and healthy.
I believe you would need more than a little water. Its pretty absorbent.


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“For false Christs and false prophets shall rise, and shall shew signs and wonders, to seduce, if it were possible, even the elect.”
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Default Re: Anyone else have trouble getting their kids to eat Johnny Cat™ breakfast cereal? - 01-08-2015, 03:27 AM

My assistant, Mariko, was under the desk cleaning something as I read this. Having finished, she popped up and happened to glance at the screen.

"Ohhhh, Herro Kitty!" she proclaimed, coughing a little from something in her throat.

Apparantly, Herro Kitty is some big thing in the Chinese state of Japan where she is from. Then based on this and the fact that it is super absorbent, it is probably a safe bet to assume that Jonny Cat is the American brand name of the Chinese product Herro Kitty, and therefore made of rice.

So what you need to do is add 1 cup of Jonny Cat to 2 cups of water. Bring it to a boil, cover, reduce the heat, and simmer for 15 minutes. Then season as desired and serve. Remember the 2 to 1 ratio for water & Jonny Cat and you'll be making batches as big or small as you need..


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Default Re: Anyone else have trouble getting their kids to eat Johnny Cat™ breakfast cereal? - 01-09-2015, 07:49 AM

The doctors tell me that the shrew has slipped into a coma...but I know better! She's faking it to get a vacation from her domestic duties. She'll taste my boot for this!

In the meantime, I am still trying to get the kids to put a dent in that pallet of Johnny Cat. Ironically, my attempts at force-feeding have backfired on me...apparently, it is nearly impossible to chew Johnny cat with a mouthful of busted teeth....sigh...I guess I'll try making a slurry of it in the blender and syphon it into their nasal cavities whilst they sleep off the chloroform.

I've had enough of this woman's work!
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Default Re: Anyone else have trouble getting their kids to eat Johnny Cat™ breakfast cereal? - 01-09-2015, 08:33 AM

Maybe the best response, might be to buy a pussy.


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Default Re: Anyone else have trouble getting their kids to eat Johnny Cat™ breakfast cereal? - 01-10-2015, 03:47 PM

Brother witch hammer,
I don't have many experiences with children since an unfortunate incident that doesn't allow me to go near them.
But it appears the me that the problem might be that they need a bit of coca cola together with the cereals.
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Default Re: Anyone else have trouble getting their kids to eat Johnny Cat™ breakfast cereal? - 01-11-2015, 11:40 PM

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Originally Posted by Titus Templeton View Post
Brother witch hammer,
I don't have many experiences with children since an unfortunate incident that doesn't allow me to go near them.
But it appears the me that the problem might be that they need a bit of coca cola together with the cereals.
You mean as a treat, after they have finished all the cereals?


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
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Default Re: Anyone else have trouble getting their kids to eat Johnny Cat™ breakfast cereal? - 01-22-2015, 12:57 AM

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Originally Posted by Des View Post
So what you need to do is add 1 cup of Jonny Cat to 2 cups of water. Bring it to a boil, cover, reduce the heat, and simmer for 15 minutes. Then season as desired and serve. Remember the 2 to 1 ratio for water & Jonny Cat and you'll be making batches as big or small as you need..
I dont want to seem like a nit-picky Nahum here, but that sound an awful lot like womans work. In God's eyes a man in the kitchen is not far from a homosexual on his knees.

Witch Hammer did mention his wife was in a "coma", maybe she is in some sort of Satanic trance. I have never read the word "Coma" in the Bible, sounds sinful, lazy at the very least. I suggest he consider giving her a good smiting. Exodus 22:18 Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.

50 shekels should get him a "Rape Wife" able to handle the complexities of "Boiling Water" whatever witchcraft that is. Maybe smite her too, for her own good. Exodus 22:18 Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.
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Default Re: Anyone else have trouble getting their kids to eat Johnny Cat™ breakfast cereal? - 01-22-2015, 01:43 AM

Living here in the hinterlands, as I do, I often miss the new and more popular food items. We are resistant to change and unusual ideas often fail in these parts. I myself am more liberal and willing to try new things. I have been eating pizza for over ten years, as an example.

I am not familiar with this cereal, Johnny Cat. I am more of an oatmeal man myself. Mrs. Moss says it involves boiling water and I am sure she is correct. She is often in the kitchen while cook is preparing my breakfast and she would have an opportunity to see how it is done. Curiously, I have never seen any water in the oatmeal, though cook serves it with a little milk. I don't use honey at breakfast to remind myself of the suffering of the unsaved and to strengthen my vow to bring them to Jesus if He will have them.


God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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