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The Corona Virus Among the seven last plagues.

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Default Landover Baptist COVID Pool - 07-06-2020, 04:43 AM
Anyone who wants to enter the Landover Baptist COVID pool should send me a private message ASAP. The rules ares simple--you put $5,000 in the pool, then get a negative PCR test to show you don't already have the virus. After that, the first person to get a confirmed positive PCR test wins the entire pool, less, of course, a 20% tithe that will go to the Pastor Ezekiel Flint Parsonage Swimming Pool Renovation fund. It really is time that we stopped making the good pastor's Filipino poolboys walk all the way from the west side of the pool to get to the cabana on the east side. The new west side cabana is a critical need!

Good luck to all of our entrants!

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Rebuke Re: Landover Baptist COVID Pool - 07-06-2020, 04:49 AM
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Originally Posted by WWJDnow View Post
of course, a 20% tithe that will go to the Pastor Ezekiel Flint Parsonage Swimming Pool Renovation fund.!
33.3333%. As always!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Landover Baptist COVID Pool - 07-09-2020, 09:44 AM
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The rules ares simple--you put $5,000 in the pool, then get a negative PCR test to show you don't already have the virus.
If an entrant tests positive on the initial test do they get the $5,000 they put in back?

Close minded people are just right people who don't want to spend time arguing.
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Default Re: Landover Baptist COVID Pool - 07-09-2020, 10:36 AM
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If an entrant tests positive on the initial test do they get the $5,000 they put in back?
They won't test positive if they're Christians.
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Default Re: Landover Baptist COVID Pool - 07-18-2020, 08:27 PM
Congratulations to Brother James MacDonald on winning the $1.7 million payout from the LBC COVID pool with the first confirmed positive COVID test!

Unfortunately, Brother MacDonald is no longer with us, having passed on two days ago from what appears to have been a very bad case of the flu. However, we will distribute the winnings to Mac's heirs once his will clears probate. I'm sure that Mac is in Heaven now, basking in his victory as he sits at the right hand of Jesus.

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Default Re: Landover Baptist COVID Pool - 07-18-2020, 08:49 PM
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However, we will distribute the winnings to Mac's heirs once his will clears probate.
Hang on, Brother Dnow - was that in the small print? Because we read it very carefully and there was no mention of heirs benefiting in the event of death. This is very worrying indeed - can we be sure that all the heirs are True Christians™?


My husband suggests that it might be less controversial to return the $1.7m to the pot or, better still, add it to one of Pastor Zeke's funds. (He's still waiting for that new aircraft, you know.)

Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Default Re: Landover Baptist COVID Pool - 07-18-2020, 09:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
This is very worrying indeed - can we be sure that all the heirs are True Christians™?

My husband suggests that it might be less controversial to return the $1.7m to the pot or, better still, add it to one of Pastor Zeke's funds. (He's still waiting for that new aircraft, you know.)
Great idea! With any luck, Brother MacDonald will have specified exactly that in his will. Otherwise, we'll have to run this by our Jewish lawyers.

Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
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