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Guns The Official Deity Bodycount chatter thread - 09-02-2007, 09:43 AM

Some body count you xtians have got there!



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 08-25-2022 at 09:38 PM. Reason: Link
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 09-03-2007, 05:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Some body count you xtians have got there!
So, I take it that you're finally converting?

OK, let's start with tithing information, VISA, Mastercard, or American Express?


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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 09-03-2007, 03:28 PM

What a pleasure serving such a Kickass™ God!


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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 09-04-2007, 02:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond View Post
So, I take it that you're finally converting?
Where on Earth did you get that idea?

Quote:
OK, let's start with tithing information, VISA, Mastercard, or American Express?
Let's not.



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 09-04-2007, 06:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Where on Earth did you get that idea?


Let's not.
Dear Ms. Van Buttspring! Our JOO lawyers have completed an accounting review of the people who use the forum most but haven't ponied up. Your share comes to US$8,621.66. Please remit the amount, in full, within the next week.

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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 09-04-2007, 06:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Dear Ms. Van Buttspring! Our JOO lawyers have completed an accounting review of the people who use the forum most but haven't ponied up. Your share comes to US$8,621.66. Please remit the amount, in full, within the next week.

Thanks
Pastor Al.
Lo siento, sir, pero no entiendo inglés. No puedo entender las implicaciones de estas figuras numéricas que has presentado aquí. ¿Aparece ser una piña atada a una parte muy inconveniente de tu anatomía, no?



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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 09-04-2007, 12:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Lo siento, sir, pero no entiendo inglés. No puedo entender las implicaciones de estas figuras numéricas que has presentado aquí. ¿Aparece ser una piña atada a una parte muy inconveniente de tu anatomía, no?
What's that? You're looking for a job now? You can cook, clean and do other maid duties, wink wink? We don't hire people to wink here!


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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 09-04-2007, 11:17 PM

Actually, I was asking the good Pastor if his grouchiness is related to a pineapple stuck.....never mind.



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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 09-27-2007, 11:51 PM

What???
What awful online translator did you use?
There was nothing about hand grenade in the original, it couldn't distinguish pineapple from hand grenade??? Eesh!



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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 10-01-2007, 06:50 AM

Unfortunatly Hitler was an occultic satanist so we may not be able to count those. Too bad, alot of jews in there. I was wondering also if you can break that count down by denomination. Seems like the catholics have pulled way ahead. Got any ideas how we baptists could ever catch up.
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 10-01-2007, 07:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Al Shipton View Post
Unfortunatly Hitler was an occultic satanist so we may not be able to count those. Too bad, alot of jews in there. I was wondering also if you can break that count down by denomination. Seems like the catholics have pulled way ahead. Got any ideas how we baptists could ever catch up.
The book of Revelations holds the answer to that question. Praise Jesus! God is a killer. Jesus will return as a warrior. Look at the Book of Revelations and you'll find out that Jesus is going to come back as a killer. And don't you forget that. God will kill a third of the population, a third of the earth.

Quote:
Revelations 19:12 His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself.
19:13 And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God.
19:14 And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean.
19:15 And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God.
19:16 And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.
Now THAT gets an AMEN! Shout it at the top of your lungs boy! AMEN!!!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 10-09-2007, 06:51 PM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Dear Ms. Van Buttspring! Our JOO lawyers have completed an accounting review of the people who use the forum most but haven't ponied up. Your share comes to US$8,621.66. Please remit the amount, in full, within the next week.

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Oooh how much do i owe?
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 10-09-2007, 08:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by cavinaugh17 View Post
Oooh how much do i owe?
Depends. You've already blasphemed the Holy Spirit, right? That's the one unforgivable sin, so if you've done it there's no salvation for you.

How much do the unsavable unsaved owe us? Once Biblical Law is returned to America, we will be providing faith-based services to heathens, services that will be paid for by user fees. How much will those fees be? Well, that depends if they stand still, or insist on being a moving target. Bullets are getting expensive these days, and for obvious reasons we will need payment in advance.


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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 10-09-2007, 08:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Lo siento, sir, pero no entiendo inglés. No puedo entender las implicaciones de estas figuras numéricas que has presentado aquí. ¿Aparece ser una piña atada a una parte muy inconveniente de tu anatomía, no?
I have no idea how I missed this!

I don't care if you don't speak English, you tart; I'll be happy to explain the amount you owe in any language you like, and SHOVE A GODDAMN PINEAPPLE UP YOUR OWN ASS!


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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 01-06-2008, 07:55 AM

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Originally Posted by Obey View Post
Only those who love the peace of Jesus deserve to live.
So why exactly is it that you're against Catholics?
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 01-06-2008, 07:58 AM

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Originally Posted by Black Dragon View Post
So why exactly is it that you're against Catholics?
Because they are satanists. Take a look at THIS.

Now maybe you can tell us why exactly you hate Jesus?


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 05-24-2008, 02:42 PM

But surely, fellow christains, this means that we are losing the war. only a quarter of a billion people killed in our lords name in history and yet more heathens than that live today. Shouldwe not step up the crusade in the name of the lord and take the fight to the heathens
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 05-24-2008, 02:56 PM

Just wait until we bomb Iran!! Venezuela is next!! Free the oil fields!


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 05-24-2008, 04:41 PM

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Originally Posted by Winston_Smith View Post
But surely, fellow christains
You may consider yourself a "christain", but we, sir, are Christians. True Christians™.


Posted via Prayer

1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

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Default Re: The official deity bodycount - 05-28-2008, 03:58 PM

Praise Jesus, Mr. Thurmond!

I, for one, will be encouraging certain members of my congregation to join God's American Army so they may give their lives in His service, bringing the Word across the World!
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