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The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

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Rev. Smitty McGee Rev. Smitty McGee is offline
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Default Greetings Brothers and Sisters in Christ™ - 09-22-2006, 01:46 AM

Well I don't normally make use of the Internet, or Satan's Porn Pipe as I call it, but a member of my congregation made your site known to me while we were waiting to hurl a Holy hailstorm of scripture and feces at harlots and babykillers in front of the local fetus mill. I must say, I like what I see. In a medium so overrun with homos and wiccans and Everquest players (Oh my), I'm happy to see that someone is out there trying to spread God's Glory and Jesus' undeniable will.

This is surely a Blessing™ for me. In my waning years my voice isn't what it used to be. I can only deliver my verbal Holy Judgement Bludgeonings for 10 to 11 hours now before it gives out, after which I am reduced to handing out pamphlets and scowling at goths and girly men. Now I can dispense God's will 24 hours a day!

That is, of course, if you decent folks will grant me your approval.

Yours in Christ™,
The Reverend Smitty McGee
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Default 09-22-2006, 01:51 AM

Welcome Reverind.

Nice to see someone who dislikes homers as much as I do.


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Default 09-22-2006, 06:05 AM

Bah. It's a goth in disguise trying to make a mockery of our GODLY church!


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default 09-22-2006, 12:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Bah. It's a goth in disguise trying to make a mockery of our GODLY church!
Praise Jesus! No one can put one over on Pastor Pistle!!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Talitha Talitha is offline
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Default 09-22-2006, 12:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Bah. It's a goth in disguise trying to make a mockery of our GODLY church!
Is this true Smitty McGee?

I challenge you to show your true self if you are a Demon.



Sister Talitha

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HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default 09-22-2006, 06:06 PM

How can you tell?


Soon in Christ
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Rev. Smitty McGee Rev. Smitty McGee is offline
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Default 09-22-2006, 08:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Bah. It's a goth in disguise trying to make a mockery of our GODLY church!

I like the cut of your jib, Pastor. Never trust anyone but Jesus™! That's my motto. If they're too friendly then they're probably just a homer trying to get at your sphincter.

As for the rest of you, my Jesuslike-ness is beyond reproach. Question it, and you'll be in for a Holy Awakening courtesy of my Blessed 2x4.

Sister Talitha - A: I take no orders from anyone but God Almighty™, and certainly not from anything lacking a set of male genetalia. B: Even if you weren't a baby-slinger, I am no demon, and therefore reject your challenge.

Last edited by Rev. Smitty McGee; 09-22-2006 at 08:18 PM.
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Default 09-22-2006, 08:17 PM

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Originally Posted by andrewisI View Post
How can you tell?
You just know, son, you just know...
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Default 09-22-2006, 10:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by andrewisI View Post
How can you tell?
The uninitiated must use the "Don Rogers" method, or you may do your own Internet search for "interrogating demons". But watch out! The catlicks stuck a bunch of their blarney in there to confuse people.

by Don Rogers
When I first began to minister to the demonized over 40 years ago, all I knew to do for the people I was ministering to was to pray for their bondage to be broken. At the time this was a new type of ministry for me and I had no training to equip me for it. There was very little literature available and what was available was not always good.
As I relied on prayer, the cases usually took a long time before we got breakthroughs. During this time I was asking God for wisdom and guidance, so that I could be more effective in serving Him. As time went on, I learned that some in deliverance were interrogating demons to provide the information needed to deal with them effectively. I remembered that Jesus had asked the Gadarene demoniac his name and he said it was "Legion."
So for a few years I began to interrogate demons. As I did so, their manifestations became more prominent. Often they would come to the surface and I could see their individual characters in the eyes and facial expressions of the victims. They were often vehement, spewing forth intimidating and profane language directed against me and my family. There was also considerable violent behavior. During this time, there was something very unsettling in my spirit about what was happening. God had given me grace not to yield to fear, but still I believed that something was wrong. I knew that demons were liars by nature and that they served the father of lies (Jn 8:44). Even though I was growing in my understanding as to how to exercise Christ's authority against them, I knew in my heart often the best I was going to get out of them were "half-truths" which are more misleading than overt lies. I also began to realize that when Jesus asked for the Gadarene demoniac's name, it was for our benefit in understanding the magnitude of some demonizations. Jesus did not have to ask for his name in order to deal with him. The Holy Spirit guided Him in all things.
I began to ask God a lot of questions. I wanted to know how to be a better servant. I desire to be more effective against the enemy, not giving him even an inch. I was concerned about how other deliverance ministries seemed to be focused on demonic manifestations and seemed to relish in them in order to receive peoples' validation concerning what they were doing.
My background was formed in conservative evangelicalism. I was taught that many of the sign gifts were not for today. I didn't realize it at the time, but what I was really being taught was that God had changed! There was a strong appreciation to rely upon the word of God, but often man's theology got in the way. I began to see a number of people to whom I was ministering have their spiritual gifts released and made operational. Many would even assist in their own deliverance, telling me what the enemy was doing to resist me. The sessions became more powerful in the Lord than ever before. I went back to the word of God with new insights and came to the realization that what I had been taught was in error. So, I asked a couple of very gifted people, who apparently were called to ministry, to assist me. Immediately, the effectiveness of the ministry was raised. Over the years, in my association with gifted people, my own gifts have come to the forefront and been enhanced as well.
When spiritual gifts began to be used in our ministry, I ceased to interrogate demons any longer. When I took this step of faith, the Lord began to show me why He had directed me in this manner. Unknowingly, when I had relied upon interrogation of the enemy, I was giving the enemy more power to resist me. By commanding them to communicate with me, I was giving them control of parts of the victims' brains, especially the speech center. I was giving the enemy the opportunity to demonstrate his vileness and provided him with the opportunity to deceive and resist.
I believe in a confrontational ministry, but only to the point that I confront them in the power of the Lord. I made a covenant with the Lord. I told him that I wanted to be the best that I could be in serving Him and bringing credibility to this type of ministry. I did not believe that continuous and regular demonic manifestations during ministry was honoring to Him or to a ministry that serves Him. I asked Him to shut down this type of activity or enable us to do so. I desired that this ministry have the witness of the Holy Spirit behind it, not the witness of demons and their activity. I didn't need the approval of people, only the Lord.
Immediately, the spiritual atmosphere of our ministry changed. It was transformed into a very calm and gentle ministry, but very powerful. Any demonic manifestations were quickly shut down. Demons were immediately silenced. Not only were deliverances enhanced, they were done more quickly and healing of the demonic destruction became more prominent. Needless to say, as soon as we started to rely completely on the Holy Spirit, the enemy counter-attacked with vengeance. My own church asked me to leave, because I was using spiritual gifts in my ministry. Other churches and Christian friends began to slander me and black-ball me and treat me like a heretic. When I visited church elder boards to explain the biblical basis for our change of ministry, they did not want to examine the Bible with me, because I was already in conflict with their theology. What does a person do when there is an unjustified, widespread activity to discredit them? Letters were being sent to other churches to inform them of the error in which I had become involved. There is only one thing you can do; trust the Lord. I said to the Lord, that He knew my heart. I was relying upon Him to be my protector. There was no other means that I could protect myself, without relying upon the flesh. So, I trust in Him to take me through the fire and today our ministry is widely respected. We are even in a referral network of Christian psychologists and psychiatrists. Isn't our God great!!
I mentioned that healing became more prominent in our ministry. I came to realize that deliverance and healing were inseparable. God wants to heal and restore what the enemy has sort to destroy. I count it a privilege to see God do miracles constantly before my eyes. Often God starts working upon the individual even before I start to minister. When people enter our ministry office, they sense the presence of the Lord. Many have seen, with their spiritual gifts, the two angels that God has assigned to me as I lay hands on the victims and minister deliverance and healing. Sometimes I sense their presence, but I have never seen them. They are there to assist me and to provide protection. I often call upon God to send in angels to assist me when I run into stiff resistance. They not only serve God's people, but the are harvesters of that which is evil. Upon occasion there has been a visible manifestation of the tug of war between these two forces.
I find that God is using our ministry to give people breakthroughs and an opportunity for a new start in life. Much of what is accomplished happens after they leave us. God is not interested in glorifying us. He wants to strengthen and enhance their intimacy with Him. They should not continue to depend upon us. In the weeks that follow, new freedoms are introduced into their lives as they are ready to receive them. They are accountable to be obedient to what God show them and asks of them. We challenge them to fortify their minds with the word of God, especially His promises, through the good offices of Landover Baptist Church. We have stacks of letters recounting the dramatic changes that take place in the 4 - 6 weeks that follow. Healing continues and sometimes a measure of deliverance continues.
Our ministry is not meant to be a magic wand that relieves people of their problems, so that they can go back and lead their lives as usual. As we initially screen the people that come to us, their motivation for seeking help is an important consideration. God has called us to challenge them to become disciples of the Lord, to be accountable for their lives before Him. There can be no compromise with the world or with the enemy. No one can serve two masters. They have to be honest with themselves, with others and with the Lord. Those who have been set free will remain free as long as they trust and obey the Lord. If they choose to consistently yield to the enemy or the world and rebel against God, they will in all likelihood go back into bondage. The choice is theirs.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Talitha Talitha is offline
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Default 09-22-2006, 10:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Smitty McGee View Post

Sister Talitha - A: I take no orders from anyone but God Almighty™, and certainly not from anything lacking a set of male genetalia. B: Even if you weren't a baby-slinger, I am no demon, and therefore reject your challenge.
Mr McGee, until you have proven yourself on these Godly Boards then I suggest you show respect for those of us who are True Christians.
As a Triple-Platinum Tither at Landover, I'm afraid your insulting words cause me no fear.
A Senior Pastor has already called you out as a phoney, and unless you prove otherwise, I follow the words of our Lord, The Bible(KJV1611) and the word of our Pastors.
Further, if you come any where near my new home at Freehold, my Security guards will have no option but to treat you no better than a Pie-thieving Negra.
My lack of Male Genitalia is more than compensated by the rather large ba**s of my 4 Bodyguards and my pack of Kitler Tomcats.

So, until God, My Pastor or my Bible(KJV1611) tells me otherwise I suggest you get some in serious Tithing and make some rather large Loving donations to Jesus Christ Our Saviour.

Have you noticed the Paypal button at the bottom of the screen?
That's just for you!


Brother Andrew, we have our own "ways" of checking for Demons. We even have our very own Demon Hunt.
Permits can be arranged through a Pastor.


.



Sister Talitha

Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default 09-22-2006, 10:22 PM

Just to be on the safe side I won't be cooling any pies on MY windowsill this weekend.



Suspicious, Sister Thumper




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Talitha Talitha is offline
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Default 09-22-2006, 10:26 PM

Don't worry Sister Thumper, I have a sniper covering both of our homes. If any Demon or Negra gets anywhere near, well, .....you know

Just to be on the safe side, my Pies for Sunday after Church are already prepared.



Sister Talitha

Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Rev. Smitty McGee Rev. Smitty McGee is offline
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Default 09-23-2006, 12:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
Mr McGee, until you have proven yourself on these Godly Boards then I suggest you show respect for those of us who are True Christians.
As a Triple-Platinum Tither at Landover, I'm afraid your insulting words cause me no fear.
Point taken sister. A member of my congregation explained to me that a "moderator" means "very good Christian," so long as the word "fanart" is never displayed on the forum with any degree of seriousness.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
A Senior Pastor has already called you out as a phoney, and unless you prove otherwise, I follow the words of our Lord, The Bible(KJV1611) and the word of our Pastors.
I would follow nothing less and condemn to Hell those who don't.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
Further, if you come any where near my new home at Freehold, my Security guards will have no option but to treat you no better than a Pie-thieving Negra.
There's plenty of The Lord's™ work to do here in Lynchburg. Plenty of pie-thieving negras too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
My lack of Male Genitalia is more than compensated by the rather large ba**s of my 4 Bodyguards and my pack of Kitler Tomcats.
Truly The Lord™ works in mysterious ways.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
So, until God, My Pastor or my Bible(KJV1611) tells me otherwise I suggest you get some in serious Tithing and make some rather large Loving donations to Jesus Christ Our Saviour.

"Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith..."


- Matthew 23:23

I shall speak to one of my congregation about opening one of these "PayPal" accounts.
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SalvationSeeker has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureSalvationSeeker has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureSalvationSeeker has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureSalvationSeeker has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureSalvationSeeker has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureSalvationSeeker has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureSalvationSeeker has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureSalvationSeeker has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureSalvationSeeker has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureSalvationSeeker has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureSalvationSeeker has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default 09-23-2006, 04:18 AM

Well, due to the fact that you have shown wisdom in regards to baptism (as demonstrated in the demonology thread) I will give you the benefit of the doubt for now, and offer a cautious Welcome to you.


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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