[Nobar King]

How can pirates be stopped?

US military chiefs are preparing to bolster their forces on the Horn of Africa to help tackle Somali pirates who are holding a US captain hostage. How can the pirates be defeated?

Post your suggestions here:

[JennyD]

Arm all cargo ships and blow them out of the water.

Death penalty for piracy.

[Palmer C. Eldrich]

Cargo ships should have more ninjas on them.

[Brother_Percy]

Originally Posted by Nobar King

How can pirates be stopped?

US military chiefs are preparing to bolster their forces on the Horn of Africa to help tackle Somali pirates who are holding a US captain hostage. How can the pirates be defeated?

Post your suggestions here:

People have to learn to say no to piracy. Piracy is used to fund crime and criminal activities, and pirate quality is nowhere near as good as you'd get in cinemas.

It starts in the home, tell your children to stop downloading pirated videos. If you find any pirate dvds or videos in your child's room, they should be disciplined. If anyone offers you a pirate dvd or video, call the Police Department immediately. Tell them where and when you were offered pirates, and describe the man who tried to sell them to you. Also, tell your friends to do the same.

We must spread the word that piracy is wrong, illegal and unethical. It is just the same as theft, and a terrible crime. You wouldnt walk into a store and steal a movie, so why are so many people willing to buy a pirate ? It is exactly the same thing.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

I hold them spaghetti monster worshippers to blame! They seem obsessed with pirates, their false god has encouraged many jigaboos to take up iniquitous crimes against honest merchants. The Lord needs us to rid the world of these scum!

Sister JennyD, the death penalty is the only language they understand yet this implies a trial! Why should they be given a trial? Did they give their victims a trial? Where's the lynch-mob when you want one? Floating gallows (or for artistic effect, a floating tree)! That's the answer! (There's plenty of people we know who could do the job. )

[Brother_Percy]

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

I hold them spaghetti monster worshippers to blame! They seem obsessed with pirates, their false god has encouraged many jigaboos to take up iniquitous crimes against honest merchants. The Lord needs us to rid the world of these scum!

Exactly Brother Bathfire. This scum needs to pay for their crimes! People who try to sell you pirates are quite often junkies or drug addicts. They will use the money you give them to buy more drugs, and also give drugs to innocent children.

I would just like to add, if you see anyone in the cinema looking suspicious, either with a video camera or holding their camera-phone up towards the cinema screen, inform one of the cinema staff immediately. Or else call the Police yourself. Piracy is theft, and theft is a crime.

[Dr. Zaius]

I stopped buying slices at the local pizzeria after I heard that there were rats in the back.

[Bobby-Joe]

I think we need to let the Freemarket decided this piracy issue. After all these pirates are helping themselves up by the boot straps kind of guys. Instead of starving in Somalia they get off their lazy butts and go take over a cargo vessel and kill the crew. We could use some of that can-do attitude the Somalis have here in America.

The real problem is the navy patrol vessels, this nanny state socialized military nonsense means the cargo ships crew aren't defending themselves. They just let their throats be cut and valuable cargo stolen from hard working ship owners like the lazy union looters they are.

[Brother Temperance]

Maybe instead of going along with Obama's Godless socialist ideas, we should attempt to salvage the economy by raising taxes on eyepatches, wooden legs and parrots? That would simultaneously boost the economy and help discourage piracy.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Brothers and sisters in Christ, I have a plan that will, if not eliminate, at least greatly reduce the pirate population of the world.

It turns out that most of these pirates are from a mysterious land called "Someali." I have been told by sources within the DOF that "Someali" actually has no government. That's right! No police force, no president, no schools, no armies, nothing!

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

The Board of Deacons is holding an emergency meeting on Saturday to discuss this matter further. I'm going to propose we send Brother Wide-Open and Brother Temperance to establish a second True Christian™ homeland, where the Holy KJV Bible is the law of the land! GLORY!!!

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

The Board of Deacons is holding an emergency meeting on Saturday to discuss this matter further. I'm going to propose we send Brother Wide-Open and Brother Temperance to establish a second True Christian™ homeland, where the Holy KJV Bible is the law of the land! GLORY!!!

May I request that we be accompanied by Ron Paul? I don't agree with some of that boy's liberal positions, but I admire his commitment to rolling back big government, and I feel that he deserves the chance to try living in a truly libertarian society, with no socialistic Red tape whatsoever.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

These are Somali "pirates" in their "pirate ship".

This is an American Destroyer.

This is the "pirate ship" after refusing to be boarded by sailors on the American Destroyer.

Seems simple to me.

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by Brother Temperance

May I request that we be accompanied by Ron Paul? I don't agree with some of that boy's liberal positions, but I admire his commitment to rolling back big government, and I feel that he deserves the chance to try living in a truly libertarian society, with no socialistic Red tape whatsoever.

Wow, I think Zeke may be on to something here. This Solimia sounds like paradise. All those fat cat looters can just starve, only the best s

[SayvedByTheLord]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Brothers and sisters in Christ, I have a plan that will, if not eliminate, at least greatly reduce the pirate population of the world.

It turns out that most of these pirates are from a mysterious land called "Someali." I have been told by sources within the DOF that "Someali" actually has no government. That's right! No police force, no president, no schools, no armies, nothing!

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

The Board of Deacons is holding an emergency meeting on Saturday to discuss this matter further. I'm going to propose we send Brother Wide-Open and Brother Temperance to establish a second True Christian™ homeland, where the Holy KJV Bible is the law of the land! GLORY!!!

It's about time that we went back there to bring the skinnys to Jesus. Several cruise missles should be good for a small start.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by SayvedByTheLord

It's about time that we went back there to bring the skinnys to Jesus. Several cruise missles should be good for a small start.

Honestly, I don't think we'd need more than a few Glocks. The country is just waiting to be ruled by Jesus.

[Nobar King]

We still have a few cases of Hershey's bars left over from last year's mission to Australia. The natives will love those, assuming that we can keep them from melting.

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by Nobar King

We still have a few cases of Hershey's bars left over from last year's mission to Australia. The natives will love those, assuming that we can keep them from melting.

If they melt, we can just sell them to the wogs as make-up. They'll be impressed either way.

[Wide-Open]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

The Board of Deacons is holding an emergency meeting on Saturday to discuss this matter further. I'm going to propose we send Brother Wide-Open and Brother Temperance to establish a second True Christian™ homeland, where the Holy KJV Bible is the law of the land! GLORY!!!

Excellent idea Pastor. I'm quite used to having no government, no police force, no president, no armies, and savages all around me. So count me in!

PS: can I go by plane? It somehow seems safer.

[eliot mayfield]

I would like to volunteer. I have experience at sea and I am very good with firearms as well as a compound bow which is fairly quiet for when stealth is an option.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

As much as I’d like to accompany you younger Brothers on this Godly mission, two things conspire against it:

1)I have to prepare for the Bathfire Vivisection Lecture on “Chinchillas, the Animal that is Immune from Pain.”
2)I felt a twinge in my back the other day and fear I might be more of a liability than an asset were I to go anywhere foreign.

Nevertheless, I feel I must do something for this Godly endeavor, therefore I have set myself the task of designing and creating a monument to those will give their lives for God in Somalia.

The thrust of the design will be cast in bronze and will depict a frenzied crown of demented jigaboos (some with eye-patches and/or parrots) hacking a True Christian to Death (Pastor Wide O has kindly agreed to pose) with machetes (piccaninnies in the background will be eating entrails) – Above, there will be a cloud with a hole in it through which a Perfectly formed finger will point, as if at the moment of smiting.

(This won’t be a cheap affair, so all donations gratefully received.)