[jennabenna]

Huh. I've read 58 of them. Guess I'm above average.
<----Racist, In case you hadn't figured this out yet.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by jennabenna

Huh. I've read 58 of them. Guess I'm bound for hell.

Fixed for accuracy.

[FeelsSoGood]

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Do you really think that you're the first troll to post that bit of blasphemey, boy?

Asking Dr. Laura about Christian matters is like asking a joo for a good pork roast recipe. Bad idea.

[proteastantguy]

If not already postet.
The toran.
The qoran.
Nb. As these books are so much filled with blasphemy, I won't mind spelling their names correctly.

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by proteastantguy

If not already postet.
The toran.

You know, for some reason I'm not really that keen on the idea of burning Genesis, Exodus, Numbers, Leviticus and Deuteronomy. Maybe that's just me.

[proteastantguy]

Originally Posted by Brother Temperance

You know, for some reason I'm not really that keen on the idea of burning Genesis, Exodus, Numbers, Leviticus and Deuteronomy. Maybe that's just me.

Ok maybe not the toran then, but at least the qoran!

[Sam Diamond]

Originally Posted by proteastantguy

Ok maybe not the toran then, but at least the qoran!

We had a very nice fire a month or so ago. I think be fired up close to 500 copies of the Queeran.

[proteastantguy]

Originally Posted by Sam Diamond

We had a very nice fire a month or so ago. I think be fired up close to 500 copies of the Queeran.

Huray for that, now we need to send those filthy blasphermers to mudslims to hell.

[FeelsSoGood]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Do you really think that you're the first troll to post that bit of blasphemey, boy?

Asking Dr. Laura about Christian matters is like asking a joo for a good pork roast recipe. Bad idea.

I'm not a boy. I'm probably 3x older than you.

And if you are going to pose yourself as an internet wack-job/televangelist, learn how to spell other's religious titles. (Jew)

There is a reason the rest of the world makes fun of you people. (well, aside from the 30 or so lonely people on this forum).

If someone calls you a piece of EXPLETIVE DELETED once, you should slap them.
If someone calls you a piece of EXPLETIVE DELETED twice, you should punch them in the nose.
If someone calls you a piece of EXPLETIVE DELETED a third time, it's probably time to take a shower.

Now get the hell out of the internet and start doing something to further your life, education, and credibility as a person. You are a piece of shit.

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by FeelsSoGood

And if you are going to pose yourself as an internet wack-job/televangelist, learn how to spell other's religious titles. (Jew)

If the Joos can't even show enough respect to not kill Christ, why should we show them the respect of spelling their name right?

There is a reason the rest of the world makes fun of you people. (well, aside from the 30 or so lonely people on this forum).

There is indeed. It's called Satan, and he is a pretty powerful influence over most of the world.

If someone calls you a piece of EXPLETIVE DELETED once, you should slap them.
If someone calls you a piece of EXPLETIVE DELETED twice, you should punch them in the nose.
If someone calls you a piece of EXPLETIVE DELETED a third time, it's probably time to take a shower.

What a ridiculous idea. So saying something three times makes it true, does it? You have basically taken Goebbels' dictum about a lie repeated often enough and added potty talk to it. Your parents must be so proud of you.
Now, you want to repent and get saved. You want to repent and get saved. You want to repent and get saved.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Brothers and Sisters,

I came home to find Mrs. Porter giftwrapping this abomination for some friend's brat that I don't even know. Knowing she purchased an item without my prior approval, she turned beet-red and sat down with her head in her hands. "It's just a children's book, dear." Uh huh, let's have a look.



Well, right off the bat this is unGodly. Not only is there no mention of God, Jesus or the Holy Bible on the cover, but "Horton Hears A Who"?? What kind of nonsense is this if an author can't even structure a book's title correctly?

The KJV1611 is quite clear in the primary responsibility of any author. Obviously, this writer hates God as surely as if he had relieved himself in our Church.

“If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God; if any man minister, let him do it as of the ability which God giveth: that God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom be praise and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 4:11 – KJV1611

Then the elephant. I've never seen a homosexual pachyderm, but this certainly must be one. The false eyelashes, the gay toupee and the sissy smile is simply revolting. Made me think that my Ruger No.1 in .458 Win Mag needs cleaning soon.

I confiscated the book and used the Google to research this "Dr. Seuss". Turns out this little man is a fraud. He never earned a PHD (and certainly not an MD) yet presents himself as a "Doctor". Something no Christian man would do. Even our beloved Kent Hovind put in the academic effort to earn his doctorate and respected title.

Not surprisingly, he was a liberal Democrat, supporter of FDR and his "New Deal" (that nearly destroyed our country) and addicted to psychotropic drugs as is evident in his Timothy Leary - influenced scribbles:

“I say!” murmured Horton. “I’ve never heard tell
Of a small speck of dust that is able to yell.
So you know what I think?…Why, I think that there must
Be someone on top of that small speck of dust!
Some sort of a creature of very small size,
too small to be seen by an elephant’s eyes…"

I told Muriel that if she really wants to give the 4 year old a Christian gift of value, she should pick up a Strong's Concordance or one of Lee Strobel's masterpieces in proving God and His Creation.

This one goes on the bonfire next Sunday.

[looking4mybrain]

I've read the Odyssey, and you have it all wrong. It's pretty much a man who's trying to get home to his wife. Sure he fights mythical creatures, but they add interest. Just because a man is named Homer (not even his real name, its a translation from Greek) doesn't make him gay.

As for my stance on book burning, I think knowledge should be preserved, not shunned. I'm writing a book, and I wouldn;t want to see my book bought just so it could be burned. How would you like it if someone started burning the KJV Bible?

[Brother Harold Porter]

Originally Posted by looking4god

I've read the Odyssey, and you have it all wrong. It's pretty much a man who's trying to get home to his wife. Sure he fights mythical creatures, but they add interest. Just because a man is named Homer (not even his real name, its a translation from Greek) doesn't make him gay.

As for my stance on book burning, I think knowledge should be preserved, not shunned. I'm writing a book, and I wouldn;t want to see my book bought just so it could be burned. How would you like it if someone started burning the KJV Bible?

Thank you for your Unsaved Trash opinion. It is noted and subsequently discarded.

This is not a forum to promote homosexuality or advocate books you are writing for Satan.

Do you love Jesus Christ or not?

In Him!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Originally Posted by jennabenna

Huh. I've read 58 of them. Guess I'm above average.
<----Racist, In case you hadn't figured this out yet.

there's someone else who says the smileys are racist, JellyBelly.

By the way, I agree, it's wrong that all the smileys are Asian.

Originally Posted by FeelsSoGood

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet . . .

As originally aired as part of an episode of The West Wing about 10 or 12 years ago.

You, sir, are no Martin Sheen.

[BelieverInGod]

Originally Posted by Brother Harold Porter

Brothers and Sisters,

I came home to find Mrs. Porter giftwrapping this abomination for some friend's brat that I don't even know. Knowing she purchased an item without my prior approval, she turned beet-red and sat down with her head in her hands. "It's just a children's book, dear." Uh huh, let's have a look.

Attachment 14140

Well, right off the bat this is unGodly. Not only is there no mention of God, Jesus or the Holy Bible on the cover, but "Horton Hears A Who"?? What kind of nonsense is this if an author can't even structure a book's title correctly?

The KJV1611 is quite clear in the primary responsibility of any author. Obviously, this writer hates God as surely as if he had relieved himself in our Church.

I thought this was an anti-abortion book? Isn't that what "a person is a person no matter how small" means?

[Johny Joe Hold]

Originally Posted by BelieverInGod

I thought this was an anti-abortion book? Isn't that what "a person is a person no matter how small" means?

Not only that, when the elephant character hears a unseen "small voice", it would naturally be God. Instead, the author makes up some other source of the voice.

I can imagine kids everywhere hearing the voice and assuming it is not God, but some other false thing from their imagination.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

Not only that, when the elephant character hears a unseen "small voice", it would naturally be God. Instead, the author makes up some other source of the voice.

I can imagine kids everywhere hearing the voice and assuming it is not God, but some other false thing from their imagination.

Exactly. He is promoting the use of LSD by tots in order that they may share his "trip". An evil man.

[looking4mybrain]

Originally Posted by Brother Harold Porter

Thank you for your Unsaved Trash opinion. It is noted and subsequently discarded.

This is not a forum to promote homosexuality or advocate books you are writing for Satan.

Do you love Jesus Christ or not?

In Him!

Thank you for your True Christian opinion. It is noted and subsequently discarded.

So, I see you didn't answer my original question: what if we started burning the KJV Bible? How would THAT feel?

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Originally Posted by looking4god

Thank you for your True Christian opinion. It is noted and subsequently discarded.

So, I see you didn't answer my original question: what if we started burning the KJV Bible? How would THAT feel?

I would probably feel angry. How would you feel burning in Hell for all eternity?