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Posts: 26
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I like turtles for dinner -
04-24-2010, 02:04 AM
The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree
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Forum Member
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Posts: 189
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Sept-Îles, Québec
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Re: I like turtles for dinner -
04-24-2010, 02:27 AM
Oh, you know how to cut and paste sarcastic nonsense, how nice for you!
Are you in possession of any original thoughts?
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: I like turtles for dinner -
04-24-2010, 02:45 AM
Jesus is NOT a Zombie!!!
Zombies and vampires rise from the dead to drink people's blood and turn them into blood-drinking slaves of darkness that never die.
Jesus rose from the dead to feed us his blood and turn us into blood-drinking slaves of Christ that never die.
That's a world of difference.
P.S. You promised turtle recipies, give us turtle recipies.
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
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Unsaved trash, vile demon
Under Investigation
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Posts: 19
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: on my knees in hell
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Re: I like turtles for dinner -
04-26-2010, 06:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond
Jesus is NOT a Zombie!!!
Zombies and vampires rise from the dead to drink people's blood and turn them into blood-drinking slaves of darkness that never die.
Jesus rose from the dead to feed us his blood and turn us into blood-drinking slaves of Christ that never die.
That's a world of difference.
P.S. You promised turtle recipies, give us turtle recipies.
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Sort of like an opposite zombie. Instead of him eating us, we eat him!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 419
Join Date: Mar 2010
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Re: I like turtles for dinner -
04-26-2010, 07:09 AM
The 80's called. They want their meme back.
May the call of Jihad be forever outshined, outmatched, and outlasted by the The LORD's Crusade, to the end of eternity and the extinction of mortal flesh. Let those who march against it in His name be as giants - pure of heart, strong of body, honored, invulnerable. May those warriors be burning stars in the firmament of battle, angels of death on shining wings, bringing swift annihilation to the enemies of CHRIST. Amen.
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Recovering Mormoon Cultist
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Posts: 66
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Midwest
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Re: I like turtles for dinner -
04-26-2010, 01:18 PM
Dang, what a let down. I came to this thread looking for turtle recipes because one of my son's turtles died, and the other one is looking kinda sick, thought that would save me going out hunting for road kill today.
But since this is the false religions forum, I just wanted to pop back in and say hello to all my friends here at Landover. I've been away for quite a while in my new false religion, and been very happy with it.
I'll light a candle for you.
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: I like turtles for dinner -
04-26-2010, 03:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flat Lander
thought that would save me going out hunting for road kill today.
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You don't hunt roadkill. It's already dead.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Recovering Mormoon Cultist
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Posts: 66
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Midwest
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Re: I like turtles for dinner -
04-26-2010, 03:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
You don't hunt roadkill. It's already dead.
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Thank you for your kindness in correcting my misstatement. I mean scavenging for road kill.
This is why I like coming here, everyone is so helpful and friendly, and loving, and filled with the spirit of happiness. Bless you.
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Honorary True Christian™
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: I like turtles for dinner -
04-26-2010, 03:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother_hippo
The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree
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Since you did not provide the promised turtle recipes I will do it for you.
Barbecued Turtle
~ 1 turtle, cut into serving pieces
~ 1 stalk celery, chopped
~ 1 bell pepper, chopped
~ 1 medium onion, chopped
~ 1/2 tsp vinegar
~ salt and pepper
~ 1 bottle of your favorite bbq sauce
Soak the turtle meat in salt water overnight or at least 1 hour.
In a large pot, place the turtle meat, celery, pepper, onion and vinegar. Salt and pepper to taste. Cover with water and bring to a boil.
Cover and simmer until meat is tender and ready to fall off the bone.
Remove meat and place into a baking dish. Pour the bbq sauce over the top. Bake at 375 degrees until sauce starts to bubble.
Reduce heat to 200 degrees and cook for 40 minutes. Baste often.
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Southern Twice Fried Turtle
~ 1 medium sized soft shell turtle, cut into serving size pieces
~ 2 cups flour
~ 1 tbsp black pepper
~ 1 tsp salt
~ 1 tsp garlic salt
~ 1 tsp onion powder
~ 1 tsp paprika
~ oil
In a large bowl, combine all of the dry ingredients
Fill a large cast iron skillet half full of oil. Heat to 325 degrees.
Coat the turtle pieces in the flour mixture and place in the hot oil.
Once turtle is browned, reduce heat to medium. After the oil has cooled to a slow fry, remove skillet from heat and add 1 cup of water. BE CAREFUL!!! Remember to remove the skillet from the stove in case of boil over. Remember oil and water don't like to mix. USE CAUTION!
Return the skillet to the stove. Cover and cook until all of the water has cooked out.
Uncover and fry turtle until it starts to get crispy. Remove and drain.
Serve with your favorite side dishes such as gravy, grits and biscuits.
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Whitey's Turtle - Not for Negroes
~ turtle meat
~ your favorite seasonings, seasoning salt, pepper, garlic powder, etc
~ flour
~ chopped onion, optional
~ minced garlic, optional
~ oil
Season the meat to taste with your favorite seasonings and then roll in flour.
Heat a little oil in a large skillet. Add the onion and garlic if desired.
Add the meat and brown on all sides. Remove.
Place the meat in a baking dish. Add about a 1/4" of water.
Cover and cook at 300 degrees for 3 hours. Add water as needed.
Serve with your favorite side dishes.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 855
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Nunavut
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Re: I like turtles for dinner -
05-01-2010, 08:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer
Since you did not provide the promised turtle recipes I will do it for you.
Barbecued Turtle
~ 1 turtle, cut into serving pieces
~ 1 stalk celery, chopped
~ 1 bell pepper, chopped
~ 1 medium onion, chopped
~ 1/2 tsp vinegar
~ salt and pepper
~ 1 bottle of your favorite bbq sauce
Soak the turtle meat in salt water overnight or at least 1 hour.
In a large pot, place the turtle meat, celery, pepper, onion and vinegar. Salt and pepper to taste. Cover with water and bring to a boil.
Cover and simmer until meat is tender and ready to fall off the bone.
Remove meat and place into a baking dish. Pour the bbq sauce over the top. Bake at 375 degrees until sauce starts to bubble.
Reduce heat to 200 degrees and cook for 40 minutes. Baste often.
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Southern Twice Fried Turtle
~ 1 medium sized soft shell turtle, cut into serving size pieces
~ 2 cups flour
~ 1 tbsp black pepper
~ 1 tsp salt
~ 1 tsp garlic salt
~ 1 tsp onion powder
~ 1 tsp paprika
~ oil
In a large bowl, combine all of the dry ingredients
Fill a large cast iron skillet half full of oil. Heat to 325 degrees.
Coat the turtle pieces in the flour mixture and place in the hot oil.
Once turtle is browned, reduce heat to medium. After the oil has cooled to a slow fry, remove skillet from heat and add 1 cup of water. BE CAREFUL!!! Remember to remove the skillet from the stove in case of boil over. Remember oil and water don't like to mix. USE CAUTION!
Return the skillet to the stove. Cover and cook until all of the water has cooked out.
Uncover and fry turtle until it starts to get crispy. Remove and drain.
Serve with your favorite side dishes such as gravy, grits and biscuits.
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Whitey's Turtle - Not for Negroes
~ turtle meat
~ your favorite seasonings, seasoning salt, pepper, garlic powder, etc
~ flour
~ chopped onion, optional
~ minced garlic, optional
~ oil
Season the meat to taste with your favorite seasonings and then roll in flour.
Heat a little oil in a large skillet. Add the onion and garlic if desired.
Add the meat and brown on all sides. Remove.
Place the meat in a baking dish. Add about a 1/4" of water.
Cover and cook at 300 degrees for 3 hours. Add water as needed.
Serve with your favorite side dishes.
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It seems turtles are complicated to prepare. I prefer my great-grandmother's recipe for baby seals, passed down to her through a hundred generations.
Ingredients:
1 baby seal
1 club
Directions:
Apply club to baby seal head
Eat baby seal
I am not a traditionalist, however. I occasionally add salt.
Exodus 22:20 He that sacrificeth unto any god, save unto the LORD only, he shall be utterly destroyed.
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Fourm Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 9,264
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: On my way to Paradise
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Re: I like turtles for dinner -
05-01-2010, 06:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
You don't hunt roadkill. It's already dead.
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Well I guess if you hit the backroads with the old pickup you could classify it as "hunting". Don't think you even need a permit for that.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: I like turtles for dinner -
05-01-2010, 06:07 PM
Turtles are too slow for a fun hunt, I prefer to kill and eat animals that are more challenging to kill.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: I like turtles for dinner -
05-01-2010, 06:16 PM
But the turtles taste so good! If you handicap yourself properly you can make it a challenging hunt. (like Arnold Palmer, not Stephen Hawking).
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: I like turtles for dinner -
05-01-2010, 06:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
But the turtles taste so good! If you handicap yourself properly you can make it a challenging hunt. (like Arnold Palmer, not Stephen Hawking).
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Ok, I will give that a try.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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