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Talking I like turtles for dinner - 04-24-2010, 02:04 AM

The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree
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Default Re: I like turtles for dinner - 04-24-2010, 02:27 AM

Oh, you know how to cut and paste sarcastic nonsense, how nice for you!

Are you in possession of any original thoughts?
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Default Re: I like turtles for dinner - 04-24-2010, 02:45 AM

Jesus is NOT a Zombie!!!

Zombies and vampires rise from the dead to drink people's blood and turn them into blood-drinking slaves of darkness that never die.

Jesus rose from the dead to feed us his blood and turn us into blood-drinking slaves of Christ that never die.

That's a world of difference.

P.S. You promised turtle recipies, give us turtle recipies.
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Default Re: I like turtles for dinner - 04-26-2010, 06:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond View Post
Jesus is NOT a Zombie!!!

Zombies and vampires rise from the dead to drink people's blood and turn them into blood-drinking slaves of darkness that never die.

Jesus rose from the dead to feed us his blood and turn us into blood-drinking slaves of Christ that never die.

That's a world of difference.

P.S. You promised turtle recipies, give us turtle recipies.
Sort of like an opposite zombie. Instead of him eating us, we eat him!
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Default Re: I like turtles for dinner - 04-26-2010, 07:09 AM

The 80's called. They want their meme back.


May the call of Jihad be forever outshined, outmatched, and outlasted by the The LORD's Crusade, to the end of eternity and the extinction of mortal flesh. Let those who march against it in His name be as giants - pure of heart, strong of body, honored, invulnerable. May those warriors be burning stars in the firmament of battle, angels of death on shining wings, bringing swift annihilation to the enemies of CHRIST. Amen.
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Default Re: I like turtles for dinner - 04-26-2010, 01:18 PM

Dang, what a let down. I came to this thread looking for turtle recipes because one of my son's turtles died, and the other one is looking kinda sick, thought that would save me going out hunting for road kill today.

But since this is the false religions forum, I just wanted to pop back in and say hello to all my friends here at Landover. I've been away for quite a while in my new false religion, and been very happy with it.

I'll light a candle for you.


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Default Re: I like turtles for dinner - 04-26-2010, 03:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Flat Lander View Post
thought that would save me going out hunting for road kill today.
You don't hunt roadkill. It's already dead.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: I like turtles for dinner - 04-26-2010, 03:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
You don't hunt roadkill. It's already dead.
Thank you for your kindness in correcting my misstatement. I mean scavenging for road kill.

This is why I like coming here, everyone is so helpful and friendly, and loving, and filled with the spirit of happiness. Bless you.


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Default Re: I like turtles for dinner - 04-26-2010, 03:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother_hippo View Post
The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree
Since you did not provide the promised turtle recipes I will do it for you.

Barbecued Turtle

~ 1 turtle, cut into serving pieces
~ 1 stalk celery, chopped
~ 1 bell pepper, chopped
~ 1 medium onion, chopped
~ 1/2 tsp vinegar
~ salt and pepper
~ 1 bottle of your favorite bbq sauce
Soak the turtle meat in salt water overnight or at least 1 hour.

In a large pot, place the turtle meat, celery, pepper, onion and vinegar. Salt and pepper to taste. Cover with water and bring to a boil.

Cover and simmer until meat is tender and ready to fall off the bone.

Remove meat and place into a baking dish. Pour the bbq sauce over the top. Bake at 375 degrees until sauce starts to bubble.

Reduce heat to 200 degrees and cook for 40 minutes. Baste often.
---------------------------

Southern Twice Fried Turtle

~ 1 medium sized soft shell turtle, cut into serving size pieces
~ 2 cups flour
~ 1 tbsp black pepper
~ 1 tsp salt
~ 1 tsp garlic salt
~ 1 tsp onion powder
~ 1 tsp paprika
~ oil

In a large bowl, combine all of the dry ingredients

Fill a large cast iron skillet half full of oil. Heat to 325 degrees.

Coat the turtle pieces in the flour mixture and place in the hot oil.

Once turtle is browned, reduce heat to medium. After the oil has cooled to a slow fry, remove skillet from heat and add 1 cup of water. BE CAREFUL!!! Remember to remove the skillet from the stove in case of boil over. Remember oil and water don't like to mix. USE CAUTION!

Return the skillet to the stove. Cover and cook until all of the water has cooked out.

Uncover and fry turtle until it starts to get crispy. Remove and drain.

Serve with your favorite side dishes such as gravy, grits and biscuits.

--------------------

Whitey's Turtle - Not for Negroes

~ turtle meat
~ your favorite seasonings, seasoning salt, pepper, garlic powder, etc
~ flour
~ chopped onion, optional
~ minced garlic, optional
~ oil
Season the meat to taste with your favorite seasonings and then roll in flour.

Heat a little oil in a large skillet. Add the onion and garlic if desired.

Add the meat and brown on all sides. Remove.

Place the meat in a baking dish. Add about a 1/4" of water.

Cover and cook at 300 degrees for 3 hours. Add water as needed.

Serve with your favorite side dishes.


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Default Re: I like turtles for dinner - 05-01-2010, 08:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Since you did not provide the promised turtle recipes I will do it for you.

Barbecued Turtle

~ 1 turtle, cut into serving pieces
~ 1 stalk celery, chopped
~ 1 bell pepper, chopped
~ 1 medium onion, chopped
~ 1/2 tsp vinegar
~ salt and pepper
~ 1 bottle of your favorite bbq sauce
Soak the turtle meat in salt water overnight or at least 1 hour.

In a large pot, place the turtle meat, celery, pepper, onion and vinegar. Salt and pepper to taste. Cover with water and bring to a boil.

Cover and simmer until meat is tender and ready to fall off the bone.

Remove meat and place into a baking dish. Pour the bbq sauce over the top. Bake at 375 degrees until sauce starts to bubble.

Reduce heat to 200 degrees and cook for 40 minutes. Baste often.
---------------------------

Southern Twice Fried Turtle

~ 1 medium sized soft shell turtle, cut into serving size pieces
~ 2 cups flour
~ 1 tbsp black pepper
~ 1 tsp salt
~ 1 tsp garlic salt
~ 1 tsp onion powder
~ 1 tsp paprika
~ oil

In a large bowl, combine all of the dry ingredients

Fill a large cast iron skillet half full of oil. Heat to 325 degrees.

Coat the turtle pieces in the flour mixture and place in the hot oil.

Once turtle is browned, reduce heat to medium. After the oil has cooled to a slow fry, remove skillet from heat and add 1 cup of water. BE CAREFUL!!! Remember to remove the skillet from the stove in case of boil over. Remember oil and water don't like to mix. USE CAUTION!

Return the skillet to the stove. Cover and cook until all of the water has cooked out.

Uncover and fry turtle until it starts to get crispy. Remove and drain.

Serve with your favorite side dishes such as gravy, grits and biscuits.

--------------------

Whitey's Turtle - Not for Negroes

~ turtle meat
~ your favorite seasonings, seasoning salt, pepper, garlic powder, etc
~ flour
~ chopped onion, optional
~ minced garlic, optional
~ oil
Season the meat to taste with your favorite seasonings and then roll in flour.

Heat a little oil in a large skillet. Add the onion and garlic if desired.

Add the meat and brown on all sides. Remove.

Place the meat in a baking dish. Add about a 1/4" of water.

Cover and cook at 300 degrees for 3 hours. Add water as needed.

Serve with your favorite side dishes.
It seems turtles are complicated to prepare. I prefer my great-grandmother's recipe for baby seals, passed down to her through a hundred generations.

Ingredients:

1 baby seal
1 club

Directions:

Apply club to baby seal head
Eat baby seal

I am not a traditionalist, however. I occasionally add salt.


Exodus 22:20 He that sacrificeth unto any god, save unto the LORD only, he shall be utterly destroyed.
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Default Re: I like turtles for dinner - 05-01-2010, 06:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
You don't hunt roadkill. It's already dead.
Well I guess if you hit the backroads with the old pickup you could classify it as "hunting". Don't think you even need a permit for that.


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Default Re: I like turtles for dinner - 05-01-2010, 06:07 PM

Turtles are too slow for a fun hunt, I prefer to kill and eat animals that are more challenging to kill.


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Default Re: I like turtles for dinner - 05-01-2010, 06:16 PM

But the turtles taste so good! If you handicap yourself properly you can make it a challenging hunt. (like Arnold Palmer, not Stephen Hawking).


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Default Re: I like turtles for dinner - 05-01-2010, 06:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
But the turtles taste so good! If you handicap yourself properly you can make it a challenging hunt. (like Arnold Palmer, not Stephen Hawking).
Ok, I will give that a try.


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Follow me on Twitter or burn in Hell for all eternity!

To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
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