Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS!
Reload this Page Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019!
THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS! Open for the CHRISTmas Season only.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
Santa Claus's Avatar
Santa Claus Santa Claus is offline
Unsaved Trash, Obese Child-Molesting Demon

Full of it Evil Perv

 
Posts: 129
Join Date: Dec 1971
Location: North Pole
Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-01-2019, 03:19 AM

Ho ho ho! Yes, it's the all-time everyone's favorite and the most popular supernatural being in the whole world! It is I, Santa! My extended vacation is over and the elfs are working on overdrive to fulfill YOUR requests for this Christmas.

Don't cry or pout, cause them elfs they're a-chekin' your antics. But my deal is a simple one. No just gotta be nice! I don't care if you believe in me or not - faith is overrated anyways - I cast righteous judgment based on your behavior. Be nice and you'll get nice things. If you have no faith in me, I'll still deliver. And if you wanna have proof you can just look and see me on the telly and I'll be there and on quite a few catalogs online and on paper. The Jesus guy can never top that!

Some basic rules remain. I don't deliver people. I don't deliver abstract concepts, such as love or eternal torment for someone who showed you a bikini ad without a trigger warning. I don't deliver body parts of endangered species including the rapidly decreasing populations of Baptists. Plastics are the most certain bid. Just get 'em Christmas Wish lists a-rollin', kids! This WINTER! Santa is COMING!! To a Chimney near YOU!!



Ho ho ho!


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
Reply With Quote
(#2)
Old
Emily Brent's Avatar
Emily Brent (On Moderation) Emily Brent is offline
Rocks For Brains, Unsaved trash, hopelessly weird
Foul Sinner on Moderation

Cutter Facepalm

 
Posts: 109
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Godless UK
Emily Brent is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Emily Brent is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-01-2019, 03:58 AM

Hello there. I would like two extra skeins of grey wool. It's so annoying, I lost a few balls, and I'm particularly distressed about it. It's only wool. I cannot finish the shawl I was knitting for my niece. The colours I request are grey and dark grey. She is a modest girl, and decent. These colors are most appropriate.
Reply With Quote
(#3)
Old
BrotherLarry's Avatar
BrotherLarry BrotherLarry is offline
Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™

Christian Love Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Christian™ Ready for the Rapture Porn Resistant Persecuted One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Ex-Masturbator Friend of Jesus Gnathologist Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Stamp of Approval Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork TC Bravery True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Touched by Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Ex-Mary Worshipper Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Super Soaker Baptism Award Pastor Ezekiel Sons of Liberty Guns, Guts and GLORY! Trump of GOD Asked questions later Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud Team Fortress Denier

 
Posts: 2,210
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Godless New York City
BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Halo Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-01-2019, 04:35 AM

Santa

Jesus was pretty angry last year when you said you were better than Him. I don’t dare ask you for anything this year lest Christ is irritated 😣

But I still wanna know why you didn’t bring me a pony all those years. I know I have brought it up before but I don’t understand. Year after year I begged for a pony. Year after year I got underwear.

Tell Mrs. Claus I said hello. If your reindeer need dentistry before your journey this year make an appointment. I close at noon on Christmas Eve.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
Reply With Quote
(#4)
Old
Didymus Much's Avatar
Didymus Much Didymus Much is online now
Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
 

Hellbound Heathen Atheist Cancer on Society hippie Caution - Poster is Crazy Evilution Perv Baggie Condemned Reaper Evil Grammar Nazi Democrat Commmmmunnissss How dumb can you get? Five years in the service of the Enemy Beastiality Barney Caution - Poster is on Drugs Demonized Bleeding heart liebral Glutton Drunk Devil Rides the Short Bus Fiddler Potty mouth Retard Posting Philistine skull Pot Head Swiss Skull Sinner Devil's Trill Sonata Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Mower Pastor Ezekiel Prize for Unprecedented Retards Marxist Fake Polling The AIDS

 
Posts: 13,523
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: pull your knees in tight
Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-01-2019, 05:10 AM

Guess I'll have to start paying carbon offsets for the lump of coal I get every year.


RIP Republican Party as a force in American Politics for the next decade, minimum
Reply With Quote
(#5)
Old
Santa Claus's Avatar
Santa Claus Santa Claus is offline
Unsaved Trash, Obese Child-Molesting Demon

Full of it Evil Perv

 
Posts: 129
Join Date: Dec 1971
Location: North Pole
Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-01-2019, 05:27 AM

Ho! It's lil' Em! Has it really been only a year?! You look so much older nowadays! Did you not use the XL wrinkle cream gift card of yesteryear?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily Brent View Post
Hello there. I would like two extra skeins of grey wool. It's so annoying, I lost a few balls, and I'm particularly distressed about it. It's only wool. I cannot finish the shawl I was knitting for my niece. The colours I request are grey and dark grey. She is a modest girl, and decent. These colors are most appropriate.
Can deliver. In fact, I can do better! I'll send you a "make-your-own-wool-from-scratch starter kit for kids of all ages!

And... You've been reasonably nice so you'll also receive a make-your-own-tool-to-enable-your-public-appearances starter kit! I know it's just the thing you need!



Ho, aren't you SWEET!


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
Reply With Quote
(#6)
Old
Santa Claus's Avatar
Santa Claus Santa Claus is offline
Unsaved Trash, Obese Child-Molesting Demon

Full of it Evil Perv

 
Posts: 129
Join Date: Dec 1971
Location: North Pole
Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-01-2019, 05:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Horse Guy View Post
Santa

Jesus was pretty angry last year when you said you were better than Him. I don’t dare ask you for anything this year lest Christ is irritated 😣

But I still wanna know why you didn’t bring me a pony all those years. I know I have brought it up before but I don’t understand. Year after year I begged for a pony. Year after year I got underwear.

Tell Mrs. Claus I said hello. If your reindeer need dentistry before your journey this year make an appointment. I close at noon on Christmas Eve.
Ho ho ho HO! It's the Horsey Guye!
You're always welcome to treat the upper jaw front teeth of Rudolf and the gang!

But, to get into the more serious business. Did you fail to understand during all those years that I had done better. Not only did I deliver you a pony - in fact, I did much better! I delivered you the make-your-own-pony-from-scratch starter kit for kids: the whole horse genome sequenced to make your own pony from scratch! Just assemble the DNA and you'll be holding your horses in no time! Here the gift once more: the internet link to the horse genome project!



Ho ho ho ho ho! Did I hear underwear! Of course I'll deliver. For you only: some horse panties.



Aren't you a darling with your understated tantrums!


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
Reply With Quote
(#7)
Old
Santa Claus's Avatar
Santa Claus Santa Claus is offline
Unsaved Trash, Obese Child-Molesting Demon

Full of it Evil Perv

 
Posts: 129
Join Date: Dec 1971
Location: North Pole
Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-01-2019, 05:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
Guess I'll have to start paying carbon offsets for the lump of coal I get every year.
Didster baby! I always thought that you were the bright one. For all these years it should have been obvious that lumps of coal are just baby diamonds! You've been receiving the raw materials for the deluxe special platinum-level grow-your-own-diamonds-from-scratch starter kit year after year after year.



Just use the compressor and the particle accelerator and the lasers and the small but quite efficient nuclear reactor in the kit and you'll need an umbrella to take shelter from the diamond rain! You were always one of my favorites! The lump is on its way! Very very black, very very rich in promise. They can help you with the cutting and polishing in Amsterdam.

Ho ho ho!


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
Reply With Quote
(#8)
Old
Isabella White's Avatar
Isabella White Isabella White is offline
True Christian™ Icon of Feminine Virtue
 

Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Christian Love Anti-abortion True Christian Lady Cleanest Kitchen Trumpette True Christian Granny Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year Best stoning bucket Real American™ Teabag Patriot Trump of GOD Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College Stamp of Approval Born again virgin Most Obedient Barney BFF of Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound TC Bravery Friend of Jesus Crown of Righteousness Crown of Rejoicing Cup of Jesus Anti-Biden True Christian Beauty GLORY

 
Posts: 3,424
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: Ungodly Buffalo, NY, MAGA USA
Isabella White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Isabella White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Isabella White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Isabella White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Isabella White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Isabella White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Isabella White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Isabella White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Isabella White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Isabella White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Isabella White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-01-2019, 04:51 PM

Miss Larguez, is that you? Don't pretend you're not impersonating Santa and using that as an attempt to sneak back to Freehold to taunt dear Mayor Hold. What's your next trick? Pretending to be Devin Nunes' cow?

Sincerely, Isabella W.



(Mrs.) Isabella White
Reply With Quote
(#9)
Old
Dennis Lukes's Avatar
Dennis Lukes Dennis Lukes is offline
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™

Friend of Jesus Protected by JESUS Wall of Jesus True Christian™ Christian Love Ex-Masturbator Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Inn Keeper for Christ Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars QAnon Storm Chaser TC Bravery Stamp of Approval Outreach preacher Wrath of God Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Guns, Guts and GLORY! Trump of GOD Asked questions later Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 1,645
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Nebraska, Land of the Sodomite Damned
Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-02-2019, 03:42 AM

My children know damn well that I'm the one who paid for their presents, not some fat eskimo heathen. I work my ass off supervising my employees as they run my motel, and I'm not about to let you take credit for it.


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
Reply With Quote
(#10)
Old
Santa Claus's Avatar
Santa Claus Santa Claus is offline
Unsaved Trash, Obese Child-Molesting Demon

Full of it Evil Perv

 
Posts: 129
Join Date: Dec 1971
Location: North Pole
Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-02-2019, 07:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Isabella White View Post
Miss Larguez, is that you? Don't pretend you're not impersonating Santa and using that as an attempt to sneak back to Freehold to taunt dear Mayor Hold. What's your next trick? Pretending to be Devin Nunes' cow?

Sincerely, Isabella W.
Bella, my girlygirl darling child! You're so-o-o-o adorable when you're slightly upset! I do appreciate that you believe in me, as you're worried about usurpers! But, as I said, Faith® is irrelevant and being nice is the thing to do to get into the Hoarding Heaven of Christmas to Come! Ho ho ho!

You can obviously share the paperbag that I sent to Emily (bless her). But... you've been reasonably nice. So, I'll give you a nice plastic item related to one of your favorite verses 1 Timothy 2:12 (boy oh boy, how Lil' Timmy enjoyed this device every single year around the 60's and 70's of the first century). I am sure that you'll find it most useful! Ho!



You can attach any kinds of ribbons or leather bands to it!


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
Reply With Quote
(#11)
Old
Santa Claus's Avatar
Santa Claus Santa Claus is offline
Unsaved Trash, Obese Child-Molesting Demon

Full of it Evil Perv

 
Posts: 129
Join Date: Dec 1971
Location: North Pole
Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-02-2019, 07:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
My children know damn well that I'm the one who paid for their presents, not some fat eskimo heathen. I work my ass off supervising my employees as they run my motel, and I'm not about to let you take credit for it.
Dennis my menace cupcake! Ho, it's so nice that you also believe in me, even if it doesn't matter.

The elfs have monitored all your activities closely, and I am happy to say that you have indeed worked hard to run your motel with all the cleaning and organizing when you rent the rooms to all those cute couples by the hour! I am sorry that your ass is exhausted. I'll deliver a yule mule to you! They're hard-working and quite cute and not prone to the acts of fornication that you supposedly abhor so much. See your stockings in a few weeks!



Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
Reply With Quote
(#12)
Old
Emily Brent's Avatar
Emily Brent (On Moderation) Emily Brent is offline
Rocks For Brains, Unsaved trash, hopelessly weird
Foul Sinner on Moderation

Cutter Facepalm

 
Posts: 109
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Godless UK
Emily Brent is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Emily Brent is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-18-2019, 02:51 PM

Hello Santa, its me Emily again.

I wondered to ask, why is it you see fit to grant a full grown man like this Pastor Ezekiel a plethora of jumble jets every year, yet the best you'd give an innocent niglet girl in Chad is stream water with perhaps 30% less diarrhea taint than usual for her diet? I'd like to know please.
Reply With Quote
(#13)
Old
handmaiden's Avatar
handmaiden handmaiden is offline
Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
True Christian™

Ex-Mary Worshipper True Christian™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian True Christian Lady True Heterosexual™ Cleanest Kitchen Best Pie Best stoning bucket Bronze Tither Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient One Year/1000 posts True Republican Super Soaker Baptism Award Eats the Most Pork Ready for the Rapture Persecuted Christian Love Grammar Nazi Trump of GOD Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Teabag Patriot Trumpette Saved 5 Years Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Guns, Guts and GLORY! Alternative Facts Asked questions later Babysitter Marshmallow GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Polling for Christ Anti-Biden True Christian Beauty

 
Posts: 8,715
Join Date: May 2010
Location: 39.373117/-76.472688
handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-18-2019, 03:14 PM

Hello Whoeveryouare.

As a and more importantly, , I do not believe in you. I believe in Jesus and the virtues of a Free Market System. From these we derive our Great Blessings here in the .


Still, it would be remiss of me to pass up an opportunity to declare to the whole world where my true allegiance lies. Therefore, I will make a "wish" of what I want for Christmas.


I want the Mighty Truth about The Chosen One, our Dear Leader, President Donald J. Trump to come out and be hailed before the entire population of this planet.


There are those struggling against this Truth. They want to bury Donald's deeds beneath a pile of misdirections and obfuscations. This must not happen.


With the Grace of God and the Glory of Jesus by his side, I have confidence that things will work out for Trump. The Lord has made many promises to us in His Word, and The President has made many promises to us as well. God does not lie; therefore, neither does Donald Trump.


His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

Guns For God and the Economy
Reply With Quote
(#14)
Old
Santa Claus's Avatar
Santa Claus Santa Claus is offline
Unsaved Trash, Obese Child-Molesting Demon

Full of it Evil Perv

 
Posts: 129
Join Date: Dec 1971
Location: North Pole
Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Smile Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-18-2019, 03:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily Brent View Post
Hello Santa, its me Emily again.

I wondered to ask, why is it you see fit to grant a full grown man like this Pastor Ezekiel a plethora of jumble jets every year, yet the best you'd give an innocent niglet girl in Chad is stream water with perhaps 30% less diarrhea taint than usual for her diet? I'd like to know please.
Em, darling!
You never liked nor used the shed with the tools and the Sheppach Tiger Wet Stone Sharpener, did you? I cannot give you wits, so I'll try to write this in simple English, avoiding participles and subordinate clauses, but not the santa clause. (I AM witty, aren't I).

Do you really think that a private jet is more valuable than clean drinking water? On what planet do you live? If a bordercollie of average intelligence with a 1000-word command of commands (and hence, exceeding Zeke's vocabulary by 50% and yours by 85) had the choice between a lifetime supply of clean drinking water and a private jet, which one would she choose?

You make value judgments based on prices. Money. Dough. Cash. Megabucks. You are just like your Jesus: worth is something dictated by an authority and for you it is monetary worth. I must admit that it is heart-breaking to see you succumb to the God of the Gold Standard. My tidings are more joyful: I deliver based on being nice, on the actual results of peoples' lives. The girl in Chad knows how to appreciate real worth.

I deliver. I deliver to you. Here's something to contain what you produce. Also recommended for oral use.



Ho ho ho! Be seeing you in a week my Ho!


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
Reply With Quote
(#15)
Old
BibleReader2231's Avatar
BibleReader2231 BibleReader2231 is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member

Heaven Bound True Christian Beauty Virgin Most Obedient Pro-Life Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus

 
Posts: 571
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: USA #MAGA
BibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-19-2019, 02:24 AM

Santa. What trash are you going to try to stash in my home this time? Wasn’t pleased and I know Pa made you scurry off so quickly I didn’t even get to see you after you smashed our living room windows in.


My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
Reply With Quote
(#16)
Old
Santa Claus's Avatar
Santa Claus Santa Claus is offline
Unsaved Trash, Obese Child-Molesting Demon

Full of it Evil Perv

 
Posts: 129
Join Date: Dec 1971
Location: North Pole
Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Smile Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-19-2019, 04:31 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by handmaiden View Post
I do not believe in you. I believe in Jesus and the virtues of a Free Market System. From these we derive our Great Blessings here in the .
Handels, darling child! Achtung! The greatest gift available for human beings is the ability to read the instructions before taking on a task. My instructions clearly stated that I don't care about Faith - it's the Jesus guy who wants to save you from what he'll do to you if you don't have the faith. For me it is irrelevant. The genuine plastic replica of the US flag in eyeglass format will arrive in due course. Use them to read the instructions, will you? Of course you will. Ho!



Quote:
Still, it would be remiss of me to pass up an opportunity to declare to the whole world where my true allegiance lies. Therefore, I will make a "wish" of what I want for Christmas.

I want the Mighty Truth about The Chosen One, our Dear Leader, President Donald J. Trump to come out and be hailed before the entire population of this planet.

There are those struggling against this Truth. They want to bury Donald's deeds beneath a pile of misdirections and obfuscations. This must not happen.

With the Grace of God and the Glory of Jesus by his side, I have confidence that things will work out for Trump. The Lord has made many promises to us in His Word, and The President has made many promises to us as well. God does not lie; therefore, neither does Donald Trump.
Of course. I'll distribute this classic piece of news into every chimney during my visits and I'll include a small note that it is your wish to have it delivered!



Ho ho ho ho ho ho!


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
Reply With Quote
(#17)
Old
Santa Claus's Avatar
Santa Claus Santa Claus is offline
Unsaved Trash, Obese Child-Molesting Demon

Full of it Evil Perv

 
Posts: 129
Join Date: Dec 1971
Location: North Pole
Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Smile Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-19-2019, 12:20 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231 View Post
Santa. What trash are you going to try to stash in my home this time? Wasn’t pleased and I know Pa made you scurry off so quickly I didn’t even get to see you after you smashed our living room windows in.
Maxxie my Cupcake! Ho! As far as know - and I DO know, there's an astronomic amount of white trash stashed in your household at this very moment Here are some suitable containers that I'll be more than glad to deliver them come Christmas Day!



Ho, ho, ho!!!


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
Reply With Quote
(#18)
Old
Romeo Rovagnati's Avatar
Romeo Rovagnati Romeo Rovagnati is offline
Jesuit Insurgency Operative
Forum Member

Hellbound Heathen Cathlick Eurotrash Messicant Italian Liar Perv Evil Devil's Trill Sonata Reaper Condemned Sinner Devil

 
Posts: 341
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: The evil city of Rome in the evil country of Italy, who was once Holy
Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-19-2019, 08:05 PM

Dear Saint Nicholas,

The only one that needs presents is Christ's Bride (the Church). So, my wish for Christmas is that more kids comes, attending Church, and i will teach them how to propely worship the Lord (starting with kneeling down in front of the altar). However, if there is a gift for Christmas that i wouldn't mind to have, that would be Pope Francis's Sticker's Album.



I know that it may be out of sale, but i doubt that, since a soul can't get lost, an old album of stickers couldn't be in your bag. Also, tell your horned assistants to behave propely and avoid beating (badly) people who make them mad.


Sincerly, Father Romeo Rovagnati.
Reply With Quote
(#19)
Old
BibleReader2231's Avatar
BibleReader2231 BibleReader2231 is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member

Heaven Bound True Christian Beauty Virgin Most Obedient Pro-Life Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus

 
Posts: 571
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: USA #MAGA
BibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureBibleReader2231 has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-19-2019, 08:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Santa Claus View Post
Maxxie my Cupcake! Ho! As far as know - and I DO know, there's an astronomic amount of white trash stashed in your household at this very moment Here are some suitable containers that I'll be more than glad to deliver them come Christmas Day!



Ho, ho, ho!!!
Those will be useful I admit....in order to get rid of all the Richard Gere detachable action figure heads you left behind last year. What made you think I have Bazooka-bob figures or whatever?


My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
Reply With Quote
(#20)
Old
handmaiden's Avatar
handmaiden handmaiden is offline
Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
True Christian™

Ex-Mary Worshipper True Christian™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian True Christian Lady True Heterosexual™ Cleanest Kitchen Best Pie Best stoning bucket Bronze Tither Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient One Year/1000 posts True Republican Super Soaker Baptism Award Eats the Most Pork Ready for the Rapture Persecuted Christian Love Grammar Nazi Trump of GOD Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Teabag Patriot Trumpette Saved 5 Years Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Guns, Guts and GLORY! Alternative Facts Asked questions later Babysitter Marshmallow GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Polling for Christ Anti-Biden True Christian Beauty

 
Posts: 8,715
Join Date: May 2010
Location: 39.373117/-76.472688
handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Naughty or nice? Santa's Gift Registry 2019! - 12-19-2019, 09:37 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Santa Claus View Post
[. . .] The genuine plastic replica of the US flag in eyeglass format will arrive in due course.


I like the glasses. They are even better than rose-colored lenses.

Quote:
I'll distribute this classic piece of news into every chimney during my visits and I'll include a small note that it is your wish to have it delivered!
Quote:



Ho ho ho ho ho ho!

I am not comfortable with the newspaper. It praises Trump, which is good. And, of course, I am sure that it is True News™. But it sends the wrong message about certain behavior that decent True Christian ™ women don't discuss--ever.


There must be some other information about our Dear President that you can share with the world that he is too modest to tell us about. Just as we are told in John 21:25--


And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen


So it is, that Donald J. Trump's many mighty deeds should not be hidden, but exposed in the Light of Day for the glorification of Our Lord and Savior, who suffered much injustice as has our POTUS.


BTW. I would like some socks to match the glasses.


His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

Guns For God and the Economy
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
gifts, santa claus

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2018 all rights reserved