[Elmer G. White]

Brethren and females! Obviously the mainstay of this jolly good Forum - Jesus's Favorite - is to advertise Him and His Wrath against all Creation (Revelation 19:21), but in anticipation of the Rapture, we still need to do some extremely Manly stuff, home improvement, lawnmowing, reparations etc., and the females will need to know which item to buy at the grocery store. Fot that aim, I'm starting this thread of True Christian™ product reviews: What to buy and use and what will turn you into irrevocable Blasphemy (Matthew 12:31). I'll star with a warning. Quite a few felame humans complain about the nasty time of the month when trhey should remain secluded. They have "crampitons" and "bloatings/boatings" (<- never figured that out). Anyways, evil drug dealers are promoting product to alleviate the symptoms - but with disastrous side effects, as follows:



OK, alleviating the pain turns people gay. This means that Jesus does not want to alleviate pain. He has designed this to be a Life of Suffering (Luke 14:26). The product above contains acetaminophen, which is highly likely to be the agent that turns the women to interfemale sodomy. Beware. All females Sinned (Genesis 3:6) and deserve pain (no-one knows what a Noph is):

Ezekiel 30:16
And I will set fire in Egypt: Sin shall have great pain, and No shall be rent asunder, and Noph shall have distresses daily.

But, I would also like to recommend a nice product, my favorite for furniture improvement. You know how slippery table surfaces cause all nice items, such as ashtrays and elegant champagne flûtes to fall on the floor which causes initial nagging until the female finally clears the shards. For that, I can heartily recommend this Godly Product:



After bringing the Gaytop to my house, no more scratches on the pristine tabletops, any smears have become easy to clean and the Gaytop produces just enough friction allowing everything to stay firmly on the tabletop during all activities. Your Table will be easy to maintain for Jesus:

Malachi 1:12
But ye have profaned it, in that ye say, The table of the LORD is polluted; and the fruit thereof, even his meat, is contemptible.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer