The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. |
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Very low IQ God-mocking heathen
Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
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Posts: 226
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Pineville, N.C.
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I was here before I lost my mind -
12-21-2015, 10:35 AM
My names Curtis Edward Grice and I'm here to join your church I thought about it and I'm ready to be a member
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Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology) Victim of atheist scientific persecution
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Posts: 10,328
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: On a mission in Godless Europistan
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-21-2015, 10:41 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by curtisedwardgrice
My names Curtis Edward Grice and I'm here to join your church I thought about it and I'm ready to be a member
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Hello to you. Mr. Grice,
How nice of you to realize that there is one Real, True™ Church left on Earth (it is us, obviously).
You are still a stranger to us and we'd like to know you better. How did you find Jesus! What parts of the Good Book speak to you most fervently? How's begetting?
You'll find us very welcoming and charitable!
Hebrews 13:2
Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.
PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
Check out our Research in Creation Science:
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Very low IQ God-mocking heathen
Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
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Posts: 226
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Pineville, N.C.
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-21-2015, 10:53 AM
I love the Bible, the story of Job is my favorite.
I was raised in church.
Begetting? (Meaning?)
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Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology) Victim of atheist scientific persecution
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Posts: 10,328
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: On a mission in Godless Europistan
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-21-2015, 11:00 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by curtisedwardgrice
I love the Bible, the story of Job is my favorite.
I was raised in church.
Begetting? (Meaning?)
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Dear Friend,
The story of Job is indeed magnificent. Do you especially enjoy the parts that depict dinosaurs and thus prove young-day Creationism?
Begetting is the synonym for siring new soldiers for Christ!
Genesis 5:3
And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, after his image; and called his name Seth:
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.
PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
Check out our Research in Creation Science:
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Very low IQ God-mocking heathen
Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
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Posts: 226
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Pineville, N.C.
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-21-2015, 11:07 AM
It is interesting, I always thought that man walked with dinosaurs, and confused them with dragons in the 16th century
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Very low IQ God-mocking heathen
Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
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Posts: 226
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Pineville, N.C.
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-21-2015, 11:13 AM
Everyone needs to wake up and follow the Lord before the Lord forgets they exist
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Preserving Freehold's dead for Christ's return
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Posts: 263
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: On my knees before Jesus
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-21-2015, 12:48 PM
Hi, Curtis. You seem rather taciturn. Tell us how you found Jesus. I love hearing how people found Jesus.
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Possibly retarded pothead
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Posts: 1,003
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Here in Babylon
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-21-2015, 02:39 PM
Greetings Curtis! I make you welcome even though I am not a member of this church. I am Rastafari and not a Baptist. But I am a Christian. It is good to see a man come to this site who is from one of the Black parts of Babylon even though you do not seem to be Black in your picture. I am a Black man from Jamaica and I am here in your country as a student on scholarship in Wisconsin. There are few Black men there so they recruit Black men to come to their university for diversity. They are scrooges at that school and they only pay me 400usd per week for expenses. Ganja is very expensive in Babylon and I still have to eat. I am unable to afford a car and I want a Range Rover. This is said to be the season of giving and you are a white man made rich by the labor of Black slaves. Perhaps you could ease your conscious by gifting me a Range Rover for Christmas. Remember that it is better to give than receive.
Jah Guide
Trevor
Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: Extol him that rideth upon the heavens By his name JAH, and rejoice before him.-Psalms 68:4
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Very low IQ God-mocking heathen
Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
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Posts: 226
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Pineville, N.C.
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-21-2015, 07:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan Swallows
Hi, Curtis. You seem rather taciturn. Tell us how you found Jesus. I love hearing how people found Jesus.
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I was raised in a Baptist Church since birth.
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-21-2015, 07:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by curtisedwardgrice
I was raised in a Baptist Church since birth.
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Hello, dear, and welcome (again?) to this lovely forum!
As we all know, children are too stupid to understand Jesus' temporary death sacrifice. Being raised in a Baptist church does not equal fully understanding Jesus' love for those who follow Him and His hate towards the rest of humanity. You also must be mature enough to understand the rules of life and love God, to earn His conditional love as well.
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Very low IQ God-mocking heathen
Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
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Posts: 226
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Pineville, N.C.
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-22-2015, 12:39 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
Hello, dear, and welcome (again?) to this lovely forum!
As we all know, children are too stupid to understand Jesus' temporary death sacrifice. Being raised in a Baptist church does not equal fully understanding Jesus' love for those who follow Him and His hate towards the rest of humanity. You also must be mature enough to understand the rules of life and love God, to earn His conditional love as well.
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I understand, and I know I'm ready for what the Lord has planned for me.
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-22-2015, 01:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by curtisedwardgrice
My names Curtis Edward Grice and I'm here to join your church I thought about it and I'm ready to be a member
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Welcome Curtis.
While we are thrilled you'd like to be a member of LBC, a bigger question is, does LBC want you as a member. You cannot just walk in the the gates past security at Landover and into the Church. Why we'd have every Tom, Dick and Harry coming in and the members who have proven their devotion to Jesus by making substantial contributions to further the work of Christ deserve the token of appreciation by being provided with reserved parking, scooter chairs, coffee served with scones pew side and fine linens. Could you imagine the outrage if something was soiled or a scone was missing?
Please contact Miss Cookie in the Church office. Request the forms needed to apply for membership. Include a check payable to Cash for the $5,000.00 consideration processing fee. Do not forget the last ten years of 1040's and at least three recommendations from a Gold Tither™ or above. The Church board will look forward to reviewing your application when time permits.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Landover Senior Outreach Touching Men, Women and Children with the Good News!
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,237
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Freehold Senior Estates
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-22-2015, 02:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by curtisedwardgrice
My names Curtis Edward Grice and I'm here to join your church I thought about it and I'm ready to be a member
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Excellent! Although I do not know how to welcome you by name, as you seem to have three? Not to worry, it has happened.
John 1:42 "And he brought him to Jesus. And when Jesus beheld him, he said, Thou art Simon the son of Jona: thou shalt be called Cephas, which is by interpretation, A stone."
I see that you are a man of few words, which is no penalty in the eyes of God, be assured.
Psalm 39:2 "I was dumb with silence, I held my peace, even from good; and my sorrow was stirred."
To join God's church, you will need to align your worldview with what God tells us. Starting alphabetically, with the curse of autism/gayness, do you agree that the homosexual threat posed by autistics is a very real cause for concern in these troubled times? And that real Christians have every reason to be alarmed by the degenerates?
In Christ
Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."
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Very low IQ God-mocking heathen
Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
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Posts: 226
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Pineville, N.C.
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-22-2015, 03:36 AM
I lost my username and password you can call me Curtis
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Very low IQ God-mocking heathen
Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
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Posts: 226
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Pineville, N.C.
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-22-2015, 03:41 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Harold Porter
Excellent! Although I do not know how to welcome you by name, as you seem to have three? Not to worry, it has happened.
John 1:42 "And he brought him to Jesus. And when Jesus beheld him, he said, Thou art Simon the son of Jona: thou shalt be called Cephas, which is by interpretation, A stone."
I see that you are a man of few words, which is no penalty in the eyes of God, be assured.
Psalm 39:2 "I was dumb with silence, I held my peace, even from good; and my sorrow was stirred."
To join God's church, you will need to align your worldview with what God tells us. Starting alphabetically, with the curse of autism/gayness, do you agree that the homosexual threat posed by autistics is a very real cause for concern in these troubled times? And that real Christians have every reason to be alarmed by the degenerates?
In Christ
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I do agree with that.
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Landover Senior Outreach Touching Men, Women and Children with the Good News!
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,237
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Freehold Senior Estates
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-22-2015, 03:57 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by curtisedwardgrice
I do agree with that.
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Nice, and thank you. But it's not so much a thing to agree with as it is a call to action, to witness for Jesus Christ, as my Dear Sister did in her post. You DO know that she spent two weeks composing a post that is truly excellent, after some editing by the elders of the church?
How do you personally see the unsaved scum, spastics and losers that decide to be autistiscal? Would you share a love seat in Heaven with them? Can you imagine the smell?
No thanks!
In Christ
Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."
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Very low IQ God-mocking heathen
Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
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Posts: 226
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Pineville, N.C.
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-23-2015, 09:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Harold Porter
Nice, and thank you. But it's not so much a thing to agree with as it is a call to action, to witness for Jesus Christ, as my Dear Sister did in her post. You DO know that she spent two weeks composing a post that is truly excellent, after some editing by the elders of the church?
How do you personally see the unsaved scum, spastics and losers that decide to be autistiscal? Would you share a love seat in Heaven with them? Can you imagine the smell?
No thanks!
In Christ
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they need to get right with Jesus or burn in he'll I won't be anywhere near them.
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Very low IQ God-mocking heathen
Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
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Posts: 226
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Pineville, N.C.
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-24-2015, 07:31 AM
I wish to make amends, and join God's favorite church and forum.
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Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
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Posts: 9,051
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Surrounded by queers.
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-24-2015, 09:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by curtisedwardgrice
I wish to make amends, and join God's favorite church and forum.
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Greatings, young man!
Our congregation has a history of being targeted by the atheist, the homersexual and the recidivist. As a consequence we are very careful who is allowed to become part of God's favourite forum.
What would set you on the right path with our Pastors is a 500 word essay about what you have done for Christ in the last year. It is expected that you cover such contemporary issues such as gay marriage, concealed carry and slavery.
Spelling and punctuation are mandatory.
I wish you well in completing this task and look forwards to greeting you as a brother.
YIC
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.
Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,730
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: I was here before I lost my username and password -
12-24-2015, 05:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by curtisedwardgrice
they need to get right with Jesus or burn in he'll I won't be anywhere near them.
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What a riveting testimony! I too look forward to your essay! If it's anything like your introduction thread, I think we can expect great spiritual adventure, danger, intrigue, deception, redemption, and oh my, the list goes on!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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