[Pastor Ezekiel]

Well THIS is the news we've been expecting. You all know that I have been predicting for years now that gay "marriage" would destroy Normal marriage, and here we go.

Heterosexual marriages falling apart all over America since legalization of gay marriage

In a recent study conducted by the US Census Bureau, heterosexual marriages are feeling the heat of the new gay marriage law. Tens of thousands of straight couples are feeling the sanctity of their marriages threatened, and divorce rates have skyrocketed.

“If the trend continues, we expect to see an 80 to 90 percent divorce rate among straight couples by the year 2020″ said researcher Dr. Jim Gunn. “Many pastors and ministers warned us about this, warned us the sanctity of marriage would be threatened, but we just didn’t listen.”

As is the case with so many other heterosexual marriages, Mr. and Mrs. Domingo of New Mexico immediately felt the impact of the supreme court ruling.

“It had a major impact on our marriage right away” said Maria Domingo. “It’s like there was just no sanctity left, and the family as we knew it in America and in our household was weakened.”

Pastor Rob Lepine summed up the church’s view on the whole ordeal saying, “God made it very clear in the bible that marriage is between a man and a woman, and as everyone knows, the bible is the source of all truth on earth so I’m really not surprised to hear that marriages are falling apart everywhere. Luckily for me I don’t allow my wife to watch television or talk to anyone outside the church, so our sanctity is still solid.”

[Des]

I'm surprised it took this long. I guess most people were in a state of shock that buffered them from the full impact until it wore off.

[Mary Etheldreda]

I've been wondering why Mr. Etheldreda is increasingly irritated with me and the children lately. It seems nothing I do or say is good enough. He's working longer hours at work, wearing different styles, and even jumps in the shower straight away when he gets home. He never did that. He makes phone calls in secret now, and sometimes forgets to put his wedding ring back on. Why he takes it off in the first place I'll never know. Pastor - this all makes sense now. It's those damnable GAYS!

[Des]

Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda

I've been wondering why Mr. Etheldreda is increasingly irritated with me and the children lately. It seems nothing I do or say is good enough. He's working longer hours at work, wearing different styles, and even jumps in the shower straight away when he gets home. He never did that. He makes phone calls in secret now, and sometimes forgets to put his wedding ring back on. Why he takes it off in the first place I'll never know. Pastor - this all makes sense now. It's those damnable GAYS!

Right you are, Sister. As a fully trained Theopsychologist, I can diagnose from the symptoms you outlined a classic example of PH-ESD, or Post Homo-Enablement Stress Disorder.

[alooneymormon]

Theo-psychologist?

[Witch Hammer]

Originally Posted by alooneymormon

Theo-psychologist?

Did he stutter?

Anyhow, gay sex is negatively impacting my marriage as well. Satan has planted the seed, and Jesus is rigorously applying the preemergent herbicide, but sodomy has a way of finding the path of least resistance, like water or electricity...

Sometimes, during the drudgery of hetero-marital vaginocopulation, satan, lord of violently expelled feces and vexatiously spilled seed, can be heard wheedling in one's ear to cleave unto one's wife's mouth and/or anus...an unholy suggestion that CAN NOT result in the generation of more Christian Soldiers...

I blame these unGodly impulses (which I swear to you I have not yet acted on, praise Jesus!) directly on fag marriage being shoved down my throat by the liberal media.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Well THIS is the news we've been expecting. You all know that I have been predicting for years now that gay "marriage" would destroy Normal marriage, and here we go.

My dear Zeke, you do realize that this article isn't real, right? It's one of those sites like 'The Onion'. Or do you believe those stories too?
I'm sorry to tell you but if being around gay men makes you feel gay urges, that's because they were already there to begin with.

Originally Posted by Witch Hammer

Sometimes, during the drudgery of hetero-marital vaginocopulation, satan, lord of violently expelled feces and vexatiously spilled seed, can be heard wheedling in one's ear to cleave unto one's wife's mouth and/or anus...an unholy suggestion that CAN NOT result in the generation of more *snip*

Poor repressed Witch Hammer. Still in denial? Maybe a nice picture of an angel is what you need. I believe I still have the one which Daisy Mae used to call her favorite. Here you go.

You're welcome.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Originally Posted by alooneymormon

Theo-psychologist?

What of it?

Originally Posted by RVH

My dear Zeke, you do realize that this article isn't real, right?

Are you saying that you would not lie to save a child from being the victim of a drooling homersexual pervert? Pastor Zeke loves all young people equally and I think it's pretty poor form for someone to say he would not do everything to take comfort in a child.

Mark 9:42 And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.

YIC

[Alvin Moss]

I believe that the recent spike in failing marriages is directly attributable to the blasphemous sin of allowing homosexuals to cohabitate without fear of incarceration and to call those sinful unions marriages. Well, you could call these unions a golf course and they would be no more golf courses than they are marriages. God is clearly furious. I expect godless Washington, D.C. to be ravaged by God's wrath any time now. I believe that pillars of fire will descend to carry off all the inhabitants of that city, especially the Democrats.

[Elmer G. White]

Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing

...you do realize that this article isn't real, right? It's one of those sites like 'The Onion'. Or do you believe those stories too?

Darling Rachael,

It is deeply disturbing that you atheists insist on treating Sacred and sensitive issues as jokes! Jesus is not a joke, He is as real as you are! And He is not laughing. On the contrary, He is deeply distressed about the corruption of the Sanctity of heterosexual marriage.

Onion a joke? I don't think onions make you laugh, they make you cry bitter tears. It is a well-known fact that there is a big difference between onions and other issues. Chopping up an onion makes you weep while seeing Satan chop a sinner into the finest julienne makes you laugh heartily as you watch from above (Heaven, eternal Joy in Jesus).



Numbers 11:5
We remember the fish, which we did eat in Egypt freely; the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, and the onions, and the garlick:

The Joos did not laugh about onions. They were in misery when they thought about them. I do understand that you don't strive for Salvation but is it really necessary to make fun of those who do?




Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Alvin Moss]

Originally Posted by Elmer G. White

Numbers 11:5
We remember the fish, which we did eat in Egypt freely; the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, and the onions, and the garlick:

The Joos did not laugh about onions. They were in misery when they thought about them. I do understand that you don't strive for Salvation but is it really necessary to make fun of those who do?




Yours in Christ,

Elmer

And let us not forget that the Jews still put onions on the bagels with the lox, which is uncooked fish, though not raw in the style of the Chinamen in Japan.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing

My dear Zeke, you do realize that this article isn't real, right? It's one of those sites like 'The Onion'. Or do you believe those stories too?

Miss Hell-sing - what you said makes no sense. Why would anyone go to such great lengths to create a fake website with fake content? Rediculous.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Originally Posted by Dr Laurence Niles

Are you saying that you would not lie to save a child from being the victim of a drooling homersexual pervert? Pastor Zeke loves all young people equally and I think it's pretty poor form for someone to say he would not do everything to take comfort in a child.

I'm not sure how to interpret that.

Originally Posted by Elmer

Darling Rachael,

It is deeply disturbing that you atheists insist on treating Sacred and sensitive issues as jokes! Jesus is not a joke, He is as real as you are! And He is not laughing. On the contrary, He is deeply distressed about the corruption of the Sanctity of heterosexual marriage.

Sure, Jesus the pool guy is real enough. And from what I've seen, he's got absolutely nothing against gay marriage if you know what I mean. I could pass on a recommendation. Maybe Witch Hammer could make use of his skills? In pool cleaning, of course.

Onion a joke? I don't think onions make you laugh, they make you cry bitter tears. It is a well-known fact that there is a big difference between onions and other issues. Chopping up an onion makes you weep while seeing Satan chop a sinner into the finest julienne makes you laugh heartily as you watch from above (Heaven, eternal Joy in Jesus).

The actual plant onions emit fumes which cause a reaction that in turn causes tears. You can read all about it here.

Numbers 11:5
We remember the fish, which we did eat in Egypt freely; the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, and the onions, and the garlick:

The Joos did not laugh about onions. They were in misery when they thought about them. I do understand that you don't strive for Salvation but is it really necessary to make fun of those who do?

I was actually talking about the 'news' site, the onion. Or do you find that to be a good, informative, and accurate source of news?

Miss Hell-sing - what you said makes no sense. Why would anyone go to such great lengths to create a fake website with fake content? Rediculous. ridiculous.

Do you watch TV? None of the events on a sitcom are real, yet people go to the trouble of producing many episodes, with the idea of entertaining people. They're inspired by real life events, as is the Onion.

[on4air31 (On Moderation)]

I'm sorry but, you do realize that the article you linked us to is on a site where you can create fake news stories right? Just thought I'd point that out. Have a blessed day y'all!

[Cranky Old Man]

Originally Posted by on4air31

I'm sorry but, you do realize that the article you linked us to is on a site where you can create fake news stories right? Just thought I'd point that out. Have a blessed day y'all!

So you don't believe gay marriage has been legalized in America?

Are you really THAT ignorant?

[H. Montague Worthington]

Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man

So you don't believe gay marriage has been legalized in America?

Are you really THAT ignorant?

You are Oh so right, sir. The Supreme Court of the United States ruled 5-4 earlier this year that unmarried men should get married to other men. I remember it vividly, because I had already started the paperwork to end my 42-year marriage to Delores before my lawyer told me that currently married straight men are exempt from the order.

[on4air31 (On Moderation)]

Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man

So you don't believe gay marriage has been legalized in America?

Are you really THAT ignorant?

Did I say that? No, that's a known fact. I'm pointing out that this is not a trustworthy source; someone could've just thought up those quotes and put a common sounding name next to them.

[Witch Hammer]

Originally Posted by on4air31

Did I say that? No, that's a known fact. I'm pointing out that this is not a trustworthy source; someone could've just thought up those quotes and put a common sounding name next to them.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean Jesus isn't watching you!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by on4air31

Did I say that? No, that's a known fact. I'm pointing out that this is not a trustworthy source; someone could've just thought up those quotes and put a common sounding name next to them.

Friend, you are not a trustworthy. We believe the word of God, not some random fool like you.

[on4air31 (On Moderation)]

All I'm saying is that this article is from a reputable source and therefore the message of it can be trusted. I looked and I could find Dr. Jim Gunn, a superintendent of a county school system in Arkansas. There was a U.S. Census Bureau report on this, but I did not link us to it. The website on which the article was posted has a motto that states "An Award Winning Source of Health News for 20 Years." Their 'Contact Us' page has entry fields where you can submit news stories to be published. ***link containing canine bestiality removed by moderator***

It's all right there.


Just saying, thanks for using reputable sources.


God bless you all.