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Default Need to get control of my wife. - 02-07-2016, 06:55 AM

Hello! I am posting in this specific forum, because its a mans issue. I have been wanting to get married to a good Christian gal for quite some time now, and a few days ago my father informed me that a friend of his has a daughter he is looking to marry off to a nice young Christian man. I was very happy to hear such good news. Anyways the day after me and my father had that conversation my father told me that I was to meet this girl, and her father for dinner so that we could become acquainted, and discuss marriage details. To make a long story short the day after the dinner we were married at the church.

Her father told me that she was very obedient, and would obey my every command. Well I think her father may have been bearing false witness to me (Exodus 20:16), because now that we are married, and she has moved in with me she has been rather unruly.


Last night I was sitting on the sofa with my feet on the table reading some of my favorite passages from the Bible, and she walks into the room, and begins massaging my feet! I put down my Bible, and asked her what she was doing. She said "I'm giving you a foot massage honey.". Clearly I have married some sort of foot fetishist who has now defiled my feet. When I expressed anger at her for trying to engage me in her harlot foot activity she began yelling at me, and crying hysterically.


Disgusted, and overwhelmed by the situation I locked myself in the bathroom for an hour where I proceeded to scrub the sin off of my feet, and read inspiring Bible passages.


After cleaning the sin off my feet I exited the bathroom, and instead of receiving an apology from the wife she was in the bedroom selfishly crying herself to sleep.


I'm not quite sure how to handle this situation. I know that Proverbs says not to spare the rod, but as far as I know that only applies to children. Should I spank my wife? Should I beat my wife?
Should I read scripture to her?


This woman is out of control, and I'm not sure if it would be biblically correct to spank, or beat my wife.


So I ask the men of Landover... How do you keep your wives in line? What are the biblical limitations on how I can, or cannot discipline her?


Thank you in advance for your help. In the meantime I will be in my prayer closet asking God what I should do.
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Bible Re: Need to get control of my wife. - 02-07-2016, 08:07 AM

Mr. Vessel,

You have stumbled upon one of the most pivotal issues of the modern world: How to ensure the speedy and unhindered entry of our Loved Ones into Heaven when the time comes (very, very soon) (Revelation 22:20)? Your concern about your wife is most laudable. Your wife is not only rebelling against your commands, she is opposing God and Jesus, the very essence of being a proper human being. You must show her your love!

2 Peter 3:13
Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness.


In addition to the Bible (that will ultimately give you all the answers but - as I understand you are under enormous pressure at this very moment and time is running out - for a more concise treatise on this very important subject, I suggest you read the informative post by Brother Reproba.



Please, do not hesitate to give us updates on the situation. Your future actions will determine if your wife will have even the slightest chance of seeing this new Heaven and the new Earth where righteousness is the default state!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Need to get control of my wife. - 02-07-2016, 08:45 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
Mr. Vessel,

You have stumbled upon one of the most pivotal issues of the modern world: How to ensure the speedy and unhindered entry of our Loved Ones into Heaven when the time comes (very, very soon) (Revelation 22:20)? Your concern about your wife is most laudable. Your wife is not only rebelling against your commands, she is opposing God and Jesus, the very essence of being a proper human being. You must show her your love!

2 Peter 3:13
Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness.


In addition to the Bible (that will ultimately give you all the answers but - as I understand you are under enormous pressure at this very moment and time is running out - for a more concise treatise on this very important subject, I suggest you read the informative post by Brother Reproba.



Please, do not hesitate to give us updates on the situation. Your future actions will determine if your wife will have even the slightest chance of seeing this new Heaven and the new Earth where righteousness is the default state!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer
Thank you so much for your insightful words, and help Mr.White. The wife cried herself to sleep tonight, and while I do feel sympathy for her I know that if I don't fix this right away it will only get worse. I am going to read Mr.Reprobras post, and first thing tomorrow morning she will be disciplined, and she will know that I am the head of the household (Ephesians 5:23), and she will know that if she acts out again she will be disciplined, and she will know that I am going to make a wife out of her.


I will update you tomorrow Mr.White Thank you again for the scripture, and inspring words. YiC, Vessel of Christ.


Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

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Default Re: Need to get control of my wife. - 02-07-2016, 10:14 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
Mr. Vessel,

You have stumbled upon one of the most pivotal issues of the modern world: How to ensure the speedy and unhindered entry of our Loved Ones into Heaven when the time comes (very, very soon) (Revelation 22:20)? Your concern about your wife is most laudable. Your wife is not only rebelling against your commands, she is opposing God and Jesus, the very essence of being a proper human being. You must show her your love!

2 Peter 3:13
Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness.


In addition to the Bible (that will ultimately give you all the answers but - as I understand you are under enormous pressure at this very moment and time is running out - for a more concise treatise on this very important subject, I suggest you read the informative post by Brother Reproba.



Please, do not hesitate to give us updates on the situation. Your future actions will determine if your wife will have even the slightest chance of seeing this new Heaven and the new Earth where righteousness is the default state!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer
Also you can call me Paul if you wish. Thats my real name.


Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

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Default Re: Need to get control of my wife. - 02-07-2016, 11:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
Mr. Vessel,

You have stumbled upon one of the most pivotal issues of the modern world: How to ensure the speedy and unhindered entry of our Loved Ones into Heaven when the time comes (very, very soon) (Revelation 22:20)? Your concern about your wife is most laudable. Your wife is not only rebelling against your commands, she is opposing God and Jesus, the very essence of being a proper human being. You must show her your love!

2 Peter 3:13
Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness.


In addition to the Bible (that will ultimately give you all the answers but - as I understand you are under enormous pressure at this very moment and time is running out - for a more concise treatise on this very important subject, I suggest you read the informative post by Brother Reproba.



Please, do not hesitate to give us updates on the situation. Your future actions will determine if your wife will have even the slightest chance of seeing this new Heaven and the new Earth where righteousness is the default state!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer
After some Prayer, Bible reading, and a talk with my father I've decided to give my wife a spanking with a paddle. Proverbs 23:14 "Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."
I spanked her bottom red about 2 hours ago, and she seems much much much more obedient now, and she doesn't give me any lip anymore when I give her commands. I read her Bible passages during the spanking, and I think some of it got through to her.


I kept reciting Ephesians 5:23 over, and over again like a broken record during the spanking, and I think she got the point. I just wanted to update you on the situation Mr.White, and let you know that the wife is acting a lot better. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go to have sexual intercourse with my new wife. Genesis 1:28 "And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth."


Hopefully after the 9 months is up a boy will fall out of her, because if I have to have another woman in this house I might go mad.


Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

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Default Re: Need to get control of my wife. - 02-07-2016, 11:52 PM

Foot fetish is practised in a lot of gay communities. How are the baking skills of your wife or is she more interested in repairing stuff? Not saying your wife is a trans but we have reports of sex change during puperty.
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Default Re: Need to get control of my wife. - 02-08-2016, 01:16 AM

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Originally Posted by Titus Templeton View Post
Foot fetish is practised in a lot of gay communities. How are the baking skills of your wife or is she more interested in repairing stuff? Not saying your wife is a trans but we have reports of sex change during puperty.
The wife is an excellent baker, and has never even touched a tool in her life. So I doubt she is a trans-queer-o-sexual. However whenever we are having physical relations she just lays there like a corpse, and says "Tell me when your done doin your thing".


I don't want her to enjoy the sex, or god forbid she have an orgasm. The only reason we have sex in the first place is so we can have children (Genesis 1:28), but she seems very uninterested when we engage in physical relations. I'm not sure if this is a sign of being a good Godly woman, and not lusting, and not having an orgasm, or if its a sign of her wanting another woman so they can lick each others lady bits.


I'm going to go beat the possible gay demons out of her rectum, and then go to my prayer closet, and pray over this matter.


Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

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Default Re: Need to get control of my wife. - 02-08-2016, 03:28 AM

My friend I have to tell you that I have learned that the best course for me has been to avoid giving advice of a theological nature to others on this web site because the white people who are Baptists often have become angry at my impertinence and I have been rebuked a number of times. However I must say that in this case the Baptists and the Rastafari are in complete agreement as to the best course. You must beat this woman to gain her attention and her respect. If you do not beat her soundly you will have cause to regret it. It is up to you to chart the course for your wife and she must know that you are doing your job.


Jah Guide
Trevor


Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: Extol him that rideth upon the heavens By his name JAH, and rejoice before him.-Psalms 68:4
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Default Re: Need to get control of my wife. - 02-08-2016, 03:44 AM

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Originally Posted by I Man Rastafari View Post
My friend I have to tell you that I have learned that the best course for me has been to avoid giving advice of a theological nature to others on this web site because the white people who are Baptists often have become angry at my impertinence and I have been rebuked a number of times. However I must say that in this case the Baptists and the Rastafari are in complete agreement as to the best course. You must beat this woman to gain her attention and her respect. If you do not beat her soundly you will have cause to regret it. It is up to you to chart the course for your wife and she must know that you are doing your job.


Jah Guide
Trevor
Well it appears we can at least agree one one thing. Women need to be beaten. I suppose a broken clock is still right twice a day.


Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

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Default Re: Need to get control of my wife. - 02-08-2016, 11:59 AM

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Originally Posted by Vessel of Christ View Post
The wife is an excellent baker, and has never even touched a tool in her life. So I doubt she is a trans-queer-o-sexual. However whenever we are having physical relations she just lays there like a corpse, and says "Tell me when your done doin your thing".


I don't want her to enjoy the sex, or god forbid she have an orgasm. The only reason we have sex in the first place is so we can have children (Genesis 1:28), but she seems very uninterested when we engage in physical relations. I'm not sure if this is a sign of being a good Godly woman, and not lusting, and not having an orgasm, or if its a sign of her wanting another woman so they can lick each others lady bits.


I'm going to go beat the possible gay demons out of her rectum, and then go to my prayer closet, and pray over this matter.

I understand that you were somewhat inexperienced when you married your wife. Perhaps when you say that you are going to "beat the gay demons out of her rectum" and fantasize about her licking other's lady bits, it is possible that you have got your anatomy a bit confused.

Males have but one orifice in the nether regions, and if you had a close buddy during your teenage years it is not surprising that this is all you know of. Barely mentioned in most home schooling courses is that females have an extra orifice which is located somewhat to the north. Its only two known uses are for discharging blood, and bringing forward soldiers for Christ. Unpleasant as this may seem, this is the orifice you need to engage with for procreation. Maybe not as exciting as those locker room hugs and showers with your buddy, but necessary if you want a child on the way!

If you seek it, you will find it...unless your wife is excessively obese..in which case I'm told that rolling her in flour can aid in the search.

I hope these simple tips will help you have a fulfilling marriage

Phil
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Default Re: Need to get control of my wife. - 02-08-2016, 12:32 PM

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Originally Posted by Phil Ander View Post
I understand that you were somewhat inexperienced when you married your wife. Perhaps when you say that you are going to "beat the gay demons out of her rectum" and fantasize about her licking other's lady bits, it is possible that you have got your anatomy a bit confused.

Males have but one orifice in the nether regions, and if you had a close buddy during your teenage years it is not surprising that this is all you know of. Barely mentioned in most home schooling courses is that females have an extra orifice which is located somewhat to the north. Its only two known uses are for discharging blood, and bringing forward soldiers for Christ. Unpleasant as this may seem, this is the orifice you need to engage with for procreation. Maybe not as exciting as those locker room hugs and showers with your buddy, but necessary if you want a child on the way!

If you seek it, you will find it...unless your wife is excessively obese..in which case I'm told that rolling her in flour can aid in the search.

I hope these simple tips will help you have a fulfilling marriage

Phil
Thank you for the advice, but I am aware she has a frontal orfice thats for procreation, but I suspected the demons were hiding in her rectum, because she was engaging me in some perverted foot fornication, and that is often associated with gays, and gays like rectums. So I Assumed the demons were in her rectum, but I will check for demons in her bearded clam as well! YiC, Vessel of Christ.


Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

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Default Re: Need to get control of my wife. - 02-08-2016, 01:07 PM

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Originally Posted by Vessel of Christ View Post
she was engaging me in some perverted foot fornication, and that is often associated with gays, and gays like rectums. So I Assumed the demons were in her rectum.

Homersexual men like rectums because there is no other choice. Most homersexual women like cooters because there is a choice. Any homersexual woman who chooses a rectum over a cooter is beyond my understanding.
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Default Re: Need to get control of my wife. - 02-08-2016, 05:12 PM

If you haven't already cut it off, you could put some duct tape over that clitoral thing.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: Need to get control of my wife. - 02-08-2016, 11:28 PM

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Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
If you haven't already cut it off, you could put some duct tape over that clitoral thing.
I tried tearing it off with a pair of needlenose pliars, but I couldn't find the damn thing. I was searching around her stench trench for a solid hour trying to find it so I could dispose of it, but it was nowhere to be found. Is there a trick to finding it?


Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

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Default Re: Need to get control of my wife. - 07-27-2016, 09:07 PM

I am a woman and can often be quite lippy and overly head strong, yet spankings do not seem effective. How should I be punished?
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Default Re: Need to get control of my wife. - 07-27-2016, 09:23 PM

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Originally Posted by Rosie Conrad View Post
I am a woman and can often be quite lippy and overly head strong, yet spankings do not seem effective. How should I be punished?
That depends on whether you're a True Christian™ or not. As True Christians™ are mostly able to follow simple instructions (such as the request in your welcoming email that you post an introduction thread first thing), that tells me that you're not, so any correction attempts made will not save you from the fires of Hell, and are a waste of time (according to the Bible).


RIP Republican Party as a force in American Politics for the next decade, minimum
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Default Re: Need to get control of my wife. - 07-28-2016, 02:26 AM

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Originally Posted by Rosie Conrad View Post
I am a woman and can often be quite lippy and overly head strong, yet spankings do not seem effective. How should I be punished?
Hello Mrs. Conrad, and welcome to our friendly forums! God has a wonderful Punishment Instillation Plan in store for you! He'll personally curse you wherever you go (Deuteronomy 28:16)! All your hard work will come to naught (Deuteronomy 28:18). You think your mother was a nag? He'll turn nagging and sabotage up to a Divine 11 (Deuteronomy 28:20)! You'll get Tuberculosis, and a fever, and inflammation, and extreme burning, and you'll never get rid of the mold and mildew in your life (Deuteronomy 28:22). Your enemies will totally humiliate you (Deuteronomy 28:25), and you'll suffer from things like madness and never ending hemorrhoids (Deuteronomy 28:27-28)! Well, there's a lot more, so don't worry! You can read all about it in the 28th chapter of Deuteronomy.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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