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Default Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-12-2008, 11:42 PM

I wasn't sure if I should post this in the false religions or the help forum, but here goes...

Jehovah's Witnesses have been harassing me! They come to my front door and hand out little brochures as if I don't know who Jesus is and this angers me. Then they came back and inquired if I had read them yet (as if I'm in Jehosaphat school) and they even call me my by name, so they have invaded my privacy as well.

What should I do next weekend when they inevitably come back???


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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-12-2008, 11:49 PM

Sister G, I feel for you, but I need to ask you where your Godly Husband Elmer is in all this. I know for a fact that he keeps a firearm or two near the fron door of your trailer.

If he isn't home when they come next time, set the dogs on them.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-12-2008, 11:54 PM

Well Momma G, I usually beat them about the head and shoulders with my over-sized KJV1611 Bible.

Sometimes I see them out front and they point to my house and call me "crazy lady". Or is that those faggits on bikes........? They call me crazy too. When I see them riding along on their bikes and dinging their bells, I try to run them over with my giant SUV. GLORY!

LMAOW!! Can you imagine MEEEE a crazy lady!

Next time they start heading up your walk start throwing rocks at them.




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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-13-2008, 12:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
Jehovah's Witnesses have been harassing me! They come to my front door
Well, you could keep a pint or two of blood on hand and throw it at them if they keep harassing you. Or you could read them some Bible verses. There's nothing JW's hate more than blood and the Bible.

This kind of thing has been going on much too often since the ATF and that damned Jew judge made Landover security replace their assault rifles with TASERs. I mean, seriously, you can't condemn a whole program on account of just one or two slipups a month. Anyway, nobody ever proved that that that busload of negro kids outside the Creation Science museum wasn't really a suicide bombing Muslim terrorist ring. Better safe than sorry is my motto.

It sounds like we might need to get the Freehold PD SWAT team involved if these JW's are sighted again.



Pour out thy fury upon the heathen that know thee not, and upon the families that call not on thy name.... Jeremiah 10:25
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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-13-2008, 12:36 AM

You know that JewOver Witless are afraid of blood, don't you? It's because in their fake version of the Bible, there's something about how they can't eat blood or have blood transfusions. Anyway, you can use that to your advantage. Next time they show up, invite them in, be real polite. Then serve them some cranberry juice with cookies, only spike the juice with pig's blood. Then tell them what they just drank. Hah! Now they won't be able to get into heaven! Bet they'll jump around and holler for mercy like negros at a Klan lynching. I'd sure like to see that. Anyway, I don't think they'll come back again and bother you again.

By they way, you might want to do something similar if there are any Mudslimes near where you live. Spike their hamburgers with pork, then tell them what they ate. Can be a hoot doing that with Kosher Jews too.

Praise Jesus!
Buford


yours in Christ,
Brother Buford



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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-13-2008, 12:13 PM

Just answer the door naked - they don't know how to deal with that and they leave.


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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-13-2008, 12:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ahimaaz Smith View Post
It sounds like we might need to get the Freehold PD SWAT team involved if these JW's are sighted again.
Well Brother, I think we need to be more proactive and launch a preemptive strike. I'm sure there must be a JH nest somewhere near Freehold.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggoty Old Crone View Post
Just answer the door naked - they don't know how to deal with that and they leave.
Right. I saw your name, and I just knew this was going to be about:

1) you
2) sex

Guess what...


Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-13-2008, 12:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wide-Open View Post
Well Brother, I think we need to be more proactive and launch a preemptive strike. I'm sure there must be a JH nest somewhere near Freehold.



Right. I saw your name, and I just knew this was going to be about:

1) you
2) sex

Guess what...
I didn't say that's what I do - they don't come to my door.
And I didn't say that she sould offer to have sex with them. I was merely pointing out that they tend to be so uptight that the mere sight of a naked body freaks them out.


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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-13-2008, 02:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggoty Old Crone View Post
I didn't say that's what I do - they don't come to my door.
And I didn't say that she sould offer to have sex with them. I was merely pointing out that they tend to be so uptight that the mere sight of a naked body freaks them out.
Not always, I'm here to tell you. Some of them are sick perverts. And your suggestion to come to the door nude suggests something about your own state of mind, sadly. These JVs can be horny as goats and some of them are straight. Cast them out and rebuke them if you see them, even from afar.


"Come Unto Me. Put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath." (Matthew 19:14, Job 1:11).
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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-13-2008, 02:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex the Russian View Post
Not always, I'm here to tell you. Some of them are sick perverts. And your suggestion to come to the door nude suggests something about your own state of mind, sadly. These JVs can be horny as goats and some of them are straight. Cast them out and rebuke them if you see them, even from afar.

Like I said, they don't come to my door.
I have a ward set against door-to-door evangelists.


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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-13-2008, 03:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggoty Old Crone View Post
Like I said, they don't come to my door.
I have a ward set against door-to-door evangelists.
What is that supposed to mean?


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-13-2008, 03:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
What is that supposed to mean?

A ward is a protective spiritual barrier.


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Vayhr of the Warhost Vayhr of the Warhost is offline
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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-13-2008, 04:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
I wasn't sure if I should post this in the false religions or the help forum, but here goes...

Jehovah's Witnesses have been harassing me! They come to my front door and hand out little brochures as if I don't know who Jesus is and this angers me. Then they came back and inquired if I had read them yet (as if I'm in Jehosaphat school) and they even call me my by name, so they have invaded my privacy as well.

What should I do next weekend when they inevitably come back???
I saw you at service the other week. Such a fine fine fine True Christian woman. Mm-mm. I hate to see you in such a predicament.

I'll be back in town Friday night. If you'd like I could come over Saturday morning and wait for them. That is, if you husband is on a business trip or something and can't be there. I have a special way of dealing with those creeps. Do you have any bleach or should I bring my own? I should probably come a little early to lay down the plastic in your kitchen.
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Dark Angel Dark Angel is offline
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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-13-2008, 07:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
I wasn't sure if I should post this in the false religions or the help forum, but here goes...

Jehovah's Witnesses have been harassing me! They come to my front door and hand out little brochures as if I don't know who Jesus is and this angers me. Then they came back and inquired if I had read them yet (as if I'm in Jehosaphat school) and they even call me my by name, so they have invaded my privacy as well.

What should I do next weekend when they inevitably come back???
I've had problems with Jehovah's Witnesses in the past.
Just take an old apron (or buy a really cheap one), smear ketchup all over it (it looks like blood), then the next time they come to your door: wear the apron, open the door, look around like you're really suspicious of everyone, hand them back the flyer they gave you last time (make sure you have ketchup on your hands so it gets on the flyer) and tell them you don't need it. If needed, you can go to the door with a ketchup-covered kitchen knife in your hand (don't worry, the ketchup comes off easily) and have someone scream from the other room and tell your "visitors" that you have to go.
Trust me, they will never come to your door again!


Whoever said nothing is impossible hasn't tried to slam a revolving door.
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Vayhr of the Warhost Vayhr of the Warhost is offline
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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-13-2008, 10:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Angel View Post
I've had problems with Jehovah's Witnesses in the past.
Just take an old apron (or buy a really cheap one), smear ketchup all over it (it looks like blood), then the next time they come to your door: wear the apron, open the door, look around like you're really suspicious of everyone, hand them back the flyer they gave you last time (make sure you have ketchup on your hands so it gets on the flyer) and tell them you don't need it. If needed, you can go to the door with a ketchup-covered kitchen knife in your hand (don't worry, the ketchup comes off easily) and have someone scream from the other room and tell your "visitors" that you have to go.
Trust me, they will never come to your door again!
Have you even bleed before? Have you ever seen blood?

If you are too stupid to distinguish between ketchup and blood I don't think you have the visual nor intellectual capacity to help out Mother Glendie.

The only thing those Jehovah's Witnesses are going to think is that sweet Glendora is some kind of retard who doesn't know how to use a bottle of ketchup. Are those weirdos afraid of retards? Did they run from you when you displayed your mental limitations to them?
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Eugene Hackwith Eugene Hackwith is offline
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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-13-2008, 11:28 PM

I spend a lot of time cleaning my shotguns, so there's usually one lying disassembled on the table in my porch. When those types of people drop by, I just get to cleaning a gun while looking them straight in the eyes. I don't speak, I don't smile, because I don't need to. They usually understand pretty quickly that I don't want them around. This works for Jehovah's Witnesses, door to door salespeople, and nosy neighbors.
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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-14-2008, 02:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eugene Hackwith View Post
I spend a lot of time cleaning my shotguns, so there's usually one lying disassembled on the table in my porch. When those types of people drop by, I just get to cleaning a gun while looking them straight in the eyes. I don't speak, I don't smile, because I don't need to. They usually understand pretty quickly that I don't want them around. This works for Jehovah's Witnesses, door to door salespeople, and nosy neighbors.
That would work for me, too, Brother.


Mark 16:17 And these attesting signs will accompany those who believe: in My Name they will drive out demons.

1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned . . .

A SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER:
Father, In Jesus' Name, I take the Blood of Jesus and break the power of all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, wiccans, pagans, and any other source, and all of their rituals off of us. With the Blood of Jesus, I erase all evil lines drawn on our liver. . .

LANDOVER BAPTIST DEMON HUNTING PERMIT #00666-27





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Old Iron Crotch Old Iron Crotch is offline
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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-14-2008, 03:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Justina Thyme View Post
That would work for me, too, Brother.

Why don't you just sic a lint demon on them?


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Wide-Open Wide-Open is offline
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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-14-2008, 03:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggoty Old Crone View Post
A ward is a protective spiritual barrier.
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Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Default Re: Need Help With Jehovah's Witnesses!!! - 05-14-2008, 03:14 PM

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Originally Posted by Wide-Open View Post

That is a picture of warts, not a ward.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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