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Reload this Page Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle!
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Default Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle! - 08-13-2009, 08:49 PM

One of the greatest dangers facing our children today is a sin that the liberal media establishment has managed to force every false "Christian" and false conservative to keep quiet about thanks to political correctness run amuck. However, we at Landover Baptist Church don't bow to such pressures that attempt to keep us from speaking the TRUTH!
Only we have the bravery given us by Jesus to speak up and let the world know RETARDEDS ARE BORN OF SIN!

Mark 9:17 And one of the multitude answered and said, Master, I have brought unto thee my son, which hath a dumb spirit;
9:18 And wheresoever he taketh him, he teareth him: and he foameth, and gnasheth with his teeth, and pineth away: and I spake to thy disciples that they should cast him out; and they could not.
9:19 He answereth him, and saith, O faithless generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him unto me.
9:20 And they brought him unto him: and when he saw him, straightway the spirit tare him; and he fell on the ground, and wallowed foaming.

There is a culture war under way right now, and one of the battles the forces of Satan have been waging and winning has been in their attempts to recruit America's children into the retarded lifestyle. Until now.
My husband, Mr. Whitford, has seen this danger has been moved by the Holy Spirit to act, to show the world that it is indeed possible to cure those who have been lured into the retarded lifestyle. He has been moved to put funds toward establishing a new program to help those who want to let Jesus help them become normal, good Christian citizens.
On behalf of my husband, Mr. Whitford, it is my great honor to announce TARDS™. Turning Around Retarded Dummies Sin™.
For only $999.95 a month until the retarded is cured, those caught up in the retarded lifestyle can be led out of the stupid wilderness and into Christ's Loving Arms! PRAISE!

The facility
The TARDS™ facility houses up to 700 retardeds
Each retarded will enjoy full privacy as every ward contains only 20 bunks
They will enjoy 1-2 fully cooked meals a day in the spacious mess hall
15 foot high electrified barb wire fences and 24 hour armed guards to keep liberals from trying to sneak in and undo all the hard work
Two orderlies per ward, 24 hours a day, to ensure every retarded is able to maintain the discipline they need
Two isolation wards for the particularly unruly

While treatments will be customized for each retarded, the following will be a typical day...
8am: Reveille
8am - 9am: Prayer
9am - 10am: A sermon from the staff morning pastor
10am - 11am: Electro-shock
11am - Noon: Prayer
Noon - 12:15pm: Break time
12:15pm - 2pm: Prayer
2pm - 3pm: A sermon from the staff afternoon pastor
3pm - 3:30pm: Medical inspection by a staff faith healer and/or creation scientist doctor, includes laying of hands
3:30pm - 3:45pm: Exercise yard
3:45pm - 5pm: Prayer
5pm - 5:15pm: Break time
5:15pm - 7pm: A sermon from the staff evening pastor
7pm - 9pm: Prayer
9pm: Bed time

If you or someone you know has any knowledge of a retarded and would like a brochure, please send an SASE and $10 (check or money order only) to...

TARDS™
Suite 106, 1011 King James Avenue
Freehold, IA 50312

All things are possible through Jesus! Hallelujah!


Posted via Prayer

1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

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Default Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle! - 08-13-2009, 10:56 PM

Just a reminder for your nightly prayers to please remember TARDS™.


Posted via Prayer

1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

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Default Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle! - 08-13-2009, 11:12 PM

Well praise Jesus and good luck with this ministry Mrs. Whitford. I'm sure that your husband will be up to the task.

I foresee your biggest problem being the harassment you're bound to receive from the "special olympics" nazis. Their mouths will be watering over a batch of 700 drooling mongoloids just waiting to be used by the liberals as "victims."

Be strong, sister. Your husband remains in my prayers.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle! - 08-13-2009, 11:14 PM

Sister, I did not see an activity period where they can make wallets for drunken indians to sell.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle! - 08-13-2009, 11:16 PM

Such a kind Christian soul you are, Sister M&M. Fortunately no one in my family has been accursed with the horrible retardation, but I do have a certain television viewer who has written to me complaining about her spastic son. He has to wear a helmet when he goes out and hurts himself by intentionally trying to set himself on fire constantly. I will forward to her your PO Box so she may contact you.

May Jesus bless you for your kind heart.



Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

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Default Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle! - 08-13-2009, 11:20 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
Sister, I did not see an activity period where they can make wallets for drunken indians to sell.
The long term plan includes opening a factory next to the facility to help the patients make the transition to functioning citizens.


Posted via Prayer

1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

Blogging for CHRIST!
Witnessing for GOD on YouTube!
All a-Twitter for Salvation!
Bringing Jesus to MySpace!
On FIRE for the Lord on Facebook!
My Ladies of Landover profile!
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Smile Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle! - 08-13-2009, 11:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
The long term plan includes opening a factory next to the facility to help the patients make the transition to functioning citizens.
Excellent


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle! - 08-13-2009, 11:29 PM

Speaking of which... Brother Monty, expect a call from Mr. Whitford tomorrow.


Posted via Prayer

1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

Blogging for CHRIST!
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Default Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle! - 08-16-2009, 01:47 PM

Count me in for one of those wallets.

But, please, I'd rather deal directly with the factory than having to buy from some drunken "native" American.


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Default Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle! - 08-24-2009, 09:47 PM

Sho-nuff, dem retards can be useful. A brotha I know have a car wash, and he lock a retarded kid in da car while he wash it. By da time he gots da outside washed dat little retard done lick da windows clean! Yeah, he gotta clean up some drool an stuff, but he get da dirt off real good.


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Default Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle! - 08-25-2009, 12:49 AM

Sister, while I think it is just great that you and the Godly Mr. Whitford have decided to do what you can for these lost souls, I do hope you have had all of your staff vaccinated! You don't want any normals catching the retardation off of those head-bobbers!

And I'd make sure to install several hand sanitizing stations too, in various places around the property. The retards of course are far too stupid to understand hygiene, but some of the staff may inadvertently touch a client occasionally. If he went home without washing his hands, he could start a full scale retardation epidemic here in Freehold!




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Default Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle! - 09-12-2009, 01:09 AM

Am I reading this correctly? I mean, do you people realize this sounds like a concetration camp? What kind of "loving Christian care" can possibly go on here?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
Only we have the bravery given us by Jesus to speak up and let the world know RETARDEDS ARE BORN OF SIN!

Mark 9:17 And one of the multitude answered and said, Master, I have brought unto thee my son, which hath a dumb spirit;
9:18 And wheresoever he taketh him, he teareth him: and he foameth, and gnasheth with his teeth, and pineth away: and I spake to thy disciples that they should cast him out; and they could not.
9:19 He answereth him, and saith, O faithless generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him unto me.
9:20 And they brought him unto him: and when he saw him, straightway the spirit tare him; and he fell on the ground, and wallowed foaming.
No, you are wrong. The son is not retarded but suffering demonic possession. He had a "dumb spirit", the spirit later went away and he was fine. If you ever seen the Exorcist, you would know that demons display behaviors such as this.

Quote:
There is a culture war under way right now, and one of the battles the forces of Satan have been waging and winning has been in their attempts to recruit America's children into the retarded lifestyle. Until now.
Retarded lifestyle? Are you saying it's a choice to become retarded? Do you also think people choose to be black or white? Did you choose to be a woman? Did you choose to be born on a certain day?

Quote:
The facility
The TARDS™ facility houses up to 700 retardeds
Each retarded will enjoy full privacy as every ward contains only 20 bunks
They will enjoy 1-2 fully cooked meals a day in the spacious mess hall
15 foot high electrified barb wire fences and 24 hour armed guards to keep liberals from trying to sneak in and undo all the hard work
Two orderlies per ward, 24 hours a day, to ensure every retarded is able to maintain the discipline they need
Two isolation wards for the particularly unruly
Did you hire the architect at Dachau or Auschwitz? Crammed into small dorms, eating only once or twice a day, and electric barb wire fences to keep the victims INSIDE not to keep anyone from the outside coming in. You are fooling no one. Let me guess...you also have some gas chambers and industrial ovens there too, huh?

This is a truly sick idea and if this place has been built yet, I think it should be torn down.


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Default Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle! - 09-12-2009, 01:14 AM

Why do you hate the retarded, and want them to be mocked?

I bet you laugh at poor Trig Palin, too.


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Default Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle! - 09-12-2009, 01:17 AM

I do not hate the retarded. Why would you say that? I think they need to be helped. Surely rounding them up like cattle and shocking them will not help them. They need proper supervision, fun simple activities like walking through the mall or maybe playing catch with big rubber balls. I doubt any licensed medical doctor would approve of this so-called "TARDS™" facility. Even the name is quite offensive! I'm not sure if it was intentional or not but did you know "tard" is an insulting term?


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Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
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Default Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle! - 09-12-2009, 01:26 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wally's World View Post
I do not hate the retarded. Why would you say that? I think they need to be helped. Surely rounding them up like cattle and shocking them will not help them. They need proper supervision, fun simple activities like walking through the mall or maybe playing catch with big rubber balls. I doubt any licensed medical doctor would approve of this so-called "TARDS™" facility. Even the name is quite offensive! I'm not sure if it was intentional or not but did you know "tard" is an insulting term?
"Tard" is a contraction of the word "retard." Just like "don't" is a contraction of "do not." The Bible is full of contractions. The retardeds don't have enough sense to be offended, so you can call them what you like. Only whiney limp-wristed liberals are offended by such nonsense.

And Wally, let's face it; No one wants to see these drooling mongolids out in public. Back in the good old days people had the Christian decency to keep them out of sight. That's what attics are for.


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Default Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle! - 09-12-2009, 02:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wally's World View Post
I do not hate the retarded. Why would you say that? I think they need to be helped. Surely rounding them up like cattle and shocking them will not help them. They need proper supervision, fun simple activities like walking through the mall or maybe playing catch with big rubber balls. I doubt any licensed medical doctor would approve of this so-called "TARDS™" facility. Even the name is quite offensive! I'm not sure if it was intentional or not but did you know "tard" is an insulting term?
Walking through the mall?!

Do you have any idea the danger? The havoc? The chaos that would ensue?


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Default Re: Announcing compassionate help for the retarded lifestyle! - 09-12-2009, 11:05 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wally's World View Post
IThey need proper supervision, fun simple activities like walking through the mall or maybe playing catch with big rubber balls. ?
I believe Sister Jenny D neatly disposed of your mall walking idea. Nothing but chaos would ensue.

Your other bad idea is the big rubber ball delusion. Don't you realize that the bigger the ball, the more drool covering it? One of those balls could get loose and touch one of the attendents. And there's no way in the world hand sanitizers could protect them.

Back to the drawing board, Wally.


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