[Johny Joe Hold]

My fellow citizens of Freehold, thank you for coming today. Jesus has called me to run for Mayor. I accept His call.

The mysterious death of beloved Mayor, Mitch Mitchell, makes us all wonder, "Why, and, who is next?" Then, there is the unrelenting attack on Landover Baptisit Church by thug-like Icelanders--attacks on our City's most holy and heterosexual institution.

I stand before you with information I am loath to reveal--but reveal it I must. The death of Mayor Mitchell and the attacks on Landover appear to have the same source.

I just returned from a secret trip to Iceland. There I met privately with Prime Minister Johanna Sigurdardottir. I wanted to meet personally with PM Sigurdardottir because I had learned she is, may I be polite here, heterosexually challenged (HC). I suspected this was related to our problems here in Freehold.

During my meeting with PM Sigurdardottir, HC, I asked her repeatedly, "Do you know anything about the death of Mayor Mitchell and the attacks on Landover Baptist?" Each time, she would laugh and say, "Mr. Hold, let's have some more akvavit." Then, an aide would serve us my favorite, Norwegian Aalvorg.

But, she did let slip enough information to confirm my suspicions: Iceland has so many heterosexually challenged women (HC) that there is a shortage of straight pie-baking wives. And, the Christian women of Freehold are their target. The death of Mayor Mitchell made Mrs. Mitchell available for an Icelandic husband. I stand ready to fight for our women.

A very strange thing also happened during my visit with PM Sigurdardottir, HC. I mentioned in passing that a Mr. King was running for Mayor. PM Sigurdardottir, HC, replied, "Oh, you must mean Al." I asked her how she knew "Al". She replied, "Mr. Hold, let's have some more akvavit."

In closing, I must mention, reluctantly, something rather political. My worthy opponent, Alfred King, has said nothing about the threat from Iceland. He seems unconcerned about the welfare of our pie-baking wives.

I look forward to a spirited campaign. God bless you.

[James Dewitt]

I for one am quite relived that a Godly Republican and a True Christian has decided to Run and BE elected to Freeholds office of Mayor. Thank you for taking such a chance traveling to the Hell bound country of Iceland( you never know when God is going to strike and remove them from the face of the earth), I had an idea that the People of Iceland were behind our late Mayors unfortunate passing.
Do you have a campain fund set up yet? It can be very costly to run for office, if I may I would like to start the ball rolling with a donation of say $10,000.00, I can chip in more if needed.

YIC James Dewitt.

[Alfred King]

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

My worthy opponent, Alfred King

Thank you for that, Johny Joe Hold. Lets both vouch for honest election campaigns where we will talk about the important issues facing Freehold.

I just returned from a secret trip to Iceland.

How very suspicious. Why did you go to Iceland while there clearly is a lot of hate for Freehold in Iceland? Why did you leave America for a trip to Iceland? Do you not love America?

my favorite, Norwegian Aalvorg

Why do you drink Norwegian products? Why not American products? Do you hate America?

I stand ready to fight for our women.

This we can agree on. Women should be protected. Especially from cowards who think it is allowed to hit them.

[Cranky Old Man]

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

Jesus has called me to run for Mayor. I accept His call.

That is great news! You have my vote for sure.

[True Disciple]

Finally, someone who makes sense! I'm glad that there are still some Godly Republicans to fend off the liberal threat!

[Miss Cassandra]

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

But, she did let slip enough information to confirm my suspicions: Iceland has so many heterosexually challenged women (HC) that there is a shortage of straight pie-baking wives. And, the Christian women of Freehold are their target. The death of Mayor Mitchell made Mrs. Mitchell available for an Icelandic husband. I stand ready to fight for our women.

Oh, don't bother. I'd rather be raped by a pillaging viking than owned by an abusive "true christian" husband.

Originally Posted by Alfred King

This we can agree on. Women should be protected. Especially from cowards who think it is allowed to hit them.

Thank you, mr King. You're a wonderful man.

Change is gonna come to Freehold!

[Sledge Riprock]

The LORD has called Me to RUN, and I am RUNNING HARD, for Freehold! My Truck is a FORD, and it RUNS STRONG!!! God knows Me as He Knows ALL!

I can be IN CHARGE!

Citizens of Freehold, I LOVE AMERICA, I Know THINGS, things I must KEEP UNDER MY HAT! I Remembered you can USE COLORS and SIZES here, and I will do this for JESUS!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Originally Posted by Alfred King

Why did you leave America for a trip to Iceland? Do you not love America?

Mr. King, I hope we can both agree on KNOWN facts. I had to go to Iceland to verify certain facts, then, apply logic to what I had discovered.
Fact #1: P M Sigurdardodtir is heterosexually challenged.
Fact #2: It would be unnatural for any man, or, straight woman to support her.
Fact #3: Thus, her only supporters would have to be other HC women.
Fact #4: The gain 50 %, every woman in Iceland would have to be HC.

The complete conversion of women in Iceland to become HC is the result of the country being Godless. I'm taking Jesus with me into the Office of Mayor in Freehold and He will guide me in the defense of our beautiful pie- baking women from the wifeless men of Iceland.

[Richard Weed]

I just want you all to know that I will be the candidate representing the Green Party in this election. I'm looking forward to getting to know everybody.

[James Hutchins]

Mr. MayorHold, I am glad to see you take the initiate to go to visit those eskimoes. That kind of not beating around the Bush, take charge, man of action is what has over the years symbolized Mayor Mitchells management. I know when you are elected, we can expect the same personal attention.

Is it true all iceland women are frigid?

[Alfred King]

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

Mr. King, I hope we can both agree on KNOWN facts. I had to go to Iceland to verify certain facts, then, apply logic to what I had discovered.
Fact #1: P M Sigurdardodtir is heterosexually challenged.
Fact #2: It would be unnatural for any man, or, straight woman to support her.
Fact #3: Thus, her only supporters would have to be other HC women.
Fact #4: The gain 50 %, every woman in Iceland would have to be HC. ...

Why would anyone care about what is going on in Iceland of all places? We have to focus on Freehold. Which is in America by the way.

A question, where did the money you used to go to Iceland come from? Did you waste any tax payer money on that?

[Miss Cassandra]

Originally Posted by Alfred King

Why would anyone care about what is going on in Iceland of all places? We have to focus on Freehold. Which is in America by the way.

I think the answer here is obvious, mr. King.

Firstly, mr. Hold needs a scapegoat to blame all possible problems on. Demagogues always do that, and they'd rather choose a scapegoat people don't really know much about and who lives far away, so no one will actually realize how nonsensical his words are.

Secondly, it serves as a good distraction from the real problems, which occur right here in Freehold. As I've explained you yesterday evening in the forest, there are a lot of things happening here which cannot bear the light of day.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Originally Posted by Alfred King

Why would anyone care about what is going on in Iceland of all places? We have to focus on Freehold. Which is in America by the way.

A question, where did the money you used to go to Iceland come from? Did you waste any tax payer money on that?

I flew Mr. Hold to Iceland in one of our G550s. Landover AirJesus is owned by Landover Baptist Church and is therefore a tax exempt business. As Mr. Hold is True Christian™ member of the church in good standing, if a Pastor approves of his use of the plane, he is allowed to fly.

And just because the city of Freehold recently donated money to Landover Baptist Church, there is no link between these two unrelated events.

[Alfred King]

Originally Posted by Capt. A. Portway

I flew Mr. Hold to Iceland in one of our G550s. Landover AirJesus is owned by Landover Baptist Church and is therefore a tax exempt business. As Mr. Hold is True Christian™ member of the church in good standing, if a Pastor approves of his use of the plane, he is allowed to fly.

So what you are saying here is that Johny Joe Hold broke the law by allowing a Church to sponsor his campaign?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Alfred King

So what you are saying here is that Johny Joe Hold broke the law by allowing a Church to sponsor his campaign?

He didn't break any laws, boy.

Shut your yap and stop trying to stir up trouble.

[Miss Cassandra]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

He didn't break any laws, boy.

Shut your yap and stop trying to stir up trouble.

Feeling a bit uneasy, Pastor?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Miss Cassandra

I think the answer here is obvious, mr. King.

Firstly, mr. Hold needs a scapegoat to blame all possible problems on. Demagogues always do that, and they'd rather choose a scapegoat people don't really know much about and who lives far away, so no one will actually realize how nonsensical his words are.

Secondly, it serves as a good distraction from the real problems, which occur right here in Freehold. As I've explained you yesterday evening in the forest, there are a lot of things happening here which cannot bear the light of day.

Isn't that what you're doing Miss Cassie? Aren't you using me as a distraction from the real problem at hand: YOUR SALVATION!!??

Stop all this nonsense and scamper on back home now. Your daddy is worried sick about you. He wants to give you the bating of your life, just to prove that Jesus loves you.

[Miss Cassandra]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Isn't that what you're doing Miss Cassie? Aren't you using me as a distraction from the real problem at hand: YOUR SALVATION!!??

Of course not. If you want to use a distraction for anything, you must make sure that the distraction is spectacular enough to be of interest to people. Aggressive pillaging hellbound vikings are interesting. A closeted homosexual pastor with a minority complex is not.

Stop all this nonsense and scamper on back home now. Your daddy is worried sick about you. He wants to give you the bating of your life, just to prove that Jesus loves you.

No doubt he'd like to do that, wouldn't he? He is nearly as pathetic a man as you are.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Originally Posted by Alfred King

So what you are saying here is that Johny Joe Hold broke the law by allowing a Church to sponsor his campaign?

I'm saying nothing of the kind! Are you suggesting that a church member be barred from church property simply because he is running for office!?! You LIEberals are all alike! You won't be happy until it's ILLEGAL to be Christian!

[Miss Cassandra]

Originally Posted by Capt. A. Portway

You won't be happy until it's ILLEGAL to be Christian!

Typical case of psychological projection, I'd say!