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Default How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-07-2010, 04:56 PM

Homosexuals are amongst us. Every day, they discreetly pollute the Good Lord's Earth with their filthy ways. Luckily, me and Dimitri, at the Domnino League Against Sodomites, have compiled a list of data that will assist you in telling whether your closest friends are secretly queers.


Eating and Drinking:

Whether at the bathhouse, drinking beverages (in appropriate amounts, as prescribed in Timothy 5:23) in the company of fellow Christians, or simply eating lunch on the truck roads of northern Siberia, eating and drinking habits of those within your group of friends will reveal whether or not they are Closetfags™.


Foods consumed by men:


Anything with more than half a pound of meat.
Anything fried or deep fried.
Anything pie-like of the appropriate size.
Anything hunted/skinned yourself and cooked by your wife and/or daughter(s).


Foods consumed by homosexuals:


Anything that comes in small, faggy portions (Sushi, "Cocktail Snacks")
Anything with a foreign name (Especially if in French)
Anything that is shared with other men (Tapas)



Drinks consumed by men:


Wine (Only if you are depressed. Wine must have a pronouncable name to avoid being mixed with "Faggy wine" [See below] ) Proverbs 31:6-7
Spirits (See Wine)
Beer (See Wine)
Water
Anything produced by the Coca-Cola Company, except drinks which reference fruit. These are considered "fruity", e.g. homosexual beverages.
e.g. Coca-Cola Cherry.


Drinks consumed by homosexuals:

Cocktails (Notice the name!) - Not a proper drink. Any drink that is a mixture of two or more normally separate drinks is considered a cocktail.
Faggy Wine - Wine made outside of own country, probably in France. The name is distinctly not-English sounding and the label will most likely have pictures of men holding hands.



Conversation:



Homosexuals can often be caught out by listening to their conversation.


Conversation Word Limit

Men talk to exchange information. If any man exceeds the standard limit of 20 words per minute (Unless he is recounting a glorious story of conquest, preaching or praying), he is surely a homosexual.

If you fear you are nearly exceeding this limit in daily conversation, try the following tricks:

* Cut down on words like "Sure.", "Okay.", "Nah." and replace them with indistinct grunts, or glares in the general direction of the person with whom the conversation is occuring.
* Ignore questions, then reproach them for asking you the same thing twice.


Topics of conversation suitable for men:


Comparing engine/tyre/gas tank sizes
Car/truck/van mechanical problems
Comparing your current events (Awful times) to similar events occuring 1/5/10/20 years ago (Good, Holy Christian times)
Your wife/daughter's inability to cook/clean/etc.
Most recent [manly sport of your choice] game.
Women (In appropriate Christian fashion)
The Bible.


Topics of conversation considered homosexual:


The Weather (In a positive manner):
e.g. "The stars are so beautiful today."
'Famous people' you haven't heard of.
Clothes
Anything that uses the word "Gorgeous" or synonyms.
Indepth descriptions of sexual activities with other men.
Anything that is prefaced with "You'll never guess what I saw in Vogue today!"




Other Signs


* In public toilets, a man uses a urinal next to your own.
* He often walks like a cowboy, but you have never seen him ride a horse.
* When you take a shower, he looks through your bathroom window.


Please add to our list if you find anything that is miss. Dimitri & I work very hard and will update once we discover more about this plague. If you suspect you have homosexuals in your neighbourhood, please seek professional aid and do not go outside alone.

Praise Christ.
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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-08-2010, 03:27 PM

I can usually spot them when 11 inches of one disappears into another.
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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-08-2010, 03:37 PM

If I was going to spot a queer I would use a paintball gun and those cute pink paintball bullets. I hear those fags love pink, so I'm sure he'll be pleased to be covered in little pink spots.


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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-08-2010, 03:48 PM

Sometimes one can garner a clue from their appearance:
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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-08-2010, 04:38 PM

Gays have only 2 rights: AIDS and Hell!
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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-08-2010, 08:30 PM

At least faggy dudes r moar layed back dan you uptite nigger knockerz
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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-08-2010, 10:02 PM

I've never seen a drum-trucking shag before but what I can tell you is look at the hair. If it isn't a churchly comb-over, shoot him.
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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-08-2010, 10:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gatorade666 View Post
At least faggy dudes r moar layed back dan you uptite nigger knockerz
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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-14-2010, 01:31 PM

This is all so ridiculous. I could show you three people you have never met, and there is not a chance that you could guess their sexuality correctly.

I can almost guarantee that you have someone close to you that is gay and you don't even know it, and if you all keep acting the way you do, you never will know and you will end up losing them because they are so damn upset of what you (think) you know about them.

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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-14-2010, 01:50 PM

What do you mean, we are going to loose them? They are allready lost and going to hell bound to eternal damnation. If we can't spot them how can we possibly rescue them. Only by makeing it clear to them that God considers them moral abominations and they can never enter into paradise, can we attempt to save them.
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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-14-2010, 01:54 PM

See, your problem is that you can't "spot" them. It's not like all gay/straight/bisexual/whatever people act the same.

And am I right in assuming that you think that everything French is gay? If so, why are there straight French people? Or are they not really French.

Were they born somewhere else and just happened to move to France at a young age just for the purpose of reproduction?
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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-14-2010, 02:04 PM

I have several good friends that are gay and other than the fact that they spend too much time lifting weights, you would never guess they were gay. They are the finest people I know. If anyone deserves to be punished for their sexual activities it's all of those Catholic priests!


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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-14-2010, 02:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BarbequeDip View Post
See, your problem is that you can't "spot" them. It's not like all gay/straight/bisexual/whatever people act the same.

And am I right in assuming that you think that everything French is gay? If so, why are there straight French people? Or are they not really French.

Were they born somewhere else and just happened to move to France at a young age just for the purpose of reproduction?
This is pretty gay



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Proverbs 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-14-2010, 02:08 PM

There are some "pretty gay" things all over the world. Same as there are "pretty straight" things all over the world, and yes, even in France.
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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-14-2010, 03:33 PM

You can cleary see if someone is Gay. The way he talks and how he walks, the way he speaks,
how he uses his eyes to open your heart.

1 John 3:8

8 The one who does what is sinful is of the devil
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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-14-2010, 03:37 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Titus Templeton View Post
You can cleary see if someone is Gay. The way he talks and how he walks, the way he speaks,
I'm sorry, but if you truly believe that then you are very ignorant and have obviously not met many gay people.
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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-14-2010, 04:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BarbequeDip View Post
I'm sorry, but if you truly believe that then you are very ignorant and have obviously not met many gay people.
Name calling is not really needed here. Just because you chose to be a queer does not mean you have to be nasty about it, even if you are going to hell in the proverbial handbasket.
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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-14-2010, 05:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nathan B. Forrest View Post
Name calling is not really needed here. Just because you chose to be a queer does not mean you have to be nasty about it, even if you are going to hell in the proverbial handbasket.
Hypocritical, much? And just to say, I'm not a "queer". I'm a straight female.

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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-14-2010, 05:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BarbequeDip View Post
I'm sorry, but if you truly believe that then you are very ignorant and have obviously not met many gay people.
You're kidding, right? You must have never heard of gaydar. There are SO MANY ways to recognize those fags that I would get old before I could list them all. Well, I'm already old, but it would take a long time.

The gays go out of their way to dress faggy and to adopt that swishy homo gait.

To deny that it is possible to identify a fag by sight alone is simply unbelievable. You must have never met or seen one. I wish I could make that same claim.


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Default Re: How to spot a homosexual: A step by step guide - 11-14-2010, 05:27 PM

(My points are in bold.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
You're kidding, right? You must have never heard of gaydar. There are SO MANY ways to recognize those fags that I would get old before I could list them all. I doubt it. And I know that some of these "ways" would apply to many straight people as well. Well, I'm already old, but it would take a long time.

The gays go out of their way to dress faggy and to adopt that swishy homo gait. No they don't. That's just the way they(some of them) are. They would have to go out of their way to change that.

To deny that it is possible to identify a fag by sight alone is simply unbelievable. I beg to differ. I could post pictures of several people and there is not a chance you could identify their sexualities. You must have never met or seen one. Yes I have, which is why I am saying all that I am. I wish I could make that same claim. You wish, but you can't because it's not true.
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