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Default How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Perry/Bachmann 2012! - 01-23-2011, 03:03 AM

Brethren and Sistren:

I had a horrible thought today. When Perry and Bachmann win the race in 2012, we will be well on our way to reenacting Biblical Law across this great land. However, I think we almost overlooked a very important logistical issue: Will we be ready when stoning becomes legal again? My analysis of this important issue follows and it contains a dire warning. We have much to do to prepare! I encourage all to read this with much haste.

Why Does God Choose Stoning?
Before getting to the meat of the issue at hand, it is important to understand why God chooses stoning as His favorite method of capital punishment. Stoning, or "lapidation," is a form of capital punishment whereby a group throws stones at a person until the person dies. One advantage is that no individual among the group can be identified as the one who kills the subject. This prevents bragging or betting or other forms of score-keeping. (This is in contrast to the case of a judicial executioner.) Also, stoning is slower than other forms of execution, and hence is a form of execution by torture. This means that God wants these sinners to die a slow painful death before they burn in Hell for all eternity. Clearly, God is very upset at those who break His laws and wants to really lay into them!

Stoning Will Be Legally Required For Many Offenses
As you all know, the Bible instructs us on the many crimes against God that are punishable by stoning. I did a quick read-through of my KJV Bible last night and counted 345 instances of the words "stone" "stones" "stoning" etc. Now, while many of those have to do with precious stones that are collected after the great kings of God have slaughtered foreign villages or the Great Stone being rolled away from Jesus's Tomb on that glorious day of days; many of the 345 references concern stoning. I have selected a short list of examples to demonstrate the types of crimes that will be punishable by stoning once we control both houses of Congress and Brother Perry and Sister Bachmann are in the Oval Office:

Quote:
Stone Animals Who Attack People
Exodus 21:28
If an ox gore a man or a woman, that they die: then the ox shall be surely stoned, and his flesh shall not be eaten; but the owner of the ox shall be quit.

Stone Owners Of Animals Who Attack People
Exodus 21:29
But if the ox were wont to push with his horn in time past, and it hath been testified to his owner, and he hath not kept him in, but that he hath killed a man or a woman; the ox shall be stoned, and his owner also shall be put to death.

Stone Animals Who Push People
Exodus 21:32
If the ox shall push a manservant or a maidservant; he shall give unto their master thirty shekels of silver, and the ox shall be stoned.

Stone Those Who Sacrifice Their Children To Molech
Leviticus 20:2
Again, thou shalt say to the children of Israel, Whosoever he be of the children of Israel, or of the strangers that sojourn in Israel, that giveth any of his seed unto Molech; he shall surely be put to death: the people of the land shall stone him with stones.
Note: We have to look to the jewish community for breakers of this rule since they sacrifice kids to Molech to get blood for their zionist rituals.

Stone Wizards And Witches
Leviticus 20:27
A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.

Stone Those Who Curse God
Leviticus 24:14
Bring forth him that hath cursed without the camp; and let all that heard him lay their hands upon his head, and let all the congregation stone him.

Leviticus 24:23
And Moses spake to the children of Israel, that they should bring forth him that had cursed out of the camp, and stone him with stones. And the children of Israel did as the LORD commanded Moses.

Stone Those Who Blaspheme Against God
Leviticus 24:16
And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the Lord, shall be put to death.

Stone Those Who Break The Sabbath
Number 15:32-36
32And while the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day.
...
36And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses.

Stone False Prophets
Deuteronomy 13
1If there arise among you a prophet, or a dreamer of dreams, and giveth thee a sign or a wonder,
2And the sign or the wonder come to pass, whereof he spake unto thee, saying, Let us go after other gods, which thou hast not known, and let us serve them;
3Thou shalt not hearken unto the words of that prophet, or that dreamer of dreams: for the LORD your God proveth you, to know whether ye love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul.
5And that prophet, or that dreamer of dreams, shall be put to death; because he hath spoken to turn you away from the LORD your God, which brought you out of the land of Egypt, and redeemed you out of the house of bondage, to thrust thee out of the way which the LORD thy God commanded thee to walk in. So shalt thou put the evil away from the midst of thee.


Stone Any Of Your Family Who Encourages You To Follow False Prophets
6If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers;
...
9But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people.
10And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die; because he hath sought to thrust thee away from the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.

Stone Anyone Serving Or Worshiping Other Gods
Deuteronomy 17
2If there be found among you, within any of thy gates which the LORD thy God giveth thee, man or woman, that hath wrought wickedness in the sight of the LORD thy God, in transgressing his covenant,
3And hath gone and served other gods, and worshipped them, either the sun, or moon, or any of the host of heaven, which I have not commanded;
...
5Then shalt thou bring forth that man or that woman, which have committed that wicked thing, unto thy gates, even that man or that woman, and shalt stone them with stones, till they die.

Stone Your Stubborn Sons
Deuteronomy 21
18If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:
19Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;
20And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.
21And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

Stone Your Wife If She Was Not A Virgin When She Wed You
Deuteronomy 22
13If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her,
14And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid:
...
20But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel:
21Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.

Stone Women Who Are Engaged And Either Have An Affair In A City Or Are Raped In A City But Whose Cries For Help Are Not Heard
Deuteronomy 22 (King James Version)
23If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her;
24Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour's wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you.

Stone Diplomats You Don't Like
2 Chronicles 10
18Then king Rehoboam sent Hadoram that was over the tribute; and the children of Israel stoned him with stones, that he died. But king Rehoboam made speed to get him up to his chariot, to flee to Jerusalem.

Stone "Evil People"
Ezekiel 23:47
47And the company shall stone them with stones, and dispatch them with their swords; they shall slay their sons and their daughters, and burn up their houses with fire.
Phew! And that's just a small sampling and JUST where stones are explicitly stated. There are MANY more laws that just say that the sinner shall be "put to death." Since God prefers stoning as His favorite form of capital punishment, it is safe to assume that we should use stoning in ALL cases where God tells us to kill people.

So what does this mean? Well, while your first question very well may be "How many people will qualify for stoning?" I suggest that the easier question to ask is "Who WON'T be stoned?" While we know that True Christians™ are all safe, there may be a few people out there who skirt all the stoning laws and get by. But the long and short of it is that millions of Americans should be stoned to death even if you just count the jews, muslims, catholics, and atheists. Once we get through those, we will have some clean up work to do, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it. It will keep us busy for years or until the rapture comes. Heck, we may even trigger the Rapture with our Holy Justice brought on by a righteous Christian government!

What Is The Proper Stoning Procedure?
We will follow the protocols that have been in place for millennia. While the details vary, the broad strokes are clear. You gather the appropriate people (usually men only) and they all have multiple stones. They all throw their stones as hard as they can at the sinner until she is dead. Sometimes they bury the sinner up to her torso or head so that they just toss at her head. While this makes it harder to hit the sinner, it is more than compensated by the fact that the sinner can not raise her arms to defend herself.

Just to be clear, here are a few educational videos. It is sad that they are from Islamic countries, but I have to give it to the camel jockeys...they follow their satanic verses to the letter.

Standard Angry Crowd Version



Buried To The Chest Variant




Do We Have Enough Stones?
This may be THE great concern of our times. If you review the list above, and you recognize that it is a small sampling of all the types of sinners that need to be stoned (e.g. Homosexuals didn't make the list since they are to be "put to death" but God did not specifically use the word"stoning" for all crimes. He knew we would figure that out!) To answer this question, we must first ask ourselves, "How many stones will we need?" This is not a simple question to answer. We need at least two important pieces of information:

1) How many stones you need to kill one sinner of average size and durability.

2) How many sinners our community will we be responsible for stoning.

As I pointed out above, the answer to question two will be too hard to count, but we know it will be in the millions. (The population of Iowa alone is 3,000,000, 95% of which are sinners!) So we will only focus on question one.

How Many Stones Do You Need To Kill One Sinner Of Average Size And Durability?

This is a complicated question. The simple answer is, "One, if you know how to use it or if it is big enough." Seriously, though, let's figure this out. First we must ask ourselves, "What IS the average size and durability of the sinful?" This is tough, but we have a few data points to help us figure it out. First, women are much more likely to be sinners than men. This is for several reasons.

First, they are weaker than men. Their minds are not suited for the type of legal analysis required to keep track of all of God's laws at once. Second, there are many women-specific laws in the Bible. For example, women must leave the house for seven days while she is (excuse me, fellas) menstruating. (Leviticus 15:19-30). They must keep silent in church (1 Corinthians 14:33-35). They must dress modestly. (1 Timothy 2:9). The list goes on and on.

Compare to men. There are very few male-centric rules. And even the ones that do exist rarely command the death penalty. For example, no one who has lost their manly orbs by cutting or crushing may come to church. (Deuteronomy 23:1). That said, God may have evened the odds by killing men for spilling their seed. (Genesis 38:9). However, I propose that we shift the average weight, height, and intelligence of the average sinner lower due to the higher likelihood that women will be sinners.

So we have a slightly less durable sinner than the average population. OK. Next we must ask, for a sinner of such mass and size, what will it take to stone them to death? Again, we find many variables. How big are the stones? How hard are they? Perhaps the stones form the Biblical era are softer since they were all found in the sand-heavy desert whereas good old American stones are heartier? I brought with up with Pastor Zeke and, without batting an eye, he pointed out a Biblical issue that trumps all of these questions and it has nothing to do with the qualities of the stones. "How accurate are your stoners?" he asked me. "Check Judges 20:16" he said with a smile as he toweled off in preparation for his next next one on one Bible study lesson. I checked, and, as usual, the Pastor was right:

Quote:
Judges 20:16
Among all this people there were seven hundred chosen men lefthanded; every one could sling stones at an hair breadth, and not miss.
Wow! The answer is right there. Accuracy with stones is of ultimate importance! (As a side note, this finally explains why God gave us left-handers! Why do you think they are so good at pitching? Also, we need to check with the Godly Tim Tebow, the quarterback who wears Biblical scripture on his face for every game. If we can recruit him to come on down to Landover in the off season, he would make the stonings go so much faster!)

So, we either recruit a bunch of left-handers or we need to start stoning training immediately. Assuming some averages, we can assume an average stoner will need 40-60 good throws to kill a person depending on some game-time variables like weather conditions and time of day, etc.

I don't know if you have tried it, but stoning someone to death is tiring. You can't use pebbles. You have to use at least baseball sized stones. The average starting MLB pitcher RARELY goes over 125 pitches in a game and then they don't pitch again for 3-4 days. So estimating 50 good throws to know the person is good and dead and not just in a coma (and this is just back-of-the-envelope calculations at this point) a professional stoner would be able to handle about 1-2 people a day max if they are to look out for their fitness. If we back that out to a crowd, we need about 10 people throwing 5 stones each or 25 people each throwing two. Any more than 25 people and I think it will turn into a mob scene.

So, if we have a good turn out and 25 people each throwing two stone per sinner, and using the professional pitch pitch counts, we can deduce that they would have a throughput of about 60 sinners per day. But they would need to rest their arms for 3 days after that so that brings them down to an average of 15 per day over 4 days.

This gives us our answer: We will need 15*50 (750) stones per day for each 25-man stoning team. I am not sure what the Bible says about reuse of stones, but let's assume it is a sin for now and check back on that one. As such, we need to check on our quarry output capabilities. Obviously tossing this many stones every single day means they need to be in top physical shape. Which brings me to my next point:

Are You In Stone Throwing Shape?
If we are going to hit these types of numbers once the tea party brings us back to our True Christian™ heritage, we all need to be in top physical shape. To confirm this, we need to test everyone for accuracy and power. I suggest we conduct a Stoning Team tryout session where we test people over a week and pick the best 25 in our congregation. We can even have a backup or alternate squad in case of injury or absence.

While we are working out the details, everyone should get out there and do stone throwing exercises. Use the Landover Memorial Gym to the best of your abilities. Focus on core strength and arm strength, but don't ignore flexibility. We also need accuracy training so I recommend a stoning range be built on the open field between the two gun ranges. We could set up animatronic stoning dummies that would writhe; yell in pain; and beg for mercy to maximize realistic conditions. Scores could be posted and we could even keep track of a leader board, maybe even post it here?

The John 8:7 "Issue"
To preempt any Unsaved Trash coming in here and quoting John-freaking-8:7 at us, I thought I would address it right here and now. John 8:7 says:

Quote:
John 8
7So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her
Unsaved Trash usually use this to say we shouldn't rebuke sinners. What they don't know is that we have already proven that it does not apply to True Christians™ time and time again. Here is a Godly analysis by Brother Jedediah:

Quote:
False Christians regularly and predictably come here and quote John 8:7 to us, thinking that they are making some sort of profound point. Again, let's examine this verse in context.

John 8:7-11
So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?
She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

In this verse, Jesus is speaking to unsaved trash who have not accepted Him as their LORD and Savior. At that time, He had not yet died (temporarily) on the Cross, so it was not possible for any to be washed in His Blood at that period in history.

The unsaved trash to whom Jesus spoke were born in sin just as we all are (e.g., Romans 3:23). The difference between the Pharisees and True Christians™, though, is that True Christians™ have been washed in the Blood of Jesus while the Pharisees had not. You can study all the Scripture you want, but unless one has accepted Jesus Christ as his personal LORD and Savior and has been baptized in His Name, there is no way one can have his or her sins washed away. It is only through the Blood of Christ that we are made perfect.

Further, Jesus here illustrates His Grace. Instead of condemning the harlot, he exhorts her to live as a True Christian™ and commit no more sin.
So let's skip the hysterics, shall we?

Conclusion

As you have seen, when Perry, Bachmann and the Tea Party bring us back to our Christian roots, we need to be prepared to enact God's law. We will need to 1) confirm our stone supply and quarry output; 2) get in stoning shape; 3) open a stoning range in between our two gun ranges; and 4) contact Tim Teebow. Other issues I haven't even begun to analyze include:

1) When should stoning events take place? Maybe consolidate to a night when there is nothing on TV and sell broadcast rights?
2) Could we get corporate sponsorship? (e.g. Rolling Rock Beer Rockem Sockem Stoning Night; or Nike: Just Stone It?) I could use some ideas here.
3) Do we need one or more stoning stadiums?
4) Should we stone families separately or as groups? If separately should we stone the children first or last?
5) What oh what to do with the corpses?

Any other issues I have missed? How shall we handle all of these logistical issues? Please chime in, True Christians™. If we are going to lead the way in showing the WORLD what True Christianity™ is all about, and show them what people like Sister Bachmann and Brother Perry really mean when they emphasize that they want to make this a truly Christian nation, we need to get on this ASAP!


Yours In Christ,

Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.

Last edited by Gabriel Reproba; 08-18-2011 at 05:05 PM.
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Default Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-23-2011, 03:13 AM

Brother Gabriel, you where not here last summer. Oh my you missed the Stoning festival. This is a recap. Brother I know a few things about stones.
Have You started collecting stones?

In fact we are in the planning stages for, your help would greatly be appreciated.
Freehold Stoning Festival, 2011
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Default Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-23-2011, 03:17 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt View Post
Brother Gabriel, you where not here last summer. Oh my you missed the Stoning festival. This is a recap. Brother I know a few things about stones.
Have You started collecting stones?

In fact we are in the planning stages for, your help would greatly be appreciated.
Freehold Stoning Festival, 2011
Absolutely, Brother. In fact it was your sermons at House Church that inspired me to do my analysis! I thought that with the nearing of a Christian Government, a full documentation of all of the issues was called for. (You recall how out of control the young ones were and they couldn't hit the side of a barn! these are the issues that need to be discussed. The devil is in the details!)

Thank you so much from bringing this aspect of Christianity into my heart!


Yours In Christ,

Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
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Default Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-23-2011, 08:01 AM

Brother Gabriel,

Brother James has asked me to reiterate here that Dewitt Corp is always interested in sponsoring wholesome, Christian events like the Freehold stoning festivals. However, Dewitt Corp may not be the only corporation interested in supporting fun True Christian™ events like stoning festivals. Here is a list of international corporations that do business in Iran, and if they're willing to do business with those heathens, something tells me they'd have no problem sponsoring a good old fashioned Christian stoning!

On a personal note, would anybody mind if I cast the first stone at an effigy of a harlot at the next stoning festival? It would be my first one, and I honestly can't think of any better way to celebrate my True Christianhood™.


"Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came unto you in the way of righteousness, and ye believed him not: but the publicans and the harlots believed him: and ye, when ye had seen it, repented not afterward, that ye might believe him." Matthew 21:31-32

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Default Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-23-2011, 01:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lycia The Repentant View Post
Here is a list of international corporations that do business in Iran, and if they're willing to do business with those heathens, something tells me they'd have no problem sponsoring a good old fashioned Christian stoning!
What a great idea. I can see why Brother James decided to grab you when you were available! Here are the companies from that list that we should target:

Bridgestone - "Bridge the gap to Hell for sinners with our new Bridge Stones™!"

Cannon - "Throw your stone like a canon for the Lord!"

Exxon - "We may be experts at find oil under stones, but LBC are the best at throwing stones!"

Fiat - "The Lord issued a fiat that sinners shall be stoned!"

Halliburton - "Send sinners to HELLiburton" or "Make it HAIL stones with HAILiburton" (Needs work, they are such a Godly company I don't want to imply bad things like Hell when using their name.)

Hyundai - "Make sure the sinning Huns die...with Hyundai!"

Quote:
On a personal note, would anybody mind if I cast the first stone at an effigy of a harlot at the next stoning festival?
I am not on the Stoning Festival officiating committee, but I don's see anything wrong with it as long as you are not throwing stones during the official (men's) event. We let the ladies and young ladies participate so you precious little things can have a little fun pretending to be a man for a while (and so we can have a few good-natured laughs at the ladies' inability to throw) but we must maintain a strict wall of separation between those events and the official one, IMHO. We don't permit someone of one gender to pretend to be someone of the other gender at any other time around here.

Again, I am not a Pastor, so check with them for the official interpretation.


Yours In Christ,

Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
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Default Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-23-2011, 03:15 PM

Me and my Buisness Partners notice the situation in the USA.
We appreciate the legalisation of stonings in every way.

My Cooperation is already investing into countries like Afghanistan, Indonesia, Nigeria and Somalia. Services around the stoning getting more and more important even in Economically Weaker Countries.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if you would like to receive more information about this particular project.

http://templetonstonings.de.tl/
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Default Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-23-2011, 03:43 PM

After reading your post about stoning, i'm even more than eager to take this LAW back to whitehouse. Stoning is better way than this filthy "gas" death. It kills too fast and the sinner won't have time to think, why He didn't serve his Master better.

When thiefs and false believers will get stoned, they feel sorry for their pathetic lives they lived, WITHOUT The God. They will suffer as Jesus suffered because of US.

Jesus didn't feel any pain, but they will. Superman is a good example of Jesus. If you think it even more closely, superman is way more weaker than Jesus was. I have heard that superman becomes weak when there is a cryptonite near by. Jesus didn't have any pathetic weaknesses, than this "hero" called "SUPERman". How SUPER can be this guy, who have no chance in fight against Jesus Christ and God?


Leviticus 20:13, If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
2nd Chronicles 15:13, That whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman.
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James Dewitt James Dewitt is offline
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Default Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-23-2011, 03:44 PM

@ Brothers Templeton and Reproba.
As my must trustworthy assistant Lycia stated the Dewitt corp is on board with stoning. If I can offer any assistance let myself or Lycia know.
Perhaps a grant to Brother Reproba would be in order. The grant may be of some financial help in researching proper stones and stoning techniques. I wonder if a trip to the middle east to gather first hand knowledge would be of a benefit. If this is of interest, DFAC will fund it.
YIC James Dewitt
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Default Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-23-2011, 04:54 PM

I always practice my stoning skills by stoning Mrs. Johnson's dogs. Proper stoning is a three phase process.
  1. First you need to immobilize the sinner by aiming for the legs, although burying them as Brother Gabriel Reproba suggests here works as well,
  2. then you hurt them as much as possible by damaging non vital parts of the body
  3. and then finally you go for the kill.
Maximizing the suffering of the woman being stoned is clearly demanded by God as a well deserved punishment for Eve's sinning: Genesis 3:16-19 "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return."

Also it is a good preparation for Hell, where the sinner will go after being stoned and where the suffering will be much worse.


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To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
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Gabriel Reproba Gabriel Reproba is offline
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Default Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-23-2011, 06:14 PM

A dear friend just wrote to me suggesting something that I think is a great idea: What if we make stoning an Olympic Sport? I know we could get all of the Middle East and at least half of Africa behind this. It would finally make the O-lame-pics worth watching! We would remove soccerball, of course, to make room. We could locate the US Olympic Stoning team traingin center right in Landover!

Thoughts?


Yours In Christ,

Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
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Default Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-23-2011, 06:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabriel Reproba View Post
A dear friend just wrote to me suggesting something that I think is a great idea: What if we make stoning an Olympic Sport? I know we could get all of the Middle East and at least half of Africa behind this. It would finally make the O-lame-pics worth watching! We would remove soccerball, of course, to make room. We could locate the US Olympic Stoning team traingin center right in Landover!

Thoughts?
OUTSTANDING idea. We need to start petitioning the Olympic committee right now. I think it is a wonderful way to introduce the rest of the world to the practice of stoning. The Europeans don't stand a chance at any medal. I will just say this practice makes perfect. *


* I bet we can find some homers across the border in Minnesota.
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Default Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-23-2011, 06:33 PM

Would partial stoning be an appropriate punishment for lesser crimes?

Seems like giving miscreants just a taste of God's preferred punishment for such infractions as speeding, littering and intemperancy might ward off having to give them the full treatment later on for a more serious sin . . .


Jud 1:15 To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are unGodly among them of all their unGodly deeds which they have unGodly committed, and of all their hard [speeches] which unGodly sinners have spoken against him.
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Gabriel Reproba Gabriel Reproba is offline
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Default Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-23-2011, 10:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oakland "Reb" Griner View Post
Would partial stoning be an appropriate punishment for lesser crimes?

Seems like giving miscreants just a taste of God's preferred punishment for such infractions as speeding, littering and intemperancy might ward off having to give them the full treatment later on for a more serious sin . . .
Godly question. It sounds like an excellent idea. However, I re-read the Bible again and I could not find any reference to partial stoning. Also, I couldn't find any reference to laws against speeding or littering, so the must be OK.

I am open to any scripture that proves me wrong though!


Yours In Christ,

Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
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Default Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-23-2011, 10:12 PM

I'm pretty sure Jesus once said he who has not sinned should throw the first stone. In other words we have all sinned we should repent only those who not will receive punishment later on.
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James Dewitt James Dewitt is offline
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Default Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-23-2011, 10:15 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosomequestions View Post
I'm pretty sure Jesus once said he who has not sinned should throw the first stone. In other words we have all sinned we should repent only those who not will receive punishment later on.

You should see the pile of stones that I have in my backyard. You might want to look very closely at that scripture. We True Christians are with out sin, duck and cover sinner, duck and cover.

John 8:7


So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
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Smile Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-23-2011, 10:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosomequestions View Post
I'm pretty sure Jesus once said he who has not sinned should throw the first stone. In other words we have all sinned we should repent only those who not will receive punishment later on.
No, He meant that those of us that had sinned in the past and repented, had to wait until those that had never sinned went first. Thing is, everyone is born of sin, so there is no waiting.
Sort of like flying commercial, you have to wait for invalids or women with babies. I never see them going to Vegas, so we never have to wait.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-24-2011, 12:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosomequestions View Post
I'm pretty sure Jesus once said he who has not sinned should throw the first stone. In other words we have all sinned we should repent only those who not will receive punishment later on.
You should be banned right here and now for not reading the original post. Your objection was raised and answered there.

HERE IS A SECTION OF THE ORIGINAL POST:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabriel Reproba View Post
The John 8:7 "Issue"
To preempt any Unsaved Trash coming in here and quoting John-freaking-8:7 at us, I thought I would address it right here and now. John 8:7 says:

Unsaved Trash usually use this to say we shouldn't rebuke sinners. What they don't know is that we have already proven that it does not apply to True Christians™ time and time again. Here is a Godly analysis by Brother Jedediah:
Quote:
False Christians regularly and predictably come here and quote John 8:7 to us, thinking that they are making some sort of profound point. Again, let's examine this verse in context.

John 8:7-11
So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?
She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

In this verse, Jesus is speaking to unsaved trash who have not accepted Him as their LORD and Savior. At that time, He had not yet died (temporarily) on the Cross, so it was not possible for any to be washed in His Blood at that period in history.

The unsaved trash to whom Jesus spoke were born in sin just as we all are (e.g., Romans 3:23). The difference between the Pharisees and True Christians™, though, is that True Christians™ have been washed in the Blood of Jesus while the Pharisees had not. You can study all the Scripture you want, but unless one has accepted Jesus Christ as his personal LORD and Savior and has been baptized in His Name, there is no way one can have his or her sins washed away. It is only through the Blood of Christ that we are made perfect.

Further, Jesus here illustrates His Grace. Instead of condemning the harlot, he exhorts her to live as a True Christian™ and commit no more sin.
So let's skip the hysterics, shall we?

The LEAST you can do is read the post you are replying to. Are all atheists this stupid?


Yours In Christ,

Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
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Default Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-24-2011, 01:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosomequestions View Post
I'm pretty sure Jesus once said he who has not sinned should throw the first stone. In other words we have all sinned we should repent only those who not will receive punishment later on.
You're "pretty sure" are you?

Well, here's the truth of it. Jesus doesn't say that nobody should cast stones.
He says that he who is without sin may cast stones.

And friend, he who abides in Jesus Christ is made sinfree (as 1 John 3:5-9 says).
Thus, Jesus expects True Christians™ to cast stones. Glory!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-24-2011, 03:26 AM

You know I come here to ask questions and get your point of view, but this is barbaric. These guys sum up my feelings very well:



"And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron." - Judges 1:19
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Default Re: How To Stone Sinners: Preparing For Palin 2012! - 01-24-2011, 03:27 AM

God will not be mocked!

Quote:
Jude 1:17 But, beloved, remember ye the words which were spoken before of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ;
1:18 How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts.
1:19 These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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