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  • ClarityGrace
    Unsaved trash, morbidly obese wannabe witch
    • Apr 2016
    • 6

    #1

    Hello! I claim to be a witch

    My name is Clarity Grace. Post a greeting to this thread so I can properly say 'Hello!'
  • Elmer G. White
    Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
    Victim of atheist scientific persecution
     
    • Apr 2014
    • 10274

    #2
    Re: Hello!

    Originally posted by ClarityGrace View Post
    My name is Clarity Grace. Post a greeting to this thread so I can properly say 'Hello!'
    Dear Clarity,

    How nice of you to visit us. Of course, this is no coincidence. Jesus often guides sinners to our Forum to show them the correct ways of Worship and Repentance and we are most graceful hosts!

    Hebrews 13:2
    Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.


    As you might have noticed, we belong to the Baptist True Christian™ denomination. What do you belong to and how did Jesus enter your life? Have you attempts at begetting been successful so far?


    Yours in Christ,

    Elmer
    2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



    PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
    Check out our Research in Creation Science:

    Comment

    • ClarityGrace
      Unsaved trash, morbidly obese wannabe witch
      • Apr 2016
      • 6

      #3
      Ask a wiccan

      Thats me! Ask a question and I will answer you honestly.

      Comment

      • Des
        True Christian™
        True Christian™
        • Jun 2013
        • 2718

        #4
        Re: Hello! I claim to be a witch

        Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1953.
        Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

        Comment

        • Faith_Machine
          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Mar 2011
          • 10050

          #5
          Re: Hello! I claim to be a witch

          Before I got saved, I once paid a girl named Clarity to, um...

          Well if that was you, uh, hi?

          This is weird.
          WARNING:
          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

          Comment

          • Phil Ander
            True Christian™
            True Christian™
            • Jan 2016
            • 626

            #6
            Re: Hello! I claim to be a witch

            Do you float? This is the best test for a witch. Throw yourself into a large body of water. If you sink to the bottom and drown, then you are not a witch. If you float then you are a witch and eligible to be put to death by burning, stoning etc.
            58 If thou wilt not observe to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that thou mayest fear this glorious and fearful name, THE LORD THY GOD; 59 Then the LORD will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed, even great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sicknesses, and of long continuance. 60 Moreover he will bring upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of; and they shall cleave unto thee. 61 Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the LORD bringk upon thee, until thou be destroyed.


            Deuteronomy 28: 58- 61

            Comment

            • Mrs. Paddy McIrish
              Forum Member, possibly Irish
              Forum Member
              • Dec 2013
              • 209

              #7
              Re: Hello! I claim to be a witch

              Hello, Clarity -

              Clearly, the Holy Spirit has moved within you that you might seek out this Godly forum and be redeemed!

              If you really are a witch, you should know God's not "down with that" (as the kids say) as per Exodus 22:18. If you're not a witch and you're lying to us, well God doesn't like that either (Proverbs 19:9)!

              Have you heard the Good News? Jesus wants YOU! He wants to touch your heart from the inside and pull you close to His bosom. He wants you to turn from your scandalous, dancing-naked-in-the-forest, goat-sacrificing ways and fall on your knees in worship of Him! What I'm saying is, if you take Jesus deep within yourself, you will be SAVED (Romans 10:9)! Doesn't that sound wonderful?

              If I can stop being a bead-juggling Mary hailer, you can stop being a Wiccan. With , all things are possible! (Matthew 19:26)

              In Christ,
              Mrs. Paddy McIrish
              1 Corinthians 11:3 | Ephesians 5:22
              Now glorifying GOD on the Twitter! Follow me at @MrsPaddyMcIrish!

              Comment

              • I Man Rastafari
                Possibly retarded pothead
                • Oct 2015
                • 1019

                #8
                Re: Hello! I claim to be a witch

                Originally posted by Phil Ander View Post
                Do you float? This is the best test for a witch. Throw yourself into a large body of water. If you sink to the bottom and drown, then you are not a witch. If you float then you are a witch and eligible to be put to death by burning, stoning etc.

                We all float down here Phil. You'll float too.
                Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: Extol him that rideth upon the heavens By his name JAH, and rejoice before him.-Psalms 68:4

                Comment

                • Oliver Brendan Hayve
                  Unsaved trash, God-mocking gayboy
                  • Aug 2010
                  • 190

                  #9
                  Re: Hello! I claim to be a witch

                  On the basis of what evidence do Wiccans believe that their belief system accurately describes reality?
                  This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture only. --ADMIN

                  Comment

                  • Mrs. Paddy McIrish
                    Forum Member, possibly Irish
                    Forum Member
                    • Dec 2013
                    • 209

                    #10
                    Re: Hello! I claim to be a witch

                    Originally posted by I Man Rastafari View Post
                    We all float down here Phil. You'll float too.
                    "Wa'melons" float, too!
                    1 Corinthians 11:3 | Ephesians 5:22
                    Now glorifying GOD on the Twitter! Follow me at @MrsPaddyMcIrish!

                    Comment

                    • Alvin Moss
                      Serving Jesus
                      True Christian™
                      • Aug 2013
                      • 4468

                      #11
                      Re: Hello! I claim to be a witch

                      ear Miss Grace,
                      As Christians we are enjoined to kill any witch we encounter. God's word is clear: "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live"- Exodus 22:18. I realize that you are probably simply a fat, pimple faced teenager who has been influenced by your friends. However, the Lord is not one to split hairs. By now, the Investigations and Security Ministry knows your location and most other things it is possible to learn about you from your neighbors, associates, teachers, etc. and they will be making plans about what to do about you. I suspect that the entire investigation is going badly for you. Why not turn to Jesus before it is too late? He brought you here for a reason. Apparently. He is interested in you and wants you to have a chance at redemption. It is up to you to drink from the well of knowledge and not get involved with superstitions and teenage nonsense. God has little patience for those who turn from Him. Choose wisely.
                      God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11

                      Comment

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