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  • #16
    Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
    Don't you all look at the bible literally? Looked at literally, the above quote implies that Jesus enjoyed the odd spoon of disciple soup here or there.
    It seemed Jesus really had a cannibal fetish going there
    I never thought of this before, but, if Jesus spues out Episcopalians, Lutherans and the like, does that mean that, for the True Christian™ elect, he swallows?
    O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



    God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

    Comment

    • #17
      Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
      I never thought of this before, but, if Jesus spues out Episcopalians, Lutherans and the like, does that mean that, for the True Christian™ elect, he swallows?

      I can't think of any answer that won't earn a warning point.
      sigpic
      Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

      Comment

      • #18
        Typical of the foul-mouthed harlot you are, no doubt your answer was something inapproriately hellbound and sexual.
        Instead of making half an effort at wisecracks, why not pick up the bible for yourself and see all the teachings of Jesus firsthand!

        For the KJV1611 is the pure, unaltered word of GOD!
        So quit fantasising about the demons you fornicate with, pick up a bible, and then maybe you wouldn't need to irritate the good Pastors with your airheaded questions!

        Comment

        • #19
          Originally posted by Lady Sorrow View Post
          Typical of the foul-mouthed harlot you are, no doubt your answer was something inapproriately hellbound and sexual.
          Instead of making half an effort at wisecracks, why not pick up the bible for yourself and see all the teachings of Jesus firsthand!

          For the KJV1611 is the pure, unaltered word of GOD!
          So quit fantasising about the demons you fornicate with, pick up a bible, and then maybe you wouldn't need to irritate the good Pastors with your airheaded questions!
          PRAISE JESUS! It always gladdens my heart when another Christian bitchslaps a demon. GLORY!! Carry on, Sister Sorrow!
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

          Comment

          • #20
            Always glad to do God's work when I can, Pastor E!

            Comment

            • #21
              Originally posted by Lady Sorrow View Post
              Typical of the foul-mouthed harlot you are, no doubt your answer was something inapproriately hellbound and sexual.
              Instead of making half an effort at wisecracks, why not pick up the bible for yourself and see all the teachings of Jesus firsthand!
              I've seen it. Hence my point about certain messages it seems to give out.

              For the KJV1611 is the pure, unaltered word of GOD!
              So quit fantasising about the demons you fornicate with, pick up a bible, and then maybe you wouldn't need to irritate the good Pastors with your airheaded questions!
              Bah. I'll fantasize about whatever I please.
              And as to my 'airheaded questions', what better way to learn why anyone would ever want to follow such a religion than by asking them?
              sigpic
              Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

              Comment

              • #22
                Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
                And as to my 'airheaded questions', what better way to learn why anyone would ever want to follow such a religion than by asking them?
                There is a much better way: by reading the Bible. It will tell you everything you need to know. Although you are a worthless tool of Satan that will probably end up as part of Hezbollah's "joy division", so you might be better off with the Qu'ran instead.
                O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                Comment

                • #23
                  Like I said, I've read the bible, and the only reason why I can think of that anyone would follow it is because they are afraid of being smoten to 'hell' if they don't.
                  sigpic
                  Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

                  Comment

                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
                    Like I said, I've read the bible, and the only reason why I can think of that anyone would follow it is because they are afraid of being smoten to 'hell' if they don't.
                    I pitty you.
                    Me
                    Got Jesus?

                    Comment

                    • #25
                      That sentiment is returned right back to you, Bro Mike.
                      sigpic
                      Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

                      Comment

                      • #26
                        I don't pity her for one moment. I take great joy in celebrating the carrying out of God's will. PRAISE Him! When VanHellinahandbasket finds herself chin deep in scalding demonspunk, she'll know how wrong she was. GLORY!!
                        Who Will Jesus Damn?

                        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                        Comment

                        • #27
                          Re: Why did Jesus spit?

                          I stand by my original sentiment of hey, at least I wouldn't have to sing.
                          sigpic
                          Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

                          Comment

                          • #28
                            Re: Why did Jesus spit?

                            Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
                            I stand by my original sentiment of hey, at least I wouldn't have to sing.
                            You WILL sing when satan tells you to sing and you WILL dance when satan tells you to dance and you WILL bend over when satan tells you to bend over harlot! Hell is not a picnic!
                            Me
                            Got Jesus?

                            Comment

                            • #29
                              Re: Why did Jesus spit?

                              I'd still prefer that than spending eternity with christians, thankyou very much.

                              And if there really was a heaven, Mikey boy, do you think there would be a special cloud for 'faggit shootin' and cow tippin' for you?
                              Nope, if you believe in the bible, it'll all be singing. Better get that castration now so you can practice!
                              sigpic
                              Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

                              Comment

                              • #30
                                Re: Why did Jesus spit?

                                Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
                                do you think there would be a special cloud for 'faggit shootin'?
                                You think faggits go to Heaven?
                                Me
                                Got Jesus?

                                Comment

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