[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: An Atheist speaks

But sir, she just wants to fly, surely

She does fly. On her demonic broomstick.

[Flyboy321]

Re: An Atheist speaks

She does fly. On her demonic broomstick.

Perhaps she'd just like to fly airplanes? (It's a hard thing to get into) why don't you ask her? She's a human being after all

Anyway pastor, in genuine curiosity and in absolute honesty, what is it about Christianity that brought you to it?

[Flyboy321]

Re: An Atheist speaks

No, it isn't. It has never been a Protestant church. If you look back to the foundations of that abomination of an institution, it was no more than a bunch of catholics with the king as head of the church rather than the pope. What has happened since is that some of them are "high church" = catholic, some are "low church" = the sort of people who hug each other and speak in tongues, and the majority are in the middle. They believe in nothing at all apart from church as a social occasion and the only person they are protesting against is Jesus.

Hi there, thanks for your reply. Well, we considered ourselves (well, I considered myself) to be Protestants, in that we didn't think the pope was the head of the church. Regardless of history, I don't believe any of it now, but thanks for the info

[Didymus Much]

Re: An Atheist speaks

...Anyway pastor, in genuine curiosity and in absolute honesty, what is it about Christianity that brought you to it?

You can read his online bio here: http://www.landoverbaptist.org/thestaff/pastors/ez.html. Friendly advice, tho: don't ask about how someone who misspells "prodigy" can lay claim to the title with a straight face.

[Flyboy321]

Re: An Atheist speaks

You can read his online bio here: http://www.landoverbaptist.org/thestaff/pastors/ez.html. Friendly advice, tho: don't ask about how someone who misspells "prodigy" can lay claim to the title with a straight face.

Thanks for that!

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: An Atheist speaks

Friendly advice, tho: don't ask about how someone who misspells "prodigy" can lay claim to the title with a straight face.

That's very unfair and typical of your atheistic agenda. You know as well as we do that the woman who used to work in the office was an idiot, and Pastor Zeke has more important work to do than proofreading.

[Flyboy321]

Re: An Atheist speaks

That's very unfair and typical of your atheistic agenda. You know as well as we do that the woman who used to work in the office was an idiot, and Pastor Zeke has more important work to do than proofreading.

Lovely, thank you

[Didymus Much]

Re: An Atheist speaks

...the woman who used to work in the office was an idiot...

She got better?

[James Hutchins]

Re: An Atheist speaks

Hi there, well, after a rather helpful post from a previous contributor I realise that KJV stands for King James Version. I am familiar with it, I do own a copy and am familiar with it. Even as an atheist I can appreciate the splendid liturgy and eloquent prose

As for my 'doomed to eternity in hell', we'll I did believe that once, a few years ago, but since losing my faith (and thereby my belief in hell) death has lost it's sting. Personally I think that it's this life that matters, and that's what we must focus on to improve.

What brought you to Christianity if you don't mind my asking?

Friend, you do not understand. Only Christians have a chance in going to Heaven. Denouncing the perfection of Christianity as you have has assured you a seat on the bus to Hell. Whether you believe in Hell or not does not matter. Accept it is and realize the foolish choice you are making. For a moment\, think about how rotten you will feel when you find out Hell does exist and you wasted the opportunity.
Life, if you have to stretch it out, is about 100 years. Eternity is much longer. Imagine having one cookie or a never ending supply. Which would you rather have?

Consider this:
You're riding your bike, all proud because your dad took off the training wheels. A Good Humor truck comes and runs over your gut, causing your body to burst and spray entrails all over the street.

You're dead
Whether due to your own disgusting sinning or the Lords divine will, you are dead. Instantly your soul begins falling towards the black abyss above Hell. The falling seems eternal as you gather speed and the heat begins to grow. Then you notice a red dot below you growing larger by the second, this is the Lake in the center of Hell. It is the brightest point in Hell therefore it is visible for a great distance. Keep in mind that the farther you fall, the further from Christ you are.
As you gain speed and the flames become apparent you may wonder how you can stop this from happening. The answer is simple. It's too late and you can't, you're doomed. Your soul is damned and it WILL happen. The temperature is now approaching the unbearable limit as your flesh begins to smoulder and ignite and you continue to build speed as you plummet toward the now visible boiling Lake of Fire. You can almost make out individual souls thrashing in the magma with your flaming eyesockets. Soon you will join them, your terror mounts as your screams become gargled with the stench of Hells evil smell. The heat becomes excruciating as you notice your skin peeling away and your bones becoming visible and black. Flaming and screaming in anguish, you splashdown into the acidic brimstone of Satans Lake at around 250 MPH. You are instantly vaporized and reformed as a tormented soul writhing in absolute terror in the deafening depths of the Lake that Burns Eternal. The pain is beyond comprehension as you gnash your teeth so hard they shatter in your mouth. Satan periodically plucks you from the flames to savagely rape repeatedly and casually tosses you to his infernal minions to rip apart and rape at will, only to be reformed and have this scenario repeated...over and over and over, forever.
Is it still funny mocking our mission to Save© your soul? We want you to enjoy Heaven and eternal praise and worship at the feet of our Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ.

Unless you are Saved™ by Jesus Christ and His Holy website and favorite church, Landover Baptist, there is no other way to avoid this.


What brought me to God? The fact that He made everything, did so with absolute perfection and has all the answers. He created things and because of His all encompassing power, I do not have to wonder about anything. Just do as He instructs and pray to Him.

[Des]

Re: An Atheist speaks

Hello,

I stopped reading after broccoli because my personal assistant needed to clean something under my desk. But as usual, a good desk cleaning always puts me in a good mood, so I thought I would share my favorite broccoli recipe with everyone.

Desmond's Flame Broiled Broccoli (works with any vegetable!)

Ingredients:

1 Porterhouse steak, fat trimmed to 1/4 inch

Broccoli (or vegetable of choice)

Salt

Pepper

Directions:

Set steak out to reach room temperature. Prepare grill with suitable wood; mesquite being the only suitable wood. Salt & pepper the steak and broccoli, then place on grill directly over flame, turning steak as needed until seared to taste. Move steak away from open flame and cook 4 minutes, turn, cook another 4 minutes. Let stand for 10 minutes. Scrape broccoli into trash before serving.

[Des]

Re: An Atheist speaks

I think I read something on here about your answering questions before Mariko got busy with the vacuum cleaner. So I do have a few questions.

Do atheists become atheists in order to sate their cravings for the flesh of infants, or do they develop a taste for pediatric flesh after becoming atheists?

Also, how does eating babies affect Vegemite atheists? Do they lose their Vegan powers, or is there some sort of Vegemic clause which allows them to eat babies and still summon animals to have sex with?

[Flyboy321]

Re: An Atheist speaks

Friend, you do not understand. Only Christians have a chance in going to Heaven. Denouncing the perfection of Christianity as you have has assured you a seat on the bus to Hell. Whether you believe in Hell or not does not matter. Accept it is and realize the foolish choice you are making. For a moment\, think about how rotten you will feel when you find out Hell does exist and you wasted the opportunity.
Life, if you have to stretch it out, is about 100 years. Eternity is much longer. Imagine having one cookie or a never ending supply. Which would you rather have?

Consider this:
You're riding your bike, all proud because your dad took off the training wheels. A Good Humor truck comes and runs over your gut, causing your body to burst and spray entrails all over the street.

You're dead
Whether due to your own disgusting sinning or the Lords divine will, you are dead. Instantly your soul begins falling towards the black abyss above Hell. The falling seems eternal as you gather speed and the heat begins to grow. Then you notice a red dot below you growing larger by the second, this is the Lake in the center of Hell. It is the brightest point in Hell therefore it is visible for a great distance. Keep in mind that the farther you fall, the further from Christ you are.
As you gain speed and the flames become apparent you may wonder how you can stop this from happening. The answer is simple. It's too late and you can't, you're doomed. Your soul is damned and it WILL happen. The temperature is now approaching the unbearable limit as your flesh begins to smoulder and ignite and you continue to build speed as you plummet toward the now visible boiling Lake of Fire. You can almost make out individual souls thrashing in the magma with your flaming eyesockets. Soon you will join them, your terror mounts as your screams become gargled with the stench of Hells evil smell. The heat becomes excruciating as you notice your skin peeling away and your bones becoming visible and black. Flaming and screaming in anguish, you splashdown into the acidic brimstone of Satans Lake at around 250 MPH. You are instantly vaporized and reformed as a tormented soul writhing in absolute terror in the deafening depths of the Lake that Burns Eternal. The pain is beyond comprehension as you gnash your teeth so hard they shatter in your mouth. Satan periodically plucks you from the flames to savagely rape repeatedly and casually tosses you to his infernal minions to rip apart and rape at will, only to be reformed and have this scenario repeated...over and over and over, forever.
Is it still funny mocking our mission to Save© your soul? We want you to enjoy Heaven and eternal praise and worship at the feet of our Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ.

Unless you are Saved™ by Jesus Christ and His Holy website and favorite church, Landover Baptist, there is no other way to avoid this.


What brought me to God? The fact that He made everything, did so with absolute perfection and has all the answers. He created things and because of His all encompassing power, I do not have to wonder about anything. Just do as He instructs and pray to Him.

Hi there, thanks for the reply. I used to believe something similar, although perhaps not in so much detail!

I assure you, it's not my intention to mock, as I have said, it's just honest curiosity.

We're your parents Christians or did you come to it in adulthood?

[Flyboy321]

Re: An Atheist speaks

I think I read something on here about your answering questions before Mariko got busy with the vacuum cleaner. So I do have a few questions.

Do atheists become atheists in order to sate their cravings for the flesh of infants, or do they develop a taste for pediatric flesh after becoming atheists?

Also, how does eating babies affect Vegemite atheists? Do they lose their Vegan powers, or is there some sort of Vegemic clause which allows them to eat babies and still summon animals to have sex with?

Hi there, well, to be honest I can tell you that eating babies is a requirement to be atheist! A baby eater maybe, but not an atheist. It is as abhorrent a thought to me as it is to you.

Vegemite atheists? I'm not sure what you mean.

Your broccoli recipe sounds interesting, though it won't taste so nice in the trash!

[James Hutchins]

Re: An Atheist speaks

Hi there, thanks for the reply. I used to believe something similar, although perhaps not in so much detail!

I assure you, it's not my intention to mock, as I have said, it's just honest curiosity.

We're your parents Christians or did you come to it in adulthood?

Christianity IS the details. Glossing over it as you would a Chick Tract is why you have no idea of the significance and impact God has.

My father is a Christian. My mother was a filthy whore and most assuredly, no Christian. I doubt even Satan is interested in probing her foully violated body.
With the gentle guiding hands of a local man we boys called 'Uncle Joseph', I learned all about Christianty and Gods Love.

[Flyboy321]

Re: An Atheist speaks

Christianity IS the details. Glossing over it as you would a Chick Tract is why you have no idea of the significance and impact God has.

My father is a Christian. My mother was a filthy whore and most assuredly, no Christian. I doubt even Satan is interested in probing her foully violated body.
With the gentle guiding hands of a local man we boys called 'Uncle Joseph', I learned all about Christianty and Gods Love.

I meant the falling at 250mph, that's quite specific!

Sorry to hear about your mother