Hey, Nobar, what took so long?

[Nobar King]

I have no idea. I'm a good looking guy and a lot of people have told me I'm a great catch. Still, it has been difficult to find the right woman for me and to make that connection. I meet a lot of beautiful women, but I'm usually too timid to ask them out. Sometimes I get turned down, and sometimes it's not worth bothering.

Anyway, last month I was out fishing with my wingman Brother Harold Porter at the Coralville Reservoir in Johnson which is 4 miles north of Iowa City and after a full day of catching Northern Pike, Walleye and White Bass we went to Robert's Steakhouse where Harry introduced me to a lovely woman with a beautiful voice and a body to match!

We hit it off and have had a couple of dates although she lives a ways away and it hasn't been easy finding the right time to meet up but I've been really happy and have stopped worrying so much about the crimes that are happening on my street and have started thinking more about when I can see her, again!

Last week when we met I brought her a bouquet of flowers from my garden that was so large I had to carry it with both arms. I could tell how happy she was and she said she'd never even seen a bouquet that large. It's been a while since I had a special woman in my life, but I haven't lost that charm; I'm the King! I think she really likes me because she keeps giving me that look.

We have a date for the 4th of July at Thirty Acre Park in Newton. I can still drive at night so I'm going to pick her up in my truck and take her to the event. I'm going to bring a blanket and some wine coolers, and I'm feeling pretty confident at this point, but I could use some tips if anyone has suggestions about how to make her really like me.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hey, Nobar, what took so long?

Can she make decent bisquits and gravy? That's the central issue.

[Nobar King]

Re: Hey, Nobar, what took so long?

Can she make decent biscuits and gravy? That's the central issue.

I haven't had a chance to try her biscuits but I'm looking forward to it!

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Hey, Nobar, what took so long?

You should check her rectum for signs of anal play. That was the first thing I did when I met Cindy Lou.

[Nobar King]

Re: Hey, Nobar, what took so long?

You should check her rectum for signs of anal play. That was the first thing I did when I met Cindy Lou.

That sounds pretty extreme. She seems like a pure and wholesome gal. I don't plan on sticking it in there, anyway. I'm not even sure I'd know how to perform a rectum examination.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hey, Nobar, what took so long?

That sounds pretty extreme. She seems like a pure and wholesome gal. I don't plan on sticking it in there, anyway. I'm not even sure I'd know how to perform a rectum examination.

Well, you start with a flashlight and a stick....

[Nobar King]

Re: Hey, Nobar, what took so long?

We'll see how she likes that.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Hey, Nobar, what took so long?

That sounds pretty extreme. She seems like a pure and wholesome gal. I don't plan on sticking it in there, anyway. I'm not even sure I'd know how to perform a rectum examination.

There could be demons in there!!! I know you are a gentleman, Brother Nobar, but the least you can do for the sake of her immortal soul is give it a quick glance. What if it is a gaping, drooling, cavernous maw out of some atheistic science fiction movie?

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Hey, Nobar, what took so long?

One way to make women really like you is to establish your natural dominance over them very early on. Make sure she knows YOU ARE THE BOSS. They like knowing that someone is in charge.

It's also a good idea to let them know that you have other potential helpmeets "in the wings" so to speak. They like having the feeling that they've "won" even if it's conditional and (possibly) ephemeral.

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[Didymus Much]

Re: Hey, Nobar, what took so long?

You should check her rectum for signs of anal play. That was the first thing I did when I met Cindy Lou.

You romantic devil, you.

[Nobar King]

Re: Hey, Nobar, what took so long?

It's a good idea to let them know that you have other potential helpmeets "in the wings" so to speak. They like having the feeling that they've "won" even if it's conditional and (possibly) ephemeral.

That sounds like good advice. I'm going to use that if I can.

[WinnerNotSinner]

Re: Hey, Nobar, what took so long?

It seems to be going really well so far, she seems to like spending time with you, but maybe you could try approaching this from a different angle? I would suggest instead of talking to her, talking to her father.

If you get his approval, it doesn't matter whether she really likes you or not, because he can make her marry you anyway. It takes the risk of rejection out of the equation.

[HTannor]

Re: Hey, Nobar, what took so long?

She sounds like a wonderful woman, Brother Nobar.

I hope your picnic goes well. And be sure tell us what her pie tastes like.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Hey, Nobar, what took so long?

Nothing like a picnic and diving into a good spread. Be sure to check for bugs first!

[Nobar King]

Re: Hey, Nobar, what took so long?

OK, guys, the Independence Day date was a total success. I brought her a huge bouquet of flowers from my yard and I'm pretty sure she liked that. We had our wine coolers and some BBQ and then watched the fireworks from the side of the lake. It was very romantic. I even got a sample of her best pie (cherry) and it was very juicy.

She kissed me, but I didn't want her to think that I'm loose, so I made sure it was a quick one.

Since then I've taken her out on a few more social events. We went out to dinner once, we went to a choir recital, but mostly we've been trying to stay out of the heat! She tried to get me to go ice skating, but I don't need to break my ass, again.

The last few times I've brought her a huge bouquet of hydrangea because they have been in bloom this month. I try to bring more than I can carry so that it looks impressive:

I just hope that she doesn't get tired of getting the same kind of flower each time.