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  • #1

    I was arrested for beating heathens again

    I was outside an abortion clinic in Des Moines preaching The Word and beating every whore who walked out of the place with the three foot wooden Cross that I carry around. Well the next thing that I know is that I was being tackled to the ground and arrested for assault. I don't really know anybody here in Iowa. Can anyone recommend a good lawyer? Preferably a lawyer who is a member of Landover Baptist. Thank you and God bless.
    YiC,
    John
    Psalm 107
    1 O give thanks unto the Lord, for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.
    2 Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy;
    3 And gathered them out of the lands, from the east, and from the west, from the north, and from the south.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: I was arrested for beating heathens again

    Can anybody help me?
    Psalm 107
    1 O give thanks unto the Lord, for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.
    2 Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy;
    3 And gathered them out of the lands, from the east, and from the west, from the north, and from the south.

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: I was arrested for beating heathens again

      Originally posted by YoungWhiteChristian View Post
      Can anybody help me?
      Sorry, but Landover Baptist Church only provides legal counsel for Platinum Tithers and up.

      Good luck to you, son.
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: I was arrested for beating heathens again

        Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
        Sorry, but Landover Baptist Church only provides legal counsel for Platinum Tithers and up.

        Good luck to you, son.
        It is quite alright Pastor. Jesus is going to be my legal counsel and with him on my side I can not lose.
        Psalm 107
        1 O give thanks unto the Lord, for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.
        2 Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy;
        3 And gathered them out of the lands, from the east, and from the west, from the north, and from the south.

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: I was arrested for beating heathens again

          Originally posted by YoungWhiteChristian View Post
          Jesus is going to be my legal counsel and with him on my side I can not lose.
          After "he" has finished being you legal council remember to be careful when you drop the soap while taking a shower in your new accommodation.
          Posted via Pasta

          True Pastafarian™

          May my Sauce be with you!
          Read the TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7)
          Get one and get with The Flying Spaghetti Monster
          The Loose Canon - HTML version
          Loose Canon Fan Page
          North American? Speak English? Thank a Pirate.
          I have been to The Volcano!

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: I was arrested for beating heathens again

            Originally posted by Jo Freddie View Post
            After "he" has finished being you legal council remember to be careful when you drop the soap while taking a shower in your new accommodation.
            Shut your filthy yap, noodle-head! God will not be mocked!

            Jude 1:17 But, beloved, remember ye the words which were spoken before of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ;
            1:18 How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts.
            1:19 These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit.
            Who Will Jesus Damn?

            Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

            Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

            Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: I was arrested for beating heathens again

              Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
              Shut your filthy yap, noodle-head! God will not be mocked!
              I am not mocking God , I am mocking someone you is using his imaginary friend as Legal counsel!
              Posted via Pasta

              True Pastafarian™

              May my Sauce be with you!
              Read the TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7)
              Get one and get with The Flying Spaghetti Monster
              The Loose Canon - HTML version
              Loose Canon Fan Page
              North American? Speak English? Thank a Pirate.
              I have been to The Volcano!

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: I was arrested for beating heathens again

                YoungWhiteChristian, be aware of that this are tests put in front of us by the Lord almighty. Never give up and remember that our saviour Jesus is the best lawyer anyone on earth could wish for. Just pray to the Lord and you will be beating those filthy, moslem, abortionist whores again in no time.

                Stay strong in the faith, stay strong in Christ, my brother.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: I was arrested for beating heathens again

                  Originally posted by YoungWhiteChristian View Post
                  I was outside an abortion clinic in Des Moines preaching The Word and beating every whore who walked out of the place with the three foot wooden Cross that I carry around. Well the next thing that I know is that I was being tackled to the ground and arrested for assault. I don't really know anybody here in Iowa. Can anyone recommend a good lawyer? Preferably a lawyer who is a member of Landover Baptist. Thank you and God bless.
                  YiC,
                  John
                  Psalms 31:18
                  Do you have proof?

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: I was arrested for beating heathens again

                    Originally posted by RepentingJew View Post
                    Psalms 31:18
                    Do you have proof?
                    Are you insinuating that someone who claims to be a Christian in an online forum would voice an untruth? I am, quite frankly, aghast.

                    pssst: Pastor Zeke's already dealt with the situation hint hint

                    Comment

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