[First and Sixth]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

I sat down on a sofa and soon enough a skinny black-clad queer with a trendy haircut and hipster glasses gave me a glass of absinthe and started trying to persuade me to fornicate with him. Obviously, as anyone would do, I told him that I absolutely couldn't because the Bible forbids me to do gay stuff...

I guess that's one way to deal with the situation.

Another would be to say "I am not gay".

[First and Sixth]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

Praise Jesus Brother T.

You did not succumb to temptation.

Sorry, but who calls a goth at a party trying to sodomise you "temptation"?

[thewordofgod]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

So, at the weekend, as usual, I went out looking for drunken fornicating sinners to rebuke. Anyway, at about 2:30-3 a.m., this drunken dyke who was wearing what was clearly a man's shirt, in open defiance of Deuteronomy 22:5, told me there was a party going on at hers, and I thought it sounded like a good opportunity to spread the word to some degenerates. Sure enough, it was a complete nest of vice, as proven by the fact that one room contained a bunch of people doing coke off a mirror, although no one offered me any. I sat down on a sofa and soon enough a skinny black-clad queer with a trendy haircut and hipster glasses gave me a glass of absinthe and started trying to persuade me to fornicate with him. Obviously, as anyone would do, I told him that I absolutely couldn't because the Bible forbids me to do gay stuff, to which he responded that Christianity was just a bunch of made-up fairytales that didn't make sense. I challenged this atheist pervert to give me an example of how the Bible didn't make any sense, and he asked me how God and Jesus could be the same person, despite being different people. Naturally, I whipped out my Bible and pointed to 1 John 5:7 (For there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost: and these three are one.) At this point, he accepted that I was right and Christianity was correct, and therefore we agreed that it would be morally wrong for him to sodomise me. Another soul saved for Christ.
But just think how different this story would have been if I'd been carrying a different Bible!
Imagine if I'd pulled out a New International Version!
1 John 5:7For there are three that testify:
8the Spirit, the water and the blood; and the three are in agreement.

God is replaced by water, of all things, and this water isn't even the same as blood, it just agrees with it! I agree with Wash O'Hanley, but that doesn't make me him!

How about the Message?
1 John 5:6-8 Jesus—the Divine Christ! He experienced a life-giving birth and a death-killing death. Not only birth from the womb, but baptismal birth of his ministry and sacrificial death. And all the while the Spirit is confirming the truth, the reality of God's presence at Jesus' baptism and crucifixion, bringing those occasions alive for us. A triple testimony: the Spirit, the Baptism, the Crucifixion. And the three in perfect agreement.

What kind of message is that? Certainly not God's message, that's for sure! All we know is that God was present at Jesus' baptism. Considering that God is omnipresent all the time, that hardly makes Jesus' baptism or crucifixion sound very special.

What about the New Living Translation?
1 John 5:7 So we have these three witnesses—
8 the Spirit, the water, and the blood—and all three agree.

Again, they agree. New Living Translation? Just looking at this lifeless imitation of God's Word makes me feel a bit dead inside!
I could go on and on, but the point I'm making here is simple. If I'd attempted to prove the doctrine of the Trinity using any of these incoherent mockeries of God's word, I'd only have been able to prove that Jesus and God agree with each other, not that they're the same person. They make the idea of the Trinity seem like nonsense! There is just no way I could have constructed a coherent argument as to why Christianity is correct, and therefore buggery is wrong, based on those false bibles, and so I would have been able to give no reason whatsoever why the skinny fellow with the trendy haircut shouldn't have been able to have his depraved way with me. Friends, we abandon the one True translation of God's Word at our peril!

You're joking aren't you? Why do sinners believe this story and not the true God?

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

Sorry, but who calls a goth at a party trying to sodomise you "temptation"?

Answer: SATAN
As it happens, I have just returned from a vile bacchanalia where I was able to witness to many heathens by offering them free clothes (which I design and make). Many of the revellers are nude (apart from paint): all were demon possessed. None of them suggested sodomy.

I am not aware of any goths being there, but I understand from their girlfriends that this perversion is often sought of them by their retarded boyfriends, whom they despise. It is their opinion that these "boyfriends" are not really interested in women at all, but pretend to have "girlfriends" as some sort of twisted anguish fetish - that they might endure the company of females when they would rather be nude in the company of other men. It is further the opinion of these "girlfriends" that their sham boyfriends also suggest multi-partner sex orgies for the same reason - and they do confide other details (which are not relevant here). So I agree with them.

When Satan gets going everything becomed perverted. That is why goths proposing MSM activities are an invitation from the evil one: not to the fœtid squalor of sexual rot per se but into the mælström of evil corruption & depravity more broadly. This is Satan's temptation to all Christians; he knows we are immune to the "delights" of illicit sex.

Matthew 6:13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen..

I John 5:18 18 We know that whosoeuer is borne of God, sinneth not: but hee that is begotten of God, keepeth himselfe, and that wicked one toucheth him not.

II Timothy 4:18 And the Lord shall deliver me from every evil work, and will preserve me unto his heavenly kingdom: to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

NOTE: these three passages are referring to the same thing, each in a different way
The source of temptation;
The yearning of that wicked one;
The certainty of our deliverence from his lascivious advances.

We know who calls his minions "goths" and recognise his hand in them: we know their ultimate fate..

II Peter 2:9 The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations, and to reserve the unjust unto the day of judgment to be punished:

He will never get himself in me! HALLELUJAH!

[Bible Student]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

Originally Posted by First and Sixth
Sorry, but who calls a goth at a party trying to sodomise you "temptation"?

Answer: SATAN
As it happens, I have just returned from a vile bacchanalia where I was able to witness to many heathens by offering them free clothes (which I design and make). Many of the revellers are nude (apart from paint): all were demon possessed. None of them suggested sodomy.

I am not aware of any goths being there, but I understand from their girlfriends that this perversion is often sought of them by their retarded boyfriends, whom they despise. It is their opinion that these "boyfriends" are not really interested in women at all, but pretend to have "girlfriends" as some sort of twisted anguish fetish - that they might endure the company of females when they would rather be nude in the company of other men. It is further the opinion of these "girlfriends" that their sham boyfriends also suggest multi-partner sex orgies for the same reason - and they do confide other details (which are not relevant here). So I agree with them.

When Satan gets going everything becomed perverted. That is why goths proposing MSM activities are an invitation from the evil one: not to the fœtid squalor of sexual rot per se but into the mælström of evil corruption & depravity more broadly. This is Satan's temptation to all Christians; he knows we are immune to the "delights" of illicit sex.

Matthew 6:13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen..

I John 5:18 18 We know that whosoeuer is borne of God, sinneth not: but hee that is begotten of God, keepeth himselfe, and that wicked one toucheth him not.

II Timothy 4:18 And the Lord shall deliver me from every evil work, and will preserve me unto his heavenly kingdom: to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

NOTE: these three passages are referring to the same thing, each in a different way
The source of temptation;
The yearning of that wicked one;
The certainty of our deliverence from his lascivious advances.

We know who calls his minions "goths" and recognise his hand in them: we know their ultimate fate..

II Peter 2:9 The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations, and to reserve the unjust unto the day of judgment to be punished:

He will never get himself in me! HALLELUJAH!

Sister MitzaLizalor, that was a harrowing experience. I'm glad you escaped unmolested. [unless it was by someone you liked] Those orgies can be so taxing.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

Thank you for your support, Mr. Student. I am sure that the majority would not know whether they had been molested or not. There were about 20,000 there with one of the 5 dance areas attracting the majority of (virtually nude) sex perverts gyrating in such close proximity to one another that you couldn't tell they wouldn't know what it was..

This is outdoors, and there are "fire-sprinklers" sprinkling overhead most of the time to prevent heat exhaustion. The weather was quite pleasant though - it only got up to about 42°C - and these wretches didn't seem to sleep for days on end. But I was able to chase them with my offers of modest clothing, accompanied by my friends who were all clad in ankle-length white debutante gowns. Much more appropriate, we thought. But rather conspicuous as it turned out under ultraviolet lights and laser beams, of which there were many.

Brother Temperance is an inspiration to us all. No wonder Satan mocks. We take that as a compliment.

EXODUS 32
6 And they rose vp early on the morrow, and offered burnt offerings, and brought peace offerings: and the people sate downe to eate and to drinke, and rose vp to play.
7 And the Lord said vnto Moses, Goe, get thee downe: for thy people which thou broughtest out of the land of Egypt, haue corrupted themselues.

This is just the sort of environment
where Mattel could get rid of some
of their less savoury products..

[Jasco69]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

Nice work, Nice work. Is Anal Sex ok with a women?

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

Nice work, Nice work. Is Anal Sex ok with a women?

As for me, no sex is “ok” because I am single, and in fact - as seems necessary to be mentioned frequently, the debauched nature of heathen libertines being what it is - the activity is not one that ever occurs to me at all.

If you have any wives or other species whom you were planning to sodomise Mr. 69, then I really think you should discuss the matter somewhere else or preferably contact the Pastoral Team.

If you are trying to revolt me, be “funny” or attract the attention of some lamé clad nancy boy you are

1. unsuccessful
2. not
3. in the wrong place

If you are female I would refer you to Colossians 3:5 and suggest you contact one of the deaconesses

n o t h i n g
is worse than a
lamé Elvis .

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

Nice work, Nice work. Is Anal Sex ok with a women?

Fortunately for you, circumstances have led me to notice your post. My name is Billy Bob, and I can tell you everything you need to know about anal sex.

First of all, having anal sex makes you gay, whether you do it with a man or a woman. Only homers want to ejaculate inside of someone's anus.

Second of all, having anal sex causes AIDS and anal warts, in both parties. You don't want to have your rectum removed with an ice cream scooper by some gay friendly surgeon, do you?

Third, anal sex damages the ozone layer. Burning feces caused by friction releases methane into the atmosphere and causes global warming. Ironically, hippies and environmentalists have more anal sex than any other demographic, except for queers of course.

Fourth, God forbids sodomy, and will send you to Hell for having anal sex.

Deuteronomy 23:17 There shall be no whore of the daughters of Israel, nor a sodomite of the sons of Israel.

2 Kings 23:7 And he[Josiah] brake down the houses of the sodomites, that were by the house of the LORD, where the women wove hangings for the grove.

Isaiah 3:9 The shew of their countenance doth witness against them; and they declare their sin as Sodom, they hide it not. Woe unto their soul! for they have rewarded evil unto themselves.

Jude 7 Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.

If you have any further questions about the evils of anal sex and other quasi-gay behavior, feel free to ask.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

Ironically, hippies and environmentalists……

……also consume vast quantities of nitrous oxide

“ about 310 times
more powerful than
carbon dioxide on a
per molecule basis ”

[photoquig]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

Second of all, having anal sex causes AIDS and anal warts, in both parties. You don't want to have your rectum removed with an ice cream scooper by some gay friendly surgeon, do you?

Third, anal sex damages the ozone layer. Burning feces caused by friction releases methane into the atmosphere and causes global warming. Ironically, hippies and environmentalists have more anal sex than any other demographic, except for queers of course.

im sorry billy but i have to disagree. there is no proof that AIDS is caused by anal sex. in fact, there is more "proof" that anal sex is a conspiracy by the CIA to take out the blacks and gays. Which I guess for your beliefs is an amen to your church, considering blacks and gays are evil right?

and burning feces does damage the ozone. But if you care so much about the enviroment, then why are you anti-bicycle?

but i will agree, hippys are gay.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

there is no proof that AIDS is caused by anal sex..

source please

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

im sorry billy but i have to disagree.

That's "Billy Bob".

there is no proof that AIDS is caused by anal sex.

Then how do queers acquire it? From listening to Lady Gaga?

in fact, there is more "proof" that anal sex is a conspiracy by the CIA to take out the blacks and gays. Which I guess for your beliefs is an amen to your church, considering blacks and gays are evil right?

I have no patience for racism, boy. Take that back and apologize to the whole forum, now.

and burning feces does damage the ozone. But if you care so much about the enviroment, then why are you anti-bicycle?

Having anal sex with a bicycle causes just as much damage to the ozone layer.

Here is a thread that my wife prepared under my instruction, if you have need of any further information.

(BTW, thanks to sister Believer in God for the Bible Verses in that thread.)

[Jasco69]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

If you have any wives or other species whom you were planning to sodomise Mr. 69, then I really think you should discuss the matter somewhere else or preferably contact the Pastoral Team.


If you are trying to revolt me, be “funny” or attract the attention of some lamé clad nancy boy you are

1. unsuccessful
2. not
3. in the wrong place

If you are female I would refer you to Colossians 3:5 and suggest you contact one of the deaconesses

n o t h i n g

is worse than a

lamé Elvis .

Nope, purely an honest question, wondered what folks opinions on the subject was.
Re; Anal sex causing AIDS, well first there's an important distinction to be made. HIV (a virus) causes AIDS (a condition).
HIV is a sexually transmitted virus, this means that BOTH Anal and vaginal intercourse can spread the virus. People practicing Anal sex are at more risk as, regardless of the rights or wrongs of it, The anus isn't designed for sex, meaning damage is more likely to occur. This allows, one way or another for the infected partner to pass it to the uninfected one.
hope none of that is offensive, again not my intention

[Born Again Bob]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

Dear Friend,

As a fellow AIDS educator, you may find useful a short instructional ditty I wrote on the topic.

Yours in Him,
BAB