Barbie's Inoffensive Mounds = VALUABLE ADVICE

[Glendora Christianson]

I was looking at a Barbie Doll and realized that Barbie might hold some good advice for our Christian singles. Instead of dirty parts like the cooter and fun bags, Barbie has polite little mounds which are free from disturbing bumps and orifices. It seems that Jesus might appreciate it if Christian singles would just pretend that they are Barbie Dolls and ignore their naughty parts until marriage. YOUR THOUGHTS?

[Joo (Quarantined)]

Re: Barbie's Inoffensive Mounds = VALUABLE ADVICE

I was looking at a Barbie Doll and realized that Barbie might hold some good advice for our Christian singles. Instead of dirty parts like the cooter and fun bags, Barbie has polite little mounds which are free from disturbing bumps and orifices. It seems that Jesus might appreciate it if Christian singles would just pretend that they are Barbie Dolls and ignore their naughty parts until marriage. YOUR THOUGHTS?

As for the fun bags, you could just...chop 'em off. Hey now that sounds like a nice sane idea, why don't I just go find a large knife, and a bucket. You don't need any anesthetic since that's the devil's creation being from medical science and all.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Barbie's Inoffensive Mounds = VALUABLE ADVICE

As for the fun bags, you could just...chop 'em off. Hey now that sounds like a nice sane idea, why don't I just go find a large knife, and a bucket. You don't need any anesthetic since that's the devil's creation being from medical science and all.

So in addition to being a monkey worshiper, a hook-nosed joo, a queer and a God mocker, you are also a vicious sadist. How charming.

The next time you want to spew such perverted hatred, go do it somewhere else. Mother G is much beloved by our congregation, and frankly I wouldn't want to be in your shoes if Elmer caught up with you saying such filth about her dirty pillows.

[Joo (Quarantined)]

Re: Barbie's Inoffensive Mounds = VALUABLE ADVICE

So in addition to being a monkey worshiper, a hook-nosed joo, a queer and a God mocker, you are also a vicious sadist. How charming.

The next time you want to spew such perverted hatred, go do it somewhere else. Mother G is much beloved by our congregation, and frankly I wouldn't want to be in your shoes if Elmer caught up with you saying such filth about her dirty pillows.

Couple things:

1. I wasn't speaking to her specifically, I was referring to every woman and every "dirty pillow" in the world! But why do that? That would suck. For both genders and for obvious reasons.

2. It's called sarcasm.

[dingoatemybaby]

Re: Barbie's Inoffensive Mounds = VALUABLE ADVICE

Couple things:

1. I wasn't speaking to her specifically, I was referring to every woman and every "dirty pillow" in the world! But why do that? That would suck. For both genders and for obvious reasons.

2. It's called sarcasm.

its not sarcasm its satanism you heathen gerbil swallowing poo covered sissyboy.
our naughty bits are sinful and vile.but if we cut off which offends us we would not have any stinky bits and jesus would not want that.
for it says in the bible: if thou wobbly bits are touched by a whore then thee shall spend an eternity in the fires of hell cleaning gerry fallwells turdcutter the only way to save yourself is too marry thine whore.

remember god wouldnt even touch mary he had to impregnate her without breaking her hymenator

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Barbie's Inoffensive Mounds = VALUABLE ADVICE

its not sarcasm its satanism you heathen gerbil swallowing poo covered sissyboy.
our naughty bits are sinful and vile.but if we cut off which offends us we would not have any stinky bits and jesus would not want that.
for it says in the bible: if thou wobbly bits are touched by a whore then thee shall spend an eternity in the fires of hell cleaning gerry fallwells turdcutter the only way to save yourself is too marry thine whore.

remember god wouldnt even touch mary he had to impregnate her without breaking her hymenator

You started out fine, but I suspect you're not truly a Christian.
First, that's not a direct quote from the KJV1611 Bible. If you're going to quote scripture, make sure it's the right scripture and word for word correct.
Second, your avatar is highly offensive. Please change it, or I will have to ask one of the pastors to do it.
Third, I don't know what you're talking about in your signature, but around here we capitalize proper names, especially when it comes to Jesus.
Now please make your way to the introduction forum and introduce yourself. Thank you.

[Joo (Quarantined)]

Re: Barbie's Inoffensive Mounds = VALUABLE ADVICE

its not sarcasm its satanism you heathen gerbil swallowing poo covered sissyboy.
our naughty bits are sinful and vile.but if we cut off which offends us we would not have any stinky bits and jesus would not want that.
for it says in the bible: if thou wobbly bits are touched by a whore then thee shall spend an eternity in the fires of hell cleaning gerry fallwells turdcutter the only way to save yourself is too marry thine whore.

remember god wouldnt even touch mary he had to impregnate her without breaking her hymenator

So he mind raped her then.

Btw, aren't you supposed to capitalize the "J" in Jesus, and anyone elses name for that matter?

What is a "turdcutter" ?

That description you gave of me is highly guro, perhaps you're into that sorta thing? If so hey that's your business, but it's not my problem if people start calling you a sick-o.

[dingoatemybaby]

Re: Barbie's Inoffensive Mounds = VALUABLE ADVICE

You started out fine, but I suspect you're not truly a Christian.
First, that's not a direct quote from the KJV1611 Bible. If you're going to quote scripture, make sure it's the right scripture and word for word correct.
Second, your avatar is highly offensive. Please change it, or I will have to ask one of the pastors to do it.
Third, I don't know what you're talking about in your signature, but around here we capitalize proper names, especially when it comes to Jesus.
Now please make your way to the introduction forum and introduce yourself. Thank you.

deleted done an no
wont be coming backcya

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Barbie's Inoffensive Mounds = VALUABLE ADVICE

deleted done an no
wont be coming backcya

That's a shame. I've got a feeling you have a lot you can contribute, especially when you start witnessing about your road to Salvation.

[Joo (Quarantined)]

Re: Barbie's Inoffensive Mounds = VALUABLE ADVICE

So anyways back onto the topic of the topic what good will pretending you don't have them do?

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Barbie's Inoffensive Mounds = VALUABLE ADVICE

So anyways back onto the topic of the topic what good will pretending you don't have them do?

First off, it could save your soul. And for dirty daughters of Eve (all women) it might save you the experience of having to cut off your hooters and having your eyes gouged out, followed by a gang rape and stoning (Not the kind you're used to, I'm talking rocks!).

Ezekiel 23: A tale of two sisters
Two sisters were guilty of "committing whoredoms" by pressing their breasts and bruising "the teats of their virginity." As a punishment, one sister's nakedness was discovered, her children were taken from her, and she was killed by the sword. And the fate of the surviving sister was even worse. Her nose and ears were cut off, she was made to "pluck off" her own breasts, and then after being raped and mutilated, she is stoned to death.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Barbie's Inoffensive Mounds = VALUABLE ADVICE

I was looking at a Barbie Doll and realized that Barbie might hold some good advice for our Christian singles. Instead of dirty parts like the cooter and fun bags, Barbie has polite little mounds which are free from disturbing bumps and orifices. It seems that Jesus might appreciate it if Christian singles would just pretend that they are Barbie Dolls and ignore their naughty parts until marriage. YOUR THOUGHTS?

1) Why, exactly, did you feel the urge to look at naked dolls, Glendora?
2) If a young man/woman thinks of a real man/woman as looking like plastic dolls with no orifices, then when they get married, they aren't going to know how to create 'little soldiers' now, are they?

[Joo (Quarantined)]

Re: Barbie's Inoffensive Mounds = VALUABLE ADVICE

First off, it could save your soul. And for dirty daughters of Eve (all women) it might save you the experience of having to cut off your hooters and having your eyes gouged out, followed by a gang rape and stoning (Not the kind you're used to, I'm talking rocks!).

Well I'm surprised you know what any other kind of stoning is. You know the only way you could know that is by being exposed to some raunchy stuff...just wherever have you been ma'am?

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Barbie's Inoffensive Mounds = VALUABLE ADVICE

1) Why, exactly, did you feel the urge to look at naked dolls, Glendora?
2) If a young man/woman thinks of a real man/woman as looking like plastic dolls with no orifices, then when they get married, they aren't going to know how to create 'little soldiers' now, are they?

I'll answer your questions: 1) It isn't because they don't have dirty parts which the Devil placed there to tempt them (I swear!)

2) God will help them make babies as HE sees fit. I know of one sister from our own church who was instructed to use a Dixie Cup while standing on her head . . . that was seven babies ago.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Barbie's Inoffensive Mounds = VALUABLE ADVICE

I'll answer your questions: 1) It isn't because they don't have dirty parts which the Devil placed there to tempt them (I swear!)

So it is because they do? (Well...sorta.....lumps anyway, not in any way arousing, LOL)

2) God will help them make babies as HE sees fit. I know of one sister from our own church who was instructed to use a Dixie Cup while standing on her head . . . that was seven babies ago.

What was done with the cup? Was a turkey baster involved?