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Old 08-17-2008, 01:40 PM
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Default How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism!
Jesus prefers a proper baptism performed by a pastor, but there are times when an Emergency Baptism is needed and in these cases HE may call upon a layperson to perform an Emergency Baptism.

When an Emergency Baptism called for:
The candidate urgently requests baptism.
Despite having received the best available medical attention, the candidate is reasonably worried that they might die.
You have tried and failed to contact a member of the clergy, or a member of the clergy cannot arrive in time.

Performing a Emergency Baptism:
Make sure your intentions are to perform a baptism, what I mean is make sure you aren't interrogating a witch, horsing around in a swimming pool, or looking for a stringer full of Largemouth Bass that your hubby dropped in the lake. Water must be involved, so locate a pool of water. Avoid those funny round cement structures with an arm that goes around in circles spraying water! Immerse the person to be baptised and recite Matthew 28:19; “I baptize you in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” Finally, if this person is an accident victim, or appears to be unconscious or worse, remember to call 911 after the baptism.

A few final thoughts:
Many folks live their entire lives without performing an Emergency Baptism. Don't be too eager to offer such a service. It is not uncommon for a person who is being stoned to beg for baptism, but this is usually just a ploy to avoid the suffering they deserve. Be absolutely sure that the person requesting an Emergency Baptism is truly repentant.
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Old 08-17-2008, 02:16 PM
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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism!
Godly advice Mamma Glendie.
Folks always ask me why I carry around so many bags when I'm out walking.
Thing is, YOU NEVER KNOW.

In one of my bags I always carry my "Supersoaker".
This baby can Baptize a whole hoard of willing Volunteers angry Atheists in one hit.

Super_Soaker_CPS4100.jpg
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Old 08-17-2008, 02:46 PM
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Glendora Christianson Glendora Christianson is offline
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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Talitha View Post
Godly advice Mamma Glendie.
Folks always ask me why I carry around so many bags when I'm out walking.
Thing is, YOU NEVER KNOW.

In one of my bags I always carry my "Supersoaker".
This baby can Baptize a whole hoard of willing Volunteers angry Atheists in one hit.

Attachment 5900
I do think a preliminary stoning would be warranted, just to get them to the repentant stage.
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Old 08-17-2008, 02:50 PM
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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
I do think a preliminary stoning would be warranted, just to get them to the repentant stage.
Did I mention the "other" Bags?
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Old 08-17-2008, 03:50 PM
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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Talitha View Post
Did I mention the "other" Bags?
Do you mean one of these handy little stoning buckets that Momma G had us make?

I just love mine!

http://landoverbaptist.net/showthrea...ghlight=bucket
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Old 08-17-2008, 03:57 PM
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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism!
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
Do you mean one of these handy little stoning buckets that Momma G had us make?

I just love mine!

http://landoverbaptist.net/showthrea...ghlight=bucket
The very thing Sis.
Here's mine:
burberry.jpg
It's one of the reasons that God gave Women 2 arms.

The other reason of course is for Cooking and Cleaning
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Old 08-17-2008, 04:04 PM
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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism!
This would be good if you were into a more gentle group baptism:
Quote:
Writer
Russ
Marietta, GA
More capacity for fewer stops.


I find this sprayer much easier to use than the little hand held sprayers. My arm always gets worn out carrying them around. I wish that it had wider and/or padded straps. The 5 gallon is HEAVY when full and these straps don't make it a bit easier. 5 gallon capacity means 40% fewer stops to refill than the 3 gallon. (Somebody check my math.)
--Russ
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Old 08-18-2008, 07:00 AM
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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism!
You know, this puts me of a mind to recall those golden summer days when I was a boy growing up in Freehold. The other pastor's sons and I would lay in wait at the edge of Picaninnie Bridge for unsuspecting negroes, grab them, and toss them into Dirty Injun River, shouting "Do you renounce satan, boy?" And then we'd laugh and laugh, feeling like we were little soldiers for Christ.


There really wasn't enough water in there to Baptize anyone properly, so the coons would land with quite a splat.....Ah memories.
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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Old 08-18-2008, 10:31 AM
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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
You know, this puts me of a mind to recall those golden summer days when I was a boy growing up in Freehold. The other pastor's sons and I would lay in wait at the edge of Picaninnie Bridge for unsuspecting negroes, grab them, and toss them into Dirty Injun River, shouting "Do you renounce satan, boy?" And then we'd laugh and laugh, feeling like we were little soldiers for Christ.


There really wasn't enough water in there to Baptize anyone properly, so the coons would land with quite a splat.....Ah memories.
Oh, such happy days eh Pastor?

I remember going out with Petal to collect wayward kitties so we could put them in a sack. We'd then throw the sack down the Well or in the river and practice our Baptizing.

Some of the little Critters even stayed alive after the Stoning.

I'm sure Jesus had a good ol' Belly-laugh watching us.

Happy days
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Old 08-18-2008, 10:40 AM
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Default Re: How to Perform an EMERGENCY Baptism!
I have to admit I had quite a few baptisms go wrong over here, which may explain my poor record.

Two months ago we tried this method:

3onhose.jpg

Alas, we never found the poor converted old lady ever again.
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