Uses for Mongoloid (that is, Retarded) Children

[JennyD]

Our new friend, Aaron Portway, commented on a couple of valuable contributions retardeds (like that brave Sarah Palin's son, Frig) could make to society:

Teaching the retarded basic tasks actually could save tax dollars. Could they be trained to do menial or dangerous tasks, tasks that might endanger normal people. Like checking for gas in coal mines, or moving live electrical wires after storms, stuff like that.

This got me thinking. These "people" need useful occupations like everyone else, so they may feel that they are making a contribution. This will improve their self-esteem, and may even help some choose to abandon the retarded lifestyle.

What other things could mongoloids, idiots, imbeciles, retardeds, and dimwits be used for, to provide benefit to society? (Let's not all say "running Left-Wing Liberal blog sites". First, I said things that provide benefit to society. Second, Arianna Huffington and those Daily Kos people have that covered, OK?)

The first thing coming to my mind is "decoy for enemy soldiers". Send a few of them out with toy guns (don't want them shooting OUR boys!) and uniforms; while the enemy soldiers are busy laughing at their window-licking antics, our boys can get the drop on them!

I understand they also make excellent crash-test dummies and fast-food workers. However, under no circumstances should a retarded fast-food worker be allowed to sing!

What suggestions do you have? How can these "people" be best used to their full potential?

[Mister Brasil]

Re: Uses for Mongoloid (that is, Retarded) Children

Have you considered using them to tally the votes in liberal-leaning districts?

[Nobar King]

Re: Uses for Mongoloid (that is, Retarded) Children

I see a fair number of them bagging groceries at Safeway. They don't do a very good job, but they are usually friendly. Maybe they could be hired to package trail mix? It doesn't really matter if that's done well or not.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Uses for Mongoloid (that is, Retarded) Children

I can't believe I didn't think of this before. What's the most obvious use? Medical experiments of course! And it would shut those secular idiots at PeTA up as well. No need for testing of exotic surgical prodedures on animals when you can go straight to "people".

And nobody likes it when they spray solvent or household chemicals in the eyes of those cute little bunnies. And since some Retards can speak, you could get so much more useful information out of them.

"Which eye hurts more? The one with Easy Off or the one with STP Gas Treatment?"

"Ahhhhhhhg!!! Dis one huht moweh, dis one huht moweh!!! Arrhhhggg!!!"

"He's clearly clawing at his right eye more aggressively. That was the Easy Off, right?"

Who do we need to see to get this program going?

[Mister Brasil]

Re: Uses for Mongoloid (that is, Retarded) Children

I can't believe I didn't think of this before. What's the most obvious use? Medical experiments of course!

That's a great idea! And it would save countless human souls. Who needs stem cells when you can have the whole vegetable?

Alzheimer's-curing chlorophyll, here we come!

[Brother_Percy]

Re: Uses for Mongoloid (that is, Retarded) Children

Our new friend, Aaron Portway, commented on a couple of valuable contributions retardeds could make to society

This got me thinking. These "people" need useful occupations like everyone else, so they may feel that they are making a contribution. This will improve their self-esteem, and may even help some choose to abandon the retarded lifestyle.

Hmmmm... I see what you're saying here, Sister - but we have to be careful around retardeds.

Every single one of them is a Demon-possessed monster! While we should be out stoning these ugly deformed human rejects to death, society instead offers them 'normal' jobs. Just like the one you mention above, who works in a fast-food restraunt. This is a real danger! Who knows what these braindead freak's are putting into our burgers or triple-thick-shakes !!! I wouldn't want a spastic even touching my food, let alone preparing it!!

I don't see the benefit in medical research or organ transplant. Seriously, would any of you want a retard body part inside you? And it's not like their bodies are the same as ours. They probably have all their internal organs in different places than us, and some parts missing. I imagine a retarded is quite a mess inside, heart where their liver should be and only one lung and kidney. These creatures are disgusting!

But I do see some benefits, such as in the Army or Police Force. They could easily get a job as a 'Human Shield' in the Police Force, and aid in hostage and terrorist shootout situations. And as for Army applications, you could easily send a bunch of retardeds out to find a safe path through a landmined area. Who cares if they lose a few limbs, half of them have limbs missing already, and it's not like they're proper people anyways.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Uses for Mongoloid (that is, Retarded) Children

But I do see some benefits, such as in the Army or Police Force. They could easily get a job as a 'Human Shield' in the Police Force, and aid in hostage and terrorist shootout situations. And as for Army applications, you could easily send a bunch of retardeds out to find a safe path through a landmined area. Who cares if they lose a few limbs, half of them have limbs missing already, and it's not like they're proper people anyways.

The army has already got its hands full with reatardeds. Things aren't working out.


I think medical experiments would be best. Off in a soundproof building somewhere.

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: Uses for Mongoloid (that is, Retarded) Children

Luckily our next Vice President agrees with you, Pastor! Praise the Lord, she had enough sense to veto a budgetary allotment for "special needs" (in other words, retarded) children! Praise!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Uses for Mongoloid (that is, Retarded) Children

I wonder if President Vice-President Palin will openly promote the effective use of retardeds?

The fatter ones, like Captain Asshat, could be rendered down for fuel. TardDiesel, a renewable energy source!

Has Mr. Worthington considered enlisting the help of retardeds in his organ-supply business? I'm sure there would be useful organs available for harvesting.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Uses for Mongoloid (that is, Retarded) Children

I can't believe I didn't think of this before. What's the most obvious use? Medical experiments of course! And it would shut those secular idiots at PeTA up as well. No need for testing of exotic surgical prodedures on animals when you can go straight to "people".

And nobody likes it when they spray solvent or household chemicals in the eyes of those cute little bunnies. And since some Retards can speak, you could get so much more useful information out of them.

"Which eye hurts more? The one with Easy Off or the one with STP Gas Treatment?"

"Ahhhhhhhg!!! Dis one huht moweh, dis one huht moweh!!! Arrhhhggg!!!"

"He's clearly clawing at his right eye more aggressively. That was the Easy Off, right?"

Who do we need to see to get this program going?

Until we can use tards for testing, I use this in the meantime. You can buy them directly from Sister Talitha. They come in most handy!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Uses for Mongoloid (that is, Retarded) Children

I thought of another use!

I'm sure most of us have seen one those secular television shows where they shoot bullets into a dead pig or ballistics gel to see what happens when a person gets shot, right? Retardeds have to be better than wasting all that perfectly good pork. And I bet ballistics gel is expensive!

We could call it Tardget Practice!

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Uses for Mongoloid (that is, Retarded) Children

I wanted to warn folks about letting Mongoloids get near a cat in heat...

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Uses for Mongoloid (that is, Retarded) Children

I wanted to warn folks about letting Mongoloids get near a cat in heat...

What if Petal sees this? You know how she feels about "da kitties".

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: Uses for Mongoloid (that is, Retarded) Children

I thought of another use!

I'm sure most of us have seen one those secular television shows where they shoot bullets into a dead pig or ballistics gel to see what happens when a person gets shot, right? Retardeds have to be better than wasting all that perfectly good pork. And I bet ballistics gel is expensive!

We could call it Tardget Practice!

Brilliant. When do we start?

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Uses for Mongoloid (that is, Retarded) Children

Maybe we could use them as ambassadors to the Oriental countries? After all, it stands to reason that white Mongoloids would be halfway between normal people and nips. The tards and Chinamen could keep each other entertained for hours with those silly little noises they make. Also, when we trade with China we could try shipping them tards to turn into chop suey.

Has Mr. Worthington considered enlisting the help of retardeds in his organ-supply business? I'm sure there would be useful organs available for harvesting.

I don't think I'd want a special needs kidney. What if it started drooling all over my insides?