Thanks to the Efforts of True Christians™, Millions Will Starve to Death Knowing Jesus Christ as Their Lord and Savior
Since the day Jesus left, every born again Christian has been obedient to His final command, the great commission -- "Go Into All The World and make disciples of all men." Christ promised that he would come back when everyone in the world had a chance to hear the gospel. That day is upon us now. As of Nov. 1st, 2008, according to our calculations, the gospel has reached every living person on the planet.
Tiny countries like India and China have populations that are so immersed in the gospel, and the Bible, that many have heard it over 1,000 times, and have rejected it as much. Even tinier places full of natives wasting their lives in non-capitalist societies have also been reached, with greater success. PRAISE THE LORD! These formerly useless peoples have now found good honest work in the homes and farms of God's people, and are therefore assured of ascension to one of the lower levels of heaven.
The best place for a Christian to be (and you'd better have a special calling not to be) is in the vastly populated United States of America. The USA holds 96% of the world's population. It only makes sense to concentrate the last great surge of evangelism in such an enormous country. One day, Americans might even have an opportunity to hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ even more than one time! One American Christian remarks, "The United States is just so HUGE! I can't possibly believe that everyone here has had a chance to hear the good news of Jesus Christ yet."
Think again, On Nov. 1st it was discovered that the Gospel of Christ had finally reached every corner of the world. The last ones to hear it were a handful of families in the remote town of Lynchburg, Virginia. "We'd just never heard anything like it before!" they exclaimed upon hearing the news, "I mean.. we would always drive by these white buildings on every block, the pointy ones with the giant metal 'T's' on top. We just never knew what they were. I mean, we knew that people went in there every Sunday morning for something.. but we didn't know what. Now that we know, we're planning on going in there on Sundays too."
One other city is populated by those who have also not heard, but that city is San Francisco, California, and we all know what type lives out there. Based on demographic studies, those folks would reject the message anyway, so our time -- and God's time-- is better spent where "he who hath ears" will hear it!
Misguided Christians often feel that they are being called to go to other countries to spread the word of God. "They are wasting their time," one Evangelical expert states, "there are not enough Christians here in America. You had better make DARN sure you are called to 'forsake all' because the Bible clearly states that every Christian is called to raise families, work jobs, and go to church. You are commanded by God to be 'willing' to 'go into all the world,' the key word there is 'willing.' It helps avoid any 'works salvation' conflict, besides, there is no need for a Christian person to travel to another country to minister the Gospel. Most countries have had a chance to hear the gospel thousands of times. There is Christian work to be done here at home. American and European Christians are among the most persecuted people on the planet. We put our lives on the line every day for Christ. When we turn the ignition, get to the office and turn on the computer, every day could be our last!
Indeed, recent studies by many American Christian groups prove that hate crimes against Christians are at an all time high -- and yet the liberals refuse to enact hate-crimes laws that will give God's people the special rights they deserve, rights that would enable us to put the true enemies of God; the liberals, feminazis, demoncrats and homosexural activists behind bars.
So now the waiting begins for the return of Christ. Many active Christians are now 'taking it easy.' "This is a time of waiting and prayer," Pastor Deacon Fred of the Landover Baptist Church remarks. "Jesus said 'no man shall know the time,' and that is the truth. We can only approximate it, based on fulfilling all the other prophesies. I don't know exactly when He's coming back, but I can tell you it's real soon." This is a time for us to work our jobs, raise our families, and attend church. The gospel has been preached to all the world, now everyone.. let's just settle down."
Evangelicals and Fundamentalists don't know how long the wait will be, but intend to enjoy their lives to the fullest while they remain here on earth. One pastor jokes, "This doesn't mean we can run around and live like the Catholics, no.. that would be spitting in the face of Christ. We must remain conservative, and keep our morals intact. Salvation by faith alone has gotten Christianity this far, so don't run off and do anything stupid, like Mother Teresa. Who knows where she ended up. I can tell you one thing, it sure as Hell ain't Heaven."