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  • #1

    We have a problem here. Our internals are not looking good!

    I'm sure this poll is just an outlier, but it shows Shoe Shine Boy winning by a lot with five days to go!

    How could our careful message of miscegenation, uppity negroes and enforcing biblical law be backfiring?

    I'm going to be calling an emergency meeting at Johnny's campaign headquarters tomorrow.

    It's Mistress Cookie's former guest house. Our sweet dear True Christian™ lady let our guy lease it for $1 until the election, so there's no conflict of interest between campaign directors and candidates.

    For legal reasons, Mistress Cookie cannot attend, but her servants Raul and Gretchen will be hosting for us. Shout Glory!

    We will be catering in the usual spread of baby back ribs, veal and beluga caviar generously donated by Johnny's campaign contributors.

    We have to figure out a new strategy or our guy could lose.
    Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.


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  • #2
    Re: We have a problem here. Our internals are not looking good!

    The reason Candidate King has pulled ahead is because the Church has had it so easy in Freehold for so many years, they've completely lost touch with what the AVERAGE CITIZEN wants!

    I'm thrilled by this news, and will be announcing at my BBQ this weekend that I'm dropping out of the race myself to throw my full support behind MR. KING, and to urge all my followers to do the same!

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: We have a problem here. Our internals are not looking good!

      Originally posted by Beaux McManus View Post
      The reason Candidate King has pulled ahead is because the Church has had it so easy in Freehold for so many years, they've completely lost touch with what the AVERAGE CITIZEN wants!

      I'm thrilled by this news, and will be announcing at my BBQ this weekend that I'm dropping out of the race myself to throw my full support behind MR. KING, and to urge all my followers to do the same!
      So that makes one right, including you?

      I, personally, have thrown my support behind Rev Rodimer's left shoe, but continue to be a proud member of the ABC campaign (Anyone But the Colored), and will vote accordingly when the time comes.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: We have a problem here. Our internals are not looking good!

        It's always so funny when you guys get uneasy about things! Where is your skydaddy now? Wouldn't he want Mould to win?
        An it harm none, do what thou wilt.

        And therefore let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honour and humility, mirth and reverence within you.


        Why I'm no longer a Christian: how the Landover Baptist Church ruined my life!

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: We have a problem here. Our internals are not looking good!

          Originally posted by Miss Cassandra View Post
          It's always so funny when you guys get uneasy about things! Where is your skydaddy now? Wouldn't he want Mould to win?
          Trust me, I already know who will win. Jesus has told me, and a few others.

          Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to say until after the election.
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: We have a problem here. Our internals are not looking good!

            After a very convincing, heartfelt, passionate plea from Pastor Zeke, I am now ready to ask ALL MY SUPPORTERS to back Mr. Hold GLORY! It just makes sense, and we all know it.

            I'm also glad to announce that the rumours about me being transferred to Iceland are completely false.
            Psalm 81:10:
            I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
            open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: We have a problem here. Our internals are not looking good!

              After a long, hard, exhausting prayer vigil with Pastor Zeke along with talking to Jesus, I too pledge my supporters to candidate Hold.

              I will have more time to devote to bringing about a Christian government and not be distracted by the day to day activities of mayor.
              sigpic

              Ted Cruz in 2016 is the only hope for America. He is an anoited member of the Seven Mountains Movement. God and Jesus demand no less from real Christians and Americans.

              Ephesians 6:11-13
              11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
              12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
              13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

              The state is a bankrupt institution. The only alternative to this bankrupt 'humanistic' system is a God-centered government. R.J. Rushdoony, Reconstructionist Theologian.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: We have a problem here. Our internals are not looking good!

                Originally posted by C. Reconstruction View Post
                After a long, hard, exhausting prayer vigil with Pastor Zeke along with talking to Jesus, I too pledge my supporters to candidate Hold.

                I will have more time to devote to bringing about a Christian government and not be distracted by the day to day activities of mayor.
                God bless you, Mr. Reconstruction. I know your support will help to turn around this important election.
                JJH
                Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: We have a problem here. Our internals are not looking good!

                  Originally posted by Levi Jones View Post
                  I'm sure this poll is just an outlier, but it shows Shoe Shine Boy winning by a lot with five days to go!
                  I can only imagine that this poll did not include My Left Shoe. Since announcing its candidacy just yesterday, My Left Shoe has seen a groundswell of support amongst those who enjoy FREE watermelon and fried chicken (did I mention it's FREE?), and several substantial donations from various Political Action Committees.

                  Why, even members of Landover have donated to the cause!

                  My Left Shoe is gladdened to see that there is the possibility of the rich and the lazy economically downtrodden working together. This, in contrast with Mr. King's belief that race riots and looting are the only way for the poor to make material gains, and raping white women the only way to improve their lot long-term.
                  Bible boring? Nonsense!
                  Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                  You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: We have a problem here. Our internals are not looking good!

                    Originally posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
                    God bless you, Mr. Reconstruction. I know your support will help to turn around this important election.
                    JJH
                    You are most welcome sir. I apologize for not announcing this sooner but Zeke and I spent most of the night cuddling discussing Freeholds future.
                    sigpic

                    Ted Cruz in 2016 is the only hope for America. He is an anoited member of the Seven Mountains Movement. God and Jesus demand no less from real Christians and Americans.

                    Ephesians 6:11-13
                    11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
                    12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
                    13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

                    The state is a bankrupt institution. The only alternative to this bankrupt 'humanistic' system is a God-centered government. R.J. Rushdoony, Reconstructionist Theologian.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: We have a problem here. Our internals are not looking good!

                      Originally posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
                      God bless you, Mr. Reconstruction. I know your support will help to turn around this important election.
                      JJH
                      Thank you Mr. Hold. I'm sure you mentioning my supporters will REALLY draw them to the Diebholds.

                      New to politics, are we?
                      Psalm 81:10:
                      I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
                      open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

                      Comment

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