Please help me learn to live with my head crack!

[Mrs. Baiter]

Hello friends. I come to you in a state of total desperation. I hope my story is not too long and I don’t speak out of turn. I was a good God-fearing wife before the accident. The Lord is my master and my husband is also my master. I made him his favorite pie twice a week, a $3 French Silk pie with ingredients from our Dollar Store. A Good Valu graham cracker shell ($1), a can of Special Taste chocolate filling ($1), and a Hershey Bar. I whipped up meringue using eggs from our chickens into stiff little peaks like the ones our loving God blessed me with for bosoms. I would sit for an hour and shave that Hershey Bar with a clean razor for the little shavings to top the pie.

We have our own compound in the Appalachian Mountains, the Praise Jesus ranch. Well, the problems started when we were riding our quads on the compound. I had mine full throttle as I’m ashamed to admit it was giving me quite the tingle in my dirty parts. The Lord our Savior apparently chose to punish me by sending a red squirrel right across my path. Not wanting to hurt one of God’s beautiful creations, I slammed on the brakes and went head first into the bentwood “P” on the gate of the Praise Jesus ranch.

I was in bed for over a month and I have been up and around now for a week, but something is very wrong with me. Whilst making my master’s favorite pie, I found myself getting very angry at the time it was taking to make the Hershey shavings. So I decided to take that bar outside and shoot it with my 12-gauge. Apparently though I didn’t separate the buckshot from the chocolate very well and my master broke three teeth. I deserved the lumps I received that night

I have always been a neat and obedient wife but I have now started to throw trash on the floor. Whilst at Friday evening services, my master bent down at the alter front and center at our beloved Mountain Dulcimer Baptist church, and lo and behold stuck to the bottom of his Dickies steel toe was one of the panty liners that I use to protect my pretty flowered unmentionables from my dirty parts. He took me out of there and I am starting to feel worse than I did the day of the accident

Lastly, I’m afraid I became quite the food sinner during my time of bed rest and although my master appreciates my bosoms in the front, he says he is not so fond of the ones in the back.

I hope you can find it in your hearts to help me. My favorite scripture is Lamentations 1:18 The LORD is righteous; for I have rebelled against his commandment: hear, I pray you, all people, and behold my sorrow: my virgins and my young men are gone into captivity.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Baiter

[Eeswaran]

Re: Please help me learn to live with my head crack!

"riding your quads"

I'm sure that activity is not prescribed for women in the bible. Maybe the ill effects you are having are God's punishment for not adhering to his scriptures.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Please help me learn to live with my head crack!

Hello friends. I come to you in a state of total desperation. I hope my story is not too long and I don’t speak out of turn. I was a good God-fearing wife before the accident. The Lord is my master and my husband is also my master. I made him his favorite pie twice a week, a $3 French Silk pie with ingredients from our Dollar Store. A Good Valu graham cracker shell ($1), a can of Special Taste chocolate filling ($1), and a Hershey Bar. I whipped up meringue using eggs from our chickens into stiff little peaks like the ones our loving God blessed me with for bosoms. I would sit for an hour and shave that Hershey Bar with a clean razor for the little shavings to top the pie.

We have our own compound in the Appalachian Mountains, the Praise Jesus ranch. Well, the problems started when we were riding our quads on the compound. I had mine full throttle as I’m ashamed to admit it was giving me quite the tingle in my dirty parts. The Lord our Savior apparently chose to punish me by sending a red squirrel right across my path. Not wanting to hurt one of God’s beautiful creations, I slammed on the brakes and went head first into the bentwood “P” on the gate of the Praise Jesus ranch.

I was in bed for over a month and I have been up and around now for a week, but something is very wrong with me. Whilst making my master’s favorite pie, I found myself getting very angry at the time it was taking to make the Hershey shavings. So I decided to take that bar outside and shoot it with my 12-gauge. Apparently though I didn’t separate the buckshot from the chocolate very well and my master broke three teeth. I deserved the lumps I received that night

I have always been a neat and obedient wife but I have now started to throw trash on the floor. Whilst at Friday evening services, my master bent down at the alter front and center at our beloved Mountain Dulcimer Baptist church, and lo and behold stuck to the bottom of his Dickies steel toe was one of the panty liners that I use to protect my pretty flowered unmentionables from my dirty parts. He took me out of there and I am starting to feel worse than I did the day of the accident

Lastly, I’m afraid I became quite the food sinner during my time of bed rest and although my master appreciates my bosoms in the front, he says he is not so fond of the ones in the back.

I hope you can find it in your hearts to help me. My favorite scripture is Lamentations 1:18 The LORD is righteous; for I have rebelled against his commandment: hear, I pray you, all people, and behold my sorrow: my virgins and my young men are gone into captivity.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Baiter

I think that anyone reading your thread will see the obvious problem, when you cracked open your head, demons snuck in! There is nothing that an exorcism won't mend. I certianly hope your husband is reading this over your shoulder as you are in no shape yo be on the interweb without supervision. You need to summon your Church Pastor and tell him the same things we have heard from you today.

[Mrs. Baiter]

Re: Please help me learn to live with my head crack!

"riding your quads"

I'm sure that activity is not prescribed for women in the bible. Maybe the ill effects you are having are God's punishment for not adhering to his scriptures.

Mr. Eeswaran, I will explain this to you. The Praise Jesus ranch is very large with our beloved home on one side and the chicken coops on the other, which is the reason for the 4-wheel devils. In retrospect, Mrs. Baiter probably should have chosen a bicycle. I fear if I try this now, though, I would lean a little to the right.

[Mrs. Baiter]

Re: Please help me learn to live with my head crack!

I think that anyone reading your thread will see the obvious problem, when you cracked open your head, demons snuck in! There is nothing that an exorcism won't mend. I certianly hope your husband is reading this over your shoulder as you are in no shape yo be on the interweb without supervision. You need to summon your Church Pastor and tell him the same things we have heard from you today.

Praise Glory, I knew I would find help from the kind souls of the Landover Baptist Church! I had not considered the demons. You are correct that I should not be on the interwebs behind my beloved husband's back, I will probably get quite the licking for this but it is further proof of how ill I am.

Now, I fear that if I go to the Pastor of my beautiful Mountain Dulcimer Church, I will be shunned for containing demons. Is it possible that the knowledgable Pastor and Deacons of your wonderful church could perform the Rites of Exorcism, right over the interwebs?

I hope I have not spoken out of turn.

John 5:28-29 Marvel not at this: for the hour is coming, in the which all that are in the graves shall hear his voice, And shall come forth; they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; and they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of damnation.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Please help me learn to live with my head crack!

Mrs.B,
Has your local pastor been contacted yet?

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Please help me learn to live with my head crack!

Ok we can try this first but you do have to remember that tithes are part of the cure.If this does not work then you will have to contact your Pastor.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=45443

Are you sick and need of healing? Maybe you have diabetes? That can be cured! Cancer? That can be cured! Congenital disorders? Cured! The AIDS? CURED!

All you need is faith! Luke 11:9 tells us "And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." In fact, the Bible makes it clear that all your prayers and requests to God will be answered!

And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.
Mt 21:22, KJV

Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.
John 15:16, KJV

If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.
John 14:14, KJV

Do not hesitate this instance. PUT YOUR HAND AGAINST THE COMPUTER MONITOR RIGHT NOW! This video is here to help you become healed from your inflictions. I've been a televangelist for over 35 years and have literally helped heal millions of people through the power of Jesus Christ. You too can add your name to that list.

Also, please send in your love offerings and donations. We need your financial support so we can spread the Gospel to the unsaved around the globe. God makes it clear that you must send donations to our most holy church, since money already belongs to God anyways. Be a good Christian and send as much as you can afford our way. All major credit cards accepted, including PayPal payments. Haggai 2:8 tells us: "The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, saith the LORD of hosts." and Malachi 3:10 shows us that we must tithe or you will not be blessed: "Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it."

And let us not forget the story that Jesus relayed to us in the Gospel of Mark, where he says the poor widow who offered everything she could, despite her financial hardships, was more holy and blessed than anyone else:

Mark 12:41-44
And Jesus sat over against the treasury, and beheld how the people cast money into the treasury: and many that were rich cast in much.
And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing.
And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury:
For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living.

PRAISE JESUS!

[Mrs. Baiter]

Re: Please help me learn to live with my head crack!

HEE-AL! HEE-AL! I feel the demons flowing out of my portly body right along with my tithe! It was all the money we had saved for our vacation to Dollywood but the Lord works in mysterious ways. When I put my hand against the monitor there was a giant ZAP of healing! Praise the Lord!

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Please help me learn to live with my head crack!

HEE-AL! HEE-AL! I feel the demons flowing out of my portly body right along with my tithe! It was all the money we had saved for our vacation to Dollywood but the Lord works in mysterious ways. When I put my hand against the monitor there was a giant ZAP of healing! Praise the Lord!

It sure would be nice and proper to witness on Rev. Jim's thread I sent you, don't you think?
Also it is always said better with scripture.

[Mrs. Baiter]

Re: Please help me learn to live with my head crack!

It sure would be nice and proper to witness on Rev. Jim's thread I sent you, don't you think?
Also it is always said better with scripture.

I surely will. I need to give credit where credit is due.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Please help me learn to live with my head crack!

I surely will. I need to give credit where credit is due.

I suggest that you print this out and pray it often. This is an anti-evil Prayer.


In the name of JESUS, I cover myself and the one reading this with the Blood of JESUS. I ask for giant warrior angels to protect us. As your war club and weapons of war, I break down, undam, and blow up all walls of protection around all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, and the like, and I break the power of all curses, hexes, vexes, spells, charms, fetishes, psychic prayers, psychic thoughts, all witchcraft, sorcery, magic, voodoo, all mind control, jinxes, potions, bewitchments, death, destruction, sickness, pain, torment, psychic power, psychic warfare, prayer chains, incense and candle burning, incantations, chanting, blessings, hoodoo, crystals, root works, and everything else being sent my way, or my family member's way, and I return it, and the demons to the sender, SEVENFOLD, and I bind it to them by the Blood of Jesus, and I cut and burn their ungodly silver cord and lay lines, in JESUS' Name.




Praise Jesus, when you are healed by Rev. Jim that prayer will help to keep the demons at bey. YIC James Dewitt

[Mrs. Baiter]

Re: Please help me learn to live with my head crack!

Why thank you Mr. Dewitt. What a protective prayer! I will put it on my bed stand table and pray with it nightly.

To thank you for your kindness, please enjoy this beautiful dulcimer piece very similar to the worship music we use at my wonderful Mountain Dulcimer Baptist Church.

]

Praise the Lord,

Mrs. Baiter

James 5:13 Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Please help me learn to live with my head crack!

Why thank you Mr. Dewitt. What a protective prayer! I will put it on my bed stand table and pray with it nightly.

To thank you for your kindness, please enjoy this beautiful dulcimer piece very similar to the worship music we use at my wonderful Mountain Dulcimer Baptist Church.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D_vFhA8x0Q

Praise the Lord,

Mrs. Baiter

James 5:13 Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms.

And who told you of my love of the dulcimer? I often say it is not music unless it has a dulcimer playing along.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Please help me learn to live with my head crack!

Praise Jesus! Another miracle of the Reverend Osborne!