Dead Comic Book Superhomers

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Praise Jesus! After years of studying vile comic books (mostly published in Joo York City) and documenting all of the unGodly sodomites depicted in their pages, I finally have some good news to report. According to some magazine called "Harpers" (which I assume is published for devotees of harp collecting), the following list of comic book queers can be accounted for. And HALLELUJAH, most of them met their just reward; a violent, painful death.

I believe I'm going to have this list posted on all of the Sunday School classes starting this coming Sunday, and have it updated as time goes on. Let's all hope that the rest of these pervert comic books people meet a similar end and soon!

A list of homosexual comic-book characters and their fates


AMAZON: crippled, made a supervillain terrorist, electrocuted

APOLLO: gang-raped

BATWOMAN: revealed as a closeted lesbian, kidnapped, tortured; stabbed herself through the stomach with a sword

BLARNEY COCK: disemboweled, whereupon a gerbil crawled out of his anus

BLOKE: killed on first mission

NED CAMPBELL: slashed into bits after his wife finds him having sex with a male lover

CAPTAIN METROPOLIS: decapitated

CAPTAIN POWER: disfigured by an explosion, driven to insanity, murder

CHAIN: dead

KAROLINA DEAN, HULKING, & WICCAN: tortured while straight teammates were not

DESTINY: dead

DESTROYER: in the closet

FRENCHIE DUCHAMP: alcoholic, double-amputee; beaten nearly to death with his prosthetic leg

ELECTRO: realized he was a homosexual after a lengthy stint in prison

EL EXTRANO, “THE STRANGE ONE”: attacked by an AIDS vampire

FAUNA: dead

FREEDOM RING: finger sliced off; impaled on twenty-eight spikes, including one through the groin and anus

GREEN ARROW II/CONNOR HAWKE: made retroactively heterosexual

HOODED JUSTICE: murdered by teammate

ICE: murdered, last seen in hell

JARVIS: shot through the head, dead

JERICHO: impaled on his father’s sword

JETMAN: blackmailed by a villain who threatens to out him

KARMA: raped as a child, kidnapped, disfigured; later reappears but is too fat to move on her own

WALTER KASKO: killed in a botched gang-slaying

MADAME FATAL: dead; his funeral, attended by drag queens, is mocked

MIDNIGHTER: heart ripped out

MONSIEUR MALLAH & THE BRAIN: sadistic gorilla and disembodied brain in a jar; searching for a body for the Brain so they can consummate their love

MOONDRAGON: kidnapped, ear ripped off by a villain who makes her girlfriend deliver it to Moondragon’s father as a ransom note

NORTHSTAR: killed in three different realities, resurrected as a zombie assassin

OBSIDIAN: depowered, corrupted by his sexual strife, manipulated by dark forces, thwarted in an attempt to destroy the world, made a security guard for a team of heterosexual superheroes but not allowed to sit with them at the table

PHAT: dead

PIED PIPER: parents murdered by teammate

RAWHIDE KID: revealed he was only pretending to be gay

ROBIN: exposed as a villain; explained that his turn to the dark side was due to his unrequited love for Batman

SHATTERSTAR: rewritten as a heterosexual

SHOUT OUT: thumbs ripped off

SILHOUETTE: murdered, along with her lover, after being outed

SUNFIRE II: dead

ULTIMATE NORTHSTAR: shot at point-blank range, left to die

UNION JACK II: dead

WING: admitted crush to his mentor, who broke his arm and beat him; given a check for $750,000 and forced to leave his superhero group in dishonor

[Talitha]

Re: Dead Comic Book Superhomers

I can't say as I remember many of these dead Homers Pastor Ezekiel, but I do remember sitting on my Uncles Lap and being read stories. Come to think of it, I had lots of Uncles.......................

This to me brings back terrible memories of those stinky Uncles and I hope this Comic Book Hero is rotting in Hell!!

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Dead Comic Book Superhomers

There's also that awful liberal queer Prez Rickard. They had him fighting against patriots, for crying out loud!

Prez fought legless vampires, a right-wing militia led by the great-great-great-great-great-grand-nephew of George Washington, "Boss Smiley", a political boss with a smiley face, and evil chess players.

More people should fight crippled villains, it'd be funny. But evil chess players have to be the least menacing villains I've ever heard of.

[Nobar King]

Re: Dead Comic Book Superhomers

Good reading, but not a very comprehensive list. Most of the spandex wearing crime fighters are left off the list. What about Batman and Robin? I seem to remember the Bat-man suffering different fates.

[SUV]

Re: Dead Comic Book Superhomers

This is even scarier than the Hellyween threads.

Won't some kind Member come and take care of me?

[Anna Marie Raven]

Re: Dead Comic Book Superhomers

Karolina of the Runaways is still going strong, with her shapshifting, tranny boy/girlfriend alien Xavin. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Karolina.jpg obviously gay)
And Northstar is still alive.
Robin gay? I've read the wikipedia entry for all the mian Robins, and it never metions this.

[Pascal's Gambit]

Re: Dead Comic Book Superhomers



Discuss.

[Dr. Zaius]

Re: Dead Comic Book Superhomers

Jesus is MY super hero!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Dead Comic Book Superhomers

Discuss.

That is just blasphemey. You can't compare the only begotten son of God with Superman.

If they got into a fight Jesus would so kick Superman's ass!

[The Adversary]

Re: Dead Comic Book Superhomers

Not the best list. A more complete one is here, but neglects to mention said fates but I bet there are more: http://www.gayleague.com/gay/characters/index.php

Surprisingly even this list leaves out the Ambiguously Gay Duo.

But what made me look this up is because I know the TCs would have a field day with one of the more recent gay couples at Marvel:

Hulkling: A halfbreed between two illegal alien races, Hulkling has the obscene power to shapeshift which he uses to please his lover:

Wiccan: Wickedan? hahahaha. Y'all will love this guy. He is gay, emo, and likes magic spells. Hat trick! Also, he changed his name from Ass Guardian.

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: Dead Comic Book Superhomers

What makes you think you can come to the world's top True Christian(tm) website and post your cartoon pornography here? If you have something worthwhile to add to a discussion (your link was, surprisingly, a good list of characters to avoid, although I didn't find Spongebob on there), then do so, but please refrain from posting your own X-rated materials here. What you do on your own time is between you, God and the Department of Faith; we don't need to see it here.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Dead Comic Book Superhomers

Time to add one more to the list; Archie Andrews, who has long been known to be a queer himself, is going to be killed off forever in the next and final episode of "Archie Comics."

He's going to take a bullet for a fellow queer.

Isn't that a fine example for Christian America?