A True Christian™ Woman's Workout Program

[Halleluyah Rob]

Too often I see these ridiculous woman's workout videos where the women are wearing skimpy tight clothing, twisting their body in whorish fashions, and making obscene noises. In addition, the majority of them are lesbian femi-nazis thinking they're empowering themselves and are equal to men.

Here's a disgusting example:





I took some time to develop a workout program based on practical True Christian™ values. It's important for women to build up the strength to tend to their husbands, children, and the household. The better the physical stamina, the more efficiently they can climb up on the counters to scrub the cabinets, vacuum in hard to reach places, and wash the dishes.

My program consists of 2 main fields:

Hand Precision: The True Christian woman washes the dishes and clothing by hand, and without proper strength and technique, cramps can easily swing by to hinder her work. This area of workout will strengthen the hand muscles by practicing stretching, rubbing, and massaging. After a few classes, hand agility and strength is guaranteed!

Speed (Leg and Arm Movement): This may very well be the most crucial of all fields; it encompasses vacuuming, lifting of heavy pots and pans, and overall movement around the home. This area will focus on exercising the legs and arms to build stamina; some workouts will include stretching of the limbs to increase flexibility, and rapid movement of the body to increase strength. Make sure you bring a clothe, you may get sweaty.

I'll be your personal coach. Join today for only $9.99 a class (with the consent of your male guardian.)
All women 14 years or older are welcome! The younger the better, so by the time she is married off she'll immediately be accustomed to taking care of the household.

Satisfaction guaranteed!

Classes are every Tuesday and Thursday at 4 P.M. at the Freehold Community Center. Make sure you bring your standard cleaning equipment consisting of an apron, modest dress, and towels. See you there, ladies!

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: A True Christian™ Woman's Workout Program

Bless you, Brother Rob! It is impossible to overstate the need for True Christian™ ladies to have the physique required for household duties. Personally, I have found that wrist agility and stamina is very important when it comes to washing pots and pans by hand and maneuvering vacuum cleaners successfully. Here is a simple wrist-strengthening exercise ladies can do at home:

1. Make sure you have the proper exercise equipment. I've found that anything roughly in the shape of a car's emergency brake lever is great for this. In fact, one of the benefits of using a car's emergency brake lever is you can exercise your wrists while your husband is driving.

2. Prevent unsightly blisters and callouses by using proper lubrication beforehand. Sometimes you will find that you will be exercising your wrist longer than expected. This can damage the skin if you don't take proper precautions to protect it.

3. Firmly, but gently, grasp the exercise equipment near the base.

4. Slowly move your hand up and down the exercise equipment. Remember, its important to start SLOW! You need to give the muscles a chance to warm up before attempting any sort of vigorous motion.

5. While basic up and down movements are great exercise, it's also beneficial to occasionally add twisting motions or firm squeezes to your regimen. This improves wrist dexterity and strength, respectively.

6. Once you feel warmed up, it's a good idea to speed up your motions and use a tighter grasp on your exercise equipment.

7. Last, but not least, don't over-strain yourself! When you feel the exercise has reached its conclusion and is over, briefly go back to gentle up and down motions and then stop. This is known in the exercise community as "warming down" and is very important! You don't want to hurt anything.

After just a few of these workouts, you will find that your wrists will be much stronger and you'll be able to do a lot more washing and vacuuming without getting cramps than before. In fact, you may just feel like a whole new woman!

Remember though, no amount of solitary practice can compare with some hands-on time with a real-life, quality exercise instructor.

[Halleluyah Rob]

Re: A True Christian™ Woman's Workout Program

Thank you for the contribution sister! Your work out technique is definitely creative and top of the line, make sure you stop by next class and show me how it's done.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: A True Christian™ Woman's Workout Program

Brother, I'm not sure it IS possible for a True Christian(TM) woman to get fat before menopause.

We spend our days chasing children, cleaning, cooking, and lots of household chores. Then we have our outside interests. I have my dogs, Sister Cookie does her outreach to seniors and cleaning out their homes.

No it's only lazy liebral women who dump their kids at daycare and think that cooking involves either ordering in or popping something into the microwave. Funny how they're also the same ones who would call me fat because I have some meat on my bones. Well they can call me fat all they want, but when it comes to hauling 50 pound bags of feed, chopping a cord of wood or lifting a 130 pound dog into the back of a pickup I'd like to see one of those AIDS looking rejects do a day of my work. They'd never survive.

[Halleluyah Rob]

Re: A True Christian™ Woman's Workout Program

Brother, I'm not sure it IS possible for a True Christian™ woman to get fat before menopause.

We spend our days chasing children, cleaning, cooking, and lots of household chores. Then we have our outside interests. I have my dogs, Sister Cookie does her outreach to seniors and cleaning out their homes.

No it's only lazy liebral women who dump their kids at daycare and think that cooking involves either ordering in or popping something into the microwave. Funny how they're also the same ones who would call me fat because I have some meat on my bones. Well they can call me fat all they want, but when it comes to hauling 50 pound bags of feed, chopping a cord of wood or lifting a 130 pound dog into the back of a pickup I'd like to see one of those AIDS looking rejects do a day of my work. They'd never survive.

Unfortunately not all women are as naturally cut out for the job as you are Sister. Some need a little shove and practice.

Also, have you been to the menstrual hut recently?

[BelieverInGod]

Re: A True Christian™ Woman's Workout Program

Unfortunately not all women are as naturally cut out for the job as you are Sister. Some need a little shove and practice.

Also, have you been to the menstrual hut recently?

Got out a few days ago, and going through older posts. I always get so far behind on my Landover stuff during that week.

Why do you ask?

[Christ's Cheerleader]

Re: A True Christian™ Woman's Workout Program

I wanted to share a story with you. One of the other girls in the Christian Cheerleading group I'm a part of was starting to look kind of fat. We all know a woman can't help win souls to God if she is unpleasant to look at. So, out of Christian love and charity, I reminded her every time she was about to eat something how much weight she had put on. Wouldn't you know, soon she wasn't eating anything and now she's lost like 15 pounds! Praise Jesus! It feels good to help a sister out like that. I'm glad to know I'm doing Christ's work.