Chink Cult Takes Over America!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Now that the mary-worshippers are dwindling in number and dying out, it seems that satan is attempting to force a new cult down the throats of Americans. I am referring to the Fat Chink worshippers called "Boodists". Sadly, according to THIS story, their numbers are growing.

We all know what God thinks about heathens who worship false Gods.

Deuteronomy 13:6-10

If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers; Namely, of the gods of the people which are round about you, nigh unto thee, or far off from thee, from the one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth; Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him: But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die.

2 Chronicles 15:13

Whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman.

That's right....He commands us to kill them.

But I wonder how many of you know the extent of this gook depravity. They claim to be psychic. They claim their slant-eyed "God" was born by exiting through his momma's ribcage, rather than via the...um...normal....manner prescribed by God. They worship snakes and all manner of bizzarre creatures. They claim their ricegod could float through the air and do magic tricks. The put themselves in a trance, probably the better to commune with satan. They are opposed to war, even though God himself commands us to kill heathen scum. They accept homersexurals into their cult too.

Brothers and Sisters in Christ, I urge you to redouble your efforts and your tithes, that we might do battle against this UN-American, Un-Christian pagan cult from the land of those sneaky japs!

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Does the Witch-Hunting permit cover this?

I have found a (the?) method by which this CULT propogates: chink food. Places like "Lee's Kitchen" and "Top o' China" are drenching their fried-demon-poopies with the blood of innocent babies and then encouraging its users to use the "duck sauce" (aka SATAN'S SPLOOGE sauce). It sickens me.

[Talitha]

Well Pastor, any cult that allows Hoomersexwals into their flock just has to be the work of satan.

It's just NOT Christian.

I've upped my Tithe once again even though I'm already on Triple Platinum.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Good for the Buddhists. I like their ideas, the pursuit of advancement and enlightenment, not living in blind fear of hell or a vengeful deity.

And you shouldn't complain about asian food either. I seem to recall some of the things you people supposedly are fond of eating....

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing

Good for the Buddhists. I like their ideas, the pursuit of advancement and enlightenment, not living in blind fear of hell or a vengeful deity.

Of course you'd like their ideas. From my study of false religions (i.e., all of them except LBC Christianity), the highest state in boodism is called something like "Ear-hat" or "Our-hat," in which all mental formations and consciousness disappear forever. In other words, they strive to model themselves after you. You must be so proud.