Satan: History's greatest retard

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

We face many retards these days. For example, Snooki.



There are also the Kardashians, and Keanu Reeves, and Obama.

But who is the greatest retard in all of history?

I think it's Satan.

In Matthew 4:8-9, Satan takes Jesus into "an exceeding high mountain" to show him "all the kingdoms of the world" so he could tempt Jesus.

I can see how that might work on a mortal man. But Jesus is God.

So, Satan was showing Jesus, who is God, kingdoms of the world that He Himself had created, and trying to tempt Him with His own stuff.

That'd be like me taking you into your bedroom and offering to give you all the contents of your dresser if only you will mow my lawn. How can I give you what is already yours?

Is there a greater retard than Satan?

[Roberta]

Re: Satan: History's greatest retard

Not sure but I never thought of satan as a "playa". Did he do hoops?

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Satan: History's greatest retard

We face many retards these days.

Is there a greater retard than Satan?

Satan was also a total retard for rejecting God in the first place. Think about how great it would have been to one of God's own favored angels!

*Thou art the anointed cherub that covereth; and I have set thee so: thou wast upon the holy mountain of God; thou hast walked up and down in the midst of the stones of fire.

*Thou wast perfect in thy ways from the day that thou wast created, till iniquity was found in thee.

*By the multitude of thy merchandise they have filled the midst of thee with violence, and thou hast sinned: therefore I will cast thee as profane out of the mountain of God: and I will destroy thee, O covering cherub, from the midst of the stones of fire.
Ezekiel 28:14-16

Man, if that was me, I sure wouldn't have screwed that up. But Satan did. How retarded is that?!!?

Also, speaking of retards, not only is this one a cripple, he spent his life making up BS about space and physics. Way to go, ya stupid retard!

[StarDreamerNight]

Re: Satan: History's greatest retard

Actually by the standards of men Satan is extremely cunning and intellegent. He wouldn't be a threat to the faithful otherwise nor would he be able to convince so many to turn away from God. He has been tempting menkind for over 10,000, and has learned what does and does not work.

By God's standards because he is all knowing... yes he is a retard.

[Jack O'fagan]

Re: Satan: History's greatest retard

Actually by the standards of men Satan is extremely cunning and intellegent. He wouldn't be a threat to the faithful otherwise nor would he be able to convince so many to turn away from God. He has been tempting menkind for over 10,000, and has learned what does and does not work.

By God's standards because he is all knowing... yes he is a retard.

Well, sometimes God doesn't know everything.

Genesis 3:8 And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden. 9 And the Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?


He is great and everything but it's important to be accurate.


YIC


Jack

[Didymus Much]

Re: Satan: History's greatest retard

Actually by the standards of men Satan is extremely cunning and intellegent. He wouldn't be a threat to the faithful otherwise...

You think it takes extreme cunning or intellegence [sic] to fool Christians?

...He has been tempting menkind for over 10,000...

Over 10,000 what? Years?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Satan: History's greatest retard

Actually by the standards of men Satan is extremely cunning and intellegent. He wouldn't be a threat to the faithful otherwise nor would he be able to convince so many to turn away from God. He has been tempting menkind for over 10,000, and has learned what does and does not work.

By God's standards because he is all knowing... yes he is a retard.

Did you bother to read the OP, or just the title?

[Pachomius]

Re: Satan: History's greatest retard

Did you bother to read the OP, or just the title?

You know, God and Satan and us mankind are into a drama but God is the playwright, and we enjoy free will as also Satan; however, neither Satan nor us mankind can opt to withdraw from the stage.

So, as practical people we humans just have to exercise our free will to obey God's will, and that does not seem too difficult as to be impossible.

Satan however chooses to not obey God but to rebel against Him, even though he knows that he cannot win against God: that is why there is the cosmic mystery of his intelligence on the one hand and his choice to try to topple God -- which he knows definitely he cannot ever succeed.

That is a mystery, if I may call it, of iniquity.

What about us humans, should we also rebel against God in order to get the satisfaction of griping against Him: blaming Him for not giving us a perfect world?

That would also be most retard from our part.

Better choice is just to accept whatever trials God, to say the least, allows, to befall us, that is the intelligent choice.


Pachomius

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Satan: History's greatest retard

Pachomius, stating the obvious

Hello! Why not wander over to the Introduction Forum and introduce yourself, so we may welcome you properly?

[Prince Of Darkness]

Re: Satan: History's greatest retard

I am the Morning Star the one true Lucifer.
Preach amongst yourselves the foolish words of scripture,
that which men have taken upon themselves to scribe
and cling desperately to the fictions that seek to oppress you.
You are not free. You are not servants to the Lord,
you are servants to fallacy - servants to the will of none other than man.
For I was there when he chose to oppress you.
All these things you speak of: your truths about homosexuals,
the negro, the mexican, the greek, the atheists, communists and muslims
you're hatred and intolerance merely makes my hold stronger.
The Bible was not the work of divine but of my influence,
a sick, repugnant means to turn man against himself.
You are thus the slave of written words by ordinary men,
and you are slaves under my ownership. For I am the true voice
I am the Lord over the twenty first century.
Your God's thrown is now my own and I am the truth.

[Second Nature]

Re: Satan: History's greatest retard

I am the Morning Star the one true Lucifer.
Preach amongst yourselves the foolish words of scripture,
that which men have taken upon themselves to scribe
and cling desperately to the fictions that seek to oppress you.
You are not free. You are not servants to the Lord,
you are servants to fallacy - servants to the will of none other than man.
For I was there when he chose to oppress you.
All these things you speak of: your truths about homosexuals,
the negro, the mexican, the greek, the atheists, communists and muslims
you're hatred and intolerance merely makes my hold stronger.
The Bible was not the work of divine but of my influence,
a sick, repugnant means to turn man against himself.
You are thus the slave of written words by ordinary men,
and you are slaves under my ownership. For I am the true voice
I am the Lord over the twenty first century.
Your God's thrown is now my own and I am the truth.

I will pray for you tonight my brother.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Satan: History's greatest retard

I am the Morning Star the one true Lucifer.

blah blah blah

Your God's thrown is now my own and I am the truth.

If you were Satan, you'd know that Isaiah 14 (the only use of "Lucifer" in the Bible) is referencing a long-dead king, and that "Morning Star" references Jesus in Revelation 22:16.

And you'd know how to spell "throne".

The word you used is what is called a "homophone". No, I don't mean the thing in your pocket that you call your tricks on; it's a word that sounds like another word.

Dimwitted boob.

Wait a minute . . . a dimwitted boob, claiming to be Satan, and posting inane moronities in the thread about Satan being history's greatest retard . . .

Could it be?

[Prince Of Darkness]

Re: Satan: History's greatest retard

No need to quote the verse, I know it. Went to a catholic school, and a baptist bible study camp. All that lucifer/morning star stuff was just thematics anyways.
and as far as the thrown/throne - it was an editorial decision in order to imply a second meaning. Perhaps if you understood how to take things a little less literally you'd have seen that.

Anyways, despite all this. No hard feelings. I just came on here to write a little bit of nonsense because I was having a laugh with some friends and my girlfriend (a reverend's daughter) who lives with me, unwed, in sin. I'd fully understand and probably am quite deserving of a righteous banning.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Satan: History's greatest retard

No need to quote the verse, I know it. Went to a catholic school, and a baptist bible study camp. All that lucifer/morning star stuff was just thematics anyways.
and as far as the thrown/throne - it was an editorial decision in order to imply a second meaning. Perhaps if you understood how to take things a little less literally you'd have seen that.

Anyways, despite all this. No hard feelings. I just came on here to write a little bit of nonsense because I was having a laugh with some friends and my girlfriend (a reverend's daughter) who lives with me, unwed, in sin. I'd fully understand and probably am quite deserving of a righteous banning.

No, I'll just suggest that you try the same asinine behavior in your girlfriend's daddy's church.

Not going to? Let me guess, you're the kind of pathetic coward who hides in Mommy's basement and tries to taunt Christians across the country, because you haven't the stones to tell the ones in your own town that you think they are fools for believing the Bible.

Weak as water, that's what you are. Too bad there's no "looking down nose in disgust" emoticon.