[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Jesus not fond of British beaver

Umm, Brother Lee, not to argue with a man or anything... But there are hardwoods in Canada. Believe me, there are.

Don't come in here spewing lies Alllie. Everyone knows the men in Cannuckistan are limp-wristed pansies.

[WickedWitch]

Re: Jesus not fond of British beaver

Umm, Brother Lee, not to argue with a man or anything... But there are hardwoods in Canada. Believe me, there are.

[Larry Lee]

Re: Jesus not fond of British beaver

Fine wood in South Carolina? Hmm, well now, that's certainly interesting... I was pretty sure that, as well as having the best beavers, we Canadians also have the best wood. They go hand in hand, you see. Otherwise the beavers would migrate.

I don't mean to interupt here, but you can't hardly expect me to remain quiet, when someone uses this Holy Board to promote such gross misinformation about the best diet for the North American beaver.

What beavers like more than anything else is hardwood. Hardwood. Such as what's found throughout the US. Up in Canada, I mean, it's all taiga and boreal forest, which are filled with nothing but pines and other soft species -- which can't hardly light a fire to keep you warm at night. No beaver wants that.

[WickedWitch]

Re: Jesus not fond of British beaver

You must have quite a beaver to behold! Oh, truly! She's quite beautiful. She's really rather stirring when seen in her natural state. It's such a shame that you are having trouble feeding it. I would gladly help you with the wood, but seeing as you are not a True Christian I don't think it would be appropriate for me to do so. Now that is a shame. Perhaps when you finally come to Jesus I will help you feed your beaver with fine wood.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

Fine wood in South Carolina? Hmm, well now, that's certainly interesting... I was pretty sure that, as well as having the best beavers, we Canadians also have the best wood. They go hand in hand, you see. Otherwise the beavers would migrate.

[Brother Lazarus]

Re: Jesus not fond of British beaver

I don't know if I'd call her tame (she is a wild animal, after all), but she's very friendly. Feeding her is getting to be difficult, though - I just can't seem to find enough wood these days. Her appetite can be voracious at times, you see. I do believe this is to do with her baldness. See, I've also kept the standard breed of beaver, and while they're just as affectionate and active, they don't seem to be quite as excitable as their bald cousins.

You must have quite a beaver to behold! It's such a shame that you are having trouble feeding it. I would gladly help you with the wood, but seeing as you are not a True Christian I don't think it would be appropriate for me to do so. Perhaps when you finally come to Jesus I will help you feed your beaver with fine wood.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[WickedWitch]

Re: Jesus not fond of British beaver

Is said beaver tame? I'd hate to see it unleashed and wild.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

I don't know if I'd call her tame (she is a wild animal, after all), but she's very friendly. Feeding her is getting to be difficult, though - I just can't seem to find enough wood these days. Her appetite can be voracious at times, you see. I do believe this is to do with her baldness. See, I've also kept the standard breed of beaver, and while they're just as affectionate and active, they don't seem to be quite as excitable as their bald cousins.

[Brother Lazarus]

Re: Jesus not fond of British beaver

I might be. Look at the tight little man-shorts they were. Still, the court settlement is very clear when can detain UPS drivers in Freehold. Damn activist judges.

The guy is a complete fruitcake. I asked him if he went to last Wednesday's TeaBabbig Party and he starts snickering and said, "Hey Bro, that's between you and your buds." What is that guy's problem?

I'm convinced your UPS guy is a homer. He is constantly referring to your relationship with your male friends. Homers enjoy sipping tea with their joy boy friends. He's also calling you "bro". I think he is trying to figure out if you are a butt jockey sodomite. I think your UPS guy is trying to seduce you.

You should fill your bath tub with Pine Sol and soak in it for at least 2 hours. Then you can wash off with a Lysol finish. Hopefully that will kill all the AIDS you may have gotten on you.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Jesus not fond of British beaver

Perhaps teabags are a beaver repellent? That makes as much sense as any of the rest of this.

The UPS guy sounds like a homer. I think it's required to be a homer to be a UPS guy. Be sure you didn't get any AIDS on you!

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

I might be. Look at the tight little man-shorts they were. Still, the court settlement is very clear when can detain UPS drivers in Freehold. Damn activist judges.

The guy is a complete fruitcake. I asked him if he went to last Wednesday's TeaBabbig Party and he starts snickering and said, "Hey Bro, that's between you and your buds." What is that guy's problem?

[Brother Lazarus]

Re: Jesus not fond of British beaver

These secularist are just mad. I got the recommendation from one of the UPS delivery guys, Monty needs a lot of bleach for some reason, and he was one the one who pointed me to the Lumberyard. On the way out I ask him what the heck with this strip joint and he says "Dude, you're never going to find any beaver if you don't stop teabagging with your bros."

What the heck is that supposed to mean? What does anti-socialism protest have to do with beaver? This is starting to make no frapping sense.

Perhaps teabags are a beaver repellent? That makes as much sense as any of the rest of this.

The UPS guy sounds like a homer. I think it's required to be a homer to be a UPS guy. Be sure you didn't get any AIDS on you!

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Jesus not fond of British beaver

There is some strange connection, so I've heard, between a beaver and a camel's toe. I didn't think God put beavers and camels in the same place when he created the earth. I think Satan may be playing some sort of joke. Where's the camel? Did the camel conveniently lose a toe in the vicinity of a beaver? Satan's tricks I tell you!

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

These secularist are just mad. I got the recommendation from one of the UPS delivery guys, Monty needs a lot of bleach for some reason, and he was one the one who pointed me to the Lumberyard. On the way out I ask him what the heck with this strip joint and he says "Dude, you're never going to find any beaver if you don't stop teabagging with your bros."

What the heck is that supposed to mean? What does anti-socialism protest have to do with beaver? This is starting to make no frapping sense.

[Brother Lazarus]

Re: Jesus not fond of British beaver

Someone told me you could find some good beaver at The Lumberyard in Des Moines. When I look it up on the internet I get some kind of gentlesmen club.

The guy must have been crazy.

There is some strange connection, so I've heard, between a beaver and a camel's toe. I didn't think God put beavers and camels in the same place when he created the earth. I think Satan may be playing some sort of joke. Where's the camel? Did the camel conveniently lose a toe in the vicinity of a beaver? Satan's tricks I tell you!

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Jesus not fond of British beaver

Someone told me you could find some good beaver at The Lumberyard in Des Moines. When I look it up on the internet I get some kind of gentlesmen club.

The guy must have been crazy.

[Brian Dyk]

Re: Jesus not fond of British beaver

I've heard there is a North American breed of beaver known as "The Bald Beaver". Has anyone ever spotted one of those?

I believe that sort of beaver originated in Brazil.

[Brother Lazarus]

Re: Jesus not fond of British beaver

In answer to your question, Brother, I currently have one in my possession.

Is said beaver tame? I'd hate to see it unleashed and wild.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[Brother Demonslayer]

Re: Jesus not fond of British beaver

As a Brit myself, I feel outraged at this!
Reintroducing the beaver?
All the beaver is good for is eating wood, and I for one, believe it's unGodly and sinful.
Besides, have you seen the teeth on those damnable British Beavers?
Put a gun in their house-hole and blow a load of shot all over them, I say.
It's the only way if those liberals will learn not to mess with the sanctity of God's Nature.