Mormons Invade Bay Ridge

[Isabella White]

Re: Mormons Invade Bay Ridge

Dearest Darling Great Granny Sister White:

If those mean, icky poo Mormons bother you again, please call and I'll be in Buffalo in moments to run them away from your property. Are they handsome young men?

To think of you there with their sultry eyes and fast hands just burns my britches. I can feel the fire in them now. Were they tall and dark? Short and stocky?

But it doesn't matter. If my Great Granny is in need, size doesn't matter to me. I'll take whatever comes. They won't soon forget that I took them down. They'll be talking about it in Salt Lake City when I'm done with them. In the meantime, if I buy the ingredients, will you make me a strawberry rhubarb cheesecake and a Dutch apple pie? You could send them by Fed Ex. Tonight, if possible.

It's the least you can do for my protective services. And a monetary donation to assist my ministry is always appreciated. You know how much I love you, Granny-wanny sweetie weetie Isabella-wella.

In Christ,
BrotherLarry

Oh, dearly-beloved Great-Grandbaby Brother Larry: Thank you for your lovely, supportive offer to fend off the Mormon boys should they come around again. I think I shall be OK, though, as they are friendly and very polite young men. Now, then, to answer your question about their appearance, I would say they are college students, probably in their early 20s. Both are quite attractive, and one is about 6'2" and the other about 5'9". They're both in very good physical shape, and the shorter of the two is quite muscular. I overheard them chatting as they were waiting for me to answer the door, and one said to the other that he can "bench 325", whatever that means.

Now, I am more than happy to do some baking for you, dearest Brother Larry. I'm just so sorry that I'm only now receiving the message, as I would have stayed up last night to bake the cheesecake and pie. But, they're in the oven now, and I shall be wrapping them and sending them via taxi to you. And, heavens, there is no need to reimburse me for the costs of the baking supplies -- I am more than happy to do this! It's the least I can do for such a thoughtful, handsome, devoted, young servant of the blessed , and one who thinks nothing of being out until all hours, on his knees, leading other young men to the path of Salvation.

A blessed day to you, darling Great-Grandbaby Brother Larry,
Lovingly, Granny Isabella

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Mormons Invade Bay Ridge

Dearest Darling Great Granny Sister White:


If those mean, icky poo Mormons bother you again, please call and I'll be in Buffalo in moments to run them away from your property. Are they handsome young men?


To think of you there with their sultry eyes and fast hands just burns my britches. I can feel the fire in them now. Were they tall and dark? Short and stocky?


But it doesn't matter. If my Great Granny is in need, size doesn't matter to me. I'll take whatever comes. They won't soon forget that I took them down. They'll be talking about it in Salt Lake City when I'm done with them. In the meantime, if I buy the ingredients, will you make me a strawberry rhubarb cheesecake and a Dutch apple pie? You could send them by Fed Ex. Tonight, if possible.


It's the least you can do for my protective services. And a monetary donation to assist my ministry is always appreciated. You know how much I love you, Granny-wanny sweetie weetie Isabella-wella.


In Christ,
BrotherLarry

[Isabella White]

Re: Mormons Invade Bay Ridge

Ministry took me to Bay Ridge last night and as I was leaving to go home this morning, I noticed two lean, wiry, tall, neatly coiffed young men in crisp white shirts and ties riding bicycles. Seeing that they were going door to door I stopped to watch as they placed their buttocks on narrow bike seats and maneuvered the busy avenue.

After a half hour, having followed them for quite a distance, they finally found an older gent trimming his lawn who would speak with them. I heard, as they spoke loudly to him, something about a free Book of Mormon and then an offer to return to answer his questions about it. He placed the book on his stoop and went back to his yard work.

I boldly went and grabbed the book and replaced it with a KJV Bible. I left a tract inside telling how to make things right with God. The Book of Mormon is now somewhere in the mafia operated trash system of Brooklyn, praise God. I am thankful that I was used to rescue this man from the snare of Mormonism and pray He accepts Jesus Christ before there is no time. GLORY!!!!!!!

Oh, dear, beloved Great-Grandbaby Brother Larry: My, my, how proud we should all be, to have you doing the work of the so faithfully, and so tirelessly as you go forth, holding high the -stained banner of Salvation through . I do so hope that the elderly gentleman has taken great care to read the that you've so kindly left for him. Pray tell, was the tract one of those wonderful Chick tracts? They do get the message across in a very direct way, don't they? I always give them to the children who visit me on Hallowe'en Eve.

You know, I sometimes have those young Mormon men come around to my house, too. Why, the other day as I was making my 4th of July flag cake, and a strawberry-rhubarb pie (and some scones), the door chimes called me to the door. It was those young men with their Mormon book. I suspect they could smell the aroma of the baked goods. They were very nice and polite, well-dressed, hoping that I would invite them in. They've been around before, and I always take care to show them the error of their beliefs, but they seem to think, very foolishly, that they can convert me to believing in their false doctrine. This time, once again, I kindly pointed out that they are going to , what with their strange beliefs and contradictory messages. Goodness, the makes that abundantly clear here:

I Timothy 1:4 "Neither give heed to fables and endless genealogies, which minister questions, rather than godly edifying which is in faith: so do."

I had no intention of inviting them inside. Goodness, I was having a busy afternoon and I had no time for visitors at that point, wearing my apron and all. I thought that they understood that, but then they pulled out a phone and showed me the video clip that I'm linking below. Gracious, is this the way they carry on when they call around at all houses? They tried their best to use the song to tug on my old heart-strings, but I'm afraid it was to no avail.

A blessed day to you, darling Great-Grandbaby Brother Larry,
Lovingly, Granny Isabella
P.S. May bless you richly for your donation to the Brooklyn Recycling Depot.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Mormons Invade Bay Ridge

Oh Brother Larry, your boldness and bravery brings a tear to my eye! We need more men like you in our Christian Army!

You are right, Sister.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Mormons Invade Bay Ridge

I've never really understood what it is they want you to do. A bit like JW's in that respect. They knock on your door. You answer it, maybe invite them inside as I did once because I was making cakes and offered them some on a plate with a drink. As an experiment I decided to agree with everything they said.

THEM.. Hello. Have you ever thought about [such & such]?

ME.... Why, yes, I have!

THEM.. Did you know [some garbage]?

ME.... Yes, that's right.

THEM.. Many false churches have arisen disregarding God's teaching.

ME.... I know. When I see them all coming out I feel sad for them, wallowing
...... in a deception which surely would just fizzle out except for the constant
...... reinforcement. Very sad.

THEM.. What do you think the solution is?

ME.... I don't know.

THEM.. Here is a pamphlet explaining all about our book and the answer to woe.

ME.... (look at pamphlet)

THEM.. On page 4 you will notice [usual idiocy] - how would you respond to that?

ME.... Well, I agree!

THEM.. Page 5 explains [insert heretical dogma] and what the consequences are.
...... Have you ever considered that?

ME.... That's riiiight. And your pamphlet is very interesting. Everything I've ever
...... concluded must be the case set out in words and so beautifully illustrated.

THEM.. In addition, did you know that [yet more gibberish] and moreover that the
...... outcomes we'd expect are all around us.

ME.... Absolutely. Why, only yesterday I was looking for some honey.—.I'm rather
...... fond of hazelnut honey but it's not always easy to find.—.and right there an
...... outcome occurred exactly like you said and just what I'd expected.

Well I just continued messing around with the cakes (which they wouldn't eat) and agreeing with whatever they said so they weren't interrupting anything but eventually I finished and they left. The point is that we never got to the stage where they say, "We're so glad you agree with us, now would you like to [whatever]?" No request for money or to attend a meeting somewhere or dedicate my life to the prophet. There's always a prophet. The only problem is they invariably contradict what God has already revealed in The Bible.

And don't they have the worst idols?

[Dana723]

Re: Mormons Invade Bay Ridge

Oh Brother Larry, your boldness and bravery brings a tear to my eye! We need more men like you in our Christian Army!

[BrotherLarry]

Ministry took me to Bay Ridge last night and as I was leaving to go home this morning, I noticed two lean, wiry, tall, neatly coiffed young men in crisp white shirts and ties riding bicycles. Seeing that they were going door to door I stopped to watch as they placed their buttocks on narrow bike seats and maneuvered the busy avenue.

After a half hour, having followed them for quite a distance, they finally found an older gent trimming his lawn who would speak with them. I heard, as they spoke loudly to him, something about a free Book of Mormon and then an offer to return to answer his questions about it. He placed the book on his stoop and went back to his yard work.

I boldly went and grabbed the book and replaced it with a KJV Bible. I left a tract inside telling how to make things right with God. The Book of Mormon is now somewhere in the mafia operated trash system of Brooklyn, praise God. I am thankful that I was used to rescue this man from the snare of Mormonism and pray He accepts Jesus Christ before there is no time. GLORY!!!!!!!