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  • James Hutchins
    replied
    Re: Stoning As Capital Punishment

    Fred, that is a pretty big investment to keep the organs viable.
    Could we instead, stop the stoning at the point of unconsciousness, then sell the entire still living carcass to the highest bidding hospital/individual? The body would still be alive and we save a bundle on that expensive equipment.
    I am no medical person but to me, it just makes sensible business. I would think we will need a Pastors input on this possibility. I figure the money saved would be better spent on the Pastors Rest Pavillion.

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  • True Disciple
    replied
    Re: Stoning As Capital Punishment

    Originally posted by Free Market Fred View Post
    So we're looking into the possibility of removing it and hooking the "patient" to an artificial heart/lung machine like used in surgery.

    There's no doubt this could keep the criminal alive for a few hours until the execution, but it's kind of tricky. We'd have to hide the machine in an underground chamber, since the audience and stoners would be turned off if they saw it (plus, it could damaged by the stones). We certainly wouldn't want the machine to ruin the entertainment value of these executions - that would sadden the audience, and potentially jeopardize ticket sales.

    But I have a lot of confidence in my tech people - they've performed some real miracles in the past. I'm praying for their success in this endeavor, to deliver Christian love, entertainment, and generate great profits. You can't imagine how proud my company is to be doing the Lord's work.
    I greatly admire your economic mind, Brother! As for the heart/lung machine, wouldn't this be expensive to purchase just for this purpose? I'm not much of a technician or a economist, but we sure will have a lot of spare machine parts when Project Habakkuk is finished, maybe we can use some of them for this!

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  • Free Market Fred
    replied
    Re: Stoning As Capital Punishment

    Originally posted by TC Patriot View Post
    Fred, where others see problems you see opportunity.
    That's the magic of the marketplace as Ronald Reagan used to say.

    By the way, I got thinking more about harvesting organs from the bodies of criminals executed by stoning. Burying them up to their waists preserves most of the transplantable organs like the stomach, liver, kidneys and intestines. However, there are several lucrative organs in the upper body that are vulnerable to stone damage: that would include corneas, heart and lungs..

    Talking it over with my tech people, I think we've got at least a partial solution. We can easily remove the corneas before the stoning, and probably one lung, as those aren't necessary for life. Sure hate to lose the other lung, but the heart is especially marketable. So we're looking into the possibility of removing it and hooking the "patient" to an artificial heart/lung machine like used in surgery.



    There's no doubt this could keep the criminal alive for a few hours until the execution, but it's kind of tricky. We'd have to hide the machine in an underground chamber, since the audience and stoners would be turned off if they saw it (plus, it could damaged by the stones). We certainly wouldn't want the machine to ruin the entertainment value of these executions - that would sadden the audience, and potentially jeopardize ticket sales.

    But I have a lot of confidence in my tech people - they've performed some real miracles in the past. I'm praying for their success in this endeavor, to deliver Christian love, entertainment, and generate great profits. You can't imagine how proud my company is to be doing the Lord's work.

    Leave a comment:


  • TC Patriot
    replied
    Re: Stoning As Capital Punishment

    Fred, where others see problems you see opportunity.

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  • Free Market Fred
    replied
    Re: Stoning As Capital Punishment

    Originally posted by H. Montague Worthington View Post
    When using the method of burying sinners criminals before stoning, it has the added effect of protecting their internal organs. Only the head and shoulders are exposed to the dozens of stones being thrown. Imagine how low our taxes would be if instead of paying taxpayer money to house hardened criminals for months or years, we had them stoned to death and sold their organs abroad?
    Excellent point, Brother Montague. Silly me, don't know how I could have overlooked that! During the stonings, we'll want to have an ambulance with a crew of surgeons on standby. As soon as the execution is concluded, they'll carve up the carcass and a helicopter will whisk away the organs to sell to desperately ill people who are willing to pay top dollar for a liver, heart or kidney.

    I think this is yet another great example of a public-private partnership. A win-win situation if I ever saw one!


    Public-private partnership (PPP)

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  • TC Patriot
    replied
    Re: Stoning As Capital Punishment

    Originally posted by True Disciple View Post
    Though I would enjoy stoning witches, I think I would miss those glorious leaping flames, first licking at the toes of the screaming sinner, then to her clothes and finally consuming like a paper doll in a torch, with flames rising high into the sky, as to praise the Lord for destroying yet another sinner. But maybe I'm getting too poetic now. Is there any chance we can combine stoning witches with burning them at the stake?
    There may be a way to hurl flaming stones or burning coal or simply stone them as they are being burned like you suggest.

    Maybe burning can be done at night. I would be much more spectacular at night and save stoning for the daylight hours.

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  • H. Montague Worthington
    replied
    Re: Stoning As Capital Punishment

    When using the method of burying sinners criminals before stoning, it has the added effect of protecting their internal organs. Only the head and shoulders are exposed to the dozens of stones being thrown. Imagine how low our taxes would be if instead of paying taxpayer money to house hardened criminals for months or years, we had them stoned to death and sold their organs abroad?

    See, this is why we need Godly Republicans back in charge of the government, to implement solid, common sense, fiscally-responsible ideas that will get this country moving again!! Also, we need to sell off America's National Parks to the highest bidder.

    Leave a comment:


  • True Disciple
    replied
    Re: Stoning As Capital Punishment

    Though I would enjoy stoning witches, I think I would miss those glorious leaping flames, first licking at the toes of the screaming sinner, then to her clothes and finally consuming like a paper doll in a torch, with flames rising high into the sky, as to praise the Lord for destroying yet another sinner. But maybe I'm getting too poetic now. Is there any chance we can combine stoning witches with burning them at the stake?

    Leave a comment:


  • Free Market Fred
    replied
    Re: Stoning As Capital Punishment

    Originally posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
    Another important thing to consider that even the God-hating secularists can get behind - stoning is free! Lethal injections, gas chambers, and electric chairs cost taxpayer money, and we are Taxed Enough Already!
    Excellent point, Sister Mary. I'd like to expand on that idea - how about turning these executions into a profitable business? One way to do that would be to hold these events in a stadium, and sell admission tickets. I'm sure we could do this through Ticketmaster. And just like when you buy tickets for rock concerts, the most expensive seats would be up front. People in the back won't get to see so clearly, but of course we'll have wide-screen video overhead. For an extra fee, you could even participate in the stoning itself. Of course, the highest fee will be charged to the person who gets to "cast the first stone."


    A missed business opportunity in Somalia

    Ticket scalpers have always been a problem. I suggest that if we catch them, they be stoned too.

    Of course, we won't broadcast the stonings live since that could scavenge our ticket sales, but we will have videos of the stonings for sale on DVDs or Blue Ray disks. As with any DVD, it will include trailers where viewers get to see the criminal's trial, a re-enactment of the crime committed, and other details.

    Don't forget the souvenirs. For example, a T-shirt with a gruesome photo saying underneath "I got stoned in San Antonio" (or wherever). People could also buy a 50-pound bag of rocks (large rocks for adults, smaller sized rocks for children).

    And seeing how stoning doesn't require any fossil fuels, we should qualify for a subsidy from Obama's "Cap & Trade" system. Unlike the electric chair (which wastes energy) or cyanide gas (which causes air pollution), stoning is a "green technology."

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  • TC Patriot
    replied
    Re: Stoning As Capital Punishment

    I think that children (boys) should do the stoning. That way we could identify the ones who throw like girls.

    I think we could make it uniquely American and do if from a pitcher's mound. We could give the family members of the condemned a baseball bat and they could stand in the batter's box and try to bat away the stones. It should be sporting. Texas Stadium with its Jumbotron would be a great venue for a Godly stoning.

    I used to love Dandy Don Meridith when he was the color commentator on Monday Night Football. I can just here him now as the condemned draws their last breath..... "Turn out the lights. The party's over. It seems that all good things must end....." Televised stonings would be glorious!



    I do think that the stones should have crosses or verses etched into them.

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  • Levi Jones
    replied
    Re: Stoning As Capital Punishment

    Originally posted by James Hutchins View Post
    I have a question about stoning for the Pastors and Reverends.
    What if you are strong and have a good eye. A single stone could easily kill a person. This is probably great for the person being stoned but does it not go against God's wishes?
    Isn't the purpose of the stoning to cause a very slow and horribly painful death, preferably over a period of days?
    As I understand it, the first day should incapacitate the person being stoned as to prevent them from being able to crawl away. The stoning should continue until the person dies due to lack of will to live and not the actual stoning. That is to prevent the people who are throwing the stones from being guilty of killing another person, right?
    This all makes me think that the person who has a good eye and arm should not be allowed to participate. If this is so, then isn't that a bit unfair?
    Guide me Pastor, show me the Godly path.

    YIC
    JH
    IMO, it depends on the crime. There are multiple ways of stoning. The Jewish way during Biblical times had your court (Sanhedrin) sentencing to death first based on two eye witness accounts.

    The two witnesses would take the condemned to a high place with rocks below and then push him or her off. Then, the two witnesses were required to both lay hands and heave a large boulder onto the condemned below. If that didn't do the trick the people watching the proceedings below were to finish the job.

    Then there is what should be the American way of stoning someone.

    Buried up to the waist and having rocks thrown at them.

    If you were a witness to the crime, you would be required to cast stones. How hard you cast them would be up your own judgment as to how much you felt the condemned should suffer.

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  • James Hutchins
    replied
    Re: Stoning As Capital Punishment

    I have a question about stoning for the Pastors and Reverends.
    What if you are strong and have a good eye. A single stone could easily kill a person. This is probably great for the person being stoned but does it not go against God's wishes?
    Isn't the purpose of the stoning to cause a very slow and horribly painful death, preferably over a period of days?
    As I understand it, the first day should incapacitate the person being stoned as to prevent them from being able to crawl away. The stoning should continue until the person dies due to lack of will to live and not the actual stoning. That is to prevent the people who are throwing the stones from being guilty of killing another person, right?
    This all makes me think that the person who has a good eye and arm should not be allowed to participate. If this is so, then isn't that a bit unfair?
    Guide me Pastor, show me the Godly path.

    YIC
    JH

    Leave a comment:


  • Mrs. Mary Whitford
    replied
    Re: Stoning As Capital Punishment

    Another important thing to consider that even the God-hating secularists can get behind - stoning is free! Lethal injections, gas chambers, and electric chairs cost taxpayer money, and we are Taxed Enough Already!

    Leave a comment:


  • H. Montague Worthington
    replied
    Re: Stoning As Capital Punishment

    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post

    I know, I know, you're all going to say "But Pastor, what about sodomites!? Doesn't the Merciful Lord God in Heaven want them stoned too? Don't I recall you jumping for Glory in your pulpit, revelling in the Divine Vision of the Gloriuos day when God's Law replaces the secular constitution and the abominabal queers can be dealt with in loving Christian ways?"

    The truth is, He doesn't specifically command us to stone queers in His Holy Word. God has too much respect for His Saved® sheep to treat us as mindless robots.

    Sometimes, He leaves it up to us.

    Lev.20:13
    If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
    As I said in a previous post, fire is a good method for queers. It's very painful. Why do you think they call them "flaming homersexurals?"

    Leave a comment:


  • Pastor Ezekiel
    replied
    Re: Stoning As Capital Punishment

    What the Bible says about stoning, from my (extraordinary) memory:


    For touching Mount Sinai

    Whosoever toucheth the mount shall be surely put to death. Exodus 19:13

    For taking "accursed things"

    Achan ... took of the accursed thing. ... And all Israel stoned him with stones, and burned them with fire, after they had stoned them with stones. ... So the LORD turned from the fierceness of his anger. Joshua 7:1-26

    For cursing or blaspheming

    And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him. Leviticus 24:16

    For adultery (including urban rape victims who fail to scream loud enough)

    If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city. Deuteronomy 22:23-24

    For animals (like an ox that gores a human)

    If an ox gore a man or a woman, that they die: then the ox shall be surely stoned. Exodus 21:28

    For a woman who is not a virgin on her wedding night

    If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her ... and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: And the damsel's father shall say ... these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. ... But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die. Deuteronomy 22:13-21

    For worshipping other gods

    If there be found among you ... that ... hath gone and served other gods, and worshipped them ... Then shalt thou ... tone them with stones, till they die. Deuteronomy 17:2-5

    If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers ... thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die. Deuteronomy 13:5-10


    For disobeying parents

    If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother ... Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city ... And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die. Deuteronomy 21:18-21

    For witches and wizards

    A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:27

    For giving your children to Molech

    Whosoever ... giveth any of his seed unto Molech; he shall surely be put to death: the people of the land shall stone him with stones. Leviticus 20:2

    For breaking the Sabbath

    They found a man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day. ... And the LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones.... And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses. Numbers 15:32-56

    For cursing the king

    Thou didst blaspheme God and the king. And then carry him out, and stone him, that he may die. 1 Kings 21:10



    Have I left anything out?

    I know, I know, you're all going to say "But Pastor, what about sodomites!? Doesn't the Merciful Lord God in Heaven want them stoned too? Don't I recall you jumping for Glory in your pulpit, revelling in the Divine Vision of the Gloriuos day when God's Law replaces the secular constitution and the abominabal queers can be dealt with in loving Christian ways?"

    The truth is, He doesn't specifically command us to stone queers in His Holy Word. God has too much respect for His Saved® sheep to treat us as mindless robots.

    Sometimes, He leaves it up to us.

    Lev.20:13
    If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

    Leave a comment:

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